Mental problems.
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Eleven year old Uzumaki Naruto picked the phone up carefully, his hand shaking like there was no tomorrow.
So it had finally come to this.
He had tried everything, he really had. He had tried to ignore the voice in the beginning.
Just step forward and rip that throat open. You know you want to. It would be so easy. Getting revenge for everything they have done for you… And don't try pretending you can't hear me!
I KNOW YOU DO!
Then he had tried talking back to it, convincing to it that it wasn't real.
You've listened to that bag of flesh go on about the right way to snap a neck. How about giving it a try?
I'm not going to do that. Look, just shut up. You're not even real. I mean, I know I don't have a voice in my head.
Ah, ah, that's what all crazy people tell themselves. How do you think you can tell the difference?
Iruka-sensei told me so.
Oh! Going to believe that useless piece of blood and entrails walking around, pretending he actually cares when actually every inch of him hopes you'll just go somewhere you die, you useless piece of—
STOP TALKING LIKE THAT ABOUT IRUKA-SENSEI!
The voice had laughed. Well, Naruto was used to it, everybody laughed at him after all, but he still didn't like it.
So then, he had tried yelling at the voice.
Shuttup! Shuttup! I don't want to listen to you! You're not real! You're not really here!
An insane laugh had been his answer.
Keep telling that to yourself, kit.
And then when the voice had started to talking to him all the time, he had just tried to figure out some way to shut it up. He had asked Iruka-sensei about it, but his teacher had just laughed nervously and answered that -of course you don't have a voice in your head Naruto-kun, and it really is strange you keep asking the same question several times a week-
Naruto hadn't asked again after that.
Naruto had run into a man after that. He was really tall, at least as tall as Naruto, and he has this scary, scarred face. The man had laughed, a dry, raspy voice, and asked him;
"Hearing voices in your head, kid?"
Naruto ran after that. It sounded too much like the voice in his head for his liking.
And after asking the Hokage –There's nothing wrong with you Naruto-kun, just try ignoring the voice and try smiling a bit more. You really are such a quiet child, Naruto-kun- Naruto just gave up asking people.
You know they are lying to you, trying to convince you that I'm not real, that I'm not here. But I'm here all right, and you know it.
I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!
"I can't…" Naruto mumbled to himself (he had started talking to himself all the time now, because usually, when he spoke, the voice was quiet. Perhaps he and the voice couldn't speak at the same time?)
And then, in his darkest hour, Naruto had been reading a news-paper in the middle of the night (because really, he didn't like it when the voice talked to him in his dreams, and he tried avoiding sleep for several days) he had spotted the advertisement.
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Having mental trouble? Hearing voices in your head? Noticing changes in your behaviour? Having times when you don't remember what you did a few days ago? Waking up in strange places without remembering how you ended up where you woke up?
Call 1-800-MENTALHEAVEN for professional help.
(Price 23 yen/min with the exception of all Konoha nin and our only golden member Hatake-san.)
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Naruto concentrated hard on his hand –and finally, the shaking stopped- and dialled the number.
"……..riiing!…….riiing!…….riiing!……click!" Naruto waited with excitement when finally the phone was picked up. The voice was quiet now as well, listening closely to the phone.
"Hello. Welcome to the mental heaven." A mechanic voice answered. Naruto frowned.
"If you are obsessed, push 1 repeatedly."
Naruto shook his head. That didn't sound right. He wasn't obsessed with anything, was he?
Except for that foul ramen thing you call 'food', no.
"If you are subordinate, ask somebody else to press 2."
Naruto pouted. He was not subordinate. He was going to be the Hokage, and then he was going to be the one telling people to push two, and then—
Shut up kit, you're going to miss number three.
"If you have several personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6."
There are only the two of us in this body, the last time I counted, that isn't the right one. The voice remarked, and Naruto frowned. But surely the second voice in his head would count as--
"If you are paranoid, you can just let the phone lie down. We know who you are and what you want and we'll contact you inside the nearest hour."
That doesn't sound nice. Naruto thought while looking around himself, half-excepting somebody to appear suddenly out of nowhere.
I'm starting to suspect that whoever came up with this recording wasn't entirely sane…
Recording…?
"If you are a schizophrenic, you can listen to the tiny voice in your head telling you which number to press."
Well, are you going to tell me which number to press? Naruto inquired.
I am not by any criteria TINY! WE ARE NOT PUSHING ANY BUTTONS AT ALL! I DARE YOU TO PUSH A BUTTON AND YOU'LL FIND ME COMMENTING EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO WHILE USING THE TOILET, EATING AND SLEEPING! I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE, YOU USELESS HUMAN!
Naruto whimpered. He really didn't like the voice. And the thought of listening to it 24/7…
"If you are mano-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you're going to push, nobody is going to answer anyway."
See, nobody cares.
You're stupid.
And useless.
A freak of nature.
Waste of space.
Nobody will ever help you.
It'll just be you and me.
For all eternity.
The voice laughed.
Naruto whimpered.
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A/N: I swear to god there is no excuse. It just came to me.