Chapter One

"I can't believe I fell in love with you." The words echoed through her head as she stared at the blank wall in front of her. Her hands started to shake as she traced the image of her former love on the picture. Tears streamed freely down her face as another sob racked her tiny frame. Everyone had been right about her. She was worthless. She'd taken the best, most loving person that she'd ever known, and broke her heart. The alcohol that she'd drank earlier that evening started to affect her vision, blurring the memories. She laid down on the cool floor, curling her legs up to her heaving chest. The candle in front of her flickered slightly as she exhaled. She could feel her body hovering between the conscious and unconscious realms. Before she lost all her nerve, she slowly raised the razor to her arm…

Earlier that day

Spencer could hear Ashley's voice drifting though the door. She was listening to an old song that'd she'd recorded with her dad. Spencer stopped a moment and let the sound wash over her. She knocked softly on the door and waited for Ashley to come. When Ashley opened the door, Spencer knew instantly that something was wrong. Ashley's eyes were red and puffy, obviously due to hours of crying. "Baby?" Spencer asked warily. Ashley rubbed her eyes before silently taking Spencer's hand and leading her to the bed.

"Spencer," she began. "I…My mom called…I…It's my dad, he…there was a crash…his car…" She couldn't finish the sentence, but Spencer understood.

"Oh Ash," she said, reaching her hand to Ashley's cheek. "Baby." Ashley fell to her knees and buried her head in Spencer's lap. Spencer stroked Ashley's hair as the older girl shook. "Shh, shh. Babe, it'll be ok. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but…"

Ashley pulled away from Spencer's loving touch and, for the first time since she had arrived, Spencer could smell the alcohol on her girlfriend. "Spencer, please, please don't be nice to me."

Spencer stood slowly and moved towards the pacing girl. "Why? What happened Ashley?"

Ashley stopped pacing and aimed her pleading, guilty eyes and Spencer. "I'm so sorry." Spencer's eyes began to tear up as she moved closer. "God Spencer, I am so sorry. I…I love you so much." She took a breath and started, "My mom called, that's how I found out about my dad. She actually had the nerve to pretend to care about us. After I found out, God Spencer, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I went out. I called…I called Aiden and I went out. Please believe me Spencer, I never meant for anything to happen. I just needed to make everything go away. I…I drank too much babe, and I…and she was there. I don't…I don't remember…I'm so sorry."

Spencer stood in silence, drinking in everything Ashley had just said. Her eyes closed slowly and a tear fell down her cheek. Ashley moved closer to wipe it away, but Spencer recoiled from her touch. "Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. How…how could you Ashley? How could you do this to me? I love you. I love you so much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I…how…" She sat down on the bed, "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm so sorry. It's just, my dad and…"

"You can't even try to justify this to me Ashley. You…you cheated on me," Spencer said, trying to calm her beating heart.

"I'm sorry," Ashley cried, allowing the tears to fall. She moved next to Spencer. "Please baby, how can I make this better. Please tell me, I just want to make this better. Please…"

Spencer's pale eyes blinked away the tears. "That's just it Ashley. You can't. You can't fix this Ash." She looked at the brunette. "It's over." Ashley ran to the door as Spencer stood to leave, blocking her path. "Ash," Spencer warned, ignoring Ashley's attempt. "Stop," she repeated sternly.

"Spencer please, please don't leave me."

Spencer stopped and said, sighing, "You left me Ash. The second you slept with someone else, you left me." Her voice began to raise. "There's no fixing this Ash," she said through tears, "You ruined it. I'm sorry you lost your dad, I really am. I know how much he meant to you. But I just don't understand," her voice caught in her throat. "I don't understand how you can stand here and tell me that you love me, and then break my heart, all in the same sentence."

"I'm sorry," Ashley cried.

"I know Ash, but it's not enough. I wish…I wish I never fell in love with you," Spencer whispered, turning her back to Ashley, "This hurts too much."

Ashley watched as Spencer left. She was ashamed, her heart ached with the knowledge of what she'd done. She grabbed a bottle of Vodka from her mother's cabinet and tried to numb the unbelievable pain that racked her soul. Her eyes fell on the picture of her and Spencer. Unable to shut out the memories, Ashley allowed her guilty tears to fall.

Present time

Before she lost all nerve, she raised the razor to her arm, sighing as she slowly slid the cool blade across her skin. As the pain seeped out of her body, Ashley pictured Spencer…Spencer on the beach, with the sun glowing behind her beautiful face. Spencer's eyes which lit up when the tide rushed onshore. Spencer, who's wonderful heart just broke because of her. Spencer…the only girl she'd ever truly love.