It's nice to be back. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I love you all. In a friendly way, not in the way that I'll come round your house and steal your underwear and put it on a pillow and sleep with it at night…. I only do that if I really love you… This chapter has a title. It will fill you with fear.
Chapter 10- The Boyfriend Strikes Back
Of course, it was bound to happen; it was inevitable as the waxing of the moon, the changing of the tide, the presenting of yet another Channel Four '100 Greatest Toenail Clippings' presented by Jimmy Carr. What happened next to was also inevitable. As inevitable as the wick in a candle burning down or…. that I would run out of things that are inevitable.
Twist burst into the flat, with a wail like a bloodhound that had got its face stuck under an anvil, just as Tim and Daisy drew apart. To say that Tim felt let down by the way Daisy wouldn't meet his gaze and moved away from him really quickly, like he was on fire or something. Which he was, in a way. He couldn't believe how bad Twist's CP30 style timing was.
"What's up Twist?" Daisy said, a little too brightly, her voice shaking a bit.
"B-Bw-Bw-awahhhhn!" Twist sobbed into the cushion as she lay prostrate on the sofa.
"… Brahman?" asked Daisy, kneeling down next to her comatose friend. Well it wasn't too fair out of the realms of possibility that Twist could be having a fit over the concept of Hindu spirituality. Well actually it was.
"Bri-ahhhhnnnnwuh!' yelled Twist, a little more coherently.
"Ah" said Daisy, and glanced over at Tim and then regretted it. He looked like he'd trapped his balls in the fridge door. With one, final, penetrating glare, he grabbed his wallet and stomped out of the flat.
Twist, of course, didn't notice the emotional turmoil and massive sexual tension between Daisy and Tim, because she was still of the rather egocentric idea that only she could have problems of the heart.
"He-ghe- s-s-SLEPT with me and-uh then he was gone this mo-orn-ning!" she whined. She wasn't very attractive when she was crying, especially with large amounts of snot and phlegm seemed to be making her speech more difficult to understand than usual.
Daisy patted her back. "He's probably just gone out to get some milk." she said comfortingly as Twist wept harder into the now moist cushion. "And a ticket to Helsinki if he's got any sense" she added silently in her head.
Still comforting Twist was a lot easier than what Daisy knew she had to do. It would probably be a few hours before Tim came back from his huff induced walk. He'd taken his wallet so he'd definitely head to GAME or GAMERS or BIG GAME or Mr. T. Harrison's Computer Program Emporium to see if there were any knew releases that he hadn't read about on the internet (fat chance. That man had every single forum on constant refresh for any news on Fantastic Fantasy No. 9821)
Daisy sighed. She was not looking forward to his return.
Tim stormed off down the street, not quite sure where he was going, but wherever he was heading he was going to get there fast, because he was walking in its general direction pretty darn quickly.
"Tim!" yelled a voice from behind him, and for one fleeting, heart-leaping-into-mouth moment, Tim dared to hope it was Daisy calling him. Then he recognized that the voice was masculine, and came with a large man wearing a beret, camouflage gear, a pair of orange-lensed sunglasses and a rather fetching moustache attached to it.
His oldest friend was barreling down the street towards him and for just one, brief second, Tim's heart sank. He actually didn't want to see anyone at that moment. Then Mike threw his arms around him and knocked him to the ground.
"Get Down! ENEMY FIRE!" screamed Mike into Tim's ears, pointlessly because Tim was already sprawled out on the pavement with a heavy man laid on top of him, rendering it impossible for Tim to be anything but down.
After about ten seconds, things got awkward when the only noises to be heard were not the artillery of a rival army, but a car driving past and a few kids across the road guffawing and going 'Haha that is like, well gay'. Naturally these children were no more than ten years old, they were all on BMX s and they generally hung out on that street most days, spitting and chewing and being unpleasant. It was their job, or at least it would be if them having a job didn't constitute child labour.
"Mike?" asked Tim, after a few more seconds had passed.
"Yes, Tim?"
"I don't think we are actually under siege." Tim said, dryly.
"Oh yeah!" Mike said, getting to his feet, as if he'd suddenly remembered that he was lying on another man on a London pavement, in full view of, well, normal people.
Tim, with his torso extremely relieved there was no longer 16 stone of man mass on top of it, dragged himself gratefully back to a standing position.
"So…?" asked Tim, as they began to walk down the street.
"I went on a new TA course, of dealing with the potential of hostile fire in pedestrianised areas."
"Cool" said Tim, who actually was impressed.
"Yep, it requires loads of skills, like running and jumping on people, weapon handling and second to one map skills, sense of direction and navigation." Mike said proudly.
"Awesome." Tim replied. Then a thought struck him. "You left about ten minutes ago to buy a gazebo didn't you?"
"Ah yeah. I got lost on the way to the bus stop."
"Oh."
They walked on a few minutes in companionable silence, Mike cheerfully whistling a little under his breath. Of course, he was whistling the theme tune to 'The Dam Busters' but you can't have everything.
"Mike?" Tim began, after a deep breath.
"Yes, Timmy?" said Mike, agreeably.
"I … I kissed Daisy." Tim waited. He waited for Mike to say 'But she's got a boyfriend' or 'You're no better than Dwayne' or 'You're a disgrace to this family'. Well maybe not the last one, because frankly, that'd be weird.
Instead, Mike said "Well about time too!"
"I know I feel bad but- what?" Tim stopped, perplexed.
"Oh come on Tim? How long have you two been in love?"
"We aren't… we're not… we can't be in love!"
"Why not?"
"Because that's… because it's… it's all… gay!" said Tim, grabbing for the lowest form of playground insult available.
Mike eyed Tim. "You love her. And you're scared because you think you are going to loose her. But in a couple of hours you are going to go back to that flat and you well tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Do you understand my command, soldier?" Mike's voice had taken on the cold decisive tone of an army Major.
"Yes sir!" barked Tim, because it was the only logical response.
They continued their walk down the street. "Why in a couple of hours, Mike?" asked Tim, after a brief interval, in which the audience could go and get a top up of popcorn or a fresh Coke.
Mike replied in his usual cheery tone "I need someone to help carry the tent!"
Dark clouds were gathering over Meteor Street, because pathetic fallacy is all the rage these days. Robin Grant walked up the path and pressed the bell for Daisy and Tim's flat.
He was nearly ready… he recited his speech in his head "Daisy Steiner… will you marry me?"
Mwuhahahahahahhhargh ack cough chokes ... Please... reveiw... 'I need some water, Jeeves!'