She Stoops to Conquer
Disclaimer: The important characters belong to JKR. I only own a set of less important/ totally insignificant characters. The Title isn't mine, either. It's from a play by Oliver Goldsmith.
A/N: It was the bunny. It attacked me one day and didn't take no for an answer, but kept nibbling on my toes until I gave in. It was a very silly bunny.
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September – December
September, just back at Hogwarts
Dear Diary,
It is strange to be here, after all that happened last year, what with the War and everything. But the War is over and things are back to normal. The school has opened again, and the students and teachers are back. So, here I am now, back at school for my final year and the NEWTs – and for something else. The most important thing of all! This year, I'm going to make The Attempt. I will make Severus Snape aware of me and fall in love with me! This demands courage and cunning. But I'm a Gryffindor and a woman, and I know I will succeed! I have to.
September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
First class today. I spent all the time watching him, listening to his gorgeous voice and planning my tactics instead of paying attention. Thankfully, he didn't notice. If someone had told me years ago that I would fall in love with him, I'd have hexed them! No one could have foreseen that! He's so not my type! He's not handsome or flirty or polite. But, oh, he is so sexy! The way he talks, the way he moves … and he will be mine one day!
September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Horrible lesson today. I had such problems understanding what he was talking about! But, oh, he's so brilliant! And his voice … hmmm … it made me giddy just to listen to him! I must study more and ask intelligent questions. That will make him realise I'm not a stupid young girl, but a mature, intelligent woman!
September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
I got my essay back. It was full of snide comments and crossed out sentences and the comment at the end … Oh, he's so mean! I had to charm my eyes to make the puffiness go away. Thank god Lavender found that charm!
Lesson was horrible as well. I was so busy trying to understand that I had no time thinking about intelligent questions and then was forced to listen to a lively discussion between dearest Severus and the Enemy. I hate her!
September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I made progress! Yay! I spent last evening reading my textbook to be properly prepared for today's lesson, and I was quite satisfied that I understood it all so well. Then, in class, I asked an intelligent question. Yes, the Slytherins sniggered, but that's what they always do! I didn't pay attention to them. They don't deserve it. The Enemy seemed to hide a grin as well. I hate her! But I know I impressed him. Okay, he didn't answer my question, just sneered at me, but his eyes glittered. Yes, he will come to admire my intelligence!
September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible weekend. I spent it in the library, reading and writing my essay for him until I had a headache. And then, yesterday, Professor Flitwick handed our Charms essays back and I was so horrified to see my results! I never got such bad results before! It was most mortifying.
DADA today was even more difficult than last week. I don't understand it, but apparently even the Slytherins understood it. I must study more. Perhaps I can borrow some additional books from the library?
September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
My friends think I'm going crazy with all the time I spend in the library. They want me to come outside with them and have fun. But I can't take the books outside because Pince, the old hag, wouldn't loan them to me, and I need the books to write my essays. And I must write intelligent essays! Otherwise he'll think me stupid.
Besides, sometimes I see him in the library. I cherish these moments, even though he ignores me, but that in turn means I can watch him all I want! The only bitterness is that he does greet the Enemy. Only a short nod or curt word, but he notices her. I hate her.
September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
What am I doing wrong? This essay was … oh, he's so mean and horrible! Why did I ever fall in love with him? I hate him!
My Secret Sister has by now figured out there's something going on with a boy. She was a little angry because I didn't tell her, but I thought that after her heartbreak last year she wouldn't want to think about love. She cried a little, but then recovered and promised to help me. I didn't tell her who it is, though. She wouldn't understand and only make things harder for me. That made her angry again, of course, and she threatened to find out on her own, but I made her promise not to. She was narked, so I told her it was a bad omen if anybody knew. That's not even a lie. And it made her drop the matter instantly.
September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
No, I don't hate Severus. I love him, love him, love him! I was just being bitchy. And his comments on my last essay … okay, they were pretty mean, but when I looked at them again, I noticed that there were subtle hints at how I could improve! That's progress, don't you think? He's trying to help me. Oh, he's such a darling!
October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
I really think my endeavours show results. He didn't scowl at me today. He didn't deduct house points from Gryffindor, either, not even from Harry! He was even almost polite when a certain someone started showing off her knowledge again. I'm so happy! I will redouble my efforts.
October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Another essay back full of red insults. Had to apply Lavender's Charm again, but I will not stop!
October, Sunday
Dear Diary,
Hogsmeade weekend. It was nice to get out of the castle and spend time with my friends. I've barely seen them these last weeks what with all the studying. We had a lot of fun, went through all the shops, spent a lot of money, and gossiped. Juicy gossip! I couldn't believe it, but Phoebe swore that Nancy had seen Stephanie doing it with Alexander Badcock from Hufflepuff. And he's a year younger than Stephanie!
But the best thing about today was that at Sant's Treasure Trove I saw just the right Christmas present for Severus! It's gorgeous, but awfully expensive. I will have to save up my pocket money to buy it. Hm, perhaps I can persuade Mum to give me some extra money? I'm an adult, after all! Adults need more money than children. Oh, I must buy it for him! It's too perfect!
October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Oh, I'm so dead! I fell asleep last night over my DADA essay and had no time this morning to finish it! I had to hand in an incomplete essay! Oh, no! This will ruin everything! And I will get a bad grade!
October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Spent the weekend fretting. My friends thought I was coming down with something since I was so pale and had no appetite and flinched at every noise. Yesterday, they dragged me off to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey gave me a potion to calm my nerves. It was of no use because when we left the hospital wing, we met Severus, who looked like a thundercloud. We hurried to leave, but still heard him bellowing at Pomfrey that if she wanted a special potion she ought to ask Professor Riley, the new Potions professor, or even the Granger-chit to brew it for her, but not him, since he wasn't Potions master any longer. Gosh, he was furious! Uh …
And I was so right about the essay! The look on his face when he handed me the essay back! And his words! 'I know that even you can do much better!' I want to die!
October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I seriously thought about faking ill to skive off DADA. But my friends dragged me along. Good thing they did. Saw the Enemy pegged down. Hah, serves her right! Going on and on and pestering poor Severus with questions no one understands or wants to understand! And this arrogance! As if only she knew what he was talking about! What is this roisin dubh, anyway?
October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible day. Turned out that Enemy was right about this rose-thing being a powerful Dark spell. Apparently, it's a kind of black rose created from malice, and when you touch it, coldness creeps into your heart and slowly turns it to ice. Uh, horrible! But how did she know? Damn. Must study more. I can't allow her to know more than I do!
October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I got desperate after so many failures and thought I had to take a more direct approach to show him what an intelligent woman I am. So, I approached him in the spirit of recklessness (I'm a Gryffindor, after all!) and asked him for permission to enter the Restricted Section. Ever since the War it's out of bounds to everybody, and only with permission from the DADA professor the old hag Pince will let you enter. He stared at me and asked what I needed from the Restricted Section. Oh, his voice … so soft … oh … I told him I wanted to do further study on the subject we're dealing with in class. He sneered at me, but his eyes glittered and he signed the permission. Yay!
But the best was, when I left his office, I bumped into the Enemy who apparently wanted to see him as well for one thing or other, and after the door had closed behind her I noticed that my shoelace was undone so I had to linger and tie it, and I heard the murmur of voices, and then he laughed. It was an amused, but cruel laugh, and I so did not pity her for making him laugh at her!
October, Tuesday, Hallowe'en
Dear Diary,
I'm so frustrated! Class was okay, but the Feast … I wore new robes and had my hair done really elegantly. Noticed several boys staring at me, which was very nice, but Severus ignored me completely. And none of my wonderful little plans worked! My Secret Sister and I had thought about ways to approach him during or after the Feast. She still doesn't know who he is, but she helped me making up several tactics that I could use. But just when I saw my chance, some idiot boy from Hufflepuff chatted me up and then spilled his drink on my new robes! I tried to charm the spots away, but it didn't work. Damn, my new robes ruined!
And just the crown of the evening was that when I left, I saw Severus talking to the Enemy! I couldn't get close enough to listen in on them without them noticing me, so I hid behind a suit of armour to watch. They didn't talk long, but he didn't sneer at her, either. And then a Slytherin brushed past her so that she stumbled and fell against him, and he took her arms to steady her, and for a moment it looked as if they were embracing! And Severus neither scowled at her nor did he deduct House points! He said something that made her smile before he inclined his head and walked away! I want to tear her hair out! I hate her!
November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
This was the second week I spent in the Restricted Section, and I will never go there again. Impressing him or not, the place is just plain scary! I must find another way.
November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Slytherin lost dramatically to Gryffindor on Saturday. Class was horrible.
November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
My poor Severus is still gliding through the hallways with a dark scowl on his face and keeps deducting points from Gryffindor. I couldn't concentrate in class at all today, because I kept fantasising on how I could lighten his mood. Oh, delicious daydreams … But, of course, he caught me and I lost 15 points for daydreaming in his class. My friends nearly exploded, but I wasn't angry. Everybody knows that deducting House points from Gryffindor makes him happy, and if these 15 points made him happy, I'm not going to protest.
November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
A day of triumph! I finally managed to shine in DADA! Yes, yes! Severus and Harry were heatedly discussing some spell or other, with the Enemy forever interrupting. I noticed how annoyed Severus was at her stupid arguments. And though I was pretty nervous, I joined the discussion and quite cleverly destroyed every single argument she brought forth. Hah! He thanked (!) me for my contribution, and then he cast a quick glance at her with such an expression of malicious glee on his face! I saw how her lips twitched, and then she hung her head, no doubt to hide that she was crying. Oh, glorious day!
November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Less red than ever before on my essay! I saw the glitter in his eyes and I know he's proud how much I have improved! Well, I certainly worked hard enough!
November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Tired. Spent whole weekend in library and on the DADA essay. This is all so difficult! Wrote Charms essay last night. Almost forgot the one for Herbology and had to write it during break. Fell asleep in my favourite class, though ever since we got the new teacher years ago, it hasn't been the same. I wonder how I could ever think him gorgeous. He's nothing in comparison to darling Severus!
November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Missed DADA today because Amery sent me to the hospital wing (Amery new Transfiguration teacher and Head of Gryffindor, nasty old hag). She said I looked worn out and ordered me to get a Pepper-up from Pomfrey. Stupid Pomfrey kept me for ages, and I arrived to DADA just in time to see the students leave the classroom.
I thought at first that this would be my chance to talk to him under the pretence of asking for homework, but the Enemy was still there and they were discussing some thing or other. She was waving a book in his face and he was snarling at her. Hah, serves her right! I stepped in to save my dearest Severus, but he snarled at us both and threw us out of his classroom and then bellowed at her something about reading the wrong books and stuff. I had to ask her for homework, and she snapped at me and stormed off. I never really liked her, but after what she did to my Secret Sister last year I began positively hating her, and now she's forever standing between Severus and me! Stupid cow!
November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible day. Felt crampy and sick. Got another essay back full of red. It's most unfair! I went to his office hour on Friday afternoon to ask what they did in class last Thursday. He sneered at me, asking if my classmates' notes weren't good enough for me, and when I said I thought it best to get information directly from him, he laughed harshly and told me to read the chapter on Magica Maleficia in the textbook. So I did. But all I got was another nasty comment on my essay on how I apparently didn't understand the most basic facts.
Went to Pomfrey and got a potion for the cramps.
November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Feel sick. And tired. Quarrelled with Secret Sister and embarrassed myself in DADA. Essay from Flitwick back with the comment that 'apparently I have been neglecting my studies.' But DADA is so difficult I have no time left and I must be good in DADA!
Went to the hospital wing for another Pepper-up. Pomfrey gave me odd looks, the ugly old hag.
December, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Term's nearly over and I've made no real progress. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep on studying and studying but it doesn't work! My marks aren't getting better in DADA and down in every other subject! I'm going to be thrown out of Hogwarts, and my parents will be happy because they didn't want me to come back at all with what happened here last year and with Severus back as teacher and everything. And then I will never see Severus again! This can't happen! I won't survive it! I must work harder and study more. I can't leave Hogwarts! Not now, not this year! It's my last chance with Severus!
But it's all so much! Friends are still angry. I'm lonely and tired and Severus still hasn't noticed me as a woman and I'm so sad …
December, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Haven't written for a week. I couldn't because I wasn't even allowed to come near a quill and a book. I had a nervous breakdown last Thursday in Charms and spent the week in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey kept me there even after she had given me several calming potions and stuff because she said I was totally worn-out, took too many potions in too short a time and was becoming undernourished. Honestly, what does she think? I have to keep my figure! But she said so and Amery agreed and I spent a horrible week in hospital wing. It was not only a dead bore, but I was also missing all of my classes, couldn't even see Severus, and was getting desperate.
After Pomfrey was satisfied that I was okay, I had counselling sessions with the Headmistress and Amery (so embarrassing!), and they both forbade me to study as much as I've been doing during the last weeks. They told me both that grades aren't everything and that I mustn't ruin my health. Silly cows, I'm not doing this for grades, but for Severus to notice me!
I have to admit, though, that they are right. I can't keep going on as I did. I must slow down; besides, it didn't really work out, did it? Whatever small progress I made in September and October vanished over the last weeks. What's more, I realised that it's not a sign of maturity and intelligence if I work myself to exhaustion just for him and neglect my other subjects. So, in future I will divide my time equally between my subjects. It can only get better.
Yes, girl, that's the spirit!
However, I must work out new tactics.
December, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Spent this lesson staring at him and trying to come up with new tactics. But I couldn't think of anything. It's good that it's Christmas break soon. Maybe when I'm home, I'll come up with a new idea.
But Christmas break means two horrible weeks without seeing my beloved! Oh, I can't stand it! It hurts to even think of it! Not seeing him glide down the halls, not hearing his silky voice hiss insults … oh, no!
Maybe I can dare Colin to take a picture of him and then take it with me? Or perhaps the library has old copies of the Daily Prophet with his picture?
December, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Today was the last DADA class before the break. I will miss him so much! Tomorrow evening I will be packing my trunks and going home. Two weeks without Severus! Horrible!
I don't have a picture. There was no opportunity to talk to Colin, and I couldn't find old Daily Prophets in the library. Do they even keep them there? Damn. But at least I've figured out how to give Severus the present. I will order a house-elf to give it to him on Boxing Day. Isn't that clever? I have it all wrapped up nicely and written a card that I signed with a witch that loves and admires you. Isn't that mysterious and romantic? Oooh, I'd love to see his face when he opens it! But I can't. Anyway, I'll see from his face next year what he thinks of it. I hope he'll like it, but I think he will. It's so gorgeous and so nicely shows the depths of my feelings for him!
Oh, dear diary, I love, love, love him so much! I must find a way to win him!
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Notes:
Sant's Treasure Trove: here a jeweller, but actually Sant and the Treasure Trove is part of Hystoria O Uuched Dewi (the Welsh Life of St David). Sant is the father of David, who is for the Welsh what St Patrick is for the Irish. Sant was told by an angel that he would find three treasures to mark the place that his son would once possess (the treasures, by the way, were a stag, a young salmon, and a bee hive; well, fashion changes).
roisin dubh (Irish):black rose. It wasn't my idea; I borrowed the concept from Mark Chadbourn who in turn said he borrowed from Celtic mythology. (I think he meant Irish mythology, since Celtic mythology in that sense does not exist, Celtic being nothing more than the name of a language family that is used to pigeon-hole the various different tribes that lived in Ireland, Britain, Wales, France, Spain, Germany, Italy, and Turkey (rant) ).
Magica Maleficia (Latin): during the Middle Ages the expression for every magic done with ill intention (curses etc.)