Brotherly Advice

The Boomerang

Disclaimer: Does not want. Does not compute. -asplode.-

Author's note: I don't know.

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Axel hated fathers. They always fuckin' told you what to do and got pissed when you told them you were about as flaming as your own hair color and wanted to bone your best friend.

Not that Axel had any experience with telling his father that.

Just his brother.

Reno spat out his beer, coughing and punching himself in the chest as his little brother watched him possibly die from where he stood at the other end of the table. It wasn't the fact that Axel had finally told Reno about his sexuality, hell, Reno had been waiting for that one for three years.

It was more the fact that Axel had just asked him to "tell me how I tell Roxas I've wanted to do him for the past year and a half. Should I first tell him I'm gay and wear rainbow suspenders to his birthday party next week. Or should I wait till his party and get him drunk, bone him, then tell him in the morning that Namine's a hermaphrodite and raped him in the linen closet?"

Axel was a very.. blunt person. Unlike Reno, who, in his three years of being an adult, had found a bit more finesse in the getting laid criteria. Then again, Reno got laid every lunch break in President Shinra's office.. (we don't talk about that)

But still- this was a bit extreme. Reno coughed once more, sitting up in his chair and running a hand through his sexy mullet hair, ruffling it further and giving the author unclean thoughts.

"Axel- I think you need to think this through a little more, I-"

"Reno! I thought it through last night when I was changing my fuckin' bedsheets! Now help me here!" Reno placed his beer down on the table and stood, brushing himself off gently and walking over to his poor, misguided seventeen year old brother.

He placed both hands on Axel's shoulders, his eyes staring deeply into that of his brother's. The expression on the man's face was the epitome of serious, his jaw clenched and brows furrowed as he thought semi-deeply. (which was an accomplishment for him)

"Axel. Let's start with a confession, give him a kiss, and then walk away."

"But if I walk-"

"If you don't walk away, Axel, and you find out that he does not, in fact, prefer hotdogs over buns, then you will have lost both your manhood and pride in one swift kick."

Axel's eyes grew wide as realization dawned on him, complete with a rooster cawing in the background and the sounds of eight babies being born. "Ohhhhhh."

Reno smiled and patted his brother on the shoulder. "Now- go call him and ask if he wants to come over and play video games, hm?" He gave Axel a cheeky grin and a very not-that-subtle wink, and was pleased to note the barest of pink on his little brother's nose and cheeks. Aww, it was so cute to see that his little brother was all grown up.. at eleast- in the teenage hormone area.

Axel walked off to get the phone and Reno sat down at the table once more, lifting his beer and grabbing his magazine to continue his previous task of vegging on his day off.

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The following day, after school, Axel struck. He was fast, like lighting, like a thunderbolt, like Red XIII on crack, he was the AXENATOR.

What had really occured was something more along the lines of this:

Axel peeked from Roxas, back to the sidewaqlk, and then right back at Roxas. The blonde teen was babbling about some kind of new ice-cream and howit was corporate take over to try and lure innocent children away from the truly best flavor of ice-cream ever, which happened to be sea-salt. Axel began to have vivid fairy Roxas's dancing in fronto f him, sucking thickly on long, round popsicles and staring at Axel through half-lidded eyes.

Biting his tongue, Axel stopped abruptly, two feet away from the sidewalk that led up to his apartment. Roxas gave him an odd look, but the redhead ignored it, grabbing Roxas by the biceps and leaning forward, crashing their mouths together. There was a muffled squeak from the blonde, but Axel ignored it, nearly bending Roxas back with the pressure he applied.

The gay Roxas fairies in his head that were sucking on popsicles cheered.

Axel pulled away upon realizing that Reno had more likely meant a peck on the lips than a raping of Roxas's mouth. "Sorry." He murmured against Roxas's oh-so-delectably parted lips, their breaths intermingling before he jumped back and fled- running like a bowlegged chicken into his apartment complex and shutting the door soundly behind him.

He held his chest, heart beating wildly, as he slid down to the geround. There was a moment of silence, and then he let out the most gleeful shriek/squeal he could muster, grabbing his face and wiggling his head back and forth, kicking his legs up and down.

Reno walked by and dumped the rest of the beer from his can on Axel.

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Shortest one-shot that God has gifted this earth with.

Maybe it will have more chapters... if you review...?