Chapter One: Journal Entries

Looking back now, I don't see how I messed up. Technically, they were wrong. They had no right to search my room. I remember I had snuck out, to get away from those idiots. I wanted to be alone so I could think. But, the truth is I had been planning it for a while now. I didn't think they would find out. I never mentioned it and, like usual, I kept to myself.

I guess I should have known Botan (that nosy bitch) would have found you eventually. I don't now how much she read, but I'm assuming all of you. Obviously she told everyone my plans and they went looking for me.

When they found me, all hell broke loose. I don't know who tackled me from behind, but after that Yusuke grabbed my shirt collar and began to shake me. He asked if I was mental and yelled other things like that. I didn't answer him back; all I did was stare at him wondering how they all knew.

They brought me back to Kurama's house, since his "parents" were out of town. They locked me up in a guest room, taking my sword away. Koenma also took away my demonic powers, leaving me as a mere mortal. I don't know how long I was locked up, but it felt like hours. Then Kurama came back to talk. He told me everything; about Botan and how they found out my suicide plans. I didn't respond. For some reason, I wasn't even surprised. The conversation stopped after that. We just sat there in silence. Kurama then asked if I wanted to tell him anything and I said no. He left after that.

From their point of view, my "progress" continued downward. I refused to eat and drink; also I didn't speak to any of them. A few days later, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Koenma came to talk to me. They said they were going to send me to a special "school". They said it would help me with my "issues". I didn't comment; I wanted to leave. It didn't surprise me much, but they got me ready to go in the morning and I arrived by late afternoon.

The "school" was weird. Everything was a bright white. A woman approached us; she had long red hair that was tied neatly in a bun and lime green eyes behind thin black glasses. I don't know her name yet, but she said she's the main psychiatrist. We followed her to her office and as we did so, I noticed the people around us. Some were in white clothing, others were in light blue. Most of the people in white were close to my age. Once we made it to her office, she welcomed us to "Rehabilitation". She explained that she was "evaluate" me later and determine my schedule.

She turned to Koenma, who was in his teenage form and had hidden his pacifier in his mouth, (he's been in that form since the Dark Tournament was over, guess he realized he got more respect in that form), and asked him what his relationship towards me. He said he was my elder cousin and explained to her that I was suicidal. I couldn't argue with that; but I kept quiet nonetheless. She asked the others if they were family as well, they all said they were just friends. Yeah…"friends"….She handed Koenma a few papers and told him to fill them out.

Then, he walked in; light blue eyes and white blond hair. He smiled as he stepped inside. His light blue uniform showed how pale his skin was. She called him Soko. After they greeted, she nodded her head towards me. Soko looked at me and smiled.

"Hey there," he said. "How about you come with me?" What am I? Ten? He took a step towards me and I took a step back. I didn't trust this guy. My so-called-friends just stared at me. I don't now how these mortals work "Rehabilitations", but I didn't like it so far. Kurama told me that I should go with him.

Slowly, I took a step forward and Soko followed me out the door. From there, I followed Soko. He turned to me and smiled. "You'll be fine here," he said. I didn't say anything. Soko fell silent as well. He then asked me if I had ever been to rehab before. I became confused and told him that I thought this was a school. He laughed and said that rehab was a place where people who were having certain issues could stay and take a little vacation. I asked him what kind of problems and he hesitated to answer. Finally, the sad that it was hard to explain.

He stopped in front of a door down one of the many halls in this place. He told me this was my room. He opened the door for me. It was more like a closet; all it had was a bed and a chair in it. He told me to wait for a bit. He shut the door and I sat down on the bed. Looking at the room, I realized that the only source of light was from the bright ceiling lights in the hallway. I sighed.

When Soko came back, he smiled and handed me some white clothing. He told me to change and to come out when I was done. He shut the door and waited in the hall. I looked at the outfit; it contained a long sleeve shirt, pants, and some slippers. Rolling my eyes, I reluctantly put them on and hid my old clothes under the bed. I wasn't used to sleeves, so the shirt bothered me.

I stepped out and Soko smiled at me. That was getting annoying; he was starting to remind me of Botan. "Let's go." He said. I started to follow him again. He told me that the psychiatrist was ready to talk to me. I didn't reply. I guess he was thinking that I was thinking about my "friends". He told me that they didn't leave yet and I would get a chance to say goodbye. At the moment, I really didn't care if I ever saw them again; I was already making plans to escape.

We reached a room and he told me to go inside. I eyed him suspiciously as I slowly went inside. The room was way bigger than my own. It had a table in the middle with two chairs. To the right was a large window, but now light shined through it. There was only a circular ceiling lamp lighting the table and chairs. Slowly, I walked over to the closest chair and sat down.

Someone called my name and I looked up. It was that woman. She smiled at me and sat down. She had a small notebook and pen with her. She told me she had kept her promise about talking to me. I just stared at her. She was silent for a while, then said that "my cousin" had said I was suicidal. I agreed. She asked why and I told her to give me a reason to live. She didn't answer right away, but eventually said I would have to find that out myself.

She began to ask me about my childhood. To try and freak her out, I told her the truth; my parents didn't want me, so they abandoned me and I was raised by strangers until I was thirteen. She asked how I got into my cousin's custody and I said that he had been looking for me. She didn't ask anymore questions about my past. Instead, she moved on to my personality. She asked me what I liked to do and I replied marital arts. I wasn't interested in these "video games", "pornography", or the other weird things she mentioned. She asked me if I ever hurt myself and I replied everyday. Before she could ask me how, I explained that I had to remind myself, everyday, that everyone I knew and loved is dead. She paused to write notes. When she looked up at me again, she asked about my "friends". I had fun describing them.

Yusuke is a perverted idiot who thinks he can beat anyone and believes the world revolves around his problems. Kuwabara is nothing but a selfish punk who has to have everything he wants and only takes challenges he knows he can win; he also follows this false "honor code". Kurama is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, but I still don't understand why he hands out with losers; I can never figure him out.

She smiled and asked about the females. I hesitated to answer.

Kayko thinks she's a know-it-all, I can't wait until she suffers something horrible, like rape…Botan is one of those people who are always happy; I hate her for that…what makes her life so great? Yukina's…too trusting; she knows went to back off, but her innocent visage usually gets her into unneeded trouble, not that it's her fault…she's just trying to help everyone.

I looked back up at he and she smiled at me. Now she wanted to know about my "cousin".

Koenma's very strict and he tries to carry the world on his shoulders. He wants everyone's problems to be over with so he can take care of his own. Truth is, if no one had any problems, then he would have no problems…He needs a vacation.

She laughed at that. I didn't realize I made it sound funny. She took more notes then smiled at me. She told me that I had done very well for my first session. To that, I didn't reply. She then asked why I had been so blunt. I told her I had nothing to hide.

A knock at the door broke the conversation. She pushed a button under the table, which unlocked the door, and Soko walked in. He smiled at us and asked if I was ready. The woman nodded. She handed me a paper and told me to give it to Soko. Without saying a word, I got up and walked over to Soko, giving him the paper when I reached him. He told me to follow him; like I had a choice. I followed him to my room and everyone was standing in front of the door.

They all stared at me, like they knew some horrid truth that I was unaware of. Believe me, they were the last people I wanted to see. Soko stood by me as I stood in front of them, staring back. They were all silent for a few seconds. They told me that they would visit me when they could and that they were sorry for not being there for me. Ingenuously, I told them I didn't believe a word of it.

I guess that hurt them more than I had imagined. They were silent again. I was getting sick of their faces, so I turned around and went into my "room". One of them called my name, but I didn't bother to turn around. After a while, Soko came in and told me they had left. I said nothing. He reassured me that they did care and that he'd be there for me if I needed to talk. He received no answer from me. With that, he told me he'd have my schedule tomorrow and that he'd be my personal nurse.

I didn't eat supper at all. I'm still not hungry, and I don't care what the others on the staff think about me. It's now that I wish Koenma hadn't put that spell on me to take my demonic powers and Jagan away. I was hoping to find out if any demons were in here. I doubt it though…I guess I'll find out in time.

XXXXXX

Hiei looked up as his door opened. Soko smiled as he poked his head in. "Sorry to disturb you," he said. "But it's time for bed." Hiei just stared at him. Soko began to feel awkward. "Good night," he finished. He closed the door and Hiei heard a 'click'. Knowing he had locked the door, Hiei merely put his journal under the mattress and started to lie down. At the moment, all the lights went off and it was pitch black. Pulling the sheets to his neck, Hiei fell into a light sleep.