To Understand

By Harmony283

Summary-Genis Sage, a twelve year old half-elven boy who is wise beyond his years in every field except for love. Now he mulls over his feelings for another; wondering if they really are true or if they are corrupt and evil just like the one he loves. He even starts questioning his own self-worth.

Pairing(s)-MithosXGenis, slight Zelos X Lloyd

Authors Note: oh yes, I just had to write this! I just got through the Tower of Salvation (in Tethe'alla) and wrote down most of the conversation Yggdrasill had with Lloyd and Genis (I thought it was neat how he accidentally slipped up and called Genis by name when he really isn't supposed to know him).This takes place in Flanoir during the doctor event. It's also mostly in Genis POV.

Disclaimer: No I don't own Tales of Symphonia, Namco does. If I did I wouldn't have made Mithos die in the end and there'd be more skits/scenes with Mithos and Genis.

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Genis POV

Gods it's cold. Really cold. But hey, what was I expecting? It to be hot? No, we're in a place where it snows all the time for heavens sake; of course it would be cold! But…I'm not just cold on the outside…no, that doesn't sound right. How can someone's insides be cold? Our average temperature is 75 degrees (A/N: Yes it's Fahrenheit, I don't know what the bodys' temp. would be in Celsius) so that rules out internal freezing.

Hmm, maybe I'm casting too many ice spells. Yeah, that could be it.

Ah…who am I kidding? That's not the reason at all!

'But the other reason is highly unlikely as well.'

"No it's not!" I muttered, glaring at my reflection in the mirror in my hotel room in Flanoir.

'Oh yes it is. Stop defying me. You know that reason can not be. You must over come it, like you have so many of your other ordeals. This should be no different.'

"But it is different. It has more to do with me than anything else did!"

'Hmm, oh really? Well you brought that on yourself. Why don't you tell Raine exactly what's been going on?'

"But I have! She knows…"

'But does she really? You are very good at keeping secrets. Oh and you're a good actor too.'

"What does that have to do with anything?"

'It has a lot to do with many things. You pretend to be strong, but you're weak, you pretend you can handle things, when you really can't…you pretend you don't notice things, when you do. You pretend you aren't suspicious of certain people. And yet, those turn out to be the first to betray you.'

"Oh am I? Well then give me an example."

'For one, you aren't very fast.'

"But my magic casting more than makes up for that."

'Yes I suppose it does. But how useful are you really when you're constantly relying on others to protect you while you're cast spells?'

I gulped, "Well they protect Raine too!"

'Yes, but she's trained with a staff. A staff is a fighting weapon.'

"My Kendama is too!"

'That…thing? It is merely but a toy! How can you call that toy a weapon?'

I grumbled under my breath, "Well I don't think you have any right to choose."

'Oh yes, and as for handling things. You wish you could just cave in and scream at the others for their own stupidity don't you? They think you're oh-so-smart, that you can take control of stressful situations with ease. But can you really? Can you really allow them to rely on you intelligence?'

"There's Raine…she's smarter than me. They rely on her."

'yes, but mostly for her healing arts and her wisdom of technology. But they also respect her. They do not misuse her wisdom. But what about you? They use your smarts all the time.'

"I don't really mind, but it would be nice if they opened their eyes a little and saw that I can't do everything."

'So you're agreeing with me?'

"Yes and no."

'I see, you're very indecisive. That's a bad habit.'

"So?"

'They mock you.'

"What?"

'They mock you. You may be smart but because of your age they degrade you.'

"Well, that's true. But I'm used to that."

'They say things, things they think you won't understand because of your age, but you do. You understand them even more than they do. But you never say. You also take notice of small actions; say, how Zelos treats Lloyd.'

"What does that ass have to do with anything?"

'My, my, temper, temper. But you noticed, did you not?'

"Well yeah. I'm surprised my sister didn't notice. I mean, Zelos glomps Lloyd every chance he gets. That's kinda leaning towards something."

'Yes. And because of your age, they do not believe that you understand love.'

"Love…no, I guess I don't. I've never really felt it before so how can I know? But I do know the basis of it, like it being that you care for a person deeply. And I can tell that the ass, for all of the gods above, seems to care for Lloyd."

'Yes. But they do not know you know that…oh look, there they are now.'

I turned my gaze to my window and saw Zelos and Lloyd, walking back from the church…hand-in-hand. Lloyd had one of his famous goofy grins on his face whilst Zelos gazed at him; a foreign shimmer in his eyes. I watched as the stopped under a street lamp, the only one still on, and...

Kissed.

And it wasn't innocent kissing. I watched, though knowing I shouldn't, as Zelos—being the pervert that he is—let his gloved hand slide down to Lloyds rear. I turned away and sighed, "Well that was…nice."

'But you expected that, didn't you?'

"…Yeah, I did. So what?"

'Hmm…'

I sighed, wondering what that voice in my head was thinking. Heh, I guess it's strange to have a voice in my head…or for anyone to have a voice in their heads, but mine is just…there. No introduction needed. Some would call it the voice of reason. I call it:

Just Plain Annoying.

Or, for short, JPA. Har-har.

'Please quit with the sarcasm. I thought of something else.'

"And that is?" I asked, turning to face the window once more. Zelos was now talking with Lloyd, but he was holding him as well. His lips barely moved and I was sure that he was saying words of comfort. What a liar. What an ass.

'See, you just proved my last point.'

I turned my gaze away, "Last point?"

'Don't play stupid with me boy, you know what I mean.'

I flinched at the coldness in the voice. Sometimes, when I was especially sarcastic or annoyed, the voice would turn as cold as ice, making my whole body shake. This has happened more than once on our journey. Raine often…worried…but It's not like telling her 'Oh I have a voice in my head' will do me any good.

It might send me to a Sanity Ward.

'Heh, I'm sure it would. Now then, you just proved my point by your dislike of Zelos.'

"And? I don't like him cuz he's an idiot."

'That and he might betray Lloyd.'

I froze, eyes slightly widening. No, I can't…just up and accuse him. Yeah, he's an ass, and yeah, he's a pervert, philanderer, anything else Sheena could possibly call him, but…no, how could he betray Lloyd after he just kissed him?

"If he does betray Lloyd, he won't get off with just a slap on the wrist."

'Very true. But why are you so surprised about the possibility of him betraying Lloyd?'

"He just kissed him for gods sake! How can someone turn around and betray someone the very next day?"

'Who said it was going to be the very next day? And besides, it happened to you.'

I felt my throat close up. This…that wasn't…I didn't…want that to happen to Lloyd.

"I don't want that to happen to Lloyd."

'And why not?'

"He's my friend and a ten times better person than I am." I tried to hold back tears…tears, why was I going to cry? I could have sworn I cried my heart out yesterday.

"Hum, really? Is that the only reason?"

"No. I don't want him to…be hurt…like I was." I turned my now tear blurred vision towards the window. Lloyd had now pulled away from Zelos and said something that made the red heads eyes loose their shine and his face turn cold. But that was only for a split second.

A split second when everything and anything can change.

Just like the split second I saw Mithos kicking the body of Yuan outside of Altessas house.

'Oh my, you just now are realizing it, aren't you?'

"I-I can't…I won't cry. I…I'm not going to. I…I don't miss him. I don't miss…him…"

'And who is 'him'?' the voice in my head asked, almost teasingly.

"You know who he is!"

'I do?'

"Yes you do, now quit mocking me!" the tears were now threatening to spill forward. I couldn't take this anymore, and that stupid voice wasn't helping any.

No it wasn't at all.

'Why do you hate me?'

I froze, "What?"

'I asked you why do you hate me? You say it's my fault that you feel this way, that I'm making your emotions go crazy, but am I?' the voice was now gentle, almost pleading, like a gently winds breath on a summers day. How corny is that?

"No."

'No?'

"I…won't cry."

'But if you don't you won't get better.'

I knew the voice in my head spoke the truth, it really wasn't good to keep from crying, but if I did then Lloyd would be worried. Colette and Zelos would be too. They weren't blind. They knew that I was friends with Mithos. They knew that this had hit me the hardest. That's why Lloyd and Colette both hadn't bugged me all day.

'…You still…care for him, don't you? You care for that boy, Mithos.'

I bowed my head, my bangs covering my eyes as I mutely nodded my head.

'What would they say if that 'caring' was actually more?'

Another pang, straight to the heart.

'You…if they found out you loved the enemy. You loved the enemy, would they trust you?'

"They know…they can…trust me." I whispered, my voice slightly wavering with emotions so foreign to me.

'Now tell me again: you don't know what love is?'

"But I don't."

'Yes, yes you do. You love Mithos.'

"How can a love…like that…an evil love…a love for an evil person…ever be right?" I asked, my voice filling with anger. I didn't understand love. But all of the romance novels I had read in secret never told of someone…loving the enemy.

"My love for him…is corrupt. It's just as evil…as he is. How could they trust me if they found out?"

'But you just said yourself that they can trust you.'

"I meant I'd never turn on them. But if they found out, they…they'd think I could."

The voice seemed to pause, as if thinking over what I had just said, 'Genis.'

"This love is wrong."

'Genis'

"So very wrong. I wish I didn't…love him. I…hate…him. I hate him for making me feel this way!"

A sudden swish of cold air made me snap my head up. The window, how long had it been open?

"So, you hate me? Then I guess I'll leave."

I gasped.

It couldn't be.

…Could it?

I whirled around. There, standing at the foot of my bed was:

Mithos.

My friend.

My Enemy.

The person I—

"Mithos!"

Mithos, who had turned away from me, opening his wings, which were a brilliant hue of all the rainbows colors, turned to face me again. I stood there, gawking at him, his wings…

"Your wings…"

"My wings?" Mithos asked, his facing showing confusion, a look which always made me think he was cute. He then looked back at his wings, then to me, "oh, right. You've never seen my wings before…have you?"

"No…I haven't. They're…really, um, they suit you."

A small grin appeared on his face, he turned back around to face me, "Oh really now? Do they? Yeah, I guess they would."

"Um…why are you…?"

"Here? I—" his face suddenly turned a light shade of pink, he looked down at the ground and shifted his weight, as if embarrassed.

"You?"

"I wanted to see you."

"…Me?" I was shocked. He came all the way from Derris Kharlan to see me?

"…But I guess since you said you hated me I'll leave. I was just hoping to see you one last time before we have to fight." His eyes, showed sadness in unbelievable measures. Now I had wished those words had never left my mouth.

'Genis, you can say four simple words to make him stay.'

"I…Mithos…I don't hate you."

"Then why did you say it?" There was a cold bitterness in his voice, his eyes flashed with anger—but only for a split second.

He noticed I was shaking. His eyes softened, "I'm sorry, Genis. Now tell me. Why did you say it?"

"I…don't like…the way you…made me feel. I, well, it…hurt. It hurt when you said those words yesterday."

"It did? How so?"

Why was he asking that? Didn't he already know?

"It…um…how could you say that?"

"How did it hurt? What did it feel like?" Mithos asked again, completely ignoring my question.

I blinked, my hand moving absentmindedly to my chest, to cover my heart. I closed my eyes, trying to think clearly.

"It felt…like my heart…was shattering into many different pieces. Like…glass. You had held my heart for a while and then, just like that, you dropped it and it broke." I opened my eyes slowly and gazed at the blond boy standing only a few feet away from me. He seemed different. His eyes had glazed over, his face had softened. He slowly but surly moved forward, though not by walking. He floated with his rainbow colored wings to stand close to me.

"Hey…no fair, you're already taller than me without floating two inches off the ground!" I joked, though not knowing why I did. Now wasn't the time to be joking.

Mithos placed a hand on my cheek, and smiled, "I know. But I like being taller than you." He pulled me close, hugging me tightly.

"M-Mithos…"

"Now if only you were wearing that Katz costume." A hint of amusement tinted his voice, causing the blood to rush to my cheeks, giving them a red color.

"Wha--?"

Mithos just smiled at me as I stared at him. He then picked me up, almost too easily, and floated over to the bed, placing me down on it.

"Mithos?"

I watched as he retracted his wings and climbed onto the bed with me.

"Yes?"

"When did you find out about my Katz costume?"

"I have spies everywhere." He said, with a smirk clear on his face. He pulled me once more to him and held me. I stared up at the ceiling, happy beyond words. Mithos, he was here to see me. He couldn't be all bad if he still cared enough to see me before we fought, right?

Then why did I have this horrible feeling in my chest?

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Well here it is: my first Mithos X Genis/Zelos X Lloyd fic! I might just post up the second part but that's only if I get enough reviews. I will listen to any CC you have, since this is technically my first fic solely focusing on shonen-ai (boyXboy relationships) please tell me if anything seems off.