A person's life is really mysterious...sometimes, there are things we aren't supposed to know, yet we know...there are also things we need to know, yet it takes a long time before we know. It's called stupidity. But that's okay, I don't worry about those things. As for me, I have my own life.
I'm Tenecita Teneciente Da Sarapen by the way. You can call me Tenten, if you're uncomfortable with my christened name. I live alone since my mother went away with another guy, and my father also eloped with another guy. I have nobody to depend on except for three persons: me, myself, and I. I am able to support myself through selling items on the streets. Papaya in the morning, rice cakes in the evening. But the most famous item among my merchandise would be the greasy sin called chicharong flower—pork crackers made of Ms. Piggy's internal organs.
They say my flower's the crunchiest in all of Konoha. Something you'll savor and keep coming back to. With this, I was able to build a humble hut with an Olympic-size swimming pool inside. I was happy and content with my life, with nothing else to wish for, until an incident happened one day, one that will change everything…
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Syao-chan ReProductions presents...
A film by Kodak films
CHICHARONG FLOWER: TRANSLATED
Directed by Ms. Syao Chan C.U.T.E
translated by omiKYUT with edits from syao
For non-Filipino readers, you may find the plot cliché, but originally, I made this as a spoof of the sappy soap operas our country shows back home. I'll do my best to cut the local references so as not to confuse you guys. A very big thank you to my translator, Omitot, and Attorney, who got interested in this story and built a translation site for this. Their efforts made it easier for me to translate this, only doing minor editing and script to fic transition.
This is for Big Syao Chan Fan as welll, who made the request for a ff dot n translation.
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"WHAT! The pigs where I'm supposed to get my chicharong flower all died!"" Tenten's shocked cry reverberated all throughout the piggery owned by her friend, Rock Lee.
A depressed bowl-haired male looked back at her, head bowed. "I'm sorry Tenten. How are we suppose to know those greedy pigs will eat the rat poison we scattered in the fields? I know this is your only source of income..."
She bit on her fingernails, frantic. "What now? I'm not yet finished paying up that Indian for my hut. If I fail to do that, he'll take my only house away!"
He paused, and then his eyes lit up. "Wait, I know. There is a place where you could get your chicharon. He's rich; for sure he'll help you."
The brown-haired female was still fretting. "It's all your fault; why did you use up all the money I paid you for your pigs just so you can get your hair rebonded?
Lee shook his head, his hair bouncing as well. "At least my hair follows my every move now, ne?"
She pursed her lips. "Yeah...in fairness..."
He fished for his address book. "Here, go to him now. That's his address and here's his cell phone number. Don't you dare share this info to others, ok? He's got privacy issues."
And so, the young woman hurriedly went to the address written on the paper because she has no load (cell phone credits) to contact her savior by phone. But just when she was about to cross the street, a raging vehicle arrived from out of nowhere. It hit the body of the lady, making her lose her balance. Her rear slammed on the street and she accidentally sat on a metal spike. She tried standing up, but bumped her head instead on the bumper of a car. She unexpectedly fell on the ground lying down. Someone came out from the driver's seat.
The mysterious guy took one look at the scene, and then slammed his forehead with his hand. "Shit! My headlights! You smeared them with your sweat!
Upon hearing this, her temper flared. "Son of a tadpole... thanks for the concern." Slowly, she tried to get up. "Who do you think you are, driving as if you're the king of the road! Pedestrians pay for these roads through obscene taxes too, you know!"
"Heh," he smirked. "That's your fault, you're in the way."
A vein popped on her head. "And now I'm the one at fault! Hey, not because you're driving a luxury car doesn't mean you're entitled to brag!" She threw a look of disdain at his car. "I can even bet that those parts are smuggled!"
"So what?"
She smiled triumphantly at him. "So I was right! You will SO be in trouble with the government!"
"…" was the only reply of the guy, dark aura emanating from him.
Tenten continued to speak. "Let's stop this nonsense because I need to go somewhere. Could you please move your pirated car? It's blocking my way."
"Wait. You still have to pay for my damaged headlights." He frowned at her.
"Doesn't your insurance cover that?" She slapped her forehead. "Oh I forgot. It is smuggled; therefore it's only natural for it not to have insurance…"
You're really getting on my nerves…The man looked at his wristwatch. "Oh damn…"
She noticed that. "Hey, my time is more wasted than yours. Men, they bring nothing but trouble. If only Noah had been a girl! And I wish Adam was gay instead! Then the male species wouldn't have spread this pervasively, and mutated into several forms of sub-standard forms such as you… oooh, damn it!"
"For a lady you're pretty vulgar," he muttered.
She glared at him. "What? You expect me to act like a Virgin Mary when you almost crushed my hip bones! Be thankful I'm not in the mood to kill." She shoved him away. "Move!"
He stopped her from walking away, imprisoning her other arm. "Hey …"
She turned around, eyebrows arched. "What do you want? Hands off my shoulder's epidermis!"
He smirked and then in one quick movement, cupped her face and gave her a sudden hard kiss on the mouth. Before she could fully realize what was happening, he pulled away.
"Colgate," he remarked, a self-satisfied smile on his face.
"You could have just asked what toothpaste I was using instead of doing that," she hissed, her face an angry hue of red.
He shrugged. "Consider that as payment for damaging my headlights."
Her eyes widened. "You—"
She was cut off in mid-sentence when he casually entered the car and drove away.
"Pervert! An asshole with no manners!" she yelled after the leaving car, uncaring whether gleeful bacteria were entering her body system from the dust gathering around her. "You think you kiss well, you pig? Well, let me tell you this! I'd rather suck on a turnip than to do an encore of torrid saliva exchange with you again! I'll avenge my stolen innocence, you'll see!" She looked up at the late afternoon sky slowly being replaced by the night sky. "Hah! But I'll rest first! I'll hunt for your head TOMORROW!"
Meanwhile, Hyuuga Neji finally arrived at his destination: a church adorned with white flowers, white silk, and everything else that would signify a wedding. However, strangely, the groom, the bride, and the guests were all standing outside.
Upon seeing the latecomer though, they all sighed in relief.
Hyuuga Hinata twirled her wedding gown with her hand. "Kuya Neji, at last you've arrived. Finally we can begin the ceremonies." (1)
He blinked. "You're already here? Aren't you supposed to be late in a ceremony?"
Naruto fixed his bow, which seemed to have been tied too uncomfortably. "She was late for three hours, but what we didn't expect was you'll beat her record. Eight hours, KUYA."
"Damn you; I thought I told you never to call me that."
Naruto looked at him, shaking his head. "Why don't you just receive the truth with spring insides?"
"…" Neji.
Hinata came quickly to her groom's rescue."He meant, you should accept the truth with no hard feelings." Hinata said here: bukal sa loob sincere; bukal spring; loob inside :D
The male Hyuuga groaned. "I would not be hesitant walking you down the aisle if the one I'm supposed to give your hand to is at least human."
She sighed. "Kuya Neji…"
Kakashi stood up from the flower boys' aisle, scratching his head. "Could you please start the wedding? The food for the reception's starting to spoil."
This made everyone nod in agreement. And thus, the wedding ceremony began.
…………………
Meanwhile, Tenten arrived in the house of the person where she was supposed to ask for pigs…
"Why do I feel that I've been tricked by Thick Brows…" she muttered as she stared at the abandoned house.
"There's nobody there right now."
She turned to the source of the voice, eyebrow arched. "No kidding."
The pineapple-haired neighbor shrugged. "The people who live there are in a wedding. If it's urgent, just go there." He dutifully gives her the address she must go to.
Tenten smiled gratefully at him when he finished. "Thanks again, buddy. I'm off!"
"Wait a minute!" He held out an open palm towards her. "I gave you information, now you need to give me my just compensation."
"Son of a tikbalang (2)…" She tried to move away but her shadow was controlled by the male.
"Well?" he asked, bored.
"Is an 'I owe you' good?" she asked, desperately tugging her paralyzed leg. "When I finish my business with the guy I'm looking for and I get to make my chicharon, I'll give you… um… I'll give you a whole platter!"
He seemed to consider that for a while, and then he nodded. "Good enough…" He quickly released her, and off went Tenten to the wedding.
"Do you, Hyuuga Hinata, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband for richer or poorer, through thick and thin, till death do you part?" asked the priest solemnly.
Hinata's eyes were positively shining with happiness. "I do, Father."
The old priest turned to the blond. "And you, Uzumaki Naruto…" He bowed closer towards the groom. "…do you dig her?"
"Of course!" said Naruto proudly.
"Ok game, You two are wedded. Let's start the drinking spree!" The priest rushed to the banquet and started taking bottles.
Neji stared at the celebrator, who was talking with the flower girl and bridesmaids, in dismay. "Where did you get that priest? He acts like a rejected carnival performer or something…"
At last, Tenten arrived. She sighed. How would she find this Mr. Hyuuga Neji with all these people? She didn't ponder on that too long because suddenly there were shouts coming from the ladies.
It was throw the bouquet part of the ceremony. Even if she still had a mission to do, she decided to watch what would happen.
Hinata began the count-off. "One…two…THREE!" She suddenly threw the bouquet of roses towards the anticipating crowd.
"THAT'S MINE!" cried the ladies and ladies-in-heart in unison. They scrambled for the bouquet, causing it to be thrown in all directions as the ladies valiantly wrestled for the chance to walk down the aisle soon, too.
But the bouquet seemed to have a mind of its own because it fell on the feet of Neji, who was calmly drinking his wine.
"Hmm? Flowers? Why is it here?" Neji gingerly picked them up.
"Hey, where are the flowers?" yelled Naruto, looking around the room.
Neji waved his arm from across the room. "Here. Son of a… these flowers are expensive and you just throw them away!"
Everyone's eyes widened.
"W-Wait…" whispered Hinata, blushing fiercely. "K-Kuya Neji was the one who caught it…?"
Naruto smiled, determined to return order to everything. "Err… Let's still follow tradition…" He looked at the male crowd, who all wore dark expressions on their faces. "Ahh… W-who would like to put the garter on Kuya?" He hopefully turned to the man in the corner. "Sasuke? Would you like the honor to do it?"
"Mother fucking hell…" muttered Sasuke, nearly choking on his drink.
"Excuse me," Tenten got up, raising her hand. "Is that Hyuuga Neji?"
Naruto scratched his cheek. "Well, the last time I asked him, yes, he is. Is he the wrong brother-in-law of mine? (3)"
"Ok, fine. Give me the garter." She got up determinedly.
Everyone sweatdropped once more.
After a while, Neji was already seated in the middle while Tenten was kneeling in front of him. She was already holding the garter, as well as a mocking smile on her face.
"So, we meet again, Cocky Jellyfish." She smiled at him sweetly.
"Jellyfish?"
"I'm referring to your kissing technique."
"Damn you," he muttered.
She smiled brightly at him. "Well then, let's begin the ceremonies." He looked at his pants. "So how should we do this? Should you pull your slacks up or would you rather remove them?" She looked at him innocently when she received a lethal glare. "What? I was just asking."
Neji quietly lifted the hem of his pants up.
"Higher, higher!" chanted the crowd.
"Hear that? They said higher," said Tenten, grinning at him.
"And you would follow them?" he snapped, losing his cool.
"Naturally," she said, shrugging. "The voice of the people is the voice of God!" She lifted the hem of Neji's slacks even higher.
His fists clenched. "I think that height's fine…"
She looked at him, feigning surprise. "But it hasn't even reached your knees yet! This is a garter not an anklet, stupid." She pulled the garter higher.
Neji felt a soft tingle in his thigh. "I said that's enough…"
She frowned. "Why are you so afraid to expose your legs? Do you have varicose veins? Do you have three feet?"
"Shut up."
She lifted the hem some more. "Hmm... I'm becoming insecure; I think you're legs are better shaped than mine…"
"Another word from that vulgar mouth of yours and I wouldn't hesitate—"
She pretended to cower. "Don't! I may agree to it!" She secured the garter. "Ok! Done!" The crowd erupted in applause and cheers as Tenten bowed.
Neji, on the other hand, walked away from the line of vision of the guests. "Why did you suddenly appear here?
"I'm looking for Hyuuga Neji," she replied simply.
He smirked. "I knew it. You were addicted to my kiss."
"How I wish it was so, but I'm not very fond of seafoods." She gave him a saccharine smile. "I went here because my friend said your family raises pigs—
Neji stiffened. "Watch your tongue, lady. My family and I are decent so—"
"I didn't say you weren't," she said soothingly. "I said, you were probably raising pigs which I need for my business. I make chicharong flowers." She went on to explain her dilemma.
After hearing the story, Neji scowled at her. "And you think I would help you?"
Tenten smiled."Why not? Just one look at you, everyone would infer that you are a gentleman, a good citizen, loving to his family, an obedient son, has a heart of gold especially to poor people and poor chicharon…
"There's nothing free in this world."
"I would pay you up after I sell my flowers," she said quickly.
"Are your flowers delicious?" he asked gravely.
She quickly nodded. "Very, very crunchy! And good for the heart too!"
"I'll think about it," he said, non-committal.
She grabbed his sleeve. "Oh pleaaasee, my house will be taken away and—"
"Take it or leave it," he said firmly.
"Yes, yes, of course. Like what you said, some things are meant to be thought over a hundred times," she amended, smiling forcibly.
Will Tenten get her most desired chicharon from Neji? And what kind of payment would Neji ask of her?
To be continued
Side Notes
(1) kuya - older brother
(2) tikbalang - half-man, half-horse creature.. the horse is the upper part :D, quite famous for scaring children to sleep
(3) Naruto's English is awkward deliberately; it's one of the story's punchlines.