Cid's views on his eternal lover Vincent

I loved Vincent. I loved him so fucking much. Vincent to me, was the most beautiful thing in the world. The first time I saw him, when Cloud and the others came to rocket town, I was just blown away. Fucking blown away. I mean you ever heard the phrase, love at first sight? Sure, before, I always thought it was a load of shit. But looking at Vinnie, all that changed. Cause Vince was perfect. Perfectly beautiful. He was like how I imagine fallen angels to look. Actually Lucifer wouldn't have anything on him. His face...it was so ethereal. So white, with exquisite cheekbones and eyes of burning crimson. His lips were perfectly formed, and though he never smiled I could see the vague androgny which graced his every move. And his hair. As dark and shining as a raven's wing. It fell down his back in luxurious waves, and when I first touched it, it was like velvet. And his body...so slender and supple.

So yeah. I always loved Vincent. I would often lie awake at night thinking about him. At first I was confused. Because one, I'd never felt this intensely about anyone before and two, I wasn't gay. But soon I realised the fact that Vincent was a man was so fucking irrelevant. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and so what if he wasn't a woman? No one could ever compare. Vince was so quiet I couldn't really ever speak to him. Just open my mouth, and he'd look at me in that cool way of his, so impersonal but so pure. He would reply to me in a way that revealed nothing, he was so repressed. I knew he was in love with that woman Lucrecia and that was so discouraging. When he did speak more than a few words at a time, it was either about her, or his 'condemned sins.' I tried to get over him. God dammit I tried. I would swear to myself it was just some stupid faze and Vince would never let me near him anyway. The latter was right of course, but I still couldn't stop thinking of him. It was at the back of my mind, the impossibility of our relationship and I tried to give in to it. However I was proven wrong.

I accompanied Vincent and the others to the cave. With Lucrecia. How fucking jealous I was of that fucking bitch. She had ruined him, devastated him, and he still loved her with all his heart. You could see the torture in his lovely eyes whenever he mentioned her. Vincent had wanted her as much as I wanted him. Shit. Marvel at the irony there. I hated Lucrecia though I had never known her. I couldn't believe the stupidity. To have Vincent then go off with that evil bastard Hojo. How dare she? How could anyone leave Vincent? When Vince came out of the cave he refused to speak of the incident, and even Cloud looked worried when he immediately hid himself away on the highwind. Tifa said she probably thought it best if we left him alone, for he was quite obviously upset and Vincent had never been one who sought comfort. So we left him. Thinking about my love I walked onto the upper deck. I leant against the side moodily, chainsmoking one cigarette after another doing nothing to ease my depression. And then I saw Vincent. Red cape billowing, head in his hands, Vincent was in a position of complete agony. I was first shocked to find him up there, and then bewildered by his revealing position. I had known he was despaired but not that much. I walked up to him uneasily

"Vince? You alright?" Vincent turned his head and the anguished beauty of his face made my insides melt. I wished I could hold him, caress that face, kiss those lips...He looked at me for an instant and then averted his eyes.
"Yes Highwind. Of course I am fine. What could possibly make you think that I am anything but happy?" Vincent suddenly laughed sharply, bitterly, a hint of hysteria imbrued. My desire for him was overpowering but also my sympathy.
"Vince..." I started.
"Vincent. My name is Vincent." My beautiful love turned his face to the night sky. He lowered his head and said nothing more.
"Yeah Vincent. Shit. Vincent I...know how despaired you are, can I at least help you?" I rested a hand on his thin shoulder and sighed inwardly when he flinched.
"Help me?" Vincent's eyes were like a caged animal, terrified and desolute. "How could you Highwind? And why would you? You barely know me. I am nothing to you. Why would you even want to?" I almost laughed out loud at the hideous irony at this.
"Vincent...You know. What you just said is the complete fucking opposite to how I feel." Vincent raised an eyebrow.
"Indeed? Whatever you feel our association is...I would prefer to be alone right now. I am a demon who deserves nothing more. And though I appreciate your sentiments. There is nothing you can do. So leave me." Probably the most I had ever heard Vincent speak.
"A demon. Right. Of course. Yeah. That's what you are. Just looking at you that's what I think." I said sarcastically.
"Don't mock me! I am not even human anymore, Highwind! I don't age, I transform when I loose control!" Vincent cried. "And I have sinned, so terribly I can barely speak of it! I have lied to the one I love and I have betrayed her every memory! I deserve death and worse! I am a degradation of life, I am disgusting, I am vile!" He suddenly collapsed onto his knees, holding the side of the ship for support and covering his face with one hand. His ebony hair swung like a curtain over his features. Forgetting my overpowering lust, I rushed to help him.
"Vincent!"
"Don't touch me. Just go. There is nothing you can say or do. Go." Vincent whispered his low voice breaking. I did the only thing I could think of. I threw my arms around him. I pulled him against my chest and cradled his slender form in my arms. I stroked his hair repeatedly, and leant my head against his. How long I had dreamt of holding Vincent in my arms, how long I had wished for it. But I had never believed to hear an such an outburst from my love, never believed I would feel such terrible vulnerability in his voice. I rubbed his back in soothing circles, not really believing this was happening.
"Cid? What are you doing?" Vincent asked, his voice muffled against my shoulder. I noticed he hadn't tried to move away despite the reluctance in his voice.
"Comforting you, Vince." I murmured back. Loving you. 'Comforting you."