Kiasu: Afraid to Lose
Flibber T. Gibbet
Rating: T
Disclaimer:glare: You don't have to remind me.
Author's Notes: I got the idea for this from this travel book of my dad's. On the page for Singapore, it said that "kiasu" means afraid to lose. And I had just watched the 1 hour recap on Toonami, so here I am. I have no idea how this story will turn out, because I'm writing as I go. So I'm just as clueless as you. Sasuke's thoughts. Naruto's thoughts. So read and hopefully enjoy!
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No one knew exactly why they competed so fiercely. Not even the boys themselves. The others thought they sparred just for the sake of sparring and to find out who was the best.
Sasuke and Naruto thought differently, though they would never admit it to anyone at any cost. They fought because they were afraid to lose. Each other. They needed the physical contact to realize that they were still there. To realize that someone still cared enough.
Kakashi and Sakura could only observe helplessly as the teens sparred relentlessly, pushing each other to the brink. They could only watch as Sasuke grew colder as he fought the passion within him. They could only whisper lost pleas for help as Naruto became more energetic to hide his craving for love and affection.
Sasuke and Naruto completed each other but they refused to let the other fulfill them.
"Why are they fighting so much? Don't they know it's going to kill them in the end?" sobbed Sakura, after yet another night of her teammates returning home bloody and lonelier than ever.
"They haven't realized that yet," whispered Kakashi gravely. His heart ached to see his team in such disarray. He had to do something. Sasuke and Naruto weren't only hurting themselves but everyone who cared for them. They had found a way to unintentionally worm their way into the hearts of every citizen of Konoha.
The sparring continued for weeks and it had become a common occurrence to hear broken dry sobs coming from the boys' houses.
Kakashi had had it. He could feel no more sorrow for his team, only frustration. How long would this madness continue? How long could Sasuke and Naruto last before shattering? He had to do something. Unceremoniously he grabbed his two students in the middle of another fight and locked them in a large closet provided by the Hokage. The boys had had no time to realize what had happened to them before the door slammed shut and a light flickered on.
"Don't bother," said Sasuke shortly when Naruto tried banging on the door.
"What would you know?"
"Quite a bit more than you for starters."
Naruto fell silent, all his pent up anger drained. "Why… why are you always so mean to me?" he whispered softly.
Sasuke was startled. Did he dare tell Naruto why? But seeing Naruto so broken hurt him more than he could ever have imagined. "Because… I'm afraid."
"Oh, yes because the great Uchiha is soo capable of being scared," Naruto said sarcastically.
"I'm trying to answer your bloody question so it would be nice if you shut the fuck up!"
Naruto nodded slowly.
"I'm afraid of losing…"
"But you win every time we spar…"
"That's not it. That, I really don't give a damn about. It's just that... no matter what you're like at other times, you always fight me with your best, your real self, your real passion. And when it's all over, you leave; you crawl back into your shell. I'm afraid that one day, you won't be there anymore. Just a copy of you." Sasuke stared moodily for awhile and then turned to Naruto. "So what about you? Might as well confess while we're at it."
"Do you care? About anything? For anyone? Would it matter to you if I just died?" Naruto's voice was harsh and Sasuke looked shocked at the sound. His voice quieted to a whisper, still harsh with pain. "Did you know, Sasuke?" The dark haired shook his head mutely. "How would you? No one knew. I tried to kill myself… just to see what your reaction would have been, but then I would have dead so I couldn't have seen your pain… your relief… your indifference. And every night I wonder what you have acted like if I had died. I only want you to notice, to care. Is that too much?" His tone had lost the harsh quality and now it only held an unbearable sadness. Tears shimmered brightly in his dulled blue eyes.
I'm afraid of losing…
I'm afraid of losing…
Because I need you so badly…
Because I need you so badly…
Every touch…
Every glance…
I crave…
I long for…
What would you say…
What would you say…
If I told you…
If I told you…
I love you…
I love you…
Would it stop you…
Would it stop you…
From walking away every time…
From walking away every time…
Would you say…
Would you say…
I love you too…
I love you too…
Why can't I tell you…
Why can't I tell you…
I'm afraid of losing…
I'm afraid of losing…
You…
You…
They stared at each other, hoping some words would magically appear for them to say. The silence brought out every insecurity, every shattered dream. They forgot that they were locked in a closet. They remembered a time that seemed so long ago. Where there were no double meanings. Where everything was as it seemed.
What had happened to such a time? Now they questioned the slightest action.
What had happened to the two innocent boys who were the best of friends and rivals? They had fallen into an uneasy love.
What happened to the fairy tales endings children grew up with? They didn't exist.
"I would have cared… I would have died with you."
"And if the situation ever occurs, would you still?"
"Every time."
"Well, that's just stupid," said Naruto abruptly, pacing in the small room. "Why do I want to die with you? Why do you want die with me? It scares me," murmured Naruto, suddenly looking like a little boy again. "We fight so much, and sometimes I think that's all we'll ever do. Fighting. Going around in circles, ignoring what should have been obvious. I… I… I think I…"
"… love you," finished Sasuke, staring intently at Naruto. "I know. I need to touch you or I think you'll go away. I'm afraid of…"
"…losing you," nodded Naruto. He hugged the person he loved more than anything else tightly. "I should be happy now, shouldn't I?" he whispered into Sasuke's neck. The taller teen murmured a vague agreement. "Then why do I feel as if this is all going to disappear at any moment?"
Sasuke was silent, pondering his answer. "Because it might. We weren't meant for happy endings." Gently, he kissed Naruto, both of them living in the pleasure of the present as they had once upon a time.
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Okay… I really wasn't expecting it to end like this but oh well. The last line, if any of you are wondering, it was meant like that. I had a great debate within myself about whether I should write it like that or "happy endings weren't meant for us." Guess which one won :blank stares: Oookaay then. Did the entire thought process turn you off? It was a spur of the moment thing. Well, optimistically, you've read and enjoyed this, so now you'll review, right? Pretty please? It's what a writer lives off of! Don't starve a child!
flib forever