We don't own the characters of Kim Possible whatsoever, but we do own ourselves. First off, I should state right off the bat, this might be pushing the acceptable story rules here. No, I don't mean sex or violence, just the story itself. It does however involve the KP characters in an amusing, if brutal, story. If anyone has a problem with it, just let me know. Also, exactly as the title says, this is a conversation we had in my chat forum here at FF dot net and is therefore written by myself, as well as MrDrP, TexasDad, Commander Argus, SassMasterGeneral, The Wise Duck, Blackbird, dataweaver, and Novacaine98. Others took part in the conversation as well, but these are the ones whose comments or likeness will be listed in here. Now, let's get on with the story.
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Conversations in an Internet Chat Room
It was a warm, quiet night as Steve sat back down at his computer. Pulling up his email, he smiles at the number of stories and responses there are, and sits down to enjoy himself. His wife slides up quietly behind him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek and carefully places a coffee down on the desk beside him.
"Looking for more bedtime stories for Stephanie?"
Steve grins up at his wife. "Well, you know how much she loves Kim Possible."
His wife just laughed softly. "You don't fool me, I know you like reading those just as much as she does. Now don't stay up too late!"
"I won't." After giving her another kiss, he turns back to the computer. It was true though, he did enjoy them, just as much as Stephanie did, ever since they had watched Kim Possible and her partner Ron Stoppable on the news together one night. It wasn't long until both of them were following the teen heroes exploits constantly. They'd look everywhere for information, following Kim's website for information, as well as browsing the internet.
That was when Steve found the fanfiction. Many of them were like reading about missions themselves, or tales of romance between the two heroes. After reading a few himself, he began reading them to his daughter as well, and she loved them. It had become a nightly tradition to look for new stories to tell to his daughter, and he enjoyed the way it managed to bring them together.
Of course, for all the stories he could read to his daughter, there were a few that he knew she would never see, stories that didn't exactly follow the conventions of reality. He shook his head at the number of responses in the forum that day, and knew that old discussion was still going on.
Logging into the chat group, he could only laugh as the members were discussing almost wholesale warfare on each other. It was amusing just how far those people who didn't like Kim and Ron being together would go. Catching up, he decided to join in on the fun.
Commander Argus : I've got MrDrP's back -- I'll be the one flying the A-10 Warthog! (for those who don't know - it's a tankbuster plane with a honking big gatling gun in the nose)
Zaratan : Et tu Argus? Et tu?
The Wise Duck : Okay, now I guess that I have to jump in here and take Zaratan's back. After all, my Grandparents hail from his part of the Great North (London Ontario), so it's like . . . . we're almost related.
So, I'll just sit in the background with my trailer mounted Dutch built Goalkeeper CIWS which used the exact same GAU-8 30mm Gatling gun as the Commanders A10 plus a sophisticated phase array radar made especially to detect incoming cruise missiles.
Should be a real good party.
Blackbird : I'll jump to Zaratan's aid as well, though I'll be flying the Cobra modied A-10 the Rattler! Bring it on! COOOOOOBRRAAAAA!
Dataweaver : OK, Commander Argus; where do I sign up?
While I'm willing to concede that a Kigo story can be an interesting read, those that I've found to be readable have been so despite the Kigo element.
TexasDad : I see things got out of hand while I was out stuffing my face with Tex-Mex. Since we are choosing up sides, I'll throw my lot in with the Doc.
Steve sat back and laughed, as things just kept escalating and escalating. The sillier it got, the more fun it was. When he noticed the comment by Novacaine98 willing to offer his services to whoever paid first, an amusing idea hit him. Logging on to Kim Possible's site, he sent a quick email.
I'd like to hire Team Possible. Wade please tell Kim and Ron that TexasDad, MrDrP, Cmdr Argus and others request their presents. The sitch? A bunch of hooligans at fan fiction KP site are trying to break up Kim and Ron. Some are even suggesting Yori or Bonnie would be a better fit for Ron.
Steve laughed softly when the email sent, figuring it would get lost among the other joke emails that get sent to the site. Returning to the chat group, he smiled when he noticed Zaratan, the ringleader behind the other side of the whole discussion, logged on, so Steve happily responded to the group about what he had done.
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It was a quiet night for Wade, as he sat at his computer. Ever since Drakken's latest scheme and the little Diablos, things had been pretty quiet. When the computer beeped at him, he glanced up, and saw the new message. Seeing what it was about, he did a bit of research, and quickly found out the whole story. With a sigh, he called up Kim.
"What's the sitch Wade?"
"Kim, you told me you wanted to know about these cases. Well, I got another one!"
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Jason "Zaratan" Jones just laughed as he activated the video aspect of the chat group. Sitting back, and taking a sip of Coke, he just smiled at the craziness that was ensuing. His side was smaller, but they were definitely enthusiastic. That was when he noticed Steve "TexasDad's" comment.
With a small chuckle, Jason leaned forward to type on the keyboard.
Zaratan : You know, that's simply hitting below the belt. I mean, calling in Kim and Ron? Just how low can you
Jason fell backward as the outer wall to his room exploded. Scrambling to his feet, his eyes go wide as he sees Kim and Ron standing there in the dust, with none too pleased expressions on their faces.
Kim just glares, as she steps forward. "What's this about BONNIE being better for Ron than me?"
Jason just stammers, as he tries to placate the obviously tweeked teen. "No, no, no, I'm not saying that at all. I just think it might be interesting..."
"INTERESTING?"
Jason's hands are shaking as he raises them defensively. "Seriously, I love you two together! I mean, sure I might like a little Ron/Bon every now and then, but if my slash friends had their way, it would also be a Kigo too."
"Kigo?"
"Yeah, you know, Kim and Shego. I mean, it's really popular..." Jason got real quiet, as he could hear Kim's knuckles popping.
"Kim and Shego?" Ron just smiles slightly. "You know, that..." Kim turned her attention very quickly to her boyfriend, and Ron quickly revised what he was going to say, "that's just sick and wrong... you know, completely wrongsick!"
Kim turned her attention back to Jason. "Now, you and I are going to have a little... talk."
As Kim stalked through the falling dust and debris, panic filled Jason. "Guys, I could really use some help right now! Guys?... guys?"
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Blackbird winced as he watched the video in front of him, quite thankful to have left the 'main charge' of the conversation to Zaratan.
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Commander Argus just frowned as he resumed typing.
Commander Argus : I hope you've learned your lesson, youngster.
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Steve looked a bit sheepish when Zaratan's connection died, and the video was cut off. Quickly, he shut down the computer, tried stretching casually, then rapidly headed for bed. He paused in the doorway as he took in the sight of his wife, who had looked up when he came barreling in.
"Everything all right honey?" She looked a bit concerned, putting her book down quickly.
Steve changed quickly, and hopped into bed beside her. "I think I did something not quite so good."
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Ron looked away briefly when he heard an audible crunch. "I hope he didn't ever want children."
The new Canadian Falsetto Jones lay curled up in a ball on the floor of his trashed home, staring in fear at a very tweaked auburn-haired teen hero and her tow-headed sidekick boyfriend.
"I hope I've made myself ferociously clear," Kim snarled. "Me. Ron. That's it." She grabbed Ron by the arm and turned to the door, then looked back at the fallen author. "You know, what really tweaks me about this is that you KIGO people think I'd be sick enough to want to date someone who's tried to kill me and Ron and has repeatedly hurt my family. That is so many flavors of wrong."
"But ..." the CFJ moaned, "I was just trying to have some fun ..."
"Fun?" Ron blurted. "Fun? Dude, pairing KP up with her arch-enemy isn't fun, it's wrong-sick. And don't even get me started on the whole Ron-Bon thing. I mean, I may not be the brightest lamp in the bulb ..."
"Ron, I think you mean bulb in the lamp," Kim corrected him.
Ron blinked for a moment, then smiled. "Thanks, KP."
"No big," she replied.
"Anyway," Ron continued, "What kind of masochistic moron do you think I am? Me? Date Bonnie? Sure, you guys come up with this pod-person version Bon-Bon, but I know the real deal and she is five hundred miles of bad road ..."
Canadian Falsetto Jones marinated in his agony, wondering if the two teen heroes would pay a visit to Blackbird.
"Oh, and by the way. Me and Yori? Forget it. Sure she's hot ..."
Kim growled.
"... but not as hot as KP here," Ron added quickly. "Plus she's all ninja this and honor that and when I wanted Bueno Nacho she made me eat raw fish! And do not even get me started on how she uses me as a pack mule to carry her luggage!"
"The nerve of that hussy," Kim observed. "I'd never do that to you."
"No, but your dad would,"
"True," Kim acknowledged, "But you did get some of Nana's lemon squares at the end of the trip. I'll assume you prefer those to sushi."
"Ah, Nana's lemon squares," Ron said fondly. "You know, KP, I think I could go for some snackage. Bueno Nacho?"
"Sounds like a plan, Ron. Though I'm thinking I might like a different kind of snack," she said as she hooked her arm through her boyfriend's and led him out of Canadian Falsetto Jones' lair.
"Oh, and what would that be?" Ron asked as he looked at her."
"Kosher sausage," she said with a sly grin.
Ron looked confused. Then his eyes opened wide. "Eep," he croaked.
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Canadian Falsetto Jones slowly rose to his feet, surveying the damage to his home. All this wreckage. Simply because he was trying to flex his creative muscles.
He was righting a table lamp when the front door flew open and a very angry woman with two glowing hands confronted him.
"Me? With Princess? Are you insane?" Shego roared.
"Huh, what?" CFJ stammered.
"She's even more annoying than Drakken when he's telling stories about his childhood. I want to hurt her, not hug her, you dolt!"
"Look, I was just exploring the small possibility ..." CJF said in his defense.
"There is no possibility!" Shego snapped. "I can't stand her. Plus she has those weird pointy breasts. I mean, if I were going for a woman, I'd want someone a bit more rounded."
"Really?" CFJ asked.
"Yeah," Shego admitted. "Someone like her."
"What are you talking about?" an irate Bonnie Rockwaller snapped, pushing Shego aside before she began jabbing a finger into CFJ's chest. "You are such the loser to think I'd ever even look at let alone date let alone kiss that loser lapdog of Possible's! He carries that freaky rat-thing in his pocket, slobbers all over the basketball court, and dresses like a froob. I could barely tolerate him when he had ninety nine million dollars! You think I'd date him when he was poor? Puh-leeze. And while I may want to stick it to Kim, I wouldn't stoop so low as to go out with Stoppable." Bonnie actually shuddered at the thought of kissing Ron.
Shego looked at Bonnie. "So, you don't like Possible?"
"Ugh, Little Miss Perfect? Can't stand her."
The green-hued villainess cast an appraising eye at Bonnie. "You know, you're not bad."
"What are you ..." Bonnie replied, realizing what Shego was suggesting. Much to her surprise, though, she was intrigued. She took a good look at Shego. "You know, you're pretty hot. Do you ever glisten?"
At that, Canadian Falsetto Jones fainted.
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Canadian Falsetto Jones slowly rises from the floor
"Hello" he hears a voice from the gaping hole in his wall
"Mon… Mon... Monkey Fist" Canadian Falsetto Jones stammers
"Yes "he replies as he enters the room were CFJ lies "I like to talk to you about my pairing with DNAmy"
"I had NOTHING to do with that!" CFJ screams "That was Mark and Robert the creator of…."
"I know!" Monkey fist replies coolly "But since they sign my paycheck" He gets into his fighter stance "I'll just have to take it out on you'
CFJ Gulps, Monkey Fist close in. Canadian Falsetto Jones lets out a scream that only Commodore Puddles and naked mole rats can hear.
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Canadian Falsetto Jones didn't know it was possible, but he was actually still consious. He suddenly wished he wasn't when he raised his head and saw who was standing there.
Rufus simply cracked his tiny knuckles, growling softly. Then he began to glow blue.
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Canadian Falsetto Jones slowly got up from the floor. What a day he thought, Team Possible, Shego, Bonnie, Monkey Fist, and then cute little Rufus. Could this day get any worse?
In the distance of his blurred vision he sees a red light and head appears in its glow
"VHY DOZ EVERYUN TINK I'M GAY" says the disembody head
"Oh No" CFJ says as he passes out again.
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Canadian Falsetto Jones sat in the middle of his now-trashed living room. Just
about everyone in Middleton -- Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Shego, Bonnie, and
many others -- had stopped by to have a few ... words ... with the author. He
looked at the detritus that had been his life: most heartrending was the blob of
molten plastic, all that remained of the Mounty bobblehead, taken out by one of
Shego's blasts. He'd loved that curio; it had been a source of inspiration ever
since he'd been a boy. And unlike the computer that Kim had taken out with a
spin kick, the prized piece of kitsch was irreplaceable.
CFJ was getting to his feet when he heard the angry pounding on the door.
"Not again," he groaned. "Now who's coming after me?"
Before he could do anything, the door swung open, revealing Jones' worst
nightmare come back to haunt him.
They were as furious as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, though admittedly
no more imposing than the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.
Still, CFJ knew he was in trouble.
Ned and Drakken had come to settle some accounts.
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Aug 31, 2006:
Department of Homeland Security Officials reported today that an incident of unprecedented madness was barely avoided by Teen Hero's Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable when they forced entry of his residence and apprehended one of the ring leaders of a plot that could have possible resulted in much of North America being devastated.
Officials state that warrants will be forthcoming for the remainder of the group who had obtained highly dangerous military and/or experimental and/or totally fictitious weapons and were planning on using it to solve an argument that had its basis strictly in a social moral/morays question. Officials stated that an appalling lack of concern seemed to be present in regards to possible collateral damage
Exact details have not been released and speculation is rampant, but through various leaks and rumors, one unconfirmed source seemed to indicate a plot originating in Canada involving the turning of all fiction literary female characters into lesbians. This sparked a rally by right wing Mothers for Decency groups who marched on Canadian consulates (singing 'Blame Canada'). The Prime Minister of Canada of course responded, "Eh?"
So once again, disaster is spared by heroic Team Possible, who came out of the incident 100 (although Kim Possible did complain of scraped knuckles and blood on her mission boots and Ron Stoppable was visibly pale, mumbling something like, "I hope he didn't ever want children."
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Author's Notes – Yes, I know, complete silliness, but it was fun!