D.i.s.c.l.a.m.e.r.

The world described in this fictional story and it's characters belong to JCV. I have no rights.

Don't worry. It's not the end, oh, no, no, not by a long shot. ;) Anyway thanks for all the reviews and comments. They really mean a lot. The only reason why I'm not uploading stories faster is that I am quite a busy guy. Seriously. Don't mind me. Enjoy and have a happy new year 2009. :]

04 – I think I thought I saw you cry

Todd tried looking like he didn't notice Nny at all. What should he anyway? There was nothing between them. Nothing official that is. Anyone could tell that the boy wasn't as indifferent to the situation as he'd like to be.

"You don't seem convinced"

Squee didn't answer and didn't move an inch although it was cold and he started shivering.

"Todd...?"

Johnny jumped off the cemetery wall and also leaned on it. A few minutes passed in total silence. Squee could hear the man's heavy breathe. Nny kept his mouth open and his eyes shut. Todd could swear there was a gentle humming sound every time the air from Johnny's lungs met the outside cold.

"Squee..."

The man's whispers were rusty, almost impossible to take. They were driving Todd crazy, literally stabbing his brain.

"What?!" it felt as if screaming was the only remedy. Squee put a lot of effort in that aggressive question. But Nny didn't look surprised. On the contrary. He enjoyed it.

His numb lips immediately morphed into the insane grin Todd remembered from his childhood.

"I heard your screams"

Squee sniffed quietly not sure what Nny meant.

"I wasn't screaming"

Seeing the boy shivering, Johnny took off his trench coat and covered Todd with it. Squee didn't object. Maybe because he was too shocked to do that.

"You were. Just outside your house. You said you fucking hated me"

"Well, maybe I had a reason!"

Johnny focused his sight on Todd's face.

"I never said you hadn't"

Squee had enough of those mind games. In a quick move he threw the trench coat at Nny.

"Will you stop that?! What do you want from me?! I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill my parents, that's not who I want to be, that's not me! I don't want to be you!"

"Yet you lied about that teacher"

"Because I wanted you to be proud, I needed a link, something that would connect us!"

Nny sat next to Squee. Both looked the opposite ways, just to make sure their eyes won't meet.

"Why?"

Squee pulled his raven hair in anger and hissed.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really"

It looked like the moment had finally came. There was no way to ignore the question. Todd could run away, but suddenly he felt that he had done it too much in his life. He was doing nothing but running away during his whole life. Running from home, school, reality. Maybe, just maybe, the time had come. Maybe he should stop. Finally.

"I love you, Johnny. I loved you ever since I realized you were the only person that could understand me"

He paused for a longer moment and gazed at Nny. The man had his hand on his lips, looking as if that short monologue touched him. Todd was about to add how relieved he felt, being able to finally express his feelings. However, Nny didn't give him the opportunity. He shook his head, smirked and then simply laughed.

Todd's hand started shaking again.

"You don't love me, Todd"

"How do you know?"

Squee's hiss ended with a bad cough. For a moment he thought it was going to leave him breathless.

"You never loved anyone, Johnny!" he gasped insanely. "You have no fucking idea how that feels!"

Johnny act like Squee's words didn't bother him at all. He remained calm and confident. He even started playing with a small rock he found during Todd's highly emotional monologues. Even though it was very dark, he somehow managed to throw the rock up and catch it without a single mistake.

"True" he said finally "I never loved, but I do know the feeling. It's a complicated, almost inexpressive emotion. That word people use to describe it is so inefficient. It doesn't say anything about the various states of mind people in love go trough. To love means to hate every single second without the object, in the meantime it's the frustration of being imperfect, it's fear of being alone again but it's also and mostly something without a reason, something you know is there, but when you look for it, when you try searching for something that would tell you WHY you feel the way you do, will you find it?"

"No" they both answered Nny's question.

"And you know why?"

Todd shook his head.

"Because it's all" Johnny pointed on his forehead "here"

Squee stopped breathing for a second and leaned towards Nny and a second later touched the place he was pointing.

"Here?" he whispered quietly.

"Exactly. Love is in your head, Todd. Because it's similar to insanity. It IS insanity"

"But you can't get rid of it with pills..."

Nny smiled and tried to seer off. He clenched his fingers around the rock which hit the palm of his hand at that very moment.

"You can get rid of everything with pills" he summed.

"Don't run from me..."

"I'm not running" Nny stood up "You are"

"How?"

Todd tried grabbing Johnny's hand, but it kept slipping away. He just wanted to feeling something similar to affection. He didn't care if Nny laughed at him. He craved for at least one touch, a dab.

"You're running from what you really are, Todd. Have you noticed I stopped calling you Squee? You're not the person I used to know. You're slowly maturing, but you're doing it wrong"

"I'm not doing anything!"

Nny's fingers stroked Todd's hair.

"Well at least one hasn't change"

Squee looked pretty confused.

"You're still as naive as you were back then. Can you trust a man like me, Todd?"

Nny didn't wait for an answer, he just started walking away.

"No one can" Squee replied with a smirk "That's why I do" he knew that Nny couldn't hear him. But it wasn't important. Still wearing the man's coat, he stood up quickly and followed Johnny.

"You're going to regret this" sighed Nny.

But Todd didn't care.