This is going to be a little different. I've heard rumours about the changes in Adama for this upcoming season, and I'm not sure I like them, but as with anything I guess I'll have to wait and see. Not being good at waiting, however, I've decided to amuse myself by going in another direction. This is my take on how William Adama would react under a certain set of circumstances - and how the people around him would in turn react to him... It's going to take a while to complete: I've only plotted the rest of the story, and it will take a while to get it written properly and posted because life is about to get busier...Huge dollops of patience will probably be required.

As always, your thoughts are appreciated.

Disclaimer: I own a few things, but anything BSG related ain't among them...

Too High a Cost
By: Mariel

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Chapter 1

Truths

Colonel Tigh finished speaking and looked at the group gathered in the President's office on Colonial One. President Roslin, Admiral Adama, and several members of the Quorum had listened wordlessly as he'd presented the mission as it now stood.

No one, he thought, seemed particularly pleased - not even the President, and it was her plan.

Standing behind her desk, Roslin drew her brows together in concern. "They'll have to be very careful."

From his position in one of the flight chairs, Admiral Adama looked at the President of the Twelve Colonies. Shaking his head, he spoke for the first time since the meeting had begun.

"Careful is the one thing they can't be; not if your mission is going to succeed."

Roslin's green eyes narrowed slightly and she pressed her lips together tightly at the Admiral's use of the word 'your', but she said nothing. Hell, she was surprised he'd spoken at all.

Tigh nodded in agreement with his commanding officer. "They need to go in fast, do their search, and get the hell out of there as quickly as they can. Finesse isn't going to be something they'll have the luxury of."

Although she knew the answer, Roslin asked, "And if they're detected?"

Tigh's eyes flicked over the Quorum leaders, then settled on the President. "Excuse my language, but if they're detected, they're well and truly frakked," he said in a gruff tone. Unable to resist showing his opposition to this mission and the reasons for in any way possible, he continued, "This is Kobol we're talking about, remember. According to your scriptures, their odds of coming back aren't good as it is. Something about a price exacted in blood, if I remember correctly. By my count, since there's only two of them, that means each has a fifty-fifty chance of surviving, right? Of course, if they're spotted by the cylons, they're as good as dead anyways." Looking at the Admiral, he stopped himself from voicing further negative comments. Early on, Bill had ordered him to cease and desist with his opposition.

"Saul, just shut up about it," was what he'd actually said.

He'd done his best to do so, but it hadn't been easy. He still had no idea how Bill managed to sit there and take it.

The Colonel shot a glance at the President. He had to admit the woman was smart: her going behind Adama's back and eliciting both Lee and Kara's promise to participate before bringing the plan to the Admiral's attention had been brilliant. The unspoken threat that if he didn't agree, they would do it anyway had lain very solidly behind her presentation. Knowing that, Bill had withdrawn still further into the stony shell of a man he had become and refused to make any comment on it at all.

Saul shook his head. He'd never understood Roslin's power of persuasion when it came to Lee and Kara, but it sure as hell bothered him that they would betray the Old Man the way they did any time she asked.

He'd never understood the President's perverse need to act behind his back, either.

When he'd learned what had taken place and what the crazy plan had been, Saul had silently waited for an explosion from Bill, or at least for some outward display of displeasure or anger. It had never come. Looking across the room at his friend and commanding officer, he grimaced. Torn between anger and sadness, Saul knew that the Admiral's lack of reaction was a telling sign of the man William Adama had become since the settlement on New Caprica.

It was a man he didn't even know any more.

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Roslin almost winced at Tigh's terse evaluation of the situation Lee and Kara were going into. Wondering how the XO's words had affected Adama, she turned to gauge his reaction.

He sat like a piece of granite, his face expressionless. She took a moment to ponder how he did it. Here was a man who had once put the entire fleet at risk in a foolhardy, emotion-driven attempt to rescue Kara Thrace because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her behind. Now, he was watching her, along with his one remaining son, go on a mission they had a good chance of not surviving. Not, of course, that she truly believed they wouldn't succeed. She was sure they would, though she'd have been a lot more confident had Bill lent his support...

And he sat there calmly, as emotionless as a stone. Hands folded in front of him, he looked in total control, with no glimmer of concern leaking through his façade.

It made her want to scream in frustration.

When she had first met him, (and it seemed like a lifetime ago) he had surprised her at times by the difference between the façade he presented to the world and his internal workings, but as she had come to know him better, she had been able to read him and had been confident that she knew what he was thinking and truly feeling.

Since humanity's escape from New Caprica and her resumption of the office of President, however, that was no longer the case.

She'd taken it almost for granted that, upon her return, they would recapture the relationship they'd developed before the colonisation of New Caprica. To her surprised dismay, however, it was a different, changed man she found in charge of the Fleet. Impassive and unresponsive, he had not seemed to notice her attempts at rapprochement either upon her arrival or since, and had silently let her know that their former intimacy would not be resumed.

He acted, in fact, as though it had never existed.

As time had passed, he had grown, if anything, even more withdrawn and emotionless. And although crisis after crisis had emerged since their escape from New Caprica to try his steely control, nothing to date had broken through it. Everything - catastrophic or trivial - was met with the same, flat, emotionless demeanour. He got the job done, and he got the job done well, but he did it alone and without any of the warmth or humanity that had appealed to so many and made working with him such a pleasure.

She found that change in him uncanny and frightening.

As she continued to look at him, she realised he had become something she had never known him to be...

Cold and distant.

And not just in appearance. The cold reserve he presented to the universe seemed to have seeped into the very core of him. The reason for this had never been made clear to her, and that, more than anything, caused her dismay. Before, she would have known. He would have shared whatever it was that had done this to him. They would have talked. She would have understood.

Stepping away slightly, she moved her attention to the others in the room. They were murmuring amongst themselves, but were all discreetly doing what she had just done: examining the Admiral. She knew they were all wishing for some reaction - not because they wanted to see weakness, but because they remembered who he had been, and wanted to see some sign of that man again...

They were destined for disappointment.

Sighing inwardly, she moved to adjourn the meeting. "Gentlemen, if that is all for now, perhaps we can get on with our other duties." She turned to Adama and said politely, "Admiral, if you could spare me a few more minutes?"

He inclined his head.

"Of course, Madame President."

Once the others had filed out, Laura Roslin looked at him and allowed some of the concern she felt for him show. Hoping to somehow reach him on a personal level, she slid into a chair opposite him and asked, "Are you okay with this?"

He moved his hands dismissively. Lifting hooded eyes to meet hers, he said in a matter-of-fact tone, "Madame President, my being 'okay' with this has no bearing on the matter. You decided this mission was necessary. You developed the plan. You chose who would carry it out, and then you presented it to me in such a manner as to let me know that my opposition to it would be of no consequence. It's a little late to ask for my reaction to it now."

"But you're not sure they can do it."

His eyes dropped to the floor and almost imperceptibly his shoulders tightened. He did not, however, respond.

That lack of response disturbed her. They had been lovers before the settlement on New Caprica had torn them apart. Working together professionally and personally had been something she had treasured. She had even thought she might be in love with him. Thinking of that time longingly, she surprised herself by asking, "Are you free later? Could you spare time to share dinner with me?" She paused, then said hesitantly, "It's been an awfully long time, Bill. I-" She stopped, unsure of what to say. She was lonely, she missed him - and she wanted back what they had lost.

Adama raised his eyes from the floor to look at her, his expression inscrutable. "Don't make matters worse than they already are, Laura."

Her eyes widened, and she recoiled slightly from his tone. Covering her reaction skilfully, she still pushed forward, saying what she was sure he would not refuse.

"I need someone to talk to, Bill," she said softly.

He looked at her. She appeared small and fragile, but he knew differently. She could betray on a whim and order death without a second thought. Talk? They'd done a lot of that, and all it had been was a cover for her hidden agendas.

His eyes hardened. In the few feet that separated them lay a chasm no amount of words could span. He was surprised she couldn't see it herself.

And then again, not surprised at all.

"I don't think that would be wise," he said stiffly.

Having expected an easy victory, his words again surprised her.

"There's something wrong with talking?" she asked.

"No; with my being the one you talk to."

A chill threaded its way down her spine. He had never refused the support of his presence when she had needed it; had never refused to talk over matters important to her...Their relationship had grown and deepened because of that. She'd thought it would be her way back to him, that he wouldn't be able to refuse...

"I don't understand," she said, feeling bewildered yet again by the changed man in front of her.

He looked at her with stony eyes. "No, you don't. And I'm not the one to explain it to you. You chose this path by yourself, Laura, and this time, you'll live with the results of travelling on it by yourself, as well. I can't help you rationalise the cost of your choices. Not any more."

She blinked at his assessment of the situation.

"Bill, it was never my intent-"

He broke into her words, his face finally showing a tightly-reined anger that frightened her with its controlled intensity.

His words were quietly spoken, but said with such vehemence that they resounded in her mind like a gun shot:

"Your intent has always been to do exactly what you want, the cost be damned. Don't act as though anything's changed now. You have fooled me in the past, but I will not allow you to do so again," he said harshly. "I don't know what your true intent is for this mission, but I will have none of it. The human cost of getting what you think you need means nothing to you. I will not be lulled into thinking you care about the havoc you leave in your path. Nor will I help you justify to yourself or others what you've done. I refuse to be your conscience any longer."

She looked at him, dismayed.

There was no mistaking the hatred that flared in his eyes.

End Chapter 1
Too High a Cost