First and last disclaimer: I don't own YYH nor will I ever. There, that pointless little thing is out of the way and now I can get on with this xD
For awhile now I've had this idea stuck in my head and it's because of this damn story that I'm having a writer's block with the other two. Anywho, enjoy and please ignore any mistakes in grammer you might fine! Thanks and please read and review! xD
(Summary will be placed on my profile page in due time but this will be a Hiei x Kurama story)
By the way, be aware that this is rated M for a reason, i.e. mentions of rape and sexual content... You've been warned
Losing Our Head: Chapter 1
I had always known that this day would come, perhaps I had always anticipated it to come sooner. However, I was still greatly saddened by it's rearing ugly head appearing, especially at this moment in my life.
It's no one's fault for not recalling or even knowing what had happened the week prior but... I thought that maybe he would notice something, anything, different about me.
Maybe he did, maybe that's why he left too...
"Shuichi, can you come here for a moment..."
The call; solemn, dark, and drawn out, meant only one thing- the man had taken it upon himself to address a matter that had been left unresolved, or in this case, unspoken.
Light steps upon the stairs caused slight creaking noises but other than that all was left silent until the redheaded boy stood in the kitchen doorway, "Yes Hatanaka-san?"
Hatanaka, as the man was now known, adjusted his glasses and afterwards motioned for the boy to sit, "We need to talk."
He did as told, sitting across from the other, before questioning what it was they needed to talk about.
"Shuichi, it's about your living conditions," he paused to see if Shuichi understood although nothing came from trying to read the otherwise empty emeralds, "It's not that you're not family it's just..."
"It's just?..." the other again questioned, even though the answer was very apparent. His need to see the man squirm while trying to say it gave him an odd pleasure though, enough so to insist on an answer.
"Well... It's just..." he sighed before trying a different approach, "How old are you now; twenty... twenty-one? Right?"
"Twenty-two," he stated, rather irked that his age had to come into account and that his 'step-father' didn't even know it.
"Exactly my point! You should be living on your own now! While your mother may have disagreed, I'm afraid it's true. Why, when I was twenty I had a job and an apartment–"
"How kind of you... to wait a full week before kicking me out of the house I was raised," he gave a smile that sent chills down the man's spine, a smile that could only have been given by those of the insane, "I suppose you expect me to be gracious and merely collect my things and leave?"
"Well... it takes time, I'm sure, to find another place, so not right away but–"
"No, no, I'll leave right away, far be it for me to stay here any further... Though, I should say I'd be leaving forever, correct? I mean, what have you to do with your departed spouse's son? Just know this..." he reached over the table and with unknown strength pulled the man forward by the collar, "you will see her again in your nightmares... She will haunt you whist I cannot and... She knows that it was you who first tampered with her medical supplies and then kicked her own son out of her house..."
I regret doing that... for losing control of my temper and mouth that is. I should have just left him be for a ningen is a ningen who is a ningen and we all know they are weak and by far the cruelest of races. How? Well... instead of killing by that of the physical extent, like demons, they thread their defiled fingers into your depths, pulling at your emotions, your very sanity until... Poof... all meaning of living has left...
They attach themselves to each other creating a bond in which will forever mean your doom no matter the happiness that comes of it at a certain moment.
It's something I had come to believe I never would have been tricked into however... I was and have been a pawn of theirs for awhile, only coming to realize it when my mother had almost died and thus my own life was almost given in return for indeed saving that of a ningen...
Then again... I am a ningen now aren't I? Their unpalatable motives have embedded themselves into me in the twenty-two years I've lived here and... just the same... the Makai no longer welcomes me. So, where can I turn when I feel so displaced in a world of these... creatures?
A crisp morning breeze shook the form's all but hallowed out body as the fixed, thin fingers clutched at the barely warmth giving cloth of a jacket.
His eyes though opened were glazed over in sleep as his body lay stiff against an upper part of the tree's trunk.
Another harsh wind whipped around him, starting him to wake to full alert, as was usual when he first awoke.
Gray clouds had formed over night, he realized, and it triggered an all too common scene from his past...
"Tell me, was I right about my earlier weather prediction, Hiei?"
Droplets rolled down the fire demon's lightly tanned skin and dripped to the carpeted floor, "Hn. Baka fox."
I never was able to stand the demon's misery for much longer then a few seconds so right away I always took to doing whatever would please him, "I'll get you a towel and some hot coco, alright?"
The other just grunted his acceptance, he never was one to talk much so it didn't surprise me when, the next morning he was always gone...
Bitter drops of the storm clouds began to drizzle their way down to the man still in the tree. He sighed and gazed up as a rather large drop plopped upon his forehead. With a leap he was out of the tree, his huddled form roaming the grounds of the park in which his friend had once lived.
It didn't take long for his clothing to become thoroughly soaked although he'd have to say that it didn't really bother him, he'd become use to it. However, he wasn't use to contact anymore and it was this that was just bestowed upon him from behind.
Upon a minute's mind lapse he had the owner of the hand pinned to the grass, a sharpened blade at his throat. Recognition slowly registered in his muddled head and he dropped the greenish brown blade to the side, instantly turning back to a regular piece of grass.
"Hello Yusuke... What brings you here," he again gazed up, "in the rain no less?"
The boy, once ningen now but half, sat up, "Was on my way to the Makai and saw you here... What's going on?"
"Just taking a stroll, the plants sing when it rains, it's relaxing," he easily lied knowing the once Rekai detective would accept it, he didn't know that he actually couldn't hear the plants.
"Alright," he gave him an odd look, "and your clothes?"
He looked down at himself and shrugged, "Why wear good clothes if they're just going to get wet?–"
"Rags? Tff, I know you better than that Kurama, what the hell happened to you, you look like hell."
"Nothing happened, Yusuke. So why are you on your way to the Makai?"
For the moment the younger man allowed the change of topic, "I heard Hiei was injured after finishing off a leader that tried to rebel against the uniting of the territories. Why else would he leave the Ningenkai?"
The redhead shook his head lightly and laughed, "Why would he remain here is the true question... Anyway, I'm sure he'll heal just fine in a matter of a few days."
For a moment Yusuke seemed to weigh down his options before standing up and holding at a hand to his friend.
Awkwardly he took the proffered hand and was jerked upwards and tugged a few steps until he resisted, "What is it Yusuke? Why are you dragging me–"
"From what I heard Hiei was injected with the venom of a white-scaled snake demon... So, I just thought you might want to–"
"White-scaled snake demon... but..." he paused trying to get a hold on himself, "they're the most poisonous..."
"That's my point. So are you coming or not?"
He nodded his head lightly, "Yes, I'll come."
"Um, do you want to change first?"
"No, it's alright... I'll just switch into Youko when I get there, it's a waste of time otherwise."
I vaguely recall a moment in which some type of pain was not in my system. Though, it was at the moment of knowing the true reason of Hiei's abrupt departure that sent all that pain into overdrive...
He was right, I was a fool– I am a fool. I should have trusted him to stay in some sort of contact with me. It was my own insecurities that had me believing he would just up and leave when he'd gotten bored of me, of the ningens, of the Ningenkai.
Or maybe that's just what I think he thinks... I suppose I can hope, for hope is all I really have left in my life. Only Hiei could understand how I must feel in being misplaced... although maybe not at the same time because... he's still a full demon while I could be considered like Yusuke, a half-demon.
No... that too is misinterpreted for I lived the life of a demon, then that of a human and now... well oddly enough my human self and demon self are one... The fruit of past lives helped it along and before I even knew of the possible long term side effects, the two souls that occupied this body joined... It utterly confused me of my identity for I was no longer just Shuichi nor Youko but... perhaps a mix named Kurama.
It took me a while to reflect on but then I came to kind of believe that it was evitable. For as long as I known Hiei to the moment I met the rest of the so-called gang they've called me Kurama... In a way it was neither human nor was it my true demon name.
It was because of Hiei that I was able to exist for this long... By his constant use of just Kurama it helped me to erect a wall that in it's own way kept me from trying to find where I belonged and just kept me believing I belonged wherever I wished to...
The fresh wild growth of the Makai's nature surrounding them assaulted the fox's nose like needles.
Upon seeing the faintest of pain the boy looked up to the odd fox, "What's wrong? I mean, why are you... Ya know, silver and red? Also, what's with your skin, it looks kind of gray?"
"It's just something I've been working on. It's a mix of my ningen and demon form," he again deceived the other. In truth, he hadn't known this was to happen.
"Well... It's different alright," he turned his sights towards the sky now, "We better hurry, Makai storms are not very nice to walk in..."
"Indeed..."
"Lord Yusuke and..." the guard paused it brief confusion, "guest, please follow me."
The two shivered lightly for the skies had opened moments before and thus clothes where again damp in the rather drafty castle. They followed regardless though and soon found themselves before a great wooden door.
"I'm afraid only you may enter Lord Yusuke, Lord Mukuro has made it clear that only familiarities may..."
Kurama bowed his head lightly and made to sit upon the floor when he was hitched up by the strong arm of Yusuke, "What the hell do you think you're doing Kurama! Of course you're a damn familiarity!"
The demon guard seemed to glare at the half-breed fox before regaining his composure, "I do not recall Sire Hiei mentioning a Kurama. I'm afraid he is not permitted to enter."
Beginnings of a frown were twitched away from the otherwise impassive red and silver headed half-demon, "It's alright Yusuke... Just tell me how his condition is. Perhaps I can help with some plant concoction afterwards..."
"No, it's not right! You've been his friend longer then I have and–"
"Yusuke, just go it's useless to fight...
I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me that I was never mentioned here... I was suppose to never return thus what would the purpose of telling one about me do? If anything, one would now call me a traitor for staying with the ningens then again... if the ningens had known what I really was they'd probably call me a traitor as well. My just desserts I suppose for entering the house of a human soul to stay alive...
It was only a few moments later after Yusuke's leave that Kurama caught a whisper from what he could only guess was one guard to another, "The Youko of legends my ass, this thing is a disgrace to demonkind."
"Quite, he's far weaker then what he was once told to be. I bet he's nothing but a D class now that he's joined with his human side," he laughed, his voice getting further and further away.
He let out a quite sigh and cradled his head upon his bent knees.
It eludes me... How can Yusuke just treat me like he does? He must know what I am, everyone else does. I'm an outcaste no matter where I go... It's sad that I attempted for so long to act like I was accepted. It would have just been best if I had just let myself fall at the hands of any number of my foes... but when I was at the point of life or death... I just couldn't do it.
I'm a hypocrite, I know it... Many times before I've told those basically that death is for those who are desperate, selfish, and above all–
"Kurama..."
The said man looked up slowly to the agape door and then at Yusuke who was looking back and forth down the halls, "Yes?"
"Are ya coming? Come on!" he growled, the other could only guess that he was getting annoyed at him.
"Fine, I suppose no one will know," he again lied. Of course someone would know but the worse they could do was kill him for whatever reason they so chose.
Hiei looked like he always did when in his hibernation state, the only difference being his face, instead of slack it was etched in pain, and his skin, which was as pale as the snow in which the Koorime lived.
"They did right by giving him a blood transfusion..." Kurama started as his hand curled itself away from daring to touch him, "But they should have first tried to remove the poison... The new blood is just absorbing it."
"Well?"
"Well..." he looked to the floor again sighing, "I could try a strong plant base to dilute the poison in his system but it would take time to make and then another several days for the body to rid itself of the–"
"Anything is better than nothing, but do you think it will work?"
"Perhaps, but this is a white-scaled snake demon we're talking of... It might take up to five doses and even then if the body is too weak to rid itself of what may remain..."
He let his sentence linger there for a moment before he knelt on the floor to gather his strength for what was to come. It was a few silent minutes later that he shaped a thick leaf to act as a bowl and started the long process of grinding, stirring, and mashing.
Brown eyes constantly darted from the door to the fox before the one being watched spoke, "Calm yourself, no one will interrupt. They may not have wanted me in here however they must want desperately to heal their Sire for they have by now felt my energy being used."
A flash of a nail slit open the soft palm of his hand before he squeezed droplets of blood into the rather liquidity mixture.
"What the hell Kurama! I thought you said it was just plants? You don't even look like you have blood circulating through your body nonetheless enough to spare–"
"Normally a demon with the ability to manipulate plants would need but a drop or two of blood... However I can only hope that the amount I'm giving will compensate for not being a full one," he whispered as he removed his bleeding hand to again stir.
"But–"
"Here, it's done," he lifted it up gently and handed it to Yusuke, "Five doses... a dose is approximately..."
Worriedly the boy eyed his friend who seemed to be drifting off, "Are you alright?"
"Approximately two of those..."
He followed the green speckled eyes to the night stand beside the comatose fire demon, "Two... two of those small vials? You sure, that's only ten vials... doesn't seem like much..."
"As I said, it's a very strong... plant base," he breathed.
"Kurama, what's going on? You don't look to well..."
"I'm fine, merely tired from having to grow those many plants," he smiled lightly, though it wasn't the same as the ones he had once given those many years ago when they had first met.
I couldn't help but beam at the antics of the two. A punch there, a kick here but all was their usual greeting as well as the insults and remarks that followed.
"Bakas... Every last one of them."
"Perhaps but if you can't act foolish in front of friends, who can you act foolish in front of?" I replied, my everlasting smile still in place as I looked down at him.
"Tff, why would you want to anyway? It's retarded."
Unconsciously my hand drifted to lay upon his shoulder, "Must there be an answer to everything, Hiei?... Sometimes it's best to just... stop thinking and do whatever–"
A gasp, one of pain, silently left my lips as a small yet strong hand took hold of my wrist and pulled my hand away from it's settling spot, "Anything that has no answer has no point. As for not thinking, you can go ahead and do that, it's not like you've done much of it anyway since you've come in contact with them."
My wrist was set free and I could do no more but hold it against my chest as I walked off. It was either that or sit there to admit that he was right about everything... and I wasn't ready to commit myself to that just yet...
A twitch of a smile found itself on the sleeping face as he snuggled into the blanket given to him.
"What do you think is wrong with him?"
Their eyes never left the fox's form as they talked, "I... don't know..."
It was in an instant that the small happiness on his face darkened.
"Happy, sad, happy, sad, can't he fuckin' make up his mind?" he growled out in frustration.
"Baka..." the other breathlessly insulted, "Why– did you give me–"
"The whole mixture of that shit?... Don't know, guess I just thought ten vials wasn't enough," he sheepishly admitted to the still recovering fire demon.
As if an alarm went off Kurama shot up and for a few moments looked lost before remember where he was.
Both sets of eyes blinked at the odd display before Yusuke spoke up, "Mornin' how are you feeling?"
He frowned slightly as he gazed upon the futon on which he sat, "Yusuke, you shouldn't have given him all of the mixture... It could very well clot his veins and–"
"I can... deal with it, baka," he grunted and shifted from side to side until he had himself sitting up against his bed's backboard.
"If you say so Hiei," he untangled himself from the comfortable blanket and sighed, "Well it's probably best if I go back to the Ningenkai–"
Hiei shot Yusuke a look and he relented, "Kurama... Tell me, can you switch back into Shuichi?"
The small, almost unnoticeably silver ears pressed against his skull, "I don't know what you mean... why wouldn't I be able to?"
"Stop kidding yourself! Do you think we don't know!" Hiei hoarsely growled before huffing to regain his breath.
"Chill it, I'll handle it," the brown haired boy turned back to Kurama, "We're not oblivious Kurama... Just the same... I know where you've been living for the past month..."
The fox refused to look up, his eyes trained on the slightly unkept tail to his side, "What business is it of your's though? Why mention? Why care?"
I soberly gazed upon her tombstone, my black attire fit for the mood that everyone was in as they gave my step-father their condolences before bowing and leaving.
But one of the crowd came up to me, taking my hands in hers before placing her forehead against them, "Your mother was the kindest person I've ever met... May her kindness live through you and your family to come..."
It was hard to refrain from twitching, I was not use to such acts of kindness, but I managed to provide a thankful smile and a nice reply. After all, I knew she didn't really care for me, after this meeting I would never see her again and just the same she wouldn't remember me... It's how the process works, it's nothing new.
I left halfway through the ceremony, the sobs of those who have not even known her was wearing thin at my patience...
"Yo... You there? Hello..." a hand waved in front of his face before his eyes focused and his head turned.
He cleared his throat, "Yes, well, as I was saying I'll just take my leave."
"Hn no..." he glared daggers at him, "How did you cure...?"
"–you of the venom?" Kurama waited for a nod before he again spoke, "It's simple, I didn't..."
"What!–"
His speckled eyes turned to Yusuke who was still in front of him, "A large dose of white-scaled snake demon's venom is incurable, Yusuke... but not to worry, Hiei no longer has to worry about it."
He smiled at the obvious confusion that the two had, "It's like this... The venom the snake demon poisoned Hiei with was basically that of youki... It would inevitably make it's way into his blood stream once it ate away at his own youki. So by giving him the plant base it displaces the youki which then searches for the youki in which the plant manipulator gave off to the once victim."
"So you're saying–"
"Yes, but not all of it... You see, my blood is no longer pure so sadly there will be some left over. It should take a few days for him to get over it."
With strength he didn't know he had left Hiei leapt at the fox, landing on him hard and growling, "You fuckin'... baka!"
"How so?" he still had on that odd smile while he gazed upon the demon on top of him, "They need you alive, you're their heir..."
He heaved heavily while his nostrils flared but didn't know what to say so he glared off to the strangely enough quiet ex-detective.
"What? I don't know what to fuckin' say! He friggin lied to me, he said this shit would just dilute the stuff then it was up to you to get rid of it!"
The crimson eyes closed for a moment seeming to concentrate on something before smirking, "You... only acquired half...–"
"Yes, but it's only been a day at most I believe... The reason I wished for you to take only five doses was because it could have put a strain on you to lose the venom so quickly as well as it could have put me into immediate shock... In time it will transfer over to me, so you needn't worry."
Again Hiei looked to Yusuke, "Get me a bucket, now..."
The look on their faces was something I had never thought I'd ever receive... but it was under false pretenses, it had to be. I was just one of the five who were there attempting to win the Dark Tournament for the Rekai and Ningenkai alike... it wasn't like they really cared about what happened to me so long as I've done it.
I was actually semi-normal back then... aside from being a ningen who let off youki... I might have been able to live a normal life afterwards as well, but I just had to be selfish, I just had to get stronger... I just had to taste that damnable fruit of past lives...
"Hiei... that won't work..."
"I... don't care!" he growled right back, before again losing what was in his stomach.
"I must insist that you stop! You're weakening yourself, you must realize that if you continue all my efforts of keeping you alive will have been in waste!" Kurama nearly panicked, though flinched back every time he got close to drawing the demon away from the waste basket.
"You know, you're right Kurama but what you did was wrong..." came a low response from the opposite direction.
"I didn't think you would be able to understand Yusuke... but like I said before, Hiei is needed. The Makai needs him just as they need you..."
"And what about you? Don'tcha think you're needed?"
He couldn't help but let out an anguished chuckle, "Yusuke, name one way anyone needs me..."
"What about... that ningen that you... call a mother," Hiei smirked over the foul smelling basket.
The brown haired boy winced and looked anywhere but where the two were situated.
His teeth bit into his lips as they curved to smile bitterly while his eyes drew closed, "Thank you... you've proven my point Hiei..."
Above all, this hurt the worse, it was my last string of hope finally being severed... I wasn't ready for it but it's something I'll just have to accept. I have but a month at most to live anyway. With being a plant manipulator I'm naturally immune to most poisons so though this one is more potent then what I can withstand, I can still hold up better than Hiei can...
Maybe he'll remember me afterwards not for being weak or a baka nor for once being the infamous Youko Karama... but for being... me?
I can't help but laugh at myself for Hiei's not that way at all. If anything he'd hate me for taking pity on him... for he doesn't know what I did will be for the better, not for some time anyway.
Teasers for the chapters that may come (Please review! xD):
"How does this apply here? Taking ones life own life for a position they'd not get if dead doesn't match trading a life for another's."
"You're trying to point out to me that he's half-demon and though the only one of his kind he doesn't let it change him and so forth and so on... But Hiei, he doesn't understand, and apparently neither do you... and soon it won't matter..."
"Mukuro has told me to wait until you've woken to kill you,"