Author's Notes: Thanks to all my betas. Chapter 1 is for lj commwtf27 prompt #11: Fantasy AU (traditional). Chapter 2 is for prompt#25 : Media Crossover. Chapter 3 is for prompt #9 : Supernatural (creatures). Chapter 4 is prompt #16 : You see, I woke up gay. Chapter 5 is for prompt #6: Mpreg.

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"Of course, if it sounds impossible, you look at me," Rodney groused.

Radek took a deep breath, taking support from Peter's presence. "Rodney, someone has to go convince Prince John to rescind his uncle, the Lord Regent's order to have our lab destroyed."

"I still don't see why I have to be the one to go."

Rodney's arms were crossed, which signaled to Radek that the only way to persuade Rodney was to stroke his ego…as if Rodney's ego ever needed stroking. "As much as I hate to admit it, you know the most about our research, so you have the best chance of demonstrating the importance of our work to Prince John."

Quickly joining in the discussion, Peter nodded, "You are the most logical person to go."

"At least you realize that," Rodney said, straightening his stance. "Fine! I'll leave for the castle today."

"It will be difficult to gain an audience with the Prince since his coronation is in less than a week."

Rodney's face took on a dull expression while his voice rose. "I am painfully aware of that."

"Good, good. And you will be taking the horse, Rodney?" Radek asked, already moving around their small, makeshift lab. Science was outlawed in the kingdom, and the three of them had risked imprisonment to continue with their experiments in secret. However, now they had been discovered, and the Lord Regent's soldiers would be coming for them soon.

"Of course I will! Do you realize how far away the castle is? I can't walk that far!"

Finding what he'd been looking for, Radek pulled out a rolled piece of parchment. "Very far. But this map will help you." Gesturing for the other two men to join him, he spread the parchment on their lab bench. "It's a magic map so it is always changing. The arrow tells you where you are, and the 'x' shows the position of whatever you are seeking…in this case, the prince. All you have to do is follow the map's directions."

"I know how to use a map." He reached out to take the parchment roughly. "Now, will one of you get me some food while I pack what else I'll need? And make sure you pack enough to feed me for a week, I'm hypoglycemic, you know."

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He hated elves.

Leaving the singing and dancing elves outside, Rodney stepped into the inn, suddenly certain that no food was worth what he'd just experienced. At least a hundred of those five-foot-tall magical creatures had come out of their homes to 'entertain' him when he'd entered the elven town. Yet another of the Lord Regent's laws: all elves shall be engaged in singing, juggling, and/or tomfoolery.

As he'd been riding his horse through the woods, the smell of freshly cooked food led him in this direction. If he'd known what would await him, he might have turned back; though, with a thought to what little supplies Peter had packed him, perhaps he still would have come to the inn. And as he'd already braved the 'entertainers' to get there, he might as well enjoy his meal.

He looked around the inn, finding only one table that had room for him to sit, but it already held a human woman and a male elf. For a moment, he considered his options, although once a waiter walked by with a steaming bowl of soup, he decided that he could tolerate some company in exchange for a hot meal.

After he sat at their table and refused to leave, the pair accepted Rodney's presence and even included him in their conversation. Slannen, the elf, chased off anyone who came within singing distance of their table, which suited Rodney perfectly well. However, Slannen soon disclosed a secret desire to his companions – despite Rodney's emphatic plea that the 'secret desires' chat wait until he departed.

"You actually want to be a lawyer? You want to be despised by every person with anything that passes for common sense in this kingdom?" Rodney asked, his face scrunched.

The woman, Ella, quickly covered, "I think that's very admirable, Slannen. You should petition Prince John to repeal the Elven Restriction Act so that you can go to law school."

"Oh," the elf leaned his elbow on the table, "and why would he listen to me?"

"He wouldn't," Rodney answered, shoving more food into his mouth.

Ella glared at the scientist a moment before turning her attention back to Slannen. "I've met Prince John, and he seems different from his uncle."

"Is that because he's a hunk?"

"No!" she blushed.

"So, how tall is he? Six foot?"

Suddenly finding her food interesting, she replied, "Yeah…about."

"I hate the guy already."

Unable to take anymore of the inane conversation between a height-obsessed, law-aspiring elf and a blushing girl who obviously had a crush on the prince, Rodney finished off his meal, then stood. "Yes, well…as fascinating as this is, my time is too valuable to waste here with you." Dropping a coin onto the table, he turned to face three more singing elves.

He really should have kept riding.

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Was it possible to hate a piece of parchment? If so, Rodney certainly did.

Pursing his lips, he stared down at the map in his hands, willing it to show another route to the prince. In response, the map only added several small arrows pointed towards the large, blinking arrow which sent him straight to Giantville.

"Yes, I read you the first time," Rodney growled, roughly rolling the map back up and shoving it into his pack. With a wary eye, he rode into the part of the kingdom inhabited almost solely by giants; men and women standing 30 feet tall, sometimes more.

Obviously, the houses had to grow with the people, but Rodney was sure that everything else was bigger too. Even the grass!

Up ahead, he could see a dreadlocked giant using a boulder to sharpen his knife…a knife only slightly smaller than Rodney. Even sitting down, this giant was enormous; at least 40 feet tall, he had to tower above the others! But, the oddest thing about this giant was that a pointed-nosed-elf was sitting in his lap.

Pulling his horse to a halt in front of the strange pair, Rodney stared a moment before introducing himself. Usually, he hated meeting new people, but he needed directions, and he refused to ask his irritating little map for help.

"I'm Lorne," the elf pointed to himself, then to his giant companion, "and this is Ronon."

Rodney's eyebrows lowered. "I take it you two aren't brothers?"

"No," Lorne answered, his face completely devoid of emotion. An expression i almost /i matched by the giant, however, Ronon was showing a little too much annoyance.

"So you're…?" the scientist spoke only to Lorne, gesturing with his hand. "How does that work…physically? I mean, he's…" Rodney pointed up to the giant, "huge, and nothing of his would…and you…well…you could literally crawl up in…" Realization hit him, and his eyes widened slightly. "Nevermind." Pointing in the last direction he'd gotten from his map – which suddenly looked pretty appealing – Rodney asked, "This way to the castle?"

Lorne's blank expression never changed as he replied, "Yes."

"Then I'll just be going now…" he mumbled, his eyes focused on a rather fascinating leaf that had fallen in his horses' mane.

Despite several desperate attempts to distract himself, his brain was still working out the mechanics of the giant/elf pair hours after he'd left their company. Shaking his head again, he felt something small fly by his left ear.

"No…not a bee," he ducked down, ready to swat at anything flying in his general direction. "I'm allergic to bees!"

A second later, he heard, "Excuse me?" Heavy on the 'u'.

Hovering a few inches in front of his face was a six-inch-tall man with bleached blonde hair sticking up in all directions. And attached to his back, keeping him up, were a pair of transparent, glittered wings that happened to match his nude, also glittered, body.

Rodney immediately began plotting his elaborate revenge on Radek and Peter.

"Do I look like a bee to you?" the flying mini-man screeched. "Well, unless you mean 'bitch'…I may be that. But totally not one of those drab yellow and black bugs! I'm a fairy, thank you!" To prove his point, the fairy twirled around, shaking all of his unprotected body parts in Rodney's direction.

"I never thought I'd prefer a bee," the scientist mumbled, rolling his eyes. And apparently, the fairy didn't appreciate that comment, as he pulled his wand out of a place Rodney preferred not to think about and took aim.

Rodney's last thought as he fell off his horse amidst the glitter swirling around him was that the fairy would probably strip him down and do to him what the elf did to the giant.

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The first fact to register in Rodney's brain was that he was lying on the ground, and he had no idea how he'd gotten there.

Wait.

The fairy.

At least that part was cleared up.

The second thing he noticed was that he was still clothed, and the fairy was nowhere to be seen. Rodney's shoulders slumped as he realized that the fairy didn't have his wicked way with him after all.

His whole body jerked. Where the hell did that disappointment come from? A fairy not taking advantage of Rodney's unconscious state was a i good /i thing. All he had to do now was convince himself of that.

Pushing himself off the ground, he looked around for his horse. And, of course, the beast was nowhere to be seen.

"Probably chased after the fairy, trying to steal a few more looks at that luscious little…" Rodney stopped himself before he could finish one of the most terrifying thoughts to ever cross his mind. Body completely frozen, he allowed his brain to entertain all the possible reasons for his temporary insanity. The temporary insanity that made him i want /i to look for the fairy…or better yet, go back and find the elf and the giant. Surely they could use a third in their little games.

Eyes bulging at his sudden…interest, he gritted his teeth and banished the all-too-tempting images of Lorne climbing up Ronon's legs, only to wink down at Rodney before…

"Hypoglycemia!" Rodney shouted, his body nearly collapsing in relief at the obvious reason for the crazy thoughts in his head. "I just need food…all will be well when I've had something to eat." Reaching into his pockets, he shoved everything he could find into his mouth, whether it was food or not.

Face scrunched up, he pulled a miniature glass Buddha from between his lips. Eyeing it, his right hand automatically scratched the back of his head. "How did this get here?" he asked himself before tossing the figurine over his shoulder.

Having exhausted the limited supplies on his person, Rodney still felt certain body parts get excited at the remembered images of the fairy, the elf, and the giant. "Still not enough." As if in answer to his desperation, a scent drifted towards him, and, eyes closed, he followed it without question.

"Ahem. Can I help you?"

Rodney opened his eyes at a man's voice, immediately wishing he hadn't. The man sitting in front of the fire just a few feet away had dark hair that looked deliciously mussed and beautifully intense eyes. Simply put, he was the most attractive man Rodney had ever seen, which didn't help with the current situation.

Desperate, Rodney responded, "Yes. You see, I woke up gay just now, but I think it's because I'm hypoglycemic, so if you could just give me some food, I'm sure that I'll be fine and I'll stop fantasizing about a fairy, an elf, and a giant." He finally looked down from the stranger's eyes to the bread in his hands. Pointing at this newest discovery, he asked, "You going to eat that?"

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Rodney watched the stranger, wondering if he would ever hand over the bread. However, the startlingly handsome man only stared, his head slightly tilted to the side as if in thought. As adorable as that was, it wasn't helping Rodney's situation at all, and he was about to say as such when the man sitting across from him held out the bread.

"The name's John," he smirked.

Grabbing the bread and inhaling it, he replied, "Rodney."

"Problem solved?"

"Huh?" Rodney asked, eyeing the slab of freshly-cooked meat that had originally lured him.

"Are you still gay?"

Hmm. Good question. He tore his eyes away from the meat to look up at John again. Lips that would look even better opening for Rodney. Hands that could hold him down, then pull his hips back against… "Yes, I'd say I'm still gay."

"Do you want to try more food, or something else?"

Despite his first inclination to ask for more food, something about the expression on John's face led Rodney to believe that he was going to like that second option better. Much better. "What else?"

John shrugged in a strangely seductive way, then stood, only to stalk closer to Rodney. "Well…"

Minutes later they were on the ground together, naked. Half an hour later, Rodney finally considered the possibility that the fairy had done more than just knock him off his horse.

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Two and a half months later, Rodney collapsed into a chair, John's hand in his. John, the crowned prince. Who knew? And standing in front of the couple were Radek and Peter, now working in the royal labs alongside Rodney.

It was official: the fairy definitely did more than just knock Rodney off his horse.

"We've done all the tests we can think of; there's no other explanation."

Grumbling, Rodney cursed the fairy under his breath.

"This is great news," John grinned, his hand squeezing his lover's in support. "Rodney's really pregnant!"

"Yes, thank you for restating the fact," Rodney refused to acknowledge the grin on John's face. He hesitated a moment while a rather disturbing thought crossed his mind. "Where is it going to come out?"

Radek glanced over to Peter before gesturing towards the body part in question, "All the evidence points to…that as the most likely exit point for your child."

The pregnant scientist blinked, "You've got to be kidding."

"Is that," John gestured with his one free hand, "even physically possible?"

"Well, Rodney being pregnant at all isn't physically possible, so why should this be any different?" Peter asked in an infuriatingly reasonable tone.

"No," Rodney crossed his arms, resting them on his bulging stomach. "No child of mine is coming into the world from there!"

His lover turned towards him, "Now Rodney, there's not much we can do. It's not like we can just cut the baby out." And upon seeing Rodney seriously contemplate this solution, John emphatically said, "No."

"Fine," Rodney grumbled. "Just tell me that it's going to grow when the time comes, right?"

Peter and Radek glanced at each other again before answering, "Well..."

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Six and a half months after that, Rodney's cursing could be heard throughout the castle. And between demands to hunt the fairy down and his incoherent screams, one sentence was repeated, over and over again.

"And women complain about a watermelon fitting through something the size of a lemon?"

-end-