Shaman King Journals

a/n: Enjoy! I have more chapters of this lined up, but it'll be coming out slowly because I have so many other stories I have to work on. Remember to review! I promise that it'll get funnier. :)

Summary: Read the diaries of your favorite shamans! Includes cheerleading squads, Hao Vanquisher 2000s, protective brothers, soap operas, stuffed animals, bribery, valiant Korropukkur, and, of course, the electric chair! And of course, the line 'I need an aspirin'.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman. King. :)

Chapter One: The Stolen Sockies

Dear Journal,

I am starting a journal. All great detectives have journals, you know, to keep their detective lives on record.

But mostly it's because my therapist says that by keeping a journal, I might soothe my deep feelings of hate for a certain someone (whose name I'm not allowed to mention, as it leads me to violent fits of rage).

Anyway, this certain someone made me very angry this morning. I was changing into my favorite socks (they're green plaid, and they totally go with my outfit) when Hao-

AAAAGGH! I wrote it down!

Oh well, I'm making progress. I didn't break stuff this time!

Anyway, he came in and he stole my socks!

THIS IS WAR! FIRST MY PARENTS, NOW MY SOCKS?

I WILL GET YOU HAO-

(Ooops. This time I broke my desk. Guess I'm not making progress, after all.)

-IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

-Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel

Dear Journal,

Earlier this morning, I stole Lyserg's soscks! Tee-hee, what fun! That kids is so easy to irritate. I mean, the socks I can understand. But his parents? Talk about sensitive…

Anyhoo, then I went to go bother Ren!

He was training. Which is all I think he ever does in his free time. He was yelling at Anna, because she wasn't going to buy anymore milk, and then she slapped him. After Anna left, I started laughing.

"Ha! You got beaten up by a girl!"

He tried to hit me, but of course he couldn't because I am All-Powerful! Bwa-ha-ha!

Then Ren tried to slice me in half with his spear-thingy, which I then stole. I held it over my head, so he couldn't reach it (he's short, ha ha!).

"Give it back, moron!" he screamed.

I proceeded to stick my tongue out.

"No way, Lenny!" I replied with a British accent.

Then he lunged at me, with a feral scream. What fun!

Lyserg barged in. "Are you making fun of my British accent?" he demanded angrily.

Even though I had an angry shaman attacking me (I was dodging. I'm a good dodger.) I managed to stick one of my feet in the air.

Lyserg gasped in horror, then tears filled his eyes.

"No…. sockies…" he whispered. He broke into tears and ran out of the room, screaming at me:

"I WILL SAVE YOU SOCKIES! HAO, I WILL GET REVENGE!"

Yeah, whatever.

Ren had stopped punching, he was so stunned by this scene, but then he started up again. I could've dodged all day, but it was becoming tiresome…

So I struck a deal (which would help to stir things up around here… annoying Lyserg was getting a little bit boring).

"Ren," said I, the Great All-Powerful Hao, "I'll give you your spear-thingy-"

"Kwan Dao!" he spat, still trying to hit me.

"I'll give you your spear-thingy and help you get your milk back, but you have to do a little something for me!"

He stopped punching. "What do I have to do?" he said suspiciously.

I thought for a moment. Hmmm… kill Yoh? I didn't particularly want him dead, but it would leave Anna free and cause some mayhem…

Somehow, I thought Ren wouldn't really go for that.

I smiled triumphantly. I had just figured out something utterly humiliating.

"Okay, go kiss Pirka!"

He looked at me darkly, though his face had drained of color.

"Think of your milk," I reminded him.

"Fine!" he snapped.

Haha! More mayhem… another victory!

-Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao

Dear Journal,

I think Ren and that Hao are plotting something. Idiots. I've got to sharpen my torture – er, training tools.

OMG! Oh. My. Gawd.

Yoh looked so hawt today. But of course, he always does.

Hmm…

Mrs. Asakura Yoh.

Asakura Anna.

Thank gawd I'm getting married to him. I totally think that weaselly little weasel Tamao is trying to steal him! And she might have a chance with that pink hair of hers.

Hmmm. Maybe I should die my hair pink? It might be totally hawt, and pink is really in this season…

Love, Asakura Anna

Dear Journal,

I've got to kiss Pirka, or I won't get my Kwan Dao back. Stupid Hao… more importantly, though, he said he'd put milk back on the list if I did it…. (!)

Called Jun today. I'm worried about her… is it normal to fall in love with a corpse? I don't know… I'm a bit socially inept… I mean, Jun denies it, but she and Bailong do seem to have a "thing".

Lyserg's mad. I hate it when he's mad at Hao. He breaks everything. It's a secret, but once he broke Penelope (she's my tiger stuffed animal. I've had her since I was little, even though my father tore her up multiple times.)

Anyway, that time Jun wasn't around to sew Penelope back together, so I had Faust do it for me. It was, of course, a confidential job.

Got to go train some more.

-Tao Ren

Dear Journal,

Today I sat under a tree. Anna made me train. I drank a lemonade. Ren is angry (what else is new?). I haven't seen Horhoro all day. Same with Manta. Ryu is off as a sushi chef in America. Chocolove is with Ryu, but he's just visiting some friends (not his scary friends from his gang days) over there. Lyserg is mad at Hao (see above comment about Ren).

Tamao's pink hair is kinda cute.

I think that's enough writing for today.

-Yoh

Dear Journal,

I made dinner today. Master Yoh said it was good…. And smiled at me!

I fainted. Master Yoh seemed very concerned!

Lady Anna glared at me, though.

-Love, Tamao

Dear Journal,

Today me and Kororo went snowboarding!

Pirka yelled at me when I got back home. She was real mad because I missed training (apparently she got some good tips from Anna… RED ALERT: she's caught on about the electric chair!)

I'll have to conveniently miss training tomorrow, too. And the day after that… and the day after that…

From, Horohoro

Dear Journal,

Horohoro and I went snowboarding today! Whee!

I haven't seen Manta for a while…

WAIT! I'm sensing that he's in danger! Must save him!

-Kororo

Dear Journal,

My father has kidnapped me! (Kind of) He's shipped me off to America for that stupid education… now I'll never see Yoh ever again!

Oh, yeah, I saw Chocolove today. But he seemed to think I was joking about my situation, and made a rude joke about my height. Hmph! Well, it seems I can't rely on him.

I hate my boarding school. Everyone here is really tall, and no one can see ghosts like I can. I wish Yoh or some other shaman (BESIDES CHOCOLOVE) was here…

- Manta