Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: This is my very first fan fiction, so be gentle. The story takes place after the season 3 finale. I will mention a few key moments in the past season(s), but for the most part, it's my imagination roaming free. The main character is Brooke, but the BRUCAS saga (as well as other Tree Hill characters) will be included as well. All I ask is that you try to keep an open mind. If you're confused about anything at any point, please, ask me! Thanks for reading, and as always, comments, feedback and criticism is appreciated!

:: INEXPERIENCED ::

#1.

With a pair of high heals dangling from her delicate fingers, a barefoot Brooke gradually made her way up the long flight of stairs. Several miles back, after she had tolerated the throbbing ache in her feet for far too long, she had taken off her overly priced, pain inflicting stilettos. She swore to herself that if she made it back in one piece, she'd never buy a pair of shoes like that ever again. Not until the pain subsided and she remembered how much she adored shoes, anyway.

"These blisters are going to be the death of me!" Brooke hissed once she finally made it to her doorstep and began to carefully inspect the new additions to her perfectly pedicured toes. Son of a bitch. These hurt! She cursed the fact that she refused to let Lucas take her home and had decided to walk those five miles to her apartment. Why did she have to be so stubborn, and where did her purse go, anyway? She still couldn't figure that out. She left it unattended at the reception, and due to her "smart" idea of making everyone in the wedding party the same bag, hers got lost in the shuffle. When she left (snuck out), her head was attempting to shuffle through all of the feelings she was experiencing. Unfortunately, she completely forgot that she was looking for it in the first place and how important the contents really were. Like her house key, among other things. Luckily, she never left her place without a spare key. Call it a force of habit. During many moments of her teenage life, that she really wasn't proud of, it wasn't uncommon for her to stay the night at random places with random people: boys in particular. It only took one instance where she got locked outside at three in the morning to smarten her up. That's it. She quickly learned early on that it was a good idea to keep a spare with her. Using her free hand, she reached into her "secret hiding place" which was located directly between her two breasts and found her spare key. See, I always told my mother that my breasts would save my life one day, Brooke grinned, and I was right. She laughed to herself, feeling a fleeting moment of happiness surge through her body. It felt foreign. For a brief moment, she remembered how good it felt to smile. That same welcomed smile that gently played on her lips quickly turned into a frown when she remembered just how screwed up her family dynamics truly were. Just one more reason to feel alone in this big world, Brooke sighed deeply, as she attempted to push her feelings aside, as usual.

I can't wait to get this dress off, Brooke thought and she forcefully shoved her way through the door to her apartment. Who actually chooses red as their color scheme for their bridesmaid's dresses, anyway? Almost immediately after those thoughts crossed her mind, she regretted it. She regretted thinking negatively about two of her best friends and the love they shared. In all honesty, her thoughts weren't meant to be rude or cruel. Nathan and Haley's wedding was picturesque, but she knew that if she had to wear this dress for one more second, she might loose her mind, and only she knew why. Unfortunately for the lovely red dress, today, Brooke wanted nothing more than to take a scissor and cut the bright red material into a thousand pieces. Blinded by hurt and jealously, she knew it had to be destroyed. At that moment, she couldn't stand the dress, and she hated what it symbolized: love. Love was a lie. Everyone lies. Even the supposed good guy lies. But what Brooke truly hated was how the dress seemed to scream, "Look at me! My boyfriend and my best friend are in love! I'm a fraud! My entire relationship is one big lie, and I am the idiot who fell for it…again!" Everyone in Tree Hill knew that Brooke loved to be noticed and the added attention that many of her provocative outfits brought. She loved to make a statement; no matter how bold it was. Today shouldn't have been any different. She knew she looked good, great even, but after the recent events that took place within the last twenty-four hours, she didn't feel like herself. She felt like a fool, yet again and quite frankly, she was sick of it. The monstrous love-triangle-of-hell had sucked all three of them back in, and with it, shattered what little bit of her heart was left.

In the days prior to the wedding, Brooke was filled with so much hope. Hope for love to stay true for Haley and Nathan. She also held onto hope for her and Lucas. Lately, their relationship had really taken a turn towards happily-ever-after. Brooke was beginning to realize the intensity of the love that was steadily growing in her heart, and that was incredibly difficult for her. Over the course of their relationship, she had been attempting to work through her insecurities with their relationship. In an attempt to reassure her further, Lucas went above and beyond his abilities to prove she was the only girl for him. He even went as far as proclaiming his undying love for her in the rain! It was almost a fairy-tale come true. Almost. As much as she loved him, and wanted to trust him, let's be honest: he hurt her beyond recognition last time. Last time. There never should've been a last time. She had sworn to herself that she would never feel that way again. That devastated; that alone, but her worst fears came true, and her world fell out from underneath her once again.

Once Brooke reached her bedroom, she closed the door tightly behind her. Suddenly, as if a dam broke, all of her defenses came crashing down. She was no longer trying to be strong. She couldn't put up her tough-girl front anymore. She was a real, living, breathing, girl, and the pain and heartache that she was feeling was real. Bursting into tears, she fell to the ground. Her knees automatically rose tightly to her chest, as if she was trying to protect herself, and she was, but it wouldn't do any good. The harm had been inflicted, and Brooke knew that she would never, ever be the same. After a good 30 minute cry, Brooke attempted to pull herself off the floor. Weak and shaking from crying so whole-heartedly, she almost tumbled to the ground again. A lack of food and the mental exhaustion that tortured her recently had suddenly paid a toll on her body. Steadying herself against the wall, she attempted to unzip her dress. After two unsuccessful tries with an unsteady hand, the dress finally slipped off her body and onto the floor in a neat, circular pile of fabric. Even though her eyes were still watering and puffy, she could see little reminders of Lucas all around her room. His gym bag was slumped over a chair; he left his hoodie on her bed; her nightstand held several pictures of them together, smiling brightly into the camera. Looking at those pictures, she tried with all of her might to remember just how good she felt, but it seemed like nothing more than a distant memory. Sighing, Brooke carelessly flopped down onto her unbelievably comfortable twin bed, getting lost between the soft folds of linen. She then closed her eyes tightly, hoping and praying that the last few days had been one horrible nightmare. Gradually opening her eyes, as if to peek, the one and only thing she saw was that red dress on the floor. The girl behind the red door hates red. How ironic. Brooke sneered. It wasn't a dream. Nope, of course not. I'm not that lucky, Brooke cursed herself. Why did she have all the bad luck? What did she ever do to deserve this…again? I must've been a really horrible person in a past life. Rolling onto her side, she saw it: his signature hoodie. It was calling to her like a bad habit. A habit that she knew she needed. She needed her fix. Eagerly reaching for the soft material, she brought it to her face. Inhaling deeply, she smelt him. Goosebumps cascaded over her body. Momentarily, every inch of her body longed for him, and even if it was only for that second, she felt it. Want and desire but not only physically. Hell, their sex was always indescribable, but right now, the only part of Lucas that she wanted was him. Sadly, at this point, she didn't know if that would ever be possible. For him or for her.

"Ugh! Get a hold of yourself! You disgust me." She spoke these tortured words to no one but herself. Throwing the hoodie to the floor, she robotically stood up and lazily made her way to the bathroom. A nice warm shower would probably do me a lot of good. "Ahhh" Brooke gasped aloud as the warm water pulsating over her naked body. It felt incredible. Oddly enough, it was almost as if the water was washing away all the guilt, fear, anger, and resentment that she was holding on to. Almost.

- begin flashback -

Lucas: I, just, need you to believe me when I tell you my heart is with you. But a part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting to push me away.

Brooke: Oh, great. You kiss Peyton, again, and I'm pushing you away.

Lucas: I love you, Brooke. I don't know how else to say it.

Brooke: How about the way you show it? I am not pushing you away, Lucas, I'm holding on for dear life. But I need you to need me back, okay? Why didn't you tell me about the kiss? And why didn't you call me while you were away? And why won't you ever just let me all the way in? (pause) We have to go give our speeches now. About love and happiness.

Lucas: Please don't be mad, Brooke

Brooke: I'm not mad, Luke. I'm not mad.

- end flashback -

Standing there in the shower, exposed and vulnerable, Brooke relived the fight that her and Lucas had shared earlier. She silently cursed herself for downplaying how she really felt. I was mad. Brooke thought, I was mad as hell, and I should've told him that. He should know that I'm mad that he lied to me. I'm mad that I trusted him with my heart. I'm mad that I fell in love all over again, and most importantly I'm mad that I'm back in this bitter place in my life. He should've known. He just should've, Brooke thought as she shook her head disapprovingly. Why did everything always seem so much clearer when she wasn't in the heat of the moment? Why couldn't she fully express herself when it really mattered, without coming across and whiny and needy? Why couldn't she let her own feelings matter? Why did she feel like she didn't matter? Replaying his words in her head, one by one, every word he uttered cut like a knife. Why? He was right. Lucas Scott, the love her life, was right on target. She probably had been pushing him away, but not on purpose. No, she didn't mean to pull away, but without thinking, she had distanced herself; protected herself. In her heart, she really did love him more than life itself, but if there's one thing that Brooke Davis knew, it was that she never, ever wanted to feel the agony and hurt of betrayal again. Somehow, she knew it was coming, and she had been right all along. Attempting to deal with the feelings surrounding the betrayal; remembering the last kiss they shared; dismissing the promises left unkempt. Everything, all of it, was almost more painful the second time around. When she didn't have the adrenaline behind her, and when she didn't have the strength to be furious. At this point, she was physically and emotionally drained. She didn't have it in her to fight anymore, and for once, she wished she didn't have to. She wanted to give in. She wanted to simply surrender. You win, love. You beat me. It's too hard. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I could handle heartbreak, but I was wrong. Love, you destroyed me once again. My heart can't take it anymore. I don't have anything left. Not a thing. Brooke's sobs and steady stream of tears were muffled by the noisy showerhead that Lucas had promised to fix. Another promise broken.

After turning off the shower, Brooke opened up the curtain only to be taken aback by what she saw. On the mirror, amidst the fog the shower had created, a message was scribbled. "I love you". These three simple words were obviously written by Lucas. It was almost like fate was sending her a message and it was a cruel one at that. Goddamnit! Why can't he just let me be mad? She hated the fact that he could get under her skin so easily. Sure, he had probably written this long before she had any clue that he had kissed his "precious Peyton". It was probably written out of guilt. She wasn't ready to forgive him. Not even close. It was going to take a lot more than an "I love you" to save their relationship. At this point, she didn't know if she wanted to save it. She didn't know if she was willing to risk the small portion of her heart that was still beating.

Realizing that she had forgotten to grab a towel, Brooke carefully jumped from rug to rug until she reached the linen cabinet. Flinging the doors wide open, she hurriedly grabbed for the thickest towel she owned. Pulling it forcefully from the stack, she accidentally knocked a few miscellaneous items to the ground. After wrapping her small frame in the fluffy pink towel, she bent down to pick up the mess she created. Q-tips, tampons, mascara, and a pregnancy test were among the objects. Pregnancy test. She had somehow forgotten about her impeding pregnancy. Well, maybe forgot is the wrong word. How do you forget about something that is so life-altering? Something that could impact your future so prominently? You don't, but Brooke had so many other things flying through her head, that a possibility of a baby seemed unheard-of. She had pushed the notion far, far away. Between making Haley's wedding dress, attempting to keep up with all of her maid-of-honor duties, questioning her relationship with Lucas, and wondering why he hadn't called her in days, Brooke figured her period was late due to stress. It made sense. She was stressed. Besides, she couldn't even imagine having a baby. She still couldn't, and the entire notion seemed impossible, especially now, considering the uncertain circumstances in her life. Unfortunately her period still hadn't come. It was due over three weeks ago, so she had bought a test. She figured she'd take it "eventually", whatever that means. She was completely in denial over the whole idea. Even now, as she stood with the test in her hand, it seemed like a dream. She wanted desperately to wake up. As if my day hasn't been bad enough, Brooke thought as she contemplated the idea of taking the test right then and there. Glancing down at the box in her hand, she knew what needed to be done. She had put it off long enough, and she had decisions to make. Regardless of what results the test revealed, her life would undoubtedly change. Whether or not she was pregnant, she knew she needed to reevaluate her life and the direction it was headed. She didn't like where her life was going and desperately wanted to close this chapter of her life. That meant taking this test and dealing with the outcome. Besides, what were the chances that she was actually pregnant, anyway? If she got this stupid test out of the way, it would be one less thing that plagued her mind and that sounded heavenly. Finally talking herself into the whole thing, Brooke went over to the toilet and sat down. After flipping through the instructions, she removed the cap. Looking down at her hands, she realized they were shaking and her heart was beating at an alarming rate. I guess I'm more nervous about this than I thought. Finally, after several unsuccessful tries, a few of her jitters disappeared, and she was able to pee on the stick successfully.

"2 minutes." She didn't recognize her voice. It was almost as if it wasn't hers. She was completely disconnected from the whole experience. She wasn't there right now, taking this test. Her future wasn't really hanging in the balances, was it? This couldn't honestly be happening again, could it? She already dealt with one pregnancy scare. That was enough, especially with the same guy. Brooke laughed bitterly to herself. What had she done to deserve to be in this situation? Why do you hate me, God?

After pacing around the hallway for what seemed like an eternity, Brooke glanced up at the clock on the wall. The initial two minutes had passed. Her feet felt like they had cement slabs attached to them as she attempted to go back into the bathroom: the room that held her fate. Finally passing the doorway, Brooke attempted to steal a peek at the results window. She was still too far away. After gently picking up the test with a shaky hand, Brooke took a deep breath and glanced down the plastic stick.

"I'm pregnant." Brooke stated aloud, still not quite wrapping her head around this huge realization. Her words of recognition and inevitability echoed between the quiet bathroom walls. Fate had stepped in and dealt her a hand that she was no where near ready to deal with, especially not alone. "What am I supposed to do? Someone, anyone! Please! Tell me what to do! I can't do this. I just can't…" Suddenly, the words just wouldn't come. Brooke knew that if she said one more word, she would break down completely. Unfortunately, one more question begged to be asked. "Why me?" Brooke squeaked meekly, her question barely audible. No longer able to hold her tears in, she fell to the ground, trembling fiercely. Sobs rattled her insides and an end to all the hopelessness she was feeling seemed impossible and further away then ever. Both mentally and physically exhausted beyond recognition, Brooke found an unusual comfort in the softness of her bathroom rugs, and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.

Note: Yes, Brooke is pregnant. I know what you're thinking: not again! I know this idea has been beaten to death. I realize that and I'm sorry, but it adds an element to the story that is vital to the overall picture. I can only hope that you'll give it a chance.