Fulfillment

By Princessvamp

Hey ya'll! This is just a one-shot ficlet of some darker thoughts of Serena when she is first being Sailor Moon. Don't run off—it starts out angsty, then gets happy.

Yes, I'll work on Sophisticate This, I promise.

Read and enjoy!

P.S. I own nada.

Hugs.

Some days I wish that simply folding up and disappearing was possible. Those are the days when I was up till four in the morning fighting the youma and icky demons, was kicked and punched and shot at, bruised and beaten, tired as hell, and still forced to act the happy schoolgirl and stay awake through my classes. Whoever decided that one sad group of girls should protect the universe should definitely have had their happy drugs taken away.

You know those cutesy TV shoes and movies, where even if everything goes completely ape-shit and wrong, at the end, everything works out? I wish I could have my happy ending.

I'm tired. Tired of secretly protecting this world that wants to kill itself, that doesn't deserve to be saved. If humans want to shoot and bomb and destroy one another, who am I to stop a few pesky demons from taking over the world? At least they'd be honest about wanting the world to end.

Luna just tsks at me and says in her funny cat voice that; "Everything will work out once we find the princess". Well, that's nice, but what do I do in the meantime? You'd think with all the super technology that Luna has a seemingly endless supply of, she could somehow track down this dumb crybaby princess.

Crybaby. Ironic, huh? I have dreams now of being how I used to be; silly and dumb and carefree. The day Luna walked into my life was the day that Bunny died, and I became Sailor Moon. The day that I saved Molly's life marked me for the rest of mine. No more little girl games and worries—I had the weight of the world to contend with now.

I was thinking the other day when I was catching a few precious moments of down time, watching Buffy on TV. I will never have a life. No, seriously, think about this. My entire life now is dictated through Sailor Moon. I won't ever be able to hold a real job, because no employer would allow me to run off to fight a demon in the middle of a workday. Same for college—What's the point of taking classes to be something in my life, when my life is now solely duty?

I wonder about my future—will I have a husband? Will he know who I am? Or will I leave our marriage bed to cool while I fight off the evil? I don't know.

My life stretches before my eyes—cold and unfulfilling and empty. My secret identity—such a novel idea when I was young and reading comic books—is now my darkness to contend with.

Rays from the sun light up my face as I turn it heavenward. The warmth seems superficial to me; false. I walk through the crowded sidewalks on my way home from school, hating the feeling of tears building behind my eyes. My throat aches suddenly and I bite back a sob.

Then suddenly the light is blocked off and I see only darkness. It takes a second for me to realize that it is the darkness of a black shirt pressed up against my face; that I walked into a man who's chest is my nose level. I register 'Smells good' before I step back and hold a hand to my squished nose, looking up, and I know before I see it.

Blue eyes.

Blue eyes and silky black hair, like a cloud's shade on the sea. Startled eyes I know with sharp cheekbones and a soft mouth that I've touched with my own lips…somehow, somewhere.

The knowledge bursts into my mind like a freshly squeezed orange, and I am smiling. Not alone. Not forever dark and dull.

Love.