A/N: Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter and special thanxs to everyone who reviewed. This chapter is packed with flashbacks and I'm not so sure how that will go over, next chapter will be all action (hopefully).
You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now.
Chapter 11.
Flashbacks Abound; Going Home
"You do what you need to do Rory. Be safe." They stood just outside the airport security.
"Thanks" She pulled Jesse into a hug. "For everything." They despite their breakup remained in contact over the last two years. He was engaged to a gorgeous woman that never ceased to make him smile and Rory knew secretly it pained him to watch her push herself into a corner.
"Of course. Keep in touch." He rubbed her arm.
"I'll be at your wedding." She vowed. He gave her a smile. Somehow she got the feeling though he didn't quite believe her. She didn't blame him; she had walked out of people's lives before.
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She wasn't avoiding him, she was choosing oblivion letting her answering system act as a sort of pseudo Rory, one that didn't need to think or have feelings. He had phoned three times each call a few hours after the last, she wanted to believe he was just needy that way she could easily blow him off, but she knew the reason. Jesse was a good guy he wanted to make sure she wasn't fuming made at his early exit. She wasn't she assured the recorded voice of Jesse for the third time, she was mad at the fact that she had sex with him in the first place. Why the hell had she done it? Okay so it was the numerous glasses of vodka tonics and his really good smelling after shave that made her do it. But she shouldn't have. She didn't move to Seattle for the night life and the certain perks it afforded her she moved here for her career, a chance to move up the proverbial ladder. There was no choice in the matter, whatever it had been with Jesse it could not happen again.
To seal her decision she pulled out a blank sheet of paper from her printer and a pen and wrote in big bold lettesr, NO MORE PERKS RORY GILMORE. I PROMISE. Then she tacked the sheet to her borrowed bulletin board.
The phone rang again as she sat down, this time instead of letting it go to her voice mail she picked up fully prepared to tell Jesse that she couldn't see him again. But it wasn't Jesse's deep voice that answered but the lighter voice of Sam.
"Oh hey Sam." Rory sighed into the phone.
"You sound disappointed were you hoping it was mystery man?" She could practically see Sam's eyebrows wiggle salaciously.
"Yes, no." Rory evaded.
"Well spill girl."
"It was nothing really, I met this old college buddy Finn and we drank. A lot." She didn't know why she had left Jesse out she hadn't intended to it just never came out of her mouth, and once Finn was out there in the open she didn't see it necessary to say anymore about Jesse.
"So there was no dun dun dun?" She singsonged.
"No." Rory laughed, hoping her nerves didn't show through. She didn't know that Sam was trying just as hard to not show her own nerves.
"That's too bad." There was a long pause, as both girls struggled for a moment in truths not told. "So there was a reason I called." Sam finally breathed over the line.
"And here I thought it was just to hear my sweet voice." Rory joked, swivelling playfully around in her chair.
"Of course that too." Sam laughed and this time Rory heard the nerves chime through. She waited patiently on the line though, even as her veins shook in anticipation.
"I don't really know how to say this so I'll just say it...I was missing my new friend when I found this number she had given me that first night we had met, it was her best friend's number and I decided to give him a call see if he wanted to go for a drink." She paused then as if waiting for a response.
"That's great Sam." Rory smiled ungripping her hand from around the pen she hadn't realized she was clutching. "I don't know why'd you be..."
"Wegotmarried." Sam breathed out in one quick earth shuddering breath. Rory squeezed the pen back into her hand. Had someone just socked her in the gut? How could they have gotten married? They had only known each other for a maximum of a month. How could they find happiness? Weren't they working on their careers too?
"That's..." She began, then faltered. "Congrats Sam, I'm happy you two found each other."
"Thanks Rory. Jim was a little apprehensive telling you but I was sure you would be happy with..."
"Look Sam I have to go, I'll call you tomorrow ok." She didn't wait for a response. A smile touched her lips but didn't reach her eyes. Her friends found love. She was silly to put her life on hold for a career, Sam and Jim hadn't.
"Hi Operator can I get the address for a Jesse Lawson?" She scribbled the number down on her scratch pad. "Thank you."
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In blue jeans and white hoodie she turned her back on the fourth chapter of her life.
--
"Miss, can I get you something to drink?" The stewardess offered.
"Sure, a water." The stewardess with the name tag Katie passed the bottle over Rory's snoozing seatmate.
"Thanks." Rory took the water and twisted off the cap, looking back out the small oval window watching as the city grew smaller and smaller. Seattle had held so many hopes and opportunities for her and some dreams had come true for bits at least.
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"Rory." He scratched his mussed head obviously just woken from his bed. Once she had the address it had taken her the next three hours to work up the nerve to find the apartment which led her to eleven at night.
"Hey." She smiled a little apologetically. When he still stood in his doorway rubbing his head, she gestured to the living room. "Can I?"
"Oh right." He yawned. "Come in." As he shut the door behind him, Jesse Jr. finally clued in that a stranger had been at the door and came charging out from a back room.
"Hey boy." She rubbed the golden's head. "Sorry to barge in on you and wake you up."
"No it's no problem Rory, I'm glad to see you. You know I've been calling you?"
"I know." She sighed moving to stand in front of him. "I was avoiding you." She paused looking at the space on the floor between their feet, trying to think of the right thing to say.
She felt the weight of his hand on her shoulder. "Hey." He whispered. She waited a moment before looking at him. It was a special person that had smiling eyes, and Jesse's hazel eyes were spreading warmth down to her toes. Her breath hitched in her throat. Before she knew what was happening she was closing the gap between them, their lips only an air space apart. This time they would be stone cold sober. This time she was making the choice for herself. It was the right choice for the moment.
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The man beside her quietly snored, his rhythmic breathing lulling her into a light sleep. Soon she was dreaming a dream she'd had many times before. A dream that wasn't a true dream but the memory of a day she couldn't forget whether she wanted to or not.
"Rory Gilmore." The president of Boston College announced her name through the auditorium. Gracefully Rory strode onto the stage to receive her diploma. Grasping the journalism chair's hand in her right and her diploma in her left she beamed out to the audience to see her Mom snapping pictures furiously. Lane, Zach, Luke, Paris, Sam and Jim sat dead center in the auditory seats. She gave a little wave as she moved off stage, she couldn't have been more happy in that moment in her cap and gown. Sure it hadn't been what the twelve year old Rory had expected but it was exactly what this twenty five year old Rory loved about the life she was living
The scene dissolved and shifted.
"Congratulations Rory." Her mom spoke into her hair as she hugged her only daughter.
"Thanks Mom." She smiled as they parted. "Luke." Rory called him warmly as she pulled him into a hug.
"Rory." Luke choked out as they parted.
"Luke are you choking up again?" Lorelai teased.
"No..." He coughed covering his mouth.
"He was blubbering when you walked across the stage." Lorelai explained grabbing Luke's arm.
"I was not." He retorted.
"Don't hide it Luke, makes you look macho." Rory smiled.
"We brought you a present hun."
"Ooo.." Rory cooed. "What did you get me?"
"Look right down there." Lorelai moved off to the side of the aisle they stood in. Rory's gaze followed the rows of seats to see a dark haired man standing at the end. "Jesse!" She called giddily. "How'd you?" She turned to her Mom eyes sparkling.
"I'm your Mother." Lorelai said as if it needed no other explanation. Rory chuckled, then rushed down the aisle to meet her boyfriend of a month.
"Hey grad." He greeted, his eyes smiling at her.
"Hey you, you're here." Rory pointed not quite believing it.
"I am. I wouldn't miss it." He winked, causing her to grin even wider.
"Oh I'm so glad you're here." She squealed rushing into his arms. It was a weird sensation that hit her in that moment. It was as if she was seeing another life. Under the night sky she squealed 'Oh I'm so glad you're here.' She lived a life alone in a penthouse. She had it all fed to her in this life. She didn't live with her independence, and she loved it...all. Her mind rebuked, there were Rory's colliding in timeframes. She wouldn't ever have known she wouldn't have been happy. Neither would he, fighting his father. It all made sense then fate had showed her the door and though she felt more heartache for dreams unfilled and lives taken to short she was better for it, happier for it and so was he as far as she was concerned then. Fate gave them separate paths through door number two.
"Rory you alright?" Jesse prompted.
"Yeah," She paused trying to compose herself. "Yes I'm so glad you're here. You met my Mom?"
"Yes and you two really are clones of each other." He whispered in her ear, causing her to shiver and laugh.
"Come meet the gang." She grabbed his hand leading him over to where her Mother and Luke were in a heated staring competition, and the two couples chatted a few feet away. Jesse got along with everyone, he was a charmer that was his job after all and she would have thought it was all job if she hadn't known him like she did.
"Hey Rory." A voice called breaking her away from the group chat.
"Charlene." Rory greeted her petite classmate. "We made it!"
"It was a fun year." Charlene replied smiling, a bouquet of sunflowers cradled in her arms. "And it's only going to get better."
"Amen to that." Rory cheered. "Are those from Jordan?" Rory pointed to the bouquet, referring to Charlene's giant boyfriend.
"Huh?" She looked puzzled for a second. "Oh right." She held up the sunflowers. "No these are for you, there was a blonde man outside, he asked me if I knew you and if I would give these to you.I told him you were inside and to feel free to go give them himself, but he insisted." She shrugged holding the flowers for Rory to take. Rory almost didn't want to take them, she knew instantly that they were from Logan she had a feeling all day that he was watching her.
"Rory you okay?" Charlene asked when the flowers didn't leave her hand.
Rory nodded slowly taking the bouquet. Giving Charlene a weak smile, "Thanks, I'll see you at the dinner."
"Okay see ya there." Charlene said goodbye to the rest of Rory's party and turned to leave.
"Let me hold those for you Rory." It was Jim, from the concern in his eyes he knew exactly who the blonde man had been. Rory gratefully handed the flowers over to him.
"Alright how about this dinner." Sam chimed in breaking the built up tension. Rory smiled grabbing Jesse's hand and leading the way out of the auditorium.
Rory woke with a start, inhaling a deep breath. "Sorry there mate." The man beside her apologized. "Didn't mean to elbow you."
Rory smiled weakly in an attempt to cover up how annoyed she felt. She never liked waking from that particular dream; it just made it worse by being woken by a flailing elbow. She rubbed the palms of her hands over her sleepy eyes. She wasn't sure what she was doing, she hadn't left that day with very good memories. But this wasn't for her she reminded herself this was for Mack and for every other soul destroyed, polluted or enslaved to an organization that required so much and gave so little.
She couldn't lie to herself though, this was as much for Mack as it was about seeing Jim and especially Logan. At the moment she and Jesse called it quits he had told her that he knew she still carried an ember for Logan that no matter who she ended up with they would always pale in comparison to Logan. 'You gave yourself fully Rory but there was always this little bit of you that wanted Logan to show up at your door and sweep you away.' She remembered that quote as if he had told it to her yesterday. Funny thing was he had, not at her door but that night of her graduation, he had wanted her to stay with him, but she had refused.
She didn't know what compelled her to drive up to the hill that night, she hadn't even let anyone know she had left, she rationalized that she would be back before anyone would even realize she was missing. As she stepped out of her Mom's jeep and saw the shadow of a man standing staring at the stars she knew why she had come and she knew she should get back in the car that moment and not look back. But she couldn't and hadn't instead her feet took her forward, and her hand took his in hers. And they stood there in silence staring at the stars watching them twinkle down at them.
"I come here a lot." He whispered over the stars. "To think about life, to think about those that got away."
"Logan." Rory whispered back, her voice full of pain and anger, wishing he would stop, wishing that he wouldn't break the moment.
"Stay Rory, I get it I should never have hired him." A single tear tracked down her porcelain cheek. "I should never have pushed you away." It felt as if someone had socked her in the gut. "But it's too late now isn't it?" He waited for the answer but she couldn't give him one, instead she turned on her heel and left. He called out for her but her feet never stopped; she got back into the jeep and drove back to the party.
"You okay there?" The man beside her was staring her in the eye a worried face screwing up his previous casual demeanour. "You're breathing pretty heavily."
"Yeah." Rory nodded. "Thanks." She smiled this time a genuine smile. Slowly she sucked in air through her mouth and blew oxygen out her nose, trying to control her breathing. She grabbed onto the cross hanging around her neck, and rubbed the cool steel between her fingers.
"You religious?" The man beside her asked.
"Hmm..." Rory looked over at the square faced man, slightly confused. "Oh." She realized what she was holding. "No, not really."
"Rory." Jim called out to her as she re-entered the party. She kept moving toward the coffee cart. "Rory." Jim called out a little louder. He caught up to her and held her elbow. "Hey." She turned around to face him. He paused. "You went to see him didn't you." He let out a heavy breath. "Dammit Rory."
"Why are you getting mad at me?" Rory crossed her arms.
"Because I know you Rory and I know you will blow this out of proportion."
"Proportion!" Rory copied angrily.
"You can't swing back and forth anymore Rory it's not healthy and it's not fair to you or Logan."
"I'm sorry Jim. We can't all have you're sweet-meet your perfect match and get married all within two week- scenario."
"Don't do this Rory."
"Don't do what Jim?" She mocked.
"Don't push me away."
Rory let out a guffaw. "No Jim you do that all by yourself."
Jim's voice went calm and quiet. "If you're not happy Rory fix it but don't go blaming anyone else." He turned and left her there.
It was their last words.
"Rory," The smiling receptionist approached. "This was left at the desk for you." She passed off the small brown bag. Rory took the bag, thanked the receptionist vaguely wondering how the woman knew who she was, and finally made herself a cup of coffee. With the cup of jo in hand she sat at a small table in the back of the room away from the melee of people. Inside the bag was a small letter.
Lorelai,
This was Mack's he gave it to me the day he went into hiding. I told him that I couldn't wear such a flashy piece of jewellery. He told me to take it anyway put it in a safe place, and that someday I would know what to do with it. Guess he was right, he always was.
-Tim
Rory picked up the bag and turned it upside down out slid a finely wrought silver cross. She thumbed the engraved pattern.
'We all have to believe in something Rory. That doesn't have to be God, but to have unblinding faith in something gives us all a goal to move toward.' She recited Mack's words as the planes landing gear grinded out of their resting place. She looked out at the city of Boston.
There were a lot of memories she was leaving and a lot of memories she was coming back to. And a lot of people she owed apologies to. As she walked the exit tunnel she pushed all those memories to the back of her mind, they would have to wait, first things first she had people to crush.