Author: Tammi aka SkittlezLvr79

Category: Wrestling/Het

Pairing: Jeff/Trish, Trish/Carlito

Rating: T

Summary: Jeff struggles with the reality of things

Disclaimer: No infringement is intended and I don't own the people used in this work of fiction. They belong to themselves. The company and their respective onscreen persona's belong to Vince McMahon and the World Wrestling Entertainment.

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Jeff stood by the monitor, green gaze focused intently on the woman standing by the side of the ring. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her brilliant blonde hair hung down in loose waves, brushing softly against the exposed skin of her shoulders and upper arms. A few errant locks hung by the side of her angelic face and he longed to brush them away and marvel in the softness of those golden locks.

But he couldn't.

Because the beauty that haunted his dreams and danced through his mind every hour he was awake wasn't his anymore. She had moved on, found someone new and was happy without him in her life. That beaming smile painted on her lips and the gleam in her eyes told him that it wasn't just an angle or an act for the cameras. The past was the past to her and she was over it, thinking about nothing but what the future held for her.

And that hurt.

It hurt him more than any injury he sustained in a match ever hurt. He never wanted their relationship to end. He knew that she was the one for him. But for some reason, he never told her that. Maybe it was the fear that he didn't deserve her, that in his messed up state of mind that he'd only end up hurting her for trying to help him through it.

So he pushed her away instead.

He knew that the distance he put between them had hurt. But he forgot how stubborn and determined she was. Despite him pushing her away, she still tried to make their relationship work. She called him before and after every show. Her days off were spent at his house, pretending that he wasn't ignoring her and spending all his time doing drugs.

It drove him crazy.

She was completely blind to the fact that by being with him, he was dragging her down with him. The more strained things got between them, the more she called and came over, even missing house shows occasionally so she could be with him. While her efforts to make sure their relationship weathered the storm made him love her even more, it also made him hate her. He knew that there was only one way to get her to leave him and even though he didn't want to break her heart, he felt like he had to in order to protect her from him.

He had to "cheat" on her.

Not really cheat because he knew that he could never do that to her. He called his ex-girlfriend, a wanna-be actress, and she agreed to help him. The plan was set and unfortunately it went off without a hitch. They were lying in his bed, naked, when Trish got there. She stared at them in horror, shaking her head as if that would somehow make it go away.

Then all hell broke loose.

There was yelling, cursing and crying. Things got thrown at the occupants of the bed and at the walls. His partner in crime was smart enough to get out of there before Trish could get her hands on her. He stayed to face the wrath of his girlfriend and didn't flinch when she slapped him across the face. Because he knew that he deserved that and much more for putting her through that.

She begged him to tell her why.

He refused to give her an answer. But his silence wasn't because he knew that she'd know that he was lying. It was because he knew that he'd tell her the truth, that nothing really happened and it had all been a set-up so she'd have no choice but to break up with him. Then he'd have to explain to her that even though he loved her more than he loved anything else, he couldn't stand to be with her because he knew that he was destroying her. Tired of the silence and trying to make things work, she walked away.

And never looked back.

He never stopped loving her and kept track of how she was doing. Professionally, she was at the top of her game and that earned her a very lucrative contract extension with the WWE. Personally, she was putting the pieces back together. He was happy for her because she deserved all the success she had and the life that he thought he wouldn't have been able to give her.

Even though he wished he could have.

His eyes narrowed as he watched Trish embrace Carlito and contently smile up at him, her hand gently stroking his chest. Every time he saw her give him that smile, it twisted the dagger deeper into his heart. He turned away from the monitor as they kissed, not able to handle the sight. If only he hadn't been so damn stubborn and let her help him with his problem, they'd probably be married.

But he was all alone.

And he knew that it was going to stay that way. Unfortunately, he couldn't move on and find love again because his heart still belonged to her. He was doomed to spend the rest of his life reliving the mistakes he made and wondering if he was to ever tell Trish the truth about what happened, if she'd forgive him...