Chapter 3: Say Cheese!

When Artemis had significantly cleaned himself up in the Men's restroom Angeline Fowl spotted a walking Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. "Oh Arty!" she gushed, why don't we take a picture!"

"Mother, I am not five."

"Oh come on, where's your Hershey's spirit?" laughed Artemis Senior.

"You have to be joking." Looking at his parents smiling faces, he realized in horror that they were not."

"Let's get a picture. Oh Reeeeeeseeees Maaaaaaan!" his mother called loudly as she wailed her arms wildly like a drunk person, "Can we have a picture?"

The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup waved and walked closer.

"This is my son Arty," Angeline explained, "and he's been just dying to meet you." She pushed Artemis forward, and pulled out her camera.

"Mother," whined Artemis, "is this really necessary?"

"Nonsense Arty. Now say cheese—Artemis!"

"What?"

"Don't hide behind the Reese's Peanut Butter Man."

The man in the Reese's suit tried to push Artemis in front of him. Artemis didn't move. He pushed harder. No result. "Look kid," he growled in the boy's ear, so close Artemis could smell the nicotine on his breath, "We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. Which is it gonna be?" With that, he gave him a wild shove.

Artemis stumbled forward, tripping on a candy wrapper and falling flailing towards the camera. "Noooooooo…."

CLICK!

"Ooomph!" Artemis groaned, landing face first in the concrete.

"Oh I think that will turn out just adorable!" Angeline gushed. She showed the picture on her digital camera to the Reese's man. "Isn't he just adorable?"

"Mmm." the man grunted.

She showed the picture to her husband and Butler, who both were silent for a few seconds. Artemis's face took up almost the whole picture, his arms waving wildly in front of him and the expression on his face of such genuine terror that finally they burst out laughing.