"I was just out doing my prefect duties, right? Well, I thought I heard noises coming from a classroom. So I'm going over there to investigate and I hear voices. I immediately thought to myself, Probably a couple of firsties groping each other. So I open the door and I don't see anything at all. I go in the room a little further to make sure the little shits aren't hiding from me. After taking a good look around and finding nothing, I go back out into the hallway and think nothing of it.

By the time I got back to my bed, it was really late. Harry's curtains were closed, but I wanted to tell him about the firsties hiding from me. I opened the hangings, but he wasn't there. It was kind of strange that he wasn't there. I mean, he didn't tell me he was going to be out tonight. I could've shirked my duties and gone with him. Oh well. I shrugged it off to his needing a midnight snack or something like that.

The next time I was on the late night rounds, I heard sounds coming from a classroom. It was not the same classroom as before, but it was on the same floor. Stupid firsties think changing the room will throw me off. What a bunch of idiots. So I go to investigate again. But the same thing happened as last time! There wasn't anyone or anything in there to be making those kinds of noises. And you know what else? When I got back to bed to tell Harry, he was gone again! He seems to be getting hungry at night. I wonder if he's not eating at dinner or something. I'm going to Hermione 'bout this. We need to keep a closer eye on Harry.

I told Hermione about Harry going to the kitchens in the night and she said she'd watch Harry at mealtimes. She's such a mother hen sometimes. In this case, however, it would be helpful to have another set of eyes on Harry. He's been acting weird lately. Oh well.

Was out on duty and heard the noises again. Hermione was with me this time. She looked at the door and said some words I couldn't hear. When we opened the door, it didn't make a sound. Our footsteps were silent as well. That's when I heard it. Panting and small moans were coming from a corner of the classroom. There wasn't anyone in there, though! When I turned to Hermione to say something, she frowned and shook her head at me. I didn't understand, but decided to keep quiet. I didn't want a lecture from her.

All of a sudden the noises stopped. Everything became silent. Hermione frowned deeper but didn't say anything. Her eyes were on the corner; it was like she was trying to see something. She stepped toward the corner and reached her hand out. I guess she touched something because she jumped back and held her hand to her chest like she burned it. When she turned to me, her face was blazing red and facing the floor. As she passed me, she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind us. She didn't look up or say anything until we were on the next floor.

'Ron,' she turned to me. 'Harry doesn't go out late unless you're on duty, right?'

I scratched the back of my head and thought...'Yeah. He only goes out when I'm out.'

Hermione's blush came back full force. She started twisting her hands nervously and said, 'I think he wants you to find him. Or at least he's with someone who wants to be found by you.'

I was totally lost. 'I'm totally lost.'

She blushed deeper and said, 'That was Harry in there with someone under his invisibility cloak, Ron.'

What! 'What?'

'Oh come on, Ron! He was with someone under that cloak! We heard people in there, y'know, making noises. When I reached my hand out, I felt a shoulder! How many students have cloaks like Harry's? That was him in that classroom.'

'Oh come off it, Hermione! That was not Harry. He...he isn't interested in anyone. He'd've told us, right?'

Hermione shook her head, 'I don't think so this time. Why don't we just keep watching him and see what we think.'

I shrugged; I knew it wasn't Harry under his cloak. He would have told us something like that. Or me, at least. Sometimes telling Hermione things isn't a good thing.

Hermione and I had duties again a few weeks later. As we approached a classroom, I head the noises like the last time and the times before.

'Hermione,' I whispered, 'do you hear it?'

She frowned and shook her head. When she started to turn the other way, my jaw dropped. Hermione never let anyone get away with breaking the rules.

'Hermione!' I whispered desperately, 'We need to find the idiots making the noises!' She just frowned again and kept walking away. Exasperatedly, I followed.

'Harry, really, you need to tell him sometime. This is getting ridiculous. I've steered him away three times already! He's starting to get suspicious of me,' a feminine voice pleaded.

A sigh, 'I guess you're right. I mean, I can't keep him in the dark forever.'

The girl must have nodded or something because Harry's voice said with another sigh, 'Right. I'll tell him soon. I mean, I've been out every time he's on duty. It wasn't my idea!' The last line was voiced hastily.

His voice rumbled again, 'It's his idea. He thinks it would be funny to see the look on his face.' He must have made a gesture as he added, 'Sodding hilarious.'

The female just said, 'Well, do be quick about it, hm?'

'Hermione! Harry's been talking to a girl about something. I heard him yesterday. I was being sneaky, so I don't think he knows I was listening in. Apparently she's keeping someone away from him. And Harry needs to tell him, the person she's keeping away, something soon. What do you think that was all about?'

Hermione's eyes got a little wide. She swallowed and said, 'I haven't the faintest, Ron. I need to go the library.'

I seriously doubted the answer would be there, but that's just Hermione.

I was out on duty a few weeks later by myself. I was sodding happy about it, too. I wanted to, needed to, find the noise makers. It was driving me up a wall not find them out. Hermione just kept looking the other way about it when I was with her. I would figure them out this time.

I hunted up and down the halls, listening for any sounds. Finally, down the Charms corridor I heard them. I snickered to myself, 'I've got you now.'

I threw up a silencing charm around myself and walked into the classroom I knew they were in. Then I fainted.

'What happened?' asked Hermione.

'It isn't funny! He fainted dead on the spot. He could've hurt himself.'

'No,' a voice drawled, 'I do believe his skull is thick enough to protect anything beneath. If there is anything beneath, that is.'

'Ugh,' I croaked, 'Where the bloody fucking hell am I?' My head hurt. I opened my eyes and saw Harry, Hermione, and Draco Malfoy! sitting around my bed. I looked around them and saw I was in the hospital wing.

'What the fuck are you doing here!' I searched for my wand but couldn't find it. What the fuck is he doing here? And why are Harry and Hermione not doing anything? WHY DOES HARRY HAVE HIS HAND ON MALFOY'S LEG!

'Ron?' Hermione asked tentatively. 'Ron? Do you remember anything at all?'

I thought for a second. Oh god... I looked up at Harry and Malfoy with wide eyes. I remember walking into a classroom and seeing those two. Oh god...they were on the desk...and they were naked.

'I think I'm going to be sick,' I said. I really did feel like vomiting.

'Ron, really. It's not that bad,' Harry said.

'Yes, it bloody well is! Why the fuck are you doing with Malfoy, of all people? I mean, there's a million blokes out there who would do you if you gave 'em a smile.'

'That, Weasely, is not something to be saying in my presence,' Malfoy drawled.

'And you! What have you done to Harry, eh? Did you put something in his drink or something?' I nearly shouted at the git.

'Keep your voice down. Muffliato doesn't work if you start yelling your head off.'

I settled back into my pillows a little because my head started to pound. Closing my eyes I said, 'Please tell me what the sodding fuck is going on.' I opened my eyes a little and saw Harry biting his lip. I closed my eyes again as I saw Malfoy squeezing Harry's hand.

'Well, um,' Harry started. I heard Malfoy sigh impatiently and say, 'Harry and I have been fucking all over the place this year.'

My eyes shot open and I glared at him. He just smirked and uncrossed his legs. One of them pressed against Harry's. I didn't like the comfortable way he did it, either. I narrowed my eyes and then looked at Harry.

He cleared his throat and tried again, 'Well, you see, Draco and me starting writing each other over the summer. I started it as a little joke. I was bored and couldn't be out of my room. You know the Durselys and how they keep me in my room.' Malfoy had growled at the mention of Harry's family. I was a little glad to know that Malfoy didn't like the way they treated Harry; it didn't make up for anything, though.

'Well, um,' Harry continued, 'I was bored and Hedwig wasn't doing anything important. So I wrote a letter to Malfoy. I didn't let him know it was me, though. But, why Malfoy? I can't really say. And I was thinking about it, y'know? Why Malfoy. I really didn't know him at all and I guess I wanted to. I never gave him a chance. I just kept thinking about how he offered to be my friend that first day on the train. So I wrote him. And it went on from there. He finally figured me out towards the end of the summer. I knew my little game was over once he figured out to whom he was spilling everything. I was wrong. He actually came and got me. That's why I didn't go to your house. I was at his.'

I blanched. 'You were at Malfoy's? How the hell did you get that past Dumbledore?'

At this Malfoy sat forward, looked me in the eye and hissed, 'You cannot let this slip or I will gut you myself, no magic.'

I nodded.

He sat back, but kept his eyes on me, 'My father is no longer a Death Eater. He has turned spy for your side. At great personal risk, I might add.'

Harry cleared his throat and looked at me sheepishly. I nodded at him and turned to Malfoy.

'So, what does all of this mean?'

Malfoy rolled his eyes and Harry elbowed him. The git looked at me and said, very slowly, 'It means Harry and I have been dating since two weeks before school started. We have been fucking since one week before school started.'

Hermione gasped and blushed and appeared as though she wanted to sink through the floor. I just wanted to vomit. I guess Malfoy saw it because he smirked and twined his fingers with Harry's.

'Hey hey. Quit being all cuddly with my mate in front of me. It's grossing me out,' I said. Malfoy just raised an eyebrow like he couldn't understand me. Really.

Harry looked a little mad at me! He even said, 'Really now, Ron. You're going to have to get used to it.'

I folded my arms across my chest and huffed, 'I won't. He's still Malfoy to me and will always be a stupid aristocratic ferret to me.'

Hermione started in on me then! 'Ron, come on now. He's not that bad once you get to know him.'

I didn't know what to say to that. She didn't know Malfoy! She couldn't! I mean, how could she know him? 'What are you talking about Hermione? You don't know him.'

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, 'Yes, I do. Ron, I've known about Harry and Malfoy for a while now. Why do you think I've been steering you away from the noises when we've been on duty?'

My jaw dropped. So did Malfoy's. 'What? You mean you kept him away? What the hell, Granger? Didn't want your little ickle Ronnikins finding us shagging on McGonagall's desk?'

She turned to him and said fiercely, 'That's right. I didn't think he should find out that way. I really don't know how you talked Harry into meeting you only on the days Ron was on duty.'

Harry blushed and Malfoy smirked, 'Those aren't the only days we've met.'

'Oh god,' I moaned. 'That's more than I needed to know. I mean, I have late duties at least two or three times a week.'

Malfoy started to laugh and Harry couldn't keep a stupid smile off his face. I rubbed my eyes vigorously, hoping to keep the images I'd seen earlier that night from reappearing in my mind.

All through that year I had to put up with Malfoy being around. It was disturbing to say the least and annoying as hell. Malfoy was still Malfoy, although he didn't insult me as much. He even kept the insults about my family down. I appreciated it, but I knew it was all Harry's doing. We never once heard the word 'mudblood' but I bet the git used it as soon as he was safe in his common room with all his stupid Slytherin friends.

Our seventh year was just the same, really. Harry got into his spot of trouble at the end of the year, just as he had the previous six. He came away from it just as had before. And if he was little more mellow, we didn't notice it. Malfoy got a little aggressive, but we thought he was just worried about Harry. How sodding sweet of him. Makes me want to vomit thinking about it.

The war came. The war went. Lots of things happened in the middle that are left better unsaid. Voldemort was defeated and Harry was injured. He was up and on his feet in a few weeks. He and Malfoy promptly moved in together. To their very own Manor. Malfoy Potter Manor. Vomit!

They lived happily together for a few years. They made stunning appearances together at parties all over the sodding country. They held their own extravagant parties at their manor. They spent holidays with first my family then Malfoy's. They adopted all kinds of animals at Harry's insistence. Malfoy mellowed out and Harry got a new wardrobe and acquired a very Slytherin sneer.

They were happy. I couldn't believe that they made it out of school, let alone past the war. I was really hoping Malfoy would trip on his robes and accidentally curse himself. Still do come to think about it. Oh well.

But anyway, that's how I ended up here. At the reception of their wedding. I know I was only supposed to give a short speech, but I couldn't fit it all in.

I just want to say one more thing. Harry, you're my best mate. We've been through it all together and I will always be here. Malfoy, as much as I hate to say it, you make happy. Keep making him happy, right?"

Harry caught up with me as most of the guests were leaving.

"Ron, that was a bloody long speech."

I shrugged, "I couldn't fit it all in a short speech."

Harry grinned and grabbed me in a hug. Over his shoulder I saw Malfoy approaching. "Better let go or Malfoy'll think I'm trying to steal you away."

Harry snorted and turned to put an arm around Malfoy's waist. Malfoy actually smiled and kissed the side of Harry's head before turning to me and saying, "Nice speech, Weasely. Good thing you fancy women. From the sounds of it you haven't a gag relax to be proud of."

Gross. Harry spoke up, "I thought it was good."

"I guess, if you like a summary of lives."

Harry elbowed him and smiled. They were grossing me out with all the affection being shown.

"Anyway," Harry said turning to me, "We'd better get going. We have a honeymoon to get to."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow and a corner of his mouth lifted. I wanted to vomit.