Family Portrait

The resounding slap echoes down the hallway and I feel my brother's hands press down tighter on my ears. He's tried to keep me from hearing the fight at all, but no matter how hard he presses his hands, I'll still hear it.

Dad's not very happy about being slapped, and now he's calling Mum all sorts of terrible names. She says a lot of things I don't understand, she talks about other women, and something about drinks. Suddenly she starts sobbing loudly and I hear something smashing.

The hands on my ears press again, he's holding them too tight, it's starting to hurt. I grab his hands and try to move them, but he's stubborn and refuses, just loosening the clamp he has on my head until it stops hurting.

My eyes are starting to tear up, onii-chan notices and quickly wipes my eyes with his sleeve. "It's okay, Pirika." He whispered softly, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. "Come on, it's bedtime. I'll read you a story, okay?"

Mama, please stop crying
I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful
And it's tearing me down

Onii-chan stayed with me, and I don't know if he's asleep or just pretending. He's still holding me close to him. He read me my favourite bedtime story tonight, he even read slowly and put his finger under the words so that I could try and read with him. Sometimes, if the sentence was easy, he'd ask me what it said and let me read it, helping me with the bigger words.

Mum and Dad are still fighting. I hear another shattering sound of glass, and Dad starts shouting at her. I think Onii-chan is awake, because suddenly he pulls me closer so that my left ear is flat against his chest.

He doesn't like it when Mum and Dad fight either, he thinks I don't notice because he pretends, but it makes him cry sometimes, too.

I started kindergarten this year, I met a girl who says her parents used to fight a lot, too. Now she lives with her mother, and goes to visit her dad on the weekend. When I got home I asked Horohoro if he thought Mum and Dad would do that, he looked at me strangely and said 'no way', but I think he was lying, because I few minutes later I went back in his room and he was crying again.

I hear glasses breaking
As I sit up in my bed
I told Dad you didn't mean
Those nasty things you said

Onii-chan picked me up at kindergarten on his way home from school because Mum forgot again. He holds my hand when we cross the street and tells me about how some big kid in his school threw a rock at him during reccess. That makes me sad, knowing that someone would do something so mean so my brother.

I tell him about the weird girl in my class who kept putting paste in my hair in crafts, he frowns a little and stops walking to look at my clumpy and still kind of sticky hair.

"Maybe we can wash it out." He says.

When we come home I see why Mum forgot to come pick me up--Dad's home from work early, saying something about how it wasn't his fault the shop was going out of business. Mum keeps yelling at him, asking how they're supposed to pay for food, or pay for mine and Horo's school.

"If you think we're so broke, why don't you get a job?" Dad yells back.

"If I get a job, who's going to be here to take care of your kids?"

Horo doesn't take off his shoes, or unzip my coat for me, he just grabs my hand and pulls me up the stairs again. We go into my room and he drops his backpack on the floor.

"Wanna play a game?" He asks cheerfully, kicking off his shoes as well. "I can teach you a really fun card game."

I feel sad for him.

You fight about money
About me and my brother
And this is what I come home to
This is my shelter

"Onii-chan, Mummy and Daddy still love each other, right?" I ask quietly, watching him shuffle the cards in his hands.

"Of course they do," He answers quickly, not even looking up from the cards in his hand. "Don't you worry, Pirika, everything will be okay."

I smile a little, and am about to agree when a loud crashing noise startles me. Horo jumps as well and his eyes go all wide as he stares at the door. I'm a little scared when I can't hear anymore yelling.

"Stay here." Onii-chan tells me, gently stroking his hand down my hair before getting up. He walks over to the door and opens it just enough to slip out, he looks up at me just before he goes. "Just stay in here, I'll be right back." And he closed the door.

It ain't easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be
I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done my family

I can't listen to Onii-chan, I know he'll be angry if he finds out, but I have to look. I creep over to the door and open it a little, quietly slipping into the hallway and sneaking over to the stairs. I look down into the living room, Dad's so angry that he's flipped over the coffee table, there are papers everywhere, some green tea now stains the carpet, and there's broken glass from the mug. Mum just stands off to the side, her hand covering her mouth and looking scared.

Onii-chan is standing by the bottom of the stairs, I can't see his face, but I'm sure he's scared too, "Daddy . . . " He says in his quiet little voice. "Can you and Mum please stop fighting?" He asks nicely, bending down and starting to pick up the glass. "You're scaring Pirika, and you're breaking things. Can't you try to be nice to each other?"

"Horokeu, go back to your room." Dad ordered lowly.

My poor Onii-chan.

"Mum, can you stop yelling, please?" He continues calmly, on his knees and still picking up the glass. "If I be really, really good, and pick Pirika up everyday, and get really good grades in school, will you promise to stop fighting so much?"

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Mummy, I'll do anything

"Horokeu, go back to your room!" Dad shouts.

I watch Onii-chan's shoulders jerk up a little and he cringes, almost like being yelled had hurt as badly as being hit.

Daddy's a big kid with a rock.

"Why do you have to yell at him like that?" Mum snaps, putting her hands on her hips. "You're always yelling at people! You're such a bastard!"

I hurry back to my room as Horohoro goes to put the glass in his hands in the garbage can. I close the door quietly behind me and sit down on the floor by my bed, grabbing one of my dolls and pretending I've been playing with her the whole time.

I can see that Onii-chan is standing right outside my door, I can see the shadows of his feet . . . I know what he's doing. A minute later he opens the door and comes in, he tries his hardest to keep a straight face, but his eyes are still a little too watery for me to believe that he's struggling not to cry again.

After we play cards for a little bit, the yelling stops and the house is quiet again. Horohoro dares to peek out the door and see that Dad isn't in the living room anymore. He turns to me and smiles.

"Are you hungry?" I nod my head a little and he grabs my hand. "Come on, we'll get something to eat and then try to wash your hair out."

I follow him down the stairs, he barely looks at Mum as we pass her, but I can't seem to look away. Her lips are shaking.

We pass Mum and Dad's room on the way to the kitchen and I look through the open door. Daddy has his big suitcase out on the bed, and he's shoving all of his clothes into it.

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy, please don't leave

I stop walking and Onii-chan looks to see why, when he sees Dad, he can't hold back his tears anymore. He calls out to Dad, and runs up to him, flinging his arms around his waist and holding onto him tightly.

"Daddy, don't go!" He cries, only releasing his grip in him for a second to pull some of Dad's shirts back out of his suitcase.

"Horo, come out of there." Mum says quietly, appearing behind me in the doorway.

"Oh, would you leave the boy alone?" Dad snaps back at her, letting his hand rest on Onii-chan's head protectively. "I don't why you're always trying to keep them away from me."

"You're the one who's leaving!" Mum answers quickly, wiping away a few tears quickly.

"Because you've driven me to it!"

"Stop it!" Onii-chan yells, his eyes clamping shut as more tears stream down his face.

Daddy, please stop yelling
'Cause I can't stand the sound
Make Mama stop crying
'Cause I need you around

Daddy bends down and picks Onii-chan up in his arms, holding him tightly and telling him not to cry. I can only whimper slightly as my eyes tear up. I'm so confused. Why is Dad leaving? He can't leave! A family always has a mummy, a daddy, a little boy, and a little girl! Without Dad, we won't be a family anymore!"

I run to him and cling to his leg, just like Onii-chan did a minute ago and start to cry.

"If we all just stop fighting," Horohoro sobs, burying his face in Dad's shoulder. "Everything will go back to normal! Because you love us, right Dad?"

"Of course I love you." He answers softly.

"Then why are you leaving?" I scream back, clutching his leg tighter. "You can't leave us, Daddy! We love you!"

My mama, she loves you
No matter what she says, it's true
I know that she hurts you
But remember, I love you too

"Pirika!" Onii-chan's voice echoes through the empty air. "Pirika!"

I close my eyes and pretend I can't hear him. It's cold, and I want Horo to find me because I know he'll hold me in his warm arms and tell me everything will be okay, but I also don't want him to find me because I don't want him to take me home.

"Pirika, where are you?"

"This is why I told you to go back to your room!" Mummy shouts at him and Onii-chan's shoulders jerk up like he's been hit again. "Why don't you ever listen, Horokeu? If you had listened this wouldn't have happened!"

Mummy's a big kid with a rock.

"I'm sorry . . . " Horohoro mutters quietly and looks up at Mum sadly.

She ignores him, and keeps looking around, behind the neighbor's bushes and cars. I ran out of the house too quickly for any of them to see where it was that I had hidden. Daddy didn't even come outside to help look for me.

"Pirika, come out right now!" Onii-chan calls me, he tries to sound angry so that I'll listen, but he's only sad. He waits a moment and his eyes look for me until finally he coos softly. "Where are you going without me?"

I ran away today
Ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way

I come out from my hiding place and whimper quietly. "Onii-chan . . . "

He runs to me so fast that I barely see him before he's got his arms around me and is holding me tight. I feel him shaking a little and I look over his shoulder to see Mummy standing with her arms crossed; she looks so angry with me.

"Don't leave me alone, Pirika." Onii-chan's voice is in my ear, and I can tell by the way he sounds that he's trying not to cry. "Don't go without me."

I nod my head and promise; no matter what happens, I can't leave my brother.

It ain't easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be
I don't want love to destroy me
Like it did my family

Mummy is so angry at me for trying to run away like that, but as soon as we come back in the house and she sees Daddy, she forgets about me again.

"You see what you're doing to this family?" She says to him in a mean sounding voice. "You didn't even come out to look for her, you selfish bastard."

"Stop saying words like that in front of the children," Daddy answers in a voice almost just as mean. "Think of what horrible things you'll teach them."

"Anything that is wrong with these kids they've gotten from you!" Mummy screams back suddenly.

"Oh, like you're so perfect!"

Mummy opens her mouth to yell something back but Onii-chan interrupts them, screaming. "Stop it!"

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Mummy, I'll do anything

"You guys are married!" Onii-chan yells, holding my hand tightly and staring Daddy in the face.

Everyone is quiet for a minute and I'm waiting for one of my parents to tell us to go to our rooms, but no one says anything. Finally Onii-chan realizes that they're actually listening to him and keeps going.

"Look at what you're doing! You're always making Pirika cry, and you're always ignoring us! When's the last time you remembered to pick us up from school?" My Onii-chan is so brave. "Married people aren't supposed to fight like this! Married people love each other!"

"That's why . . . " Daddy starts, and Onii-chan quickly covers his mouth like he's said something wrong. "That's why Daddy's going away."

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy, please don't leave

There's another minute of silence and my eyes start filling with tears. Daddy's going away . . . ?

"No . . . " Onii-chan whispers quietly. "No, Dad, you can't . . . "

"I'm sorry, Horokeu." Daddy answers, putting his hand on Onii-chan's head and ruffling his hair a little. "But you're right--married people are supposed to love each other, and your Mum and I just don't anymore. We'll all be happier this way; I promise."

"We're already happy!" Onii-chan screams, then he runs to Daddy's work desk in the corner of the room and grabs a framed photograph from it. "Look, right here! We're all smiling! We're happy!" He pushes the picture in daddy's hands, and he looks at it sadly.

It's our family portrait.

In our family portrait
We look pretty happy

"We're smiling here! Look how happy we are!" Onii-chan rubs his eye with a curled up fist, trying to get rid of all his tears. "Why did you stop smiling, Dad?"

"Horo . . . this is just a picture." Daddy answers quietly. "We're only smiling because it's a picture."

"Then you can smile just because it's our family!" Onii-chan forgets about his tears and just let's then fall; he doesn't like to cry in front of me, but I think he's even forgotten that I'm here too. "Just smile, okay!?"

Let's play pretend
Act like it comes naturally

"Come on, Horokeu; you're making a big deal out of nothing." Dad talks to him very gently, th way he used to talk to me when he put me to bed, or when I was sick. Is Horo sick? "You and Pirika will be able to come visit me all the time--on weekends, and on Christmas. I'll see you for your birthday."

"But I want to see you everyday! Like it's supposed to be!" Onii-chan is outright sobbing by now, and I think I would cry just as hard if I weren't so surprised by his behaviour right now . . . I know that I'll cry later. "I want to have a family! I want to have a dad!"

"Well, maybe you're mother will find a new father for you." Daddy answered, still using that quiet voice as he runs his fingers through Onii-chan's hair. "You might even get that little brother you've been asking for."

"I don't want to!" Onii-chan sobs bitterly and flings his arms around Daddy's waist, holding onto him tightly. "I don't want to! I don't want to!"

I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name

I stand still, peeking into the room around the corner. I want to go talk to Onii-chan. I want to help him. I want him to stop crying, but I don't know what to say.

He's sitting on his bed with the picture in his lap. He keeps whiping his eyes and making sad whimpers. Everytime Daddy walks past the door he yells something at him about how he shouldn't leave. If Mummy walks past he yells at her too, but he says mean things.

He tells Mummy that it's all her fault, because she couldn't just be nice to Daddy. He says it's because she wouldn't pick me up from school like she promised, or she couldn't be proud of anyone. Because she would yell at Daddy too much and throw things.

Because she was a big kid with a rock.

Because she wouldn't smile.

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

"Horokeu, I want you to calm down." Daddy steps into the room, putting his packed suitcase on the floor by the doorway. "I know you're upset, but you still shouldn't talk to your mother like that."

"Why not?" Onii-chan snaps back at him in a mean voice. "You do! Don't you want me to be just like you, Dad?"

"Come on, Horo, smarten up." Daddy scolds him a little, but he makes his voice gentle so as not to upset Onii-chan more than he already is. "I know you don't like what's happening but sometimes you just have to accept it when bad things happen. For the time being, you need to be a good little boy for your mother, and you need to stop crying. Do you want to upset your sister?"

Daddy tries to give him a hug but Onii-chan pushes him away. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Just try to smile, Horo."

"Then you do it too!" Onii-chan shouts, hitting Daddy's leg with his fist. "You do it too! You smile and pretend everything's okay!"

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so naturally

Mummy has taken me by the arm and pulled me away from the room so that Dad can talk to Onii-chan alone. I sit quietly in the living room and pretend that I'm playing with my toy animals, but I'm really trying to listen to the voices coming through the door. I can't really hear anything, but every once in a while I can hear Onii-chan. He cries and and says that everything can still be fixed; he keeps saying that he'll be good. Soon I decide I don't want to listen anymore, but by then it doesn't matter. The door opens and Daddy comes out with his suitcase in his hand.

"Dad!" Onii-chan comes running out after him and grabs the sleeve of his jacket; he's still crying. "Dad . . . "

Daddy looks down at him and doesn't say a word, he just bends down and pulls him into a hug. Horo holds onto him tightly and doesn't let go, even after Daddy stands up, he doesn't let go. I watch as Daddy walks towards me, Onii-chan stumbling along as he tries to keep up him while hugging him at the same time. Daddy bends down and kisses me on the forehead.

"I'll see you, sweetheart. Be good for your mum, alright?"

I watch as he keeps walking, trying to ignore Onii-chan's crying as he grabs his arm and gently pulls him away. My eyes hurt--they kind of sting. And my throat feels all warm and swollen. I don't want him to leave . . .

"Daddy!"

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy please don't leave

Daddy don't leave
Turn around please

I'm standing in the window now, watching Daddy put his bag in the car. Onii-chan has suddenly gotten very quiet and he's sitting alone in the corner. He's still crying, but now he's being quiet about it and just wiping his tears away. I'm crying too, but I won't make noise either. I don't want to upset Onii-chan.

It's too late anyway. Daddy's leaving, and I don't know when he'll come back. But I won't cry out loud. I won't let Onii-chan hear me cry.

There are so many big kids with rocks . . .

I won't be one of them.

Remember that the night you left
You took my shining star?
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone

We tried to save us. Horohoro and I . . . we really tried. We would promise to be good, and we were. It was Mummy and Daddy who couldn't stop fighting, so this isn't our fault. But Onii-chan thinks it is . . .

He thinks it's all his fault.

The way he cried and told Daddy all those things about being better, I did it too, but Onii-chan did it too much. He thought that if he had made all of this happen, then he would have to fix it too. All those promises . . .

My poor Onii-chan.

Mum will be nicer
I'll be so much better
I'll tell my brother
I won't spill the milk at dinner

It's time for me to keep all those promises we made, but not for Mummy or Daddy . . . for Horokeu. Onii-chan sometimes acts like he's my daddy, and now that my real one is gone, he'll want to do it even more. That's okay.

Onii-chan needs me.

He finishes the story he's reading me and closes the book. As always, the princess was saved by a handsome knight and lived happily ever after. I wish we could live happily ever after . . .

"I wish I was a princess, Onii-chan." I say out loud, smiling as he tucks me in.

He stops for a minute and thinks, then he looks up at me and smiles too. "Well, if you really want to, then when I'm big and strong enough, I'll fight warriors and monsters for you and become a King." He kisses me on the forehead and hands me my teddy bear. "Then I'll make you a princess."

I smile widely at him as he gets up from the bed. "Really? You'll be a King some day?"

He nods his head and steps over to the doorway. "Yeah . . . " He whispers quietly, reaching for the light switch. "No matter what I have to do, I'll be King."

"Then I'll go with you, Onii-chan!" I say happily. "I'll cheer for you when you fight the monsters, and I'll help you if you get hurt. And when you become King, I'll be the best princess ever for you!"

"It's decided then." He smiles again and turns off the light. "Good-night Pirika . . . I love you." He whispers so softly and closes the door gentley behind him, leaving me alone to sleep.

I'll be so much better
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night

"I love you too, Onii-chan."

XxXxXxXxX

I can't believe I finished this XD I've seriously been writing this oneshot for months! Well, I hope it was worth it XD Please tell me what you thought of it! By the way, the song was Family Portriat by Pink.

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