Genre: HUMOR!

Pairing: None

Warning: If you don't like underwear stay away. . .

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Saiyuki , I just play with them Nor do I own any other copyrighted characters contained herein.

Summary: Where the hell does Hakkai get all those monocles?

WARNING: FLAMES WILL BE USED TO ROAST MARSHMALLOWS: Yeah. So don't even think about it. If you have criticism try to keep it polite or I will block you from my comments box. Thank you and have a good night.

Me: Well once again, the question was asked and this is the answer.

Hakkai: I really think you are jumping to conclusions Alice.

Me: Who? Me? Never.

Sanzo: Liar.

Me: I do not lie.

Duo: Yeah right. What was up with that fanfic anyway?

Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Duo: You cannot hide it forever!

Me: whistles nonchalantly and wanders off

Duo: You get back here!

Gojyo sulked in the back of the jeep, puffing on a cigarette moodily. Sanzo was reading his paper, a slightly smug look on his face.

"Sanzo, I'm hungry." Goku complained, scooted as far away from Gojyo as possible.

"Shut up, I'm reading." the monk said absently, drawing on his own cigarette. Hakkai just smiled and kept driving. "Hakkai?"

"Yes Sanzo?"

"Where are we going?"

"Well you see, I need a new monocle. Since he is on the way anyhow, I thought we would pay a visit to the person that makes them for me." Sanzo shrugged.

"Whatever."

"Will he have food?" Goku asked eagerly.

"Oh yes, I am certain he will supply us with something."

The rest of the drive was a silent one, they arrived at their destination sometime after dark. It was a small house, set into a clearing in the forest. Hakkai smiled and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Hakkai, I'm here for my monocles."

"Of course of course. Be right there." The speaker opened the door, Goku, Gojyo and Sanzo's collective jaws dropped. Sanzo and Gojyo's cigarettes falling to the ground unnoticed. Hakkai just smiled.

"Hakkai!" Goku said shakily. Hakkai turned towards him.

"Yes Goku?"

"Is that... is that a giant peanut?"

"Of course, this is Mr. Peanut. Where did you think I got my monocles?"

"Well... I've never thought about it."

"This is so fucking... weird." Gojyo muttered, grabbing another cigarette from his pack to calm his nerves. They had been a little off lately.

"Well, here's your order." The peanut handed Hakkai a small box and a bag before going back inside.

"Hakkai." Sanzo said quietly. "That better be food in that bag. The monkey is starting to get on my nerves."

"Yes, it's peanuts."

"God dammit... there's no way there's enough for everyone there." Gojyo complained, Goku's stomach rumbling ominously. Hakkai smiled again.

"Oh, it's a life time supply. The bag is an extra dimensional portal, see?" He upended the bag, leaving them all in a mountain of peanuts. Jeep chirped pitifully and Goku dug in. Hakkai just smiled.

Author's Note:

Me: That's the end of this one.

Hakkai: It certainly is.

Gojyo: Are you on crack or something Alice?

Me: No...

Sanzo: Didn't you know Gojyo, all fanfiction author's are insane.

Me: Glare watch it mister.

Sanzo: I'm sooo scared. . . Oh Duo!

Me: runs away

Sanzo: chuckles and lights his cigarette