The First Move
By pmochizuki
Author's Note: Ok, I'm a huge fan of Firefly and have become a complete fan of the pairing of Jayne and River. Come on, admit it; isn't it just too adorable? So, after reading some excellent stories on the cute pair, I decided to write a one-shot of my own. This is for all of you who love this couple! Enjoy the fluff!
Jayne wasn't the perfect man, the perfect mate, the perfect counterpart I had ever or probably ever would have imagined for myself. The hours I could spend analyzing, categorizing, and criticizing each and every one of his flaws, whether they be on his corrupt morals, coarse mannerisms, and crude behaviors, would send any proper girl running from his sight.
I wasn't proper, and I certainly wasn't just any normal girl.
Yes, I could tear his character to shreds but what would be left when you took it all away, what would stay true, made me forget his manners and focus on what made him so magnetic to me.
For one thing, he trusts me.
He would never say it in words but it was more than evident to me when he had given me one of his side arms. The two of us along with Mal had been cornered on a small Outer Rim planet by pirates wishing to lay a hold on our goods. During a brief moment of hand to hand combat, I had lost my gun and as I crouched next to the large mercenary, without a word he pulled out one of his many extra guns and without a glance shoved it into my hands. I didn't say anything, it was not a time for words. I emptied the clip, each bullet finding its target. Afterwards, safely back on Serenity, I tried to return the gun but he merely shook his head and walked away, muttering something about 'the girl had better not lose it.'
He respects me.
Our ship was being tailed by a mercenary group intent on capturing and killing Captain-Daddy; it seemed that the mercenary leader and Mal had a nasty history together, which was nothing that surprised me. I piloted the firefly through a series of narrow canyons, in the end leading and tricking the other incompetent pilot straight into a wall of sheer rock. The blast had been an awesome sight to behold; but it had been nothing compared to the look in Jayne's eyes as he gave me a small smile, more like a smirk, then nod his head slightly towards me. I knew that the gesture was the highest form of respect a man like him would give to someone like me.
He knows I'm no longer a little girl.
Try as he might want to hide it, I knew that the way he looked at me sometimes was unlike a look I would have received from Mal, Simon, or Wash and Book had they still been alive. Sure everyone knows what I'm capable of and trust me on jobs and to fly the ship. Yet their conversations with me were like to a young girl, not quite mature enough to speak with her elders. But try as he might to hide it, I know by the way Jayne looks at me that I'm not a little girl. A stray look, a sudden turn of the head so I can't meet his eyes… but I knew.
I know my mathematics. I did since I was two years old. I could do the math right now and it all added up to one thing.
Jayne likes me.
And without a doubt I love him.
I could not rationalize it, I could not put it into a workable theory or hypothesis, the variables were by no means dependable. It was just a simple truth.
How could a rational person, a person dependent on facts, figures, and science, explain my eyes forever seeking out the large man? The flush of heat at the back of my neck whenever our eyes meet even for a millisecond? The irregular skipping of a heartbeat whenever my hand will brush his at the dinner table?
Love wasn't rational. Love was truth. It was the perfecting of something. And I would be perfect when he returns the same feelings I have for him.
Of course my skills and instincts were perfectly honed, my knowledge a perfect encyclopedia of all known data. But with Jayne I would for the first time feel perfect.
However, the situation was complex. Jayne was not… the sharpest mind on the ship outside of myself but he wasn't stupid. Each and every one of the crew members were over protective of me, in a very real stifling sense. Last time when we were on port at a local bar, Mal and Simon almost killed the poor young man who had dared have the courage to ask me for a dance.
I had wanted to dance; I love to dance. How I would love to find out if Jayne could dance. Or make him jealous of me dancing with some other man…
But the fact was, if Mal and Simon disapproved of strangers even remotely interested in me, how would they react to someone they know, someone like Jayne?
Like I said, Jayne wasn't stupid. He would never say a word to me, never look at me out of hand, never touch me. He knew that everyone else would never think him right for me. And that made me want him even more. Who could resist the irresistible? I was still human. And I loved him all the more in his silly decision that I was hands off from him.
This has been going on long enough; his trying to ignore me and my not doing something about it. I had overheard Inara and Kaylee talking, about how it was the most romantic thing in the 'verse when the man made the first move, when the man was the first one to make that step in a relationship.
I thought it was foolish, especially since Inara would probably have to wait forever for Mal to actually admit his feelings for her. Kaylee and Simon were together now but how long had it taken for my idiotic but adorable brother to finally say, with words, that he liked Kaylee and wanted to be with her?
There was already something between Jayne and me, indescribable but real, and it would be the most sensible thing to have it out in the open. So I planned and schemed until I came up with the perfect way for Jayne to finally make the first move. Or technically was I making the first move just by planning for him to make the first move?
In either case, it was a foolproof plan. How could it be otherwise since I was going to play with Jayne's ego and temper…
"I think that the real reason you never kiss them on the mouth is because you don't really know how to."
My words created just the right effect I had planned to get from the mercenary. Jayne almost dropped the knife he had been cleaning as he stared at me in shock. I tried not to smile as he opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to actually form words. Gruff as he may be, that utterly confused look was just too adorable.
"How, where, did you hear… I mean…" Jayne stuttered as he glanced around the dining room area, looking to see if anyone else had heard what I had said. But of course, I had made sure that we would be alone at least for the next couple of minutes as I finally was able to put my plan to action.
"I think your reason that you would get 'the goodnight kiss' is just an excuse to hide the truth; that you're not a good kisser," I said in a bored tone as I pretended to put some left out dishes away. He would never know just how much I was tuning into his movements, his very breathing. I was weighing his every single reaction through only which I could calculate what my next move would be.
Just as I predicated, he was now so annoyed by what I was saying that he was forgetting to try ignoring me. "That's just a load of go se," he growled, glaring at me with narrowed eyes. "You sure ain't one to be talkin' about such things."
"Why not?" I asked in all innocence, cocking my head at him. "I am merely stating a conclusion I have come to about – "
"Well, you got your conclusion all wrong," Jayne said, pointing his knife at me menacingly. "And don't you go spreadin' lies bout me."
"So you mean to say you never kiss them on the mouth… just because you had a bad experience?"
Jayne slapped his knife down. "No ruttin' way was I stupid enough to do what Mal did! Let me clarify myself for your probing little smart-ass mind. I don't kiss… girls I don't KNOW, on the mouth! Dong ma?"
I inwardly smiled. He was making this all too easy. "Then what about girls you do know?"
He threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "I don't need to explain anythin' to you."
"Why?"
Caught off guard, Jayne gnashed his teeth before biting out, "Cause what does a little girl like you know bout kissin' in the first place?" Try as he might, I could see the obvious interest and curiosity in his eyes over how I was going to answer that. Wonder what else I would read in his eyes if I told him bluntly that what I didn't know about kissing, I would gladly learn from him…
Instead, I just shrugged. "I am not completely uninformed on the subject," I said nonchalantly.
Pursing his lips annoyance, Jayne obviously was dissatisfied with my answer. However, I spoke before he could question me any further. "Besides, we were talking about you," I pointed out, slowly walking towards the table. "Your getting so defensive is a sure give away."
As I got closer to him at the table, he leaned back in his chair all the while staring at me with suspicion. Finally I was standing, right next to him so that he had to tilt his head back slightly to meet my eyes. The silence was almost deafening as I smirked down at him.
"You have no idea what you're saying, little girl," Jayne said in almost a growl, his eyes blazing defiance. "Now leave me and my reasons alone."
His words startled me. I had assumed that Jayne, being Jayne, just didn't kiss girls on the mouth as a simple rule that he didn't go to girls simply for 'romantic notions.' Then there were the types of girls he was with, girls who would more often than not take advantage of men with the good-night kiss.
But looking into Jayne's face right now, I felt a little ashamed by my probing words. He clearly was uncomfortable by the topic, and for some other reasons than what I could come up with. And I knew just how important it was for some people to keep things to themselves. Just as I kept secrets; just as why I kept things quiet from even my brother.
He must have noticed the shift in my mood as he now narrowed his eyes in concern. "What's the matter?"
As soon as I saw Jayne's worry for him, his sensitivity over what I was feeling, I knew there was no way I was going another day without his knowing how much I cared for him; how much I cared that he cared.
I raised an eyebrow in slight condescension. "Nothing is the matter. There's just no point in continuing this conversation, is there? We can talk in circles all we want, but it is a clear 'he says she says' situation." I leaned down so that we were mere inches apart and tried to dismiss the speeding up of my heartbeat and the sudden dryness in my throat. "Words are nothing."
This was it; the perfect opening, the perfect moment. Jayne was not going to be able to hold himself back anymore and would sweep me off my feet to show just how good of a kisser he was.
But…
Nothing.
Jayne just stared back at me, his expression a blank slate except for a twitch in his jaw.
I had failed. And quite miserably if the feeling of severe disappointment in my being was any indication. He was never going to take the hint. He and I were never meant to be, not unless he made the first move. Oh, I knew I could make the first move. But it wouldn't be the same and I knew for their ever to be a 'Jayne and River,' he was going to have to decide if it was something he wanted just as much as I wanted it.
So I backed away slowly, my eyes no longer able to meet his. I turned away, ready to flee for my room and the sanctity of my bed where tears could be dried, sobs could be muffled, heartache hidden from prying eyes.
Then I felt a hand grab around my upper arm, and with a strong jerk twirled me back around so I was once more facing Jayne, except that I was made to bend forward. Another hand found a place at the back of my neck and before I could comprehend his actions, my face was pulled towards his awaiting lips.
The instant our lips connected, an initially bumpy connection from the force of his bringing my face down to him, my eyes closed on their own. I was simply unable to fathom the incredible sensation of such firm yet pliable lips on my own. The hand on my arm had relaxed to slightly rub up and down my arm, strangely in synch with the kiss.
How had I lived so long without his kisses to keep me feeling so alive?
Yet before I had a chance to make any sort of reaction, the kiss was too soon over as he non too gently pushed me away. My eyes snapped open to meet his blue ones which were looking at me with a light I had never seen before. A look of such intensity that he seemed almost unreal.
Seeming to realize just how much was being revealed in his eyes, Jayne looked down and released his hold on me as if I were made of fire. "Umm… well…" he muttered, shifting in his chair with obvious discomfort.
As for me, I was still in a daze, still trying to take in the most intimate of physical acts I had ever experienced. No, not just physical. It was so much more than that.
And I so desperately wanted more.
If I were to get more, I knew I had to shake out of my daze and try to clear my head. I composed my face as if I were completely unfazed from the kiss. If only he knew just what he had awakened within me…
"Well, did that lay to rest your little kuang ren idea about my kissing abilities?" Jayne said defiantly, having finally found his voice and confidence. "Now… get out of here and leave me alone."
There was a moment of silence while I worked to gain control of my voice so that I could put an inflection of complete boredom. "Well, that was quite an average kiss, better than I had expected from you."
This time I had most definitely and utterly completely flabbergasted him. Jayne's jaw dropped before he exclaimed, "What!"
"I said – "
"I heard what you said!" Jayne jabbed a finger at me, his voice expressing that his feelings towards me at the moment had gone quite beyond simple annoyance. "You tellin' me that that was just an average kiss!"
"Precisely. You don't expect me to actually say that the kiss was better than average, even a 'good' kiss, could you?"
"But – "
"Words are just what they are: words."
Jayne growled. "Then how's this for words." Twice in less than five minutes, Jayne caught me off guard. But instead of just grabbing me to bring me closer to him, this time he pulled me down completely onto his lap. I had barely landed square into his lap, my legs quite above the ground and unable to help keep any sort of balance, before his lips were on mine for the second time in less than five minutes.
This time his kiss was with more wild abandon, the arm around my waist bringing me close to his solid chest. His other hand was once more behind my neck, tilting and angling my head so that he was in complete control of the kiss. Urging, passionate, demanding… and soon I was eagerly meeting each feeling with force of my own.
I could not stop my arms from going around his neck, bringing our bodies even closer. Our lips continued their wild dance of tasting and being tasted, giving and taking, pressing and yielding. The glorious sensation spread down to my very toes so not only was I completely aware and in tune with Jayne, I was actually a part of him and him of me.
In the back of my mind, I knew that I had found the completion of who I was.
Suddenly, the moment came to a jerking, halting stop as Jayne froze, causing a rippling effect in which I, too, couldn't help but freeze. He pulled away and I opened my eyes to see the horrified look on his face. As if just realizing what he had been doing.
"Oh, no…" he whispered and I saw his eyes dart around. I felt the arm around my waist, the hand splayed against my side, stiffen and become almost foreign to the previous warmth it had given me.
Like I said, once I had tasted Jayne's kiss, there was no turning back. He had made the first move and I was never going to let him take it back.
Just as I felt him try to disentangle himself from me, I moved my arms from around his neck then placing my hands on either side of his face, kissed him.
This time he was the one caught completely unawares, lips slack yet pliable as I took control. I was smart and prided myself in being a quick learner; and with such a good teacher, kissing Jayne was fast becoming deliciously familiar. Familiar though at the same time completely new, undeniably exciting, and very, very addictive.
I soon could tell that the kiss, though enjoyable as it was, was strangely having no affect on Jayne. Worried, I pulled away, looking deep into his eyes. He still had a shocked look on his face as I saw the gears working slowly in his mind. Our breaths mingled together as we tried to catch our breaths, his breath teasing my still tingling lips.
"What's the matter," I whispered, wanting him to answer yet still afraid.
"You… you kissed me," he said, his voice showing just how stunned he was.
I couldn't help but smile. "From what I know of the definitions of kisses… yes, that was a kiss."
Jayne furrowed his eyebrows, still trying to figure it out. Feeling nervous at his strange behavior, I bit my lip. He had to make the connection… he had to realize that I was giving myself to him. That I accepted him, that I wanted him to accept me.
"Earlier, not the first time mind you, but the second time we… kissed," Jayne said slowly, putting the pieces together, "you were kissing me back."
"Correct."
The dawning on his face was a sight to behold. Never had I seen anything register so completely in Jayne's face before. Slowly a smile formed on his lips, ones which I had the personal experience of knowing were perfectly kissable. "You wanted to kiss me. All along."
I nodded.
"And you liked the kissing."
I nodded once more. At least he seemed to be getting it…
"And… you didn't mind that it was… ya know, me that was doing the kissing."
This time instead of a simple nod, I gave him a quick kiss; short but still enough to emphasize my next words. "I especially didn't mind that you were doing the kissing."
Jayne's whole face seemed to light up before taking on a smirk. "So you lied when you said that the first kiss was… what's the word you used? Average?"
I blushed. "Hardly."
The smirk was definitely getting haughty now. "Say it. I'm a good kisser."
"Nope, won't say you're a good kisser."
There was mock disbelief in his blue eyes before I leaned forward to whisper teasingly against his lips. "You're a fabulous kisser."
If he were a cat he would have started purring at my words. Jayne soon joined into the game as he whispered back, making sure his lips rubbed against mine yet never quite sealing our lips in a kiss. "You're not so bad yourself."
I was like one under hypnosis, put under by his charms and spells. When had Jayne been the type of person to charm anyone, to cast a spell of being too, too irresistible? My eyes fluttered closed as his hand moved up to trace my jaw line; down to play with the curve of my chin then back up to right under my ear. Just when had I become so sensitive right there where his touch barely brushed against my skin?
My hands on their own volition began to touch and explore Jayne's face, along the planes of his cheek, the stubble of his beard, the firmness of his jaw. So decidedly masculine and so very much Jayne.
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to kiss me?" I asked him.
"Probably as long as I've been waitin' to kiss ya myself," he answered in all seriousness.
We still were not kissing yet, just silently exploring each others faces in unspoken unison. Yet soon, and I didn't know who was the first to initiate it, but the closeness of our lips barely touching was soon not enough.
This next kiss was no more than a caress; so soft that I wondered at this side of Jayne whose lips moved against mine with such gentle and smooth ministrations. And just how many kinds of a kiss were there?
True to my nature, I intended to find out every single one of them. With pleasure.
Things were becoming mighty interesting when Jayne's hand at the back of my neck, playing with my hair, began fingering its way down my neck when we were rudely interrupted by a loud, and not very happy sounding, voice.
"What in Buddah's name is goin' on here!"
Jayne and I simultaneously broke apart to stare at our intruder. Or more like intruders…
I furrowed my eyebrows. I had not calculated the possibility of every single one of our crew mates walking into the dining room all at once. I met their eyes one by one, gauging their reactions and smiling to know that they were each reacting exactly as I had imagined so. Mal was fuming as would Simon be after he got over his stupor. Even now my somewhat at times 'slow' brother was openly gaping, the sight of Jayne and me kissing still not having sunk in. Zoe was stoic as usual though I saw that the corners of her mouth were slightly pulled upwards. Trust her to be quite rational about the whole matter and still have a little fun with it. I approved of the influence Wash had had on her to be able to do so.
As for Kaylee and Inara were openly smiling, Kaylee almost melting with the 'romantic-ness' of it all no doubt. When Kaylee and I met eyes, she gave me a thumbs up sign though her movement caught Mal's attention who's glare made her nonchalantly look away unfazed.
Of course, the most important reaction of all was Jayne's and I turned slowly to face him. I was not worried about whether he returned my feelings or not for the past few minutes had been enough of an indication. Yet… there was a blank look in his eyes as he was meeting the others looks though by the clenching of his jaw I knew that he was thinking hard and fast.
Would he stand up for his feelings for me, regardless to what the others would say? Would their reactions convince him somehow that we shouldn't be together?
Well, I wasn't going to put up with any such go se.
Before Mal could ask his question once more, I very purposely put my arms around Jayne and rested my forehead against his temple. "If it wasn't as clear as I'd rather think it was, Jayne and I were kissing. That was what was going on."
My manner of speech, my very bodily posture, was a clear defiant statement: that I had no qualms with kissing Jayne and nobody else had better have, too. They all seemed to get this, especially Mal whose anger at the antics of his two crewmates turned to surprise at my direct words.
Simon on the other hand had finally gotten his brain to catch up with the situation as his eyes flashed. "You have no right to take advantage of my sister," he said in a stern, angry tone as he pointed a finger accusingly at Jayne. "How dare you think that you can – "
"What makes you think he was taking advantage of me?" I interrupted, seeing as how Jayne's grip around my waist hinted just how annoyed the large mercenary was becoming. "If you really, really want to know, I was whole heartedly kissing him back. Do I look like I want to get off his lap?" My brother was such a boob… if only he realized just who had been taking advantage of whom…
Taken aback, Simon seemed to grow ashen as he seemed to realize that I was sitting on Jayne's lap. Quite comfortably in fact. And I was also unconsciously nuzzling my face against Jayne's.
Looking seriously like he was going to puke, Simon opened his mouth but was interrupted. To my surprise by Jayne himself. "Now look 'ere Doc," he said, eyes narrowing at Simon. "River ain't stupid and once she makes up her mind, that's the end of it. If she don't mind being with me, then nothin' anyone says is gonna change that."
Jayne met my eyes and I saw them soften as they regarded me with nothing less than complete adoration. "And I ain't so stupid that I'm gonna let go of her."
"You'd better not," I said in a mock, scolding voice.
Lips locked once more, in the edge of hazy euphoria from Jayne's expert lips, I heard the others talking almost all at once.
"How dare that big ape touch her – !"
"Stop it Simon, look how sweet and adorable they are! Don't you agree Zoe?"
"I have to admit it's cute…"
"Sweet? Adorable… and cute?"
"Yes, Mal. Now come on everyone, let's give them some privacy."
"Don't you be tellin' me what to do on my ship and my crew, Inara…"
"That's my mei mei he's kissing!"
"It'll never work."
"Sir, I believe you said the same thing about Wash and me."
"She's got a point – "
"That was completely different!"
"Kaylee, you are not dragging me away!"
"Yes, I am!"
"I still don't see how…"
Finally their voices faded away so I couldn't hear a word more that they said. I didn't care; Jayne was too distracting anyway. Lips, tongue, hands, fingers…
Oh, my…
I was so glad that Jayne had finally made the first move.
Author's Note: So, what do you think? I really had a fantastic time writing this that I've actually started on another Rayne fic. A lot more humor in it but just as cute. :P Hope you enjoyed this one-shot; long live Serenity!