Disclaimer: I do not, nor most likely will ever own Labyrinth. It belongs to Jim, rest his soul.

The Goblin King

A feather-light touch on my nose made me want sleepily scratch at it; it disappeared the moment I moved, though, and so I let my hand drop back on the comforter, coveting sleep like the haven it is…when the touch came again, and in response, I clobbered myself in the face with a handful of cold, wet shaving cream. Blinking for a moment, I noticed a slight weight off of my eyebrows and the few strands of my hair that had escaped the confines of my pillow…and turned to glare at a guffawing kelpie.

"Moondancer…"

"HAHAHAHA!!!"

"…I hate you." The feral grin on Dance's face mocked me even more than the raucous laugh had, and I snarled a little as I yanked a towel from the bedstead and vigorously cleaned up my face and hair. Thankfully, Emily had apparently left the room for an early bath; I didn't really want my newfound lover to catch me strangling my best friend for a childish practical joke. Of course, that's assuming I could catch him; Dance lived up to his name as he spirited off, and after a moment of cursing at him in fervent Goblin, I stalked over to my wardrobe…only to find that every article of clothing I possessed, down to the last sock, was completely and utterly gone.

"DANCE!!!!!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"THIS MEANS WAR, YOU INSUFFERABLE KELPIE!!!"

They, meaning the goblins, had been betting on this day for ages; very, very rarely has Dance angered me into the point of retaliation…but when it happens…weeell…let's just say that those prank wars that college students come up with run along the same lines…but generally just a bit more 'dangerous' in nature…

Hence why the said kelpie is now skirting the edges of the labyrinth while I laugh maniacally, throwing exploding crystals at him. WHAT?!?!? So it's a little childish…but really, how do you expect a pyromaniac to react to a prank, in particular one played by a creature that you KNOW won't be harmed? Simple…you singe his sorry rump until he comes back limping!

"YEE-OWWWW!!! JARETH, STOP!"

"Not until I get my clothes back!"

"Um…" That slight hesitation broke our conversation quite easily, and I spun around to find Em cradling a tray of breakfast foods…and looking very confused. "Jareth…what's going on?" She smiled slightly though as she took in my ruffled appearance, and I forced back a blush, telling myself that she'd seen me all over yesterday…and last night…and earlier this morning…Damn. That stupid blush of mine burned across my cheeks as she chuckled a little.

"Never mind…I'll be sure to blame Moondancer. Do you need a robe?" I had hoped that the words would be sure and steady, but cursed myself again at how shy I'd suddenly become.

"Y-yes, please…I'm sorry for all the noise, Em…"

"It's alright…here you go. I filched it from the pile Dance said he was 'washing' for you."

"I'll bet he dumped it into the Bog of Eternal Stench." I replied gloomily as I shrugged on the warm cotton and tied it snug about my waist, and she laughed a little, but shook her head.

"No, though the goblins were betting on that…I think I saw him heading for your favorite lake…" I sighed and slumped into my chair, grateful that she didn't seem too horrified at the sheer stupidity I'd so recently displayed. She clucked her tongue a little as she handed me my own food, raising an eyebrow as I sighed melodramatically again.

"Jareth, eat."

"I apologize, I'm not that hungry."

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Your stomach claims otherwise." The resounding growl made her giggle in spite of the serious face she was trying to pull, and I finally had to laugh myself, digging in and scheming across the table from her…

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
You've run so long
You've run so far
Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you
Yes I do
Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
I, I can't live within you

Emily forced back yet another giggle as she balanced on the Labyrinth's wall, waiting for Jareth's signal. They'd spent all of breakfast scheming as to what would be the perfect revenge for Moondancer's act, Jareth dredging up old memories of similar wars, all initiated by Moondancer and finished by Jareth. Finally they'd settled on one that she'd suggested, remembering what some of her classmates had done, and even now the Goblin King was magicking vast quantities of clear gelatin into the pit the goblins had dug out at the entrance of the Goblin City. Dance, having fled the city to avoid Jareth, now had to deal with the fact that whatever Jareth had planned for him would most likely be at the entrance…and of course, there's no other path that he can take.

Finishing up the giant Jello mold, blond spikes suddenly appeared next to her, tamed back into a ponytail, but still wild. She grinned and cut the rope holding up the old, weathered tarp…the one that looked exactly like the earth around it. It fluttered down perfectly, covering the pit without a wrinkle. Kissing her on the cheek and snapping his fingers, Jareth magicked them both up to the parapet above the entrance. He leaned on his arms placidly, and Emily had to take in this strange picture. Her lover's boot-encased feet crossed as he rested on the wall, a rather dingy, once white robe now dusted with reddish dust all that he had to wear, though his crystals could have clothed him. But no, he wanted Dance to see just what Jareth had 'suffered' through in order to exact this weird, but undeniably funny revenge.

The pit itself was just deep enough to reach Dance's shoulders, and ordinarily, he could have gotten out…but that was where the gelatin had come in. As he sunk, he'd struggle, and he'd sink even farther until he reached the bottom. He wouldn't be able to move without getting even more mired, until Jareth decided that he was good enough to release. Thus, the Goblin King would get a very immense pleasure from this…because being seen buck naked on his balcony was not an experience he was going to be getting over fast. The young woman just shook her head and sidled up to him, slipping an arm about his waist and sighing contentedly as he nuzzled her braided hair. Oh, the fun they were going to have…

Hehehe…a joke chapter, just because!

KD: Dance, give me back my computer. -sighs-

D: No way! This is fun!

J: Oy, horse-boy! You heard the author!

D: Stuff it, ape. If you only knew half the things she writes about you…

J: -snorts- I LIKE what she writes.

E: Um, guys?

D&J: Yes, dear Emily?

E: -takes the computer- You know better than to take things that don't belong to you!

D&J: No we don't! -Jareth slugs Dance, Dance tackles Jareth…war ensues-

KD: O-kay then…

Laters,

KD