CH4

Zim sat there in front of the television screen contemplating his next move to woo and win Gaz's allegiance. The commercial that caught his attention this time was that of man working out at a gym. "Come down to Mighty Mo's mega gym and get the body your woman always dreamed you'd have."

"Hmmm Gaz isn't impressed with scent or with flashy wardrobe; so perhaps she is drawn to brawn." Zim then lifted his scrawny twig like arm and sighed. "I could go to my lab and try to create some concoction that would give me instant muscles but it would probably take all night to come up with something and I want results now!"

He thought some more about this idea and tried to come up withnew. "Maybe I don't have to have huge muscles, perhaps if I do something daring; maybe that would impress this volatile earth female."

He thought about it a little more. Then finally he had one of his brilliant ideas. He immediately rushed over to Gaz's house and began to shimmy up the telephone pole that was closest to her house. He then began shouting her name to get her to come outside and watch. "Gaz! Come witness my great agility and steady nerve!"

Reluctantly Gaz came to the window and looked up into the sky. There she saw Zim slowly walking across one of the electrical wires that led to her house. Zim continued on, one brave step after another, focusing all his energy on staying calm and reaching the other side of the wire. 'I'm doing it! Ah-ha, I'm really going to make it!'

Meanwhile Gaz stood there at the window, mildly interested to see if the little green guy would make it across or not. Then just as he made it to the half way point, he made the terrible mistake of looking down. 'Oh dooky.'

Suddenly his confidence evaporated and each step after that got harder and harder to take. 'What am I doing? This idea was crazy!' He looked forward to see how far he had to go; then he tried to look behind to see if going back would be easier. But all the moving around made the wire jiggle and he slipped, and he came down, his groin smacking hard onto the wire. There he froze, straddling the electric wire for what seemed to be an eternity. Then mercifully his body weight tilted and he fell to the ground, landing in Gaz's back yard. Gaz didn't exactly run out the back door to come to his aid, but she did at least go. She arrived at his side just as he came to his senses. Zim weakly lifted his head, his vision still blurry as he tried to focus on Gaz as she stood there shaking her head with her hands on her hips. "Hey space boy, if you want to impress somebody," she began to lecture as she reached for his wig.

"Just be yourself," and with that she yanked the wig from his head. Zim nervously stood to his feet with the intentions of running but once it was clear that Gaz wasn't looking to do him any harm, he remained still studying Gaz as she studied him. "So is there anything else you're wearing that's not really you?"

Zim held his breath and slowly peeled the contacts away from his naturally red glowing eyes. He stood there in front of this human female who was just staring at him with her hands on her hips; carefully looking the alien up and down. He couldn't remember ever feeling so vulnerable before this moment. As far as he was concerned he might as well have been completely naked. For a moment or so neither of them said a word, then at last Gaz spoke up. "You sure are one ugly alien."

Zim couldn't help but feel thoroughly rejected and he slumped over a bit looking quite sad. He was just about to walk away without saying a word, when Gaz added one more thing. "But in a cute sorta way." Zim's face brightened somewhat.

"This is a good thing?" he wondered honestly. Gaz paused for a moment milling over the alien's question. "Y-y-y-yeah for the most part."

In that instant, Zim confidence returned. "So is being ugly in a sort of cute way good enough to make you give me your total devotion, worship and praise? Will you offer me your allegiance and help me conquer this miserable world you call home?"

Gaz cocked her eyebrow and huffed. "No."

"Oh," Zim pondered for a moment. "Well, is it good enough then to make you pledge to me your allegiance, worship me now and then, offer some mild praise from time to time and help me conquer this world?"

"No," Gaz flatly claimed.

Zim now put his hands on his hips in frustration. "Fine; then is it at least good enough to earn your allegiance and help me take over the world?"

Gaz was now getting bored and she sighed. "No, but is it good enough to have me feel sorry for you and tell you that my brother Dib will be home any minute and unless you want him to get a picture of you looking this way, you better go now."

"Ah," Zim was quickly getting the idea that Gaz wanted him to leave and soon. "This is not such a bad thing. Pity is a perfectly acceptable substitute under these circumstances. Who knows," he then added in an ominous tone. "This could always lead into something more endearing."

"Not if you were the last alien on Earth," Gaz assured him as she threw his wig at him. "Now go."

Zim quickly put his disguise back in place and began to strut away. He had not won the grand prize that he still wanted very badly but he did feel that he was at least coming home with a sound conciliation prize. He entered his lair feeling victorious for the first time in quite some while.

"We won't be watching that evil machine television any more," he arrogantly asserted. "It is full of lies and its entirely misleading."

Gir's gasped in shock and horror. "But we need to see the conclusion of The Scary Monkey Show! Remember it was a two-parter!"

"Oh that's right," Zim suddenly remembered, smacking him self on the forehead. "Very well, we may watch this second part of The Scary Monkey Show. But after that we must turn this vile thing off and never allow this deceptive appliance to fool us again.

"Ok," Gir happily agreed. "Once Scary Monkey is over I'll start spending all my time with you master. We'll have fun in the lab and you can show me all your neat inventions and we can go to your control room and run around, then maybe Computer can join us and we'll play charades. Then maybe we can…"

"Gir," Zim quickly interrupted him. "Perhaps I judged this television too harshly. Maybe we should continue watching it; you know strictly for gathering information."

"Oh, Ok," Gir once more happily complied.

'Phew, that was close.' Zim thought to himself. He then headed to the lower levels of his lair.

"Well I'm off to the lab Gir, I have much work to do if I am turn Gaz's pity for me into praise." Gir watched him disappeared in the trash can then picked up Pig and gave him a big hug. "Phew, that was close Pig."

-THE END