Nergal Fan Fiction LLC
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE
Chapter One "A MILLION TEAR STAINED EYES"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. All proceeds generated by this fic will be distributed to them, I promise.
But... this doesn't seem right. I don't think this is right.
Those words reverberated in Shinji's mind over and over again. A small part of him wanted to laugh at the irony of it all... giving up on a world with no pain and surrounded by others for this, barren wasteland. Why had he even been allowed to make such a difficult choice? At the time he believed it to be the correct choice, and even with the evidence before him, deep down he still believed in that choice. But still, what had he come back to? Other than the sounds of the LCL soaked waves gently breaking on the white sand beach, nothing else could be heard. Shinji had been "awake" for at least a couple of hours as best he could tell.
" I...I am sorry Misato, I have let you down." In his mind he relived his final moments with Misato.
"I guess I have failed my promise to you"
Shinji took a long look at the silver cross and then carefully placed it on a nail in a wooden post he had buried into the beach.
"Now, at least you can rest, you won, the Angels are defeated...even the 18th", a slight smile formed on Shinji's face, "perhaps you are with Kaji...b...but I know I will miss you Misato."
Tears were falling on the sand in front of the makeshift tombstone. Shinji hung his head for a couple of moments, then finished hanging the cross. Shinji sighed, and willed himself to continue his task.
"One down, 2 to go, I must be strong for them," Shinji picked up another post and pushed it into the sand, next to the one with the cross. "I think they would do the same for me."
Shinji stepped back and looked down at the stake, "Rei, I...I...Even though I know the truth about you, it doesn't change the feelings I felt toward you. I will always cherish the time we were able to spend together," he paused for a moment to reflect, "the sacrifice you made for me. I am sorry I couldn't make better use of that second chance. Goodbye Ayanami."
He moved on to the last post. This post was slightly larger than the rest, and he took a long time to make sure it was perfectly aligned before he finally pushed it into its new home. He stood back and looked at it one more time. Finally satisfied, he knelt down in front of the wooden monument.
"I...I tried to make sure everything was perfect. Look, I even used a larger piece of wood." Shinji wiped some loose sand off the marker. "I'm sorry but I couldn't find any stones to use."
A steady flow of teardrops covered the sand at the foot of the monument. "I, Shinji Ikari, here and now promise that the memory of Asuka Langley Sohryu will never be forgotten. This monument will forever serve as a reminder of her skill and sacrifice, the worlds finest Eva pilot!"
Shinji waited as those words seemed to echo, although he couldn't be sure if it was all in his mind.
"I guess I will miss you most of all, Asuka...I would give anything just to hear your voice one more time." Shinji chuckled to himself as he imagined what the fiery redhead would say, 'Idiot Shinji', 'You pervert !!!', 'Mein Gott', 'Dumbkopff'.
'But, if I have to be with you, I'd rather die!'
Shinji quickly dismissed the last one, "That wasn't her, that was Lillith trying to deceive me," although Shinji's expression betrayed that he wasn't sure of that.
"It doesn't matter to me whether it was real or not, the fact remains that I let her down when she needed me the most. Because of my failure I will never be able to help her...to...to have a chance to tell her how a truly felt about her."
Shinji remained knelt at the foot of the tombstone as his legs began to grow numb.
"I can't find the strength to move on. I can't say goodbye...I can't leave...I can't be alone."
Thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind. If I stay here, then I will never have to let them go...I mean if I stay here then maybe they will come back. Yes, perhaps if I stay like this I will wake up and everything will be ok, like when I was trapped in the Eva.
"Please, please, please wake up, dammit!! Wake up this has to be a dream or something...Please...PLEASE...MOTHER !!!!"
Slowly he began to realize that he would not be waking up or emerging from the Eva. Shinji's fist began to pound the ground, slowly at first but becoming faster and harder with each stroke.
"Why Mother, why would you leave me...my greatest fear... why here alone? Rei...Rei...Kaworu, anyone please help me, HELP ME!!! I can't bare the loneliness, the guilt,...the pain." Shinji's voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't bare the pain."
"I am sorry everyone, this is all my fault...my fault. What the hell did I do?" Shinji looked down at his clenched fist. He opened it and closed it a few times with a slight twitching action. He slowly stood and shook off the numbness in his legs. Taking one last look at the 3 posts, Shinji turned and headed back to the waters edge with a determined look in his eye.
"Well, I never learned how to swim so this should be quick," Shinji told no one in particular. He took a couple of steps into the surf and turned to take one last look at the reminders on the beach.
"Please, please give me the strength for this one last act, I...I can't live if I am alone, I can't live with the guilt of my actions, the deaths of everyone I care about, the pain...I can't live without you."
Shinji turned back toward the ocean with a resolute look on this face and dove into the water. This is a lot like sitting in the entry plug, he thought, everything so calm and peaceful. It seemed like an acceptable way to die. He knew it wouldn't be long now, soon his lungs would begin to ache for air. He knew he was too much of a coward to do it any other way, but now he was committed. He probably couldn't save himself even if I wanted to, he supposed. This was such a relaxing feeling, free from sound, weight, and direction. He wished he had learned how to swim...Asuka was going to teach him... because he thought he would have enjoyed this feeling...now I know why Rei always swam, he imagined, so she could experience this release... Perhaps by doing this I will see them again..."
"But I why do I still feel like this is wrong..."
The last memory of Misato flashed in Shinji's mind, 'Running from reality... Lying to yourself?
Doing things half-assed is the worst thing you can do! So, stand up! Stand up!'
"No... Let me die. I don't want to do anything."
'Stop talking like a spoiled brat! You're still alive, aren't you? So, do all you can to keep yourself alive, and then die afterwards!'
He began to reflect on his current state, he couldn't do this and let her down. No, he had to try and live, he wanted to live. With that thought in his mind, Shinji turned around and began to struggle back toward shore. I don't know if I can make it, but I have to try! He told himself over and over. He began to panic as he could feel his lungs begin to burn. He started to fail his arms and legs in an attempt to duplicate the motion he had seen Asuka and Rei do in the pool many times.
"You have not understood, do not give up Ikari, there is still much to be done."
Shinji opened his eyes and saw Rei floating in front of him, holding out her hand.
"Take my hand, Ikari, with it you will find your answers." Shinji reached out and grabbed Rei's hand and held on as tight as he could.
Please, please give me the strength to hold on, he repeated to himself.
Shinji finally felt the ground beneath his feet as he furiously dug in to pull himself and his companion out of the water. Shinji felt his lungs burn, longing for life giving oxygen as he dragged himself toward the shore. I can make it, I can make it, I won't be alone anymore, I have to make it, he chanted internally. Shinji's head finally broke the surface and he took a giant breath. "Come on...come on...I won't let go."
Shinji furiously dragged the face down figure behind him as he wadded ashore. He dragged her up on the beach, after which Shinji fell down exhausted, too tired to move.
"Rei, we made it, we made it...Ayanami, can you hear me?" Shinji leaned over and looked at her for the first time since emerging from the water.
"No, it can't be...IT'S YOU! What happened...where's Rei, how did you end up here?"
Asuka lay motionless beneath him, still in her signature red plug suit, but he noticed her head and right arm bandaged.
"How...Why did you come back...Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA." Shinji began to shake her, "Asuka are you there, please wake up, Asuka...Asuka I need you, PLEASE WAKE UP."
Shinji clutched her head to his chest, "Please wake up, I don't want to be alone again..."
Sensing no movement from her, Shinji carefully laid her down and rolled over on his back.
More tricks from Lillith, he decided. Why must she continue to punish me? When will this nightmare end?
Shinji looked up to the heavens and observed for the first time the ring of red, which circled the planet, bisecting the moon. Although he hadn't noticed until now, he seemed to immediately know its true nature.
Is this and eternal reminder of my failure, he contemplated. Are you trapped, like myself, trapped by the force of Lillith, or are you purposely waiting, waiting before moving on, staying above me so that no matter where I am, you will always be there looking down and cursing me for failing you, all of you.
Shinji turned his head to see a ghostly image of Rei standing above the ocean of LCL.
And still you taunt me also, why Rei? he thought to himself, have I not suffered enough? When will you release me from this prison...you betrayed my wishes, you left me alone, you won't let me die...
Rei disappeared as suddenly as she appeared.
Shinji sat up and surveyed his surroundings.
And worst of all, you fill my heart with false hope, putting her image here to torture me...just like during 3rd impact, you used familiar images to trick me, to hurt me, but I won't let you do it again, Shinji decided.
Shinji climbed on top of Asuka and began to choke her.
The thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind in a flood. I won't let you betray me again, I won't let you use false images to hurt me, see what I'll do to your doll first... Shinji continued to choke her, harder and harder he clinched, the pain from the previous day's events fueling his hatred. Images swirled in his mind as Shinji recalled the images of Asuka during 3rd Impact, the pain she caused him, her rejection of him, her denial of his help. I'll destroy your doll, just like I destroyed you he cried out with his mind.
Shinji's thoughts were suddenly broken as he felt something on his face, a soft caress. In his blind fury, he had failed to notice a hand reach up to him. The images in his mind began to disappear. A new idea entered his mind, perhaps...maybe...could it really be?
Shinji snapped back to his senses, and he began to loosen his grip on her neck. He realized that touch...that was...was...her, he knew it was real, it was his Asuka, it was really her.
Shinji saw tears begin to appear on her face, falling down from his own. He began to feel the anger fueled strength leaving his body, replaced by a feeling of happiness and relief, something he hadn't felt since he arrived here. He could no longer support his own weight, and he fell on top of her. The last vestiges of control left him as he began to weep uncontrollably. If he had been looking up during this time he would have noticed a single blue eye slowly look down at him.
"I feel sick"
With that comment the redhead turned her head and began vomiting out the LCL trapped in her stomach. The weight of someone on her midsection did not help the situation and she pushed the offending party off of her and rolled over into a sitting position. A couple of dry heaves later, the feelings of nausea had faded and been replaced with the sensations of pain coursing through her body. Looking down she noticed her arm was neatly bandaged. She reached up with her left hand and carefully traced the outline of the bandages covering her left eye and continued around her head. Confident that although she was in pain, she appeared to be alive, she looked over at the sobbing figure next to her.
"Shinji?" Her only reply was the muffled cries of the boy. She moved next to him and slowly began to roll him over, "Shinji stop crying. Hey, Shinji, pull yourself together and talk to me, what happened here? Dammit, calm down and talk to me...Shinji!" A small frown appeared on Asuka's face. SLAP. Her good hand darted out and connected with its intended target. "Pull yourself together or I'll give you another one" she said while turning away.
Although she doubted she could hit him again, she knew that the threat must be real for it to have the desired effect. Judging by the sudden silence, she deemed her action a success. She quickly wiped a tear off her face as she gave him a couple of moments to compose himself before facing him. "Shinji, what happened, what happened to us?"
Shinji wiped the tears from his face, "I really don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know," she bellowed.
"Well...I mean, you know, I remember the events, but...but things just don't seem right." Shinji stood up while still staring at her.
Asuka paused for a moment and replied, "What do you mean, they don't seem right?"
"Well, I...I thought I, we wouldn't be alone here."
"Huh?"
"Kaworu, Rei, my mother, they all betrayed me." Shinji whispered, "They told me that everyone could come back, they said everything would be alright, and that I could find happiness." Shinji flexed then clenched his hand, "All lies and now I've let everyone down!"
A panicked look appeared on Asuka's face. "So were the only ones...are you sure?"
Shinji stared down and the white sand below, "Yes, I have been here for a while and I haven't seen anyone yet."
Asuka thought to herself, why only us, what went wrong? This can't be right.
Shinji's voice broke her thoughts. "I think I understand why I am here, but do you remember how you got here?"
"Well, I remember fighting the Eva Series and then I...I'm not sure what happened. I only remember waking up here, and...and you were trying to kill me!" Asuka snapped.
Shinji looked back at her and then down again and began to push the sand around with his feet, "I...I...I'm sorry, I...I...didn't...I...thought..."
"Thought what?" Asuka's voice raised another notch.
"I thought you weren't real, I'm sorry, I really...please forgive me," Shinji pleaded while still pushing the sand with his feet. He had made a good sized pile before she spoke again.
"Not real, what are you talking about?"
Shinji flattened out his sand pile with his foot before responding, "I thought you were a false image, an image created by Lillith to punish me, like the false visions of you and the others she used during the 3rd Impact."
"What false images?"
"During Third Impact Lillith used images of you, Misato and Rei to trick me...to reject Instrumentality...to chose to return and kill everybody. She made me think that the images were helping me choose, but in reality the choice was mine alone...and I blew it." Shinji persisted on staring at the ground as he spoke.
Asuka began to speak and then stopped. She carefully reviewed the words in her mind before she spoke. "Why do you think the images weren't real, I mean...um...why are you sure you made the decision alone?"
Shinji suddenly looked up and stared directly at her. "Well, you weren't really there...were you?" His words seemed to have a little life in them.
Asuka's face froze for a moment, then she turned away, "No, I think I would have remembered something like that. I know I sure wouldn't have rejected Instrumentality for a world like this." Asuka seemed to cringe a bit during that last comment, but Shinji did not notice as he had again hung his head down and was facing the sand.
"Y...You're right...I just sort of...you know...hoped that I wasn't alone in there." Shinji turned away, "So it really is all my fault."
Asuka saw his pained expression and decided to change the subject, "But you still haven't explained why you were choking me?"
"I...I guess it was the frustration of having you return, and then learning that it was yet another lie from Lillith, I was taking out my anger on what I thought was the image that caused me so much pain during Third Impact. I really didn't know it was you...I am sorry...I shouldn't have let my emotions govern my actions like that...sorry."
"Jeez, stop apologizing," Asuka shouted and feigned a frown at Shinji, "man, Third Impact hasn't changed you at all."
Shinji looked up to see the frown slowly turn into a smug smile on her face. Unwittingly he also began to smile to match hers. The tension he had been feeling began to lift with each moment.
"Apology accepted, just don't try it again." Asuka shook her good fist menacingly at him.
Shinji gave his best fearful face and shouted, "Yes, Ma'am!"
Asuka looked down at the sand and fidgeted with her plug suit and bandages. She glanced back up at him, "Hey Shinji, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, anything you want."
Asuka continued to play with her plug suit, "The image of me in Third Impact, it really caused you that much pain?"
"Well, yes...but."
She stopped and looked at him. "But what?"
Shinji thought for a moment and answered, "I...I think that I may have needed that pain...I'm not sure."
"You think I, I mean she, helped you to chose to come back, to reject Instrumentality?"
"Well the decision was ultimately mine, but I really think I might have chose to stay if not for her. Hey are you sure you don't remember anything?" Shinji's eyes again fixed on her.
"Well, let me think..." Asuka glanced around at the desolate beach. "No, I don't remember being there."
"Yah, that's what I thought. Rei told me it was the Asuka in my mind or something like that."
"The Asuka in your mind, what the hell was Wondergirl talking about?"
"She was my own image of Asuka, I mean you."
"Oh I see, I learned about that sort of stuff in Psychology class in college."
Shinji drifted off to his thoughts. He knew it wasn't her, she hated him and all but even she couldn't wish this on him. He had no one to blame here but himself. How could he be so stupid? Why her? She didn't deserve to be here. This was his choice, she shouldn't have to suffer for his mistakes. As if she didn't hate him enough before, he reflected, he'd be lucky if she didn't just walk away and leave him alone again. She'd never stay with him, not after all that he had done. He decided she'd leave the first chance she got. Shinji's hand began to flex open and shut. His thoughts were broken by the repeated calling of his name by a certain female voice.
"Hello, you in there Shinji?" Asuka can see him snap out of his trance. "What were you thinking about that could cause you to ignore me?"
"Oh...nothing really." Shinji saw a hostile look come over her so he quickly continued, "I was just trying to remember the Asuka in my mind."
"Well, you will have to tell me about the Asuka in your mind sometime, as long as it's not dirty, or are you a pervert?" Asuka said with a smile.
He was not prepared for this question. "Yes...I mean no...I mean yes I will tell you about her someday, its not perverted...unless you count that kiss and she was...naked..." Shinji stammered, trying to catch each word as it left his mouth.
"WHAT!!!, Asuka screamed, "I knew it, I'm trapped with a pervert."
Shinji stumbled, "it wasn't just you, I mean her, everyone was naked..." He chastised himself for again speaking without thinking. He silently began to wonder exactly how bad she would react. Looking over he saw the girl's face contort into a face which he could only describe as a mix of horror and embarrassment.
"Arrgh, lets just drop it for now ok. You can tell me about your hentai fantasy land later." Asuka hid her blush very well, garnering no response from Shinji.
He seemed glad for the reprieve and sighed, "Ok, but it really isn't bad."
"Now what were we talking about before your perverted dreams, oh yes, I do remember taking out the Eva Series and then the rest is...weird."
Shinji glanced over Asuka's shoulder at the statues in the LCL ocean.
"I can't be sure what to make of it..., hey, what are you looking at?" Asuka said as she turned around.
"Mein Gott, its them...NO, NO STAY AWAY FROM ME !!!!!! AHHHH !!!!!"
Asuka jumped up and backed away from the water and the petrified Eva Series standing guard just off the shore. Images flashed through her mind, sitting in the lake, the JSSDF, her mother. 'Mama... So this is where you've been? Mama! I understand now... The meaning of the AT Field. It's always protecting me! Always watching over me! Always... always together! Mama!' The memories came flooding back, the Eva Series battle, the lance, pain, no power, her Unit 02, her arm, "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you..." her stomach, the lance, Third Impact...
Shinji grabbed Asuka as she began to fall. He held her body tight, as he tried to imagine the horrible visions being replayed in her mind, but even he realized that he could never truly know what she must have went through.
"Their gone, Asuka, they can't hurt you anymore," he whispered quietly, although he doubted she could hear him.
Shinji carefully sat down with her on the sand as she began to cry. He placed her sobbing head to his chest and carefully rested his chin on the top of her head. He stared out at the Eva Series with a look of pure hatred, a look that threatened to crack the stone marvels, but yet they still stood, able to withstand his storm of fury. He tightened his embrace on Asuka as a feeling of hopelessness passed through his mind. "If I could have...No, if I would've gotten out there sooner, I could have saved her, I could've stopped all of this...I could've...I could've saved everyone. Instead I sat like the coward that I am, too afraid to go and help her. I let her down. I failed her and everyone else" he lamented.
"You could not go to help her, you could not get into Unit 01, you were trapped."
Shinji turned around and saw the familiar image of Rei.
"Why do you chose to see false images? You know the truth, but yet you continue to punish yourself." Rei extended her arms toward Shinji.
"Why are you back here, why did you bring her back here, hasn't she suffered enough, must you torture us both? She is innocent of any crimes I may have committed, you leave her out of my punishment," Shinji replied in an indignant voice.
"Ikari, you still do not understand Third Impact, you listened to the words, but did not realize their meaning. I will help guide you to that understanding."
"What understanding, you, Kaworu, my...my mother, you all lied to me. You told me things and then you betrayed me. You are no better than my father, you used me for your own ends, you and Lillith used me to destroy everyone...why...why Rei?"
"I have not lied to you, Ikari. You have not been betrayed. You have not been used."
"You used me to kill everyone, you manipulated me during Third Impact to cause this...this world where everyone is dead," Shinji bellowed.
"I do not wish for my children to die."
He paused before replying, "What...your children?"
"That is unimportant now, you are blinded by images and words, images and words which are creating fear, and this fear blocks your heart to the truth. You must have hope, Ikari..."
"Shinji..."
"Rei, wait don't go, I don't understand...Rei." The image of the blue haired girl faded away.
"Shinji..."
Why did she go, what does she mean, what images, the only things he saw were death and destruction, how can she expect him to have hope in this place, he thought.
"SHINJI..." Shinji looked down to see that Asuka had somewhat regained her composure and was looking up at him. "Who were you talking to?"
"Oh, Asuka, did you see her...did you see Rei, she was just here and..."
"I didn't see anything."
"Oh, well she was right there," Shinji said as he pointed his finger at Rei's last location.
"Shinji, we...we need to get out of here, I...I can't bare to look at those god damn things anymore." She pulled herself away from his embrace and sat up on the beach.
Shinji stood and looked down to her. "Um, are you going to be able to make it?"
"Well I don't feel that great, but I'll take the pain to get out of here."
"Here, let me help you." Shinji tried to take her hand, but instinctively she pulled it away and glared at him.
As she struggled to her feet, her face betrayed the pain she was feeling. Upon seeing this, he again offered a hand and was met with the same response, although this time he pushed the hand aside and carefully placed it over his shoulder.
"You really aren't in much of a condition to fight so I'll tell you what, I'll help you get away from those monsters and when your better, you can beat the crap out of me, OK?"
"Errrh, I really don't need your help you know." Asuka began to put more weight on Shinji's shoulders.
"I know..."
A slight smile, unseen by Shinji formed on her face, "Thanks, idiot."
"No problem at all." He was relieved that she seemed back to normal.
Asuka pointed straight ahead. "Hey Shinji, what are those?"
In front of them stood the 3 tombstones in his makeshift graveyard. "Well...I...um..."
"Isn't that Misato's cross?"
"Well, yes, she a...gave it to me...um...right before she...died."
"Oh...I understand, its alright, you don't need to tell me now, I don't think either of us needs to relive anymore memories today."
"That's probably good advice Asuka, thanks." Shinji wiped a small tear from his eye.
"Well of course it is...but someday, when your ready, you will have to tell me everything, ok. I owe her a lot."
"Yes."
They continued walking toward the posts. "Three...why three?"
"Well, I wanted to put them up for the people I cared about, so there was Misato...and um...Rei."
"Wondergirl?, even after all she has put you through," Asuka replied mockingly.
"Yes, well no matter what she has done to me, I still will always hold a special place in my heart for her..."
A frown formed on Asuka's face as she looked away. "I see."
Shinji noticed her look away, "Are you alright Asuka?"
"Yes,...um, your father?"
"My father?"
"The third tombstone, the largest one." Asuka pointed toward the largest monument.
"What?"
"The third one, the big one, its obvious that it was meant for someone who was very important to you."
"Yes, it was for the person I was...am...am going to miss the most. Someone who was very dear to me. Someone I think I respected more than anyone else. Someone that I couldn't show my true feelings toward. A person who meant more to me than all the others..."
"Doesn't sound like your father, you guys must have reconciled or something."
"Huh?, never mind, lets just keep going"
"Well, who was it."
Asuka stopped walking and stared at Shinji, "Well, were not moving until you tell me."
Shinji paused for a moment, "Your right, it was my father."
"See, I knew it. You must know by now that you can't hide things from me, Shinji. I can read you like an open book, I can tell exactly what you are thinking about, so just you remember that."
Shinji sighed to himself, "If she only knew..." They continued walking toward the dunes, away from the LCL ocean.
"I don't know why you would honor that jerk, I mean this whole mess is his fault. If I were you I'd..."
Shinji ignored Asuka's ramblings. He took one last look back and reflected, he had to keep moving forward, to learn from his mistakes. He had made a promise...goodbye, Misato.
"...I mean what was his problem, if he didn't like the world then he should have done the honorable thing and killed himself, what a jerk!"
Shinji stopped walking bringing the two of them to a sudden halt. "Asuka?"
"Yes."
"Can we not talk about my father anymore?"
"Ah...yea...sure, sorry about that Shinji."
A small grin formed on Shinji's face. "What's so funny?"
"Well, the great Asuka Sohryu Langley just apologized."
"So."
"And I thought Third Impact was the most earth shattering event I would see today." Shinji began to laugh.
Asuka stopped and observed the laughing boy for a moment. "Your sick."
Asuka raised her free hand, ready to punish the boy for his comments, but the pain in her arm convinced her that the price would be too high. "Enjoy it while you can, Third Child, but I warn you, I'm a fast healer and when I'm better, I may have to add another marker to your cemetery."
They continued on again, toward the wasteland that had once been the thriving city of Tokyo-3. Slowly they trudged, away from the beach, away from the Eva Series, away from the tombstones, and most of all away from the past. Neither of them looked back, their previous lives were over, the future was in front of them. The sun had final broken free of the horizon and began it's daily voyage across the heavens. A new day had begun, with new opportunities, new adventures, new experiences, and a new purpose. A single pair of red eyes watched as the pair struggled away.
"Physically you stand as one, yet the void known as fear still exists between your hearts, keeping them far apart. Though each heart seeks the other, they remain hidden from each other by the darkness of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of betrayal, fear of loneliness, fear of loss. These fears will continue to hold your hearts far apart, only the light of truth can cut through this darkness, to provide a beacon for the others to follow. Ikari, Sohryu, there is still much to do, much to learn...and so little time."
To be continued....
Authors Notes: This is my first fic, so it will get better as I move forward. I finally started to put this down on paper so now I have to see how it goes.
I will see this all the way through so don't worry that it will end up in the Land of Unfinished Fics. As the fic moves forward I am going to great lengths to try to avoid OOC, however I am working on the fact that since Shinji and Asuka came back to Earth, they have changed some from the series. Asuka is now able to give and receive affection and she has a reason to live now that she has faced her demons and reconciled with her mother. Shinji hasn't changed as much as her, but I think he has matured a little, in addition he is not as afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. Basically I'm saying both of them are a little less messed up then in the series, they are capable of showing emotions to one another, doesn't mean they will, but the door is open.
I am not planning this to be a straight WAFF fic, I think I have plenty of drama coming. This story is meant to be my take on how the world would continue from 3rd Impact plus 1 day.
One last word of thanks to my prereaders, 20eva, and Random1377 for finding and fixing a multitude of mistakes. Apparently the Connecticut school system never bothered to teach tense.
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE
Chapter One "A MILLION TEAR STAINED EYES"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. All proceeds generated by this fic will be distributed to them, I promise.
But... this doesn't seem right. I don't think this is right.
Those words reverberated in Shinji's mind over and over again. A small part of him wanted to laugh at the irony of it all... giving up on a world with no pain and surrounded by others for this, barren wasteland. Why had he even been allowed to make such a difficult choice? At the time he believed it to be the correct choice, and even with the evidence before him, deep down he still believed in that choice. But still, what had he come back to? Other than the sounds of the LCL soaked waves gently breaking on the white sand beach, nothing else could be heard. Shinji had been "awake" for at least a couple of hours as best he could tell.
" I...I am sorry Misato, I have let you down." In his mind he relived his final moments with Misato.
"I guess I have failed my promise to you"
Shinji took a long look at the silver cross and then carefully placed it on a nail in a wooden post he had buried into the beach.
"Now, at least you can rest, you won, the Angels are defeated...even the 18th", a slight smile formed on Shinji's face, "perhaps you are with Kaji...b...but I know I will miss you Misato."
Tears were falling on the sand in front of the makeshift tombstone. Shinji hung his head for a couple of moments, then finished hanging the cross. Shinji sighed, and willed himself to continue his task.
"One down, 2 to go, I must be strong for them," Shinji picked up another post and pushed it into the sand, next to the one with the cross. "I think they would do the same for me."
Shinji stepped back and looked down at the stake, "Rei, I...I...Even though I know the truth about you, it doesn't change the feelings I felt toward you. I will always cherish the time we were able to spend together," he paused for a moment to reflect, "the sacrifice you made for me. I am sorry I couldn't make better use of that second chance. Goodbye Ayanami."
He moved on to the last post. This post was slightly larger than the rest, and he took a long time to make sure it was perfectly aligned before he finally pushed it into its new home. He stood back and looked at it one more time. Finally satisfied, he knelt down in front of the wooden monument.
"I...I tried to make sure everything was perfect. Look, I even used a larger piece of wood." Shinji wiped some loose sand off the marker. "I'm sorry but I couldn't find any stones to use."
A steady flow of teardrops covered the sand at the foot of the monument. "I, Shinji Ikari, here and now promise that the memory of Asuka Langley Sohryu will never be forgotten. This monument will forever serve as a reminder of her skill and sacrifice, the worlds finest Eva pilot!"
Shinji waited as those words seemed to echo, although he couldn't be sure if it was all in his mind.
"I guess I will miss you most of all, Asuka...I would give anything just to hear your voice one more time." Shinji chuckled to himself as he imagined what the fiery redhead would say, 'Idiot Shinji', 'You pervert !!!', 'Mein Gott', 'Dumbkopff'.
'But, if I have to be with you, I'd rather die!'
Shinji quickly dismissed the last one, "That wasn't her, that was Lillith trying to deceive me," although Shinji's expression betrayed that he wasn't sure of that.
"It doesn't matter to me whether it was real or not, the fact remains that I let her down when she needed me the most. Because of my failure I will never be able to help her...to...to have a chance to tell her how a truly felt about her."
Shinji remained knelt at the foot of the tombstone as his legs began to grow numb.
"I can't find the strength to move on. I can't say goodbye...I can't leave...I can't be alone."
Thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind. If I stay here, then I will never have to let them go...I mean if I stay here then maybe they will come back. Yes, perhaps if I stay like this I will wake up and everything will be ok, like when I was trapped in the Eva.
"Please, please, please wake up, dammit!! Wake up this has to be a dream or something...Please...PLEASE...MOTHER !!!!"
Slowly he began to realize that he would not be waking up or emerging from the Eva. Shinji's fist began to pound the ground, slowly at first but becoming faster and harder with each stroke.
"Why Mother, why would you leave me...my greatest fear... why here alone? Rei...Rei...Kaworu, anyone please help me, HELP ME!!! I can't bare the loneliness, the guilt,...the pain." Shinji's voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't bare the pain."
"I am sorry everyone, this is all my fault...my fault. What the hell did I do?" Shinji looked down at his clenched fist. He opened it and closed it a few times with a slight twitching action. He slowly stood and shook off the numbness in his legs. Taking one last look at the 3 posts, Shinji turned and headed back to the waters edge with a determined look in his eye.
"Well, I never learned how to swim so this should be quick," Shinji told no one in particular. He took a couple of steps into the surf and turned to take one last look at the reminders on the beach.
"Please, please give me the strength for this one last act, I...I can't live if I am alone, I can't live with the guilt of my actions, the deaths of everyone I care about, the pain...I can't live without you."
Shinji turned back toward the ocean with a resolute look on this face and dove into the water. This is a lot like sitting in the entry plug, he thought, everything so calm and peaceful. It seemed like an acceptable way to die. He knew it wouldn't be long now, soon his lungs would begin to ache for air. He knew he was too much of a coward to do it any other way, but now he was committed. He probably couldn't save himself even if I wanted to, he supposed. This was such a relaxing feeling, free from sound, weight, and direction. He wished he had learned how to swim...Asuka was going to teach him... because he thought he would have enjoyed this feeling...now I know why Rei always swam, he imagined, so she could experience this release... Perhaps by doing this I will see them again..."
"But I why do I still feel like this is wrong..."
The last memory of Misato flashed in Shinji's mind, 'Running from reality... Lying to yourself?
Doing things half-assed is the worst thing you can do! So, stand up! Stand up!'
"No... Let me die. I don't want to do anything."
'Stop talking like a spoiled brat! You're still alive, aren't you? So, do all you can to keep yourself alive, and then die afterwards!'
He began to reflect on his current state, he couldn't do this and let her down. No, he had to try and live, he wanted to live. With that thought in his mind, Shinji turned around and began to struggle back toward shore. I don't know if I can make it, but I have to try! He told himself over and over. He began to panic as he could feel his lungs begin to burn. He started to fail his arms and legs in an attempt to duplicate the motion he had seen Asuka and Rei do in the pool many times.
"You have not understood, do not give up Ikari, there is still much to be done."
Shinji opened his eyes and saw Rei floating in front of him, holding out her hand.
"Take my hand, Ikari, with it you will find your answers." Shinji reached out and grabbed Rei's hand and held on as tight as he could.
Please, please give me the strength to hold on, he repeated to himself.
Shinji finally felt the ground beneath his feet as he furiously dug in to pull himself and his companion out of the water. Shinji felt his lungs burn, longing for life giving oxygen as he dragged himself toward the shore. I can make it, I can make it, I won't be alone anymore, I have to make it, he chanted internally. Shinji's head finally broke the surface and he took a giant breath. "Come on...come on...I won't let go."
Shinji furiously dragged the face down figure behind him as he wadded ashore. He dragged her up on the beach, after which Shinji fell down exhausted, too tired to move.
"Rei, we made it, we made it...Ayanami, can you hear me?" Shinji leaned over and looked at her for the first time since emerging from the water.
"No, it can't be...IT'S YOU! What happened...where's Rei, how did you end up here?"
Asuka lay motionless beneath him, still in her signature red plug suit, but he noticed her head and right arm bandaged.
"How...Why did you come back...Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA." Shinji began to shake her, "Asuka are you there, please wake up, Asuka...Asuka I need you, PLEASE WAKE UP."
Shinji clutched her head to his chest, "Please wake up, I don't want to be alone again..."
Sensing no movement from her, Shinji carefully laid her down and rolled over on his back.
More tricks from Lillith, he decided. Why must she continue to punish me? When will this nightmare end?
Shinji looked up to the heavens and observed for the first time the ring of red, which circled the planet, bisecting the moon. Although he hadn't noticed until now, he seemed to immediately know its true nature.
Is this and eternal reminder of my failure, he contemplated. Are you trapped, like myself, trapped by the force of Lillith, or are you purposely waiting, waiting before moving on, staying above me so that no matter where I am, you will always be there looking down and cursing me for failing you, all of you.
Shinji turned his head to see a ghostly image of Rei standing above the ocean of LCL.
And still you taunt me also, why Rei? he thought to himself, have I not suffered enough? When will you release me from this prison...you betrayed my wishes, you left me alone, you won't let me die...
Rei disappeared as suddenly as she appeared.
Shinji sat up and surveyed his surroundings.
And worst of all, you fill my heart with false hope, putting her image here to torture me...just like during 3rd impact, you used familiar images to trick me, to hurt me, but I won't let you do it again, Shinji decided.
Shinji climbed on top of Asuka and began to choke her.
The thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind in a flood. I won't let you betray me again, I won't let you use false images to hurt me, see what I'll do to your doll first... Shinji continued to choke her, harder and harder he clinched, the pain from the previous day's events fueling his hatred. Images swirled in his mind as Shinji recalled the images of Asuka during 3rd Impact, the pain she caused him, her rejection of him, her denial of his help. I'll destroy your doll, just like I destroyed you he cried out with his mind.
Shinji's thoughts were suddenly broken as he felt something on his face, a soft caress. In his blind fury, he had failed to notice a hand reach up to him. The images in his mind began to disappear. A new idea entered his mind, perhaps...maybe...could it really be?
Shinji snapped back to his senses, and he began to loosen his grip on her neck. He realized that touch...that was...was...her, he knew it was real, it was his Asuka, it was really her.
Shinji saw tears begin to appear on her face, falling down from his own. He began to feel the anger fueled strength leaving his body, replaced by a feeling of happiness and relief, something he hadn't felt since he arrived here. He could no longer support his own weight, and he fell on top of her. The last vestiges of control left him as he began to weep uncontrollably. If he had been looking up during this time he would have noticed a single blue eye slowly look down at him.
"I feel sick"
With that comment the redhead turned her head and began vomiting out the LCL trapped in her stomach. The weight of someone on her midsection did not help the situation and she pushed the offending party off of her and rolled over into a sitting position. A couple of dry heaves later, the feelings of nausea had faded and been replaced with the sensations of pain coursing through her body. Looking down she noticed her arm was neatly bandaged. She reached up with her left hand and carefully traced the outline of the bandages covering her left eye and continued around her head. Confident that although she was in pain, she appeared to be alive, she looked over at the sobbing figure next to her.
"Shinji?" Her only reply was the muffled cries of the boy. She moved next to him and slowly began to roll him over, "Shinji stop crying. Hey, Shinji, pull yourself together and talk to me, what happened here? Dammit, calm down and talk to me...Shinji!" A small frown appeared on Asuka's face. SLAP. Her good hand darted out and connected with its intended target. "Pull yourself together or I'll give you another one" she said while turning away.
Although she doubted she could hit him again, she knew that the threat must be real for it to have the desired effect. Judging by the sudden silence, she deemed her action a success. She quickly wiped a tear off her face as she gave him a couple of moments to compose himself before facing him. "Shinji, what happened, what happened to us?"
Shinji wiped the tears from his face, "I really don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know," she bellowed.
"Well...I mean, you know, I remember the events, but...but things just don't seem right." Shinji stood up while still staring at her.
Asuka paused for a moment and replied, "What do you mean, they don't seem right?"
"Well, I...I thought I, we wouldn't be alone here."
"Huh?"
"Kaworu, Rei, my mother, they all betrayed me." Shinji whispered, "They told me that everyone could come back, they said everything would be alright, and that I could find happiness." Shinji flexed then clenched his hand, "All lies and now I've let everyone down!"
A panicked look appeared on Asuka's face. "So were the only ones...are you sure?"
Shinji stared down and the white sand below, "Yes, I have been here for a while and I haven't seen anyone yet."
Asuka thought to herself, why only us, what went wrong? This can't be right.
Shinji's voice broke her thoughts. "I think I understand why I am here, but do you remember how you got here?"
"Well, I remember fighting the Eva Series and then I...I'm not sure what happened. I only remember waking up here, and...and you were trying to kill me!" Asuka snapped.
Shinji looked back at her and then down again and began to push the sand around with his feet, "I...I...I'm sorry, I...I...didn't...I...thought..."
"Thought what?" Asuka's voice raised another notch.
"I thought you weren't real, I'm sorry, I really...please forgive me," Shinji pleaded while still pushing the sand with his feet. He had made a good sized pile before she spoke again.
"Not real, what are you talking about?"
Shinji flattened out his sand pile with his foot before responding, "I thought you were a false image, an image created by Lillith to punish me, like the false visions of you and the others she used during the 3rd Impact."
"What false images?"
"During Third Impact Lillith used images of you, Misato and Rei to trick me...to reject Instrumentality...to chose to return and kill everybody. She made me think that the images were helping me choose, but in reality the choice was mine alone...and I blew it." Shinji persisted on staring at the ground as he spoke.
Asuka began to speak and then stopped. She carefully reviewed the words in her mind before she spoke. "Why do you think the images weren't real, I mean...um...why are you sure you made the decision alone?"
Shinji suddenly looked up and stared directly at her. "Well, you weren't really there...were you?" His words seemed to have a little life in them.
Asuka's face froze for a moment, then she turned away, "No, I think I would have remembered something like that. I know I sure wouldn't have rejected Instrumentality for a world like this." Asuka seemed to cringe a bit during that last comment, but Shinji did not notice as he had again hung his head down and was facing the sand.
"Y...You're right...I just sort of...you know...hoped that I wasn't alone in there." Shinji turned away, "So it really is all my fault."
Asuka saw his pained expression and decided to change the subject, "But you still haven't explained why you were choking me?"
"I...I guess it was the frustration of having you return, and then learning that it was yet another lie from Lillith, I was taking out my anger on what I thought was the image that caused me so much pain during Third Impact. I really didn't know it was you...I am sorry...I shouldn't have let my emotions govern my actions like that...sorry."
"Jeez, stop apologizing," Asuka shouted and feigned a frown at Shinji, "man, Third Impact hasn't changed you at all."
Shinji looked up to see the frown slowly turn into a smug smile on her face. Unwittingly he also began to smile to match hers. The tension he had been feeling began to lift with each moment.
"Apology accepted, just don't try it again." Asuka shook her good fist menacingly at him.
Shinji gave his best fearful face and shouted, "Yes, Ma'am!"
Asuka looked down at the sand and fidgeted with her plug suit and bandages. She glanced back up at him, "Hey Shinji, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, anything you want."
Asuka continued to play with her plug suit, "The image of me in Third Impact, it really caused you that much pain?"
"Well, yes...but."
She stopped and looked at him. "But what?"
Shinji thought for a moment and answered, "I...I think that I may have needed that pain...I'm not sure."
"You think I, I mean she, helped you to chose to come back, to reject Instrumentality?"
"Well the decision was ultimately mine, but I really think I might have chose to stay if not for her. Hey are you sure you don't remember anything?" Shinji's eyes again fixed on her.
"Well, let me think..." Asuka glanced around at the desolate beach. "No, I don't remember being there."
"Yah, that's what I thought. Rei told me it was the Asuka in my mind or something like that."
"The Asuka in your mind, what the hell was Wondergirl talking about?"
"She was my own image of Asuka, I mean you."
"Oh I see, I learned about that sort of stuff in Psychology class in college."
Shinji drifted off to his thoughts. He knew it wasn't her, she hated him and all but even she couldn't wish this on him. He had no one to blame here but himself. How could he be so stupid? Why her? She didn't deserve to be here. This was his choice, she shouldn't have to suffer for his mistakes. As if she didn't hate him enough before, he reflected, he'd be lucky if she didn't just walk away and leave him alone again. She'd never stay with him, not after all that he had done. He decided she'd leave the first chance she got. Shinji's hand began to flex open and shut. His thoughts were broken by the repeated calling of his name by a certain female voice.
"Hello, you in there Shinji?" Asuka can see him snap out of his trance. "What were you thinking about that could cause you to ignore me?"
"Oh...nothing really." Shinji saw a hostile look come over her so he quickly continued, "I was just trying to remember the Asuka in my mind."
"Well, you will have to tell me about the Asuka in your mind sometime, as long as it's not dirty, or are you a pervert?" Asuka said with a smile.
He was not prepared for this question. "Yes...I mean no...I mean yes I will tell you about her someday, its not perverted...unless you count that kiss and she was...naked..." Shinji stammered, trying to catch each word as it left his mouth.
"WHAT!!!, Asuka screamed, "I knew it, I'm trapped with a pervert."
Shinji stumbled, "it wasn't just you, I mean her, everyone was naked..." He chastised himself for again speaking without thinking. He silently began to wonder exactly how bad she would react. Looking over he saw the girl's face contort into a face which he could only describe as a mix of horror and embarrassment.
"Arrgh, lets just drop it for now ok. You can tell me about your hentai fantasy land later." Asuka hid her blush very well, garnering no response from Shinji.
He seemed glad for the reprieve and sighed, "Ok, but it really isn't bad."
"Now what were we talking about before your perverted dreams, oh yes, I do remember taking out the Eva Series and then the rest is...weird."
Shinji glanced over Asuka's shoulder at the statues in the LCL ocean.
"I can't be sure what to make of it..., hey, what are you looking at?" Asuka said as she turned around.
"Mein Gott, its them...NO, NO STAY AWAY FROM ME !!!!!! AHHHH !!!!!"
Asuka jumped up and backed away from the water and the petrified Eva Series standing guard just off the shore. Images flashed through her mind, sitting in the lake, the JSSDF, her mother. 'Mama... So this is where you've been? Mama! I understand now... The meaning of the AT Field. It's always protecting me! Always watching over me! Always... always together! Mama!' The memories came flooding back, the Eva Series battle, the lance, pain, no power, her Unit 02, her arm, "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you..." her stomach, the lance, Third Impact...
Shinji grabbed Asuka as she began to fall. He held her body tight, as he tried to imagine the horrible visions being replayed in her mind, but even he realized that he could never truly know what she must have went through.
"Their gone, Asuka, they can't hurt you anymore," he whispered quietly, although he doubted she could hear him.
Shinji carefully sat down with her on the sand as she began to cry. He placed her sobbing head to his chest and carefully rested his chin on the top of her head. He stared out at the Eva Series with a look of pure hatred, a look that threatened to crack the stone marvels, but yet they still stood, able to withstand his storm of fury. He tightened his embrace on Asuka as a feeling of hopelessness passed through his mind. "If I could have...No, if I would've gotten out there sooner, I could have saved her, I could've stopped all of this...I could've...I could've saved everyone. Instead I sat like the coward that I am, too afraid to go and help her. I let her down. I failed her and everyone else" he lamented.
"You could not go to help her, you could not get into Unit 01, you were trapped."
Shinji turned around and saw the familiar image of Rei.
"Why do you chose to see false images? You know the truth, but yet you continue to punish yourself." Rei extended her arms toward Shinji.
"Why are you back here, why did you bring her back here, hasn't she suffered enough, must you torture us both? She is innocent of any crimes I may have committed, you leave her out of my punishment," Shinji replied in an indignant voice.
"Ikari, you still do not understand Third Impact, you listened to the words, but did not realize their meaning. I will help guide you to that understanding."
"What understanding, you, Kaworu, my...my mother, you all lied to me. You told me things and then you betrayed me. You are no better than my father, you used me for your own ends, you and Lillith used me to destroy everyone...why...why Rei?"
"I have not lied to you, Ikari. You have not been betrayed. You have not been used."
"You used me to kill everyone, you manipulated me during Third Impact to cause this...this world where everyone is dead," Shinji bellowed.
"I do not wish for my children to die."
He paused before replying, "What...your children?"
"That is unimportant now, you are blinded by images and words, images and words which are creating fear, and this fear blocks your heart to the truth. You must have hope, Ikari..."
"Shinji..."
"Rei, wait don't go, I don't understand...Rei." The image of the blue haired girl faded away.
"Shinji..."
Why did she go, what does she mean, what images, the only things he saw were death and destruction, how can she expect him to have hope in this place, he thought.
"SHINJI..." Shinji looked down to see that Asuka had somewhat regained her composure and was looking up at him. "Who were you talking to?"
"Oh, Asuka, did you see her...did you see Rei, she was just here and..."
"I didn't see anything."
"Oh, well she was right there," Shinji said as he pointed his finger at Rei's last location.
"Shinji, we...we need to get out of here, I...I can't bare to look at those god damn things anymore." She pulled herself away from his embrace and sat up on the beach.
Shinji stood and looked down to her. "Um, are you going to be able to make it?"
"Well I don't feel that great, but I'll take the pain to get out of here."
"Here, let me help you." Shinji tried to take her hand, but instinctively she pulled it away and glared at him.
As she struggled to her feet, her face betrayed the pain she was feeling. Upon seeing this, he again offered a hand and was met with the same response, although this time he pushed the hand aside and carefully placed it over his shoulder.
"You really aren't in much of a condition to fight so I'll tell you what, I'll help you get away from those monsters and when your better, you can beat the crap out of me, OK?"
"Errrh, I really don't need your help you know." Asuka began to put more weight on Shinji's shoulders.
"I know..."
A slight smile, unseen by Shinji formed on her face, "Thanks, idiot."
"No problem at all." He was relieved that she seemed back to normal.
Asuka pointed straight ahead. "Hey Shinji, what are those?"
In front of them stood the 3 tombstones in his makeshift graveyard. "Well...I...um..."
"Isn't that Misato's cross?"
"Well, yes, she a...gave it to me...um...right before she...died."
"Oh...I understand, its alright, you don't need to tell me now, I don't think either of us needs to relive anymore memories today."
"That's probably good advice Asuka, thanks." Shinji wiped a small tear from his eye.
"Well of course it is...but someday, when your ready, you will have to tell me everything, ok. I owe her a lot."
"Yes."
They continued walking toward the posts. "Three...why three?"
"Well, I wanted to put them up for the people I cared about, so there was Misato...and um...Rei."
"Wondergirl?, even after all she has put you through," Asuka replied mockingly.
"Yes, well no matter what she has done to me, I still will always hold a special place in my heart for her..."
A frown formed on Asuka's face as she looked away. "I see."
Shinji noticed her look away, "Are you alright Asuka?"
"Yes,...um, your father?"
"My father?"
"The third tombstone, the largest one." Asuka pointed toward the largest monument.
"What?"
"The third one, the big one, its obvious that it was meant for someone who was very important to you."
"Yes, it was for the person I was...am...am going to miss the most. Someone who was very dear to me. Someone I think I respected more than anyone else. Someone that I couldn't show my true feelings toward. A person who meant more to me than all the others..."
"Doesn't sound like your father, you guys must have reconciled or something."
"Huh?, never mind, lets just keep going"
"Well, who was it."
Asuka stopped walking and stared at Shinji, "Well, were not moving until you tell me."
Shinji paused for a moment, "Your right, it was my father."
"See, I knew it. You must know by now that you can't hide things from me, Shinji. I can read you like an open book, I can tell exactly what you are thinking about, so just you remember that."
Shinji sighed to himself, "If she only knew..." They continued walking toward the dunes, away from the LCL ocean.
"I don't know why you would honor that jerk, I mean this whole mess is his fault. If I were you I'd..."
Shinji ignored Asuka's ramblings. He took one last look back and reflected, he had to keep moving forward, to learn from his mistakes. He had made a promise...goodbye, Misato.
"...I mean what was his problem, if he didn't like the world then he should have done the honorable thing and killed himself, what a jerk!"
Shinji stopped walking bringing the two of them to a sudden halt. "Asuka?"
"Yes."
"Can we not talk about my father anymore?"
"Ah...yea...sure, sorry about that Shinji."
A small grin formed on Shinji's face. "What's so funny?"
"Well, the great Asuka Sohryu Langley just apologized."
"So."
"And I thought Third Impact was the most earth shattering event I would see today." Shinji began to laugh.
Asuka stopped and observed the laughing boy for a moment. "Your sick."
Asuka raised her free hand, ready to punish the boy for his comments, but the pain in her arm convinced her that the price would be too high. "Enjoy it while you can, Third Child, but I warn you, I'm a fast healer and when I'm better, I may have to add another marker to your cemetery."
They continued on again, toward the wasteland that had once been the thriving city of Tokyo-3. Slowly they trudged, away from the beach, away from the Eva Series, away from the tombstones, and most of all away from the past. Neither of them looked back, their previous lives were over, the future was in front of them. The sun had final broken free of the horizon and began it's daily voyage across the heavens. A new day had begun, with new opportunities, new adventures, new experiences, and a new purpose. A single pair of red eyes watched as the pair struggled away.
"Physically you stand as one, yet the void known as fear still exists between your hearts, keeping them far apart. Though each heart seeks the other, they remain hidden from each other by the darkness of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of betrayal, fear of loneliness, fear of loss. These fears will continue to hold your hearts far apart, only the light of truth can cut through this darkness, to provide a beacon for the others to follow. Ikari, Sohryu, there is still much to do, much to learn...and so little time."
To be continued....
Authors Notes: This is my first fic, so it will get better as I move forward. I finally started to put this down on paper so now I have to see how it goes.
I will see this all the way through so don't worry that it will end up in the Land of Unfinished Fics. As the fic moves forward I am going to great lengths to try to avoid OOC, however I am working on the fact that since Shinji and Asuka came back to Earth, they have changed some from the series. Asuka is now able to give and receive affection and she has a reason to live now that she has faced her demons and reconciled with her mother. Shinji hasn't changed as much as her, but I think he has matured a little, in addition he is not as afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. Basically I'm saying both of them are a little less messed up then in the series, they are capable of showing emotions to one another, doesn't mean they will, but the door is open.
I am not planning this to be a straight WAFF fic, I think I have plenty of drama coming. This story is meant to be my take on how the world would continue from 3rd Impact plus 1 day.
One last word of thanks to my prereaders, 20eva, and Random1377 for finding and fixing a multitude of mistakes. Apparently the Connecticut school system never bothered to teach tense.
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.