WHEN THE SAND RUNS OUT
PG13 (STRONG Language and Alcohol Abuse)
BY: BrokenAngel1753
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DISCLAMERS: I own nothing related to Remember the Titans or Disney though I like many other teenage girls WISH I owned Ryan Hurst (Gerry). I don't own the song "When the Sand Runs Out" is owned by the amazing band "Rascal Flatts".
Oh and for the racist things keep in mind its all RAY not ME! show mercy to me I said the F-word! (I hate that word…it just gets on my nerves…it's all I ever hear these days! As if the other cuss words aren't good enough!)
SUMMARY: I was sitting in my writing room (on the third floor not that it matters) when I thought of this story…I was writing the story about Gerry when I thought what would happen to Ray? Even he deserves a story. Ray gets a change of heart only to have karma come back and take it away. Here is his story after he was kicked off the team. Later it will be before Gerry's death and 2 years after the accident. ONE-SHOT SONGFIC
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My life…not much really I was your average teenage football player. I had my ups and downs in life don't get me wrong. Though I will only admit it this once. I was never as good as my friend Gerry Bertier. He could've been pro by freshman year of high school!
When I first found out that Coach was replaced it hit me like a bomb. It felt like I was being torn to shreds. To make matters worse blacks were joining the team. And a black was replacing Coach! I had never been more furious.
I guess when I found out I let years of hate fuel me. Gerry and Alan who normally tell me not to let my short temper fuel me they didn't even try to stop me. They supported me. How could they get rid of Coach? One night at a meeting for the whites in town Coach was saying he was thinking about leaving. Leaving…how could he just abandon us? Leaving us with a black man!
Hearing Gerry scream he would be coached by any replacement. I felt the anger burn at my voice box. Tempting me to scream out a line of curses to that black man who thought he could take Coach's job.
"I won't play unless you're my coach!" something along that line flew out of my mouth as well. It felt great though it never stunned me like it did Gerry and Alan. When Alan shouted the same thing he seemed paranoid…like he'd be killed for saying it. People all around us gasped. That's how committed to Coach we were. The relationship I had with Coach wasn't as close as he and Gerry had. I still had my father…we were like family none the less. He was like a football loving Uncle. Don't get me wrong what uncles I did have were great…but they sadly preferred Hockey, Basketball and Wrestling over football. But when it came to football if my dad wasn't around or I didn't want him to be around Coach was there for me. Like the uncle who was always be there for his nephew. The team was practically his family anyway. Coach had decided that us throwing away football…or in our cases our life and future...wasn't worth his leaving. I saw the raw emotion in his eyes that night. Surely we wouldn't listen or talk to the so called replacement! Not unless Coach was there. Even then I swore to only listen to Coach Yoast. No black man could tell me what to do!
When Coach became the assistant coach things seemed more in my favor…our favor. Still not perfect like it should'. But it would have to do it could be worse. Yeah much worse. We could've lost our positions to blacks. The replacement had embarrassed Gerry in front of me and Alan the moment we met him. Reminding Gerry it was "his team" My mind was screaming at me how it wasn't ever going to be his but how it was always going to be none other than Coach's team.
But disappointedly my voice box refused to let the line of curses slip past my lips. This only fueled my anger more. Gerry looked at Alan so my eyes followed. Alan was frozen in place mouth hanging open. Normally I would've said some smart comment on how he was catching flies…but like I said my voice box refused to work. Gerry then looked at me catching my eyes. I'm sure he saw my furious glare towards Boone. I was seeing if the saying if looks could kill was just a myth. Apparently and unfortunately it was. But still in my mind I burnt a hole in Boone's head and turned him into the worthless job stealing ashes he deserved to be. Yeah that's what he deserved. Honestly it may sound harsh to most people but he stole Coach's job! It wasn't an option to quit. Not after the guys and me got coach to stay! I couldn't let the guys or Coach down! And the worst part about the replacement was yet to come. He made all defense on one bus and all the rest of us on the other bus. That meant we had to desegregate each other! I was forced to sit next to a black kid. And to make things worse he was going to be my roommate! This wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. The kid kept staring at me I wanted to shove my fist into his stupid face to get him to leave. But I couldn't.
During the whole camp thing Gerry and Alan slipped farther and farther away. I lost them. This I was sure of. Letting pride and anger be my only companions at that stupid camp I would spend every second we didn't have practice alone locked in my room. Sure I'd eat but I'd distance myself. I was beginning to hate my pride. But then again my pride was what made me so dedicated to my friends. Though when Gerry let that black kid become his friend became furious. Gerry chose a black over me his friend from kindergarten! Fuck Gerry then. Who needed him and his stupid black friends! I sure as hell didn't!
When we got back home we had to go to the now desegregated school. I had to walk in by myself for Gerry and Alan walked in with the blacks typical of them. Blowing me off like that. Why'd I even bother to be their friends? I saw Emma Gerry's girlfriend refuse to shake Julius' hand ah I knew she was a smart girl. Gerry looked hurt and confused. Priceless I snickered to myself as I watched her walk away. I followed suit and slipped un-noticed into the damn school I'll refer to as hell.
Days went by and eventually turned into weeks. I saw one of the blacks…Petey…or maybe it was Rev…who the fuck cared? Anyway as far as I knewhegot taken out of the game. With a smirk I went back to the game. But much to my disappointment get put back in by Coach…what was Yoast thinking? I decided to show I was pissed by not guarding him so he got tackled. He had to leave the game because of injury. I was laughing so hard inside. But then I noticed Gerry look at me. Shit he saw right through me, he could always see right through me! I shrugged and walked away as if I didn't have a clue why he was glaring at me.
Later after the game Gerry pulled me aside. The fucking ass kicked me off the team! We were supposed to be friends! I glared at him furiously before exploding.
"Doing the dirty work for your new daddy Bertier?" I snarled. Gerry's eyes had a mixture of emotions. Funny I never noticed eyes tell all. Shoving him away from me I stormed of in a furious rant shoving things over. I even shoved a freshman girl down on the ground.
Later I convinced Emma and a few others to come to the hill Emma made me stop to get Gerry to come along. I tried to tell her he would rather be with his new black friends but she was convinced he'd come for her. She looked like she was about to cry when he blew her off. Pity she wasn't that hard on the eyes and he blew her off for his black friends. I saw him glare at me in my rearview mirror as I sped off.
Later after the hill I went home alone. My parents were out of town so I walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured a glass of whiskey. Letting it burn my throat.
"Fuck them all…who needs football anyway?" I said as I emptied the glass. I slowly began to realize. I needed them…and I needed football. Knowing I could never make it up to Gerry I emptied the bottle of whiskey. Stumbling to my room but not making it past the couch I collapsed. Just sitting there fighting back tears. I wouldn't cry over something so stupid. I'd regret this all in the morning. And surly the next day I had a serious hang over. Though that didn't stop me from doing it again the next three nights.
A few days (maybe a week later whose counting?) the Titans won another game that would qualify them for state champ. Even I in a drunken state had to be semi proud.
"The little bastards actually did it without me…"I snarled to myself. Later that night I got a call from the hospital. Gerry got into an accident. Even I wasn't cold hearted to not visit him. So I went to the hospital. He looked like hell. For a split second I realized even Gerry was able to bleed…and it actually scared me someone as strong as Gerry getting hurt so badly.
"Look I know I won't be on the team anymore…and you may hate me…but I just came to tell you…sorry man…you're still my friend right?" Gerry looked at me blinking as if he didn't know whether I was lying or telling the truth…or maybe he couldn't believe it.
"I forgive you man…just give the guys a chance…please?" he asked with hope in his eyes. I shrugged as I left waving good-bye. As I got into my car I felt a tear…a tear? I drove home to a once again empty house. And pulled out the bottle of whiskey. I fell asleep with tears pouring down my cheeks and the bottle in my grasp.
After two months and a personal change…yeah a miracle I stopped drinking like a drunk! I had decided it was time to find a different sport. As I went to school I saw Bertier rolling down the hallway laughing with the other Titans. I slowly walked past them not showing I noticed them or heard Gerry as he called out to me. I went to the sign up sheets. They were: Basketball, Hockey, Wrestling and Soccer…nothing that fully interested me. At least soccer would let me be on the field? No I didn't want a reminder of football…so I signed up for wrestling. I remember the first match.
"Alright Budds! It's up to you son!" Coach Rooney called. As I pinned the guy and won the match I heard a loud cheer from the stands. I looked up and saw the Titans.
"GO RAY!" screamed Gerry from his wheel chair. He actually came? So he really forgave me? The other Titans just sat there staring at me it made me feel self conscious. I turned to the kid I just beat and shook his hand. I then looked to Juan Grimm a black kid on my team he congratulated me. I nodded silent thanks. Juan wasn't so bad his twin sister Tamara came running over cheering. I smiled she some how burrowed herself into my heart. Yeah really corny but it's true.
"RAY!" she squealed as she jumped into my arms. I guess everyone in the crowds was shocked that a black girl was in my arms. But at this point I didn't care. I looked into her eyes with a smile.
"I told you if you stayed in the stands I'd win!" I whispered into her ear before I kissed her cheek. She grinned as she slid back to the floor. But she never let go of me.
"I love you baby…" she grinned that's when I realized. I loved her too. I Ray Alexander Budds was in love with a black girl and I didn't even care! I looked up at the Titans and they all seemed shocked. Gerry shook it off and grinned whispering I told you so.
After Gerry, Alan, Julius, Juan, my girlfriend Tamara and me graduated life had changed. I knew today was going to be worth remembering. I walked up to Tamara and tapped her shoulder. She turned around and smiled.
"WE GRADUATED!" she grinned as she kissed my cheek. I smiled as I pulled out a small black box. She eyed the box as I got down on one knee. To hell with whoever wanted to stop me from doing this.
"Tamara Jean Grimm…will you…will you…m-marry me baby?" she squealed extra loud as she tackled me to the ground. Picture that me about 6'1 and her; a small 5'4 getting tackled. She kissed me harder than she ever has and nodded with tears in her eyes.
"Baby I gotta do something real quick." I said as I got up and walked to Gerry and Julius. Julius looked at me then Gerry. Gerry shook my hand and mouths a congratulation he saw me propose. It was now or never. Julius was about to leave.
"Wait!" he slowly turned around and looked at me.
"Ray Budds." I held out my hand praying he'd forgive me. He grinned and shook my hand.
"Julius Campbell." This went on with all the other Titans (minus Gerry and Alan.)
Two months later Tamara and I were married. Gerry and Julius were my best men. Alan, Juan, Petey, Rev, Sunshine, Louie and Blue were the groomsmen. Sheryl and Nikki (Coach and Coach Boone's daughters) were the flower girls. Theodore and Noah (Tamara's 4-year-old brother and my 12-year-old cousin) were the ring bearers. Tamara's 17-year old sister Suzie and a girl from Tamara's drama club Valerie Hamilton were her maids of honor. Emma and some of Tamara's friends were the bridesmaids. I was so nervous as I watched my beautiful bride be walked down by her father. Her hair was surrounded in curls around her face under the veil. The vows went by in a blur until I could kiss her. She had tears in her eyes so I kissed them away and then kissed her lips. At the after party we all sang every song imaginable before we knew it; it was time for our honeymoon.
We were in a Hotel in Mexico, though it may not seem romantic to some it was perfect. There we were just another married couple in love.
As she slipped out of her white dress I smiled she was beautiful. I slowly undressed myself as I finished she laid in our bed with only a sheet covering her. I kissed her softly on the lips and slowly made love to my wife. Hearing her say my name made me smile as we both met our climaxes she cried out.
"I love you Mrs. Budds." I whispered as I covered us in the blankets. She rested her head on my chest smiling.
"Did I hurt you baby?" she shook her head whispering how she barely felt the pain anymore so I kissed her forehead. We fell asleep in each others arms.
Nine months later and she had our first child. We made Gerry the godfather and Val the godmother.
"Titans meet my son Julius Alan Budds." Julius turned in shock but smiled.
"Thanks man…" he whispered. I smiled as I looked at my son. He had mocha colored skin a mix of me and his mother. He had my eyes and his mother's dark hair. A year later we had twins. This time the twin thing didn't skip a generation.
"Okay guys meet my twin son and daughter. Gerry Edward and Sheryl Elizabeth Budds." We made their middle names after my mother and Tamara's father. This time Tamara picked the godfather. So she picked Julius and for the godmother I picked Nikki. As for our daughter it was Alan and Sheryl. I had never been so proud. I was a father of three. But it got even better a few months later she got pregnant again.
"Honey before you know it we'll have a foot ball team!" I joked.
We had another son. We named Ron Lewis Budds or "Ronnie". After Sunshine and Louie of course. We made Sunshine and Tamara's younger sister Suzie the godparents. Here we were at nearly 20 with four kids already, could I ask for more? My life was complete.
A year past and I was coming home from hanging with the guys when I saw a car come flying towards me I tried to swerve away to the right but it managed to hit me sending me flying. I screamed hearing nothing but the screaming tires, the busting glass and my painful scream. I felt cold and yet it felt like I was on fire. I slowly felt everything fade to darkness as I finally hit a pole with a loud crunch.
Later that night Tamara got a phone call. From the hospital it changed everything.
"Mrs. Budds? I'm sorry to inform you but your husband Ray was killed in an accident…" she screamed in terror and angst. She dropped the phone and fainted. Later Gerry, Alan and Julius who heard the news as well came over to see little Julius in tears.
"Momma fell!" he wailed Gerry picked him up and put him on his lap. When Tamara woke up she was in tears.
"He's gone…my Ray is gone…the lord took my baby…my husband is gone…" she wailed. Julius had sat down with her trying to comfort her. How do you comfort someone who lost a soul mate? A husband and a father?
The funeral was three days later. Every Titan came. Tamara sat there wearing Ray's old letter jacket in tears. After singing Amazing Grace and Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye the funeral ended with everyone in tears.
A few months later Gerry was sitting in his wheel chair in front of Ray's grave. It finally had a tombstone. That was fit for him.
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Ray Alexander Budd
Loving Husband, Father and Titan
Born August 26, 1953 Died March 6, 1973
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I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Gerry turned when he heard a car door shut. He saw Tamara and the kids walk up with another small bouquet of roses red to go with the white ones he put earlier. Titan's colors Ray would've laughed at this.
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Tamara put little Ronnie on the grass as the boy crawled over to his daddy's grave saying his first word; "Dada" over and over. Gerry looked up at Tamara who was in tears.
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
She took Gerry's hand with a sigh before she spoke up.
"I miss him so much…and when Ronnie said his first word I cried knowing Ray wasn't there to hear it…why did it have to be my Ray?" she whispered as she softly cried.
"He is watching maybe not beside you but he's watching…" whispered Gerry.
'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
She smiled at Gerry as she sat down next to little Ronnie. Julius sat on Gerry's lap and the twins Sheryl and Gerry sat next to their mother.
"What daddy like?" Little Julius asked Gerry. Gerry smiled as he began to tell Julius what his father was like.
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"
Tamara smiled as she heard Gerry tell her children what their father was like when he was a child. She was glad she still had the Titans with her they became family to her. And the children loved them all. Gerry even promised they would all teach her babies how to play football like their daddy.
And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear
She could almost swear she heard Ray's voice again telling them he loved them…he used to say he loved them more than air. He said if he never got kicked off the football game he would've never met Tamara and had his little miracles.
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
As Gerry got to the high school days he had to stop not only because of the tears but because Tamara knew what happened after Ray was kicked off the team.
"Your daddy had signed up to be a wrestler like Uncle Juan…" she started. She absently rubbed her stomach Gerry took notice and smiled.
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
She looked up Gerry with a weak smile. He seemed to know it.
"I'm pregnant…it's going to be a boy…I already thought of a name…Ray Alexander Budds Jr." Gerry nodded in agreement. As she offered him a ride home he helped load the kids into the van.
Five months later Tamara did have the baby. And she did name him after his daddy. Ray Jr. looked just like his daddy…for this Tamara was grateful she had once last piece of Ray with her. She realized she was finally complete and blessed. As Rev would've said. And knowing now that Ray was always watching was enough to keep her living for her now five babies. One day she was cleaning up in the attic when she found a journal that just said everything Ray felt since Coach Yoast had been replaced by Coach Boone. She later showed it to each of the Titans. It was a story of a teenage boy who went through trials of hate and love and ended into happiness, and later his tragic death. But it was a story worth telling her babies when they were older. The Titans had taught her babies how to play football over the years as she watched from the small porch swing her and Ray would sit on late at night and early in the morning when the kids were asleep. Life was finally as perfect as it could be without her Ray.
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Well what do you think? I was close to tears writing the death and everything after that. I hope you liked to have heard Ray's story…remember even Ray deserves a story!