Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, its characters or the song You Save Me by Kenny Chesney.

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Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here

And then I think again.

She wouldn't want me to do this. I can't. I need to try and make it without her. I need to be there for the team.

I put my gun back in my holster and climb down the fire escape. As I make my way down, I think about climbing back up but think better of it, knowing that if I do, I'll talk myself into it this time.

I drive back to the bullpen to get paperwork done for tomorrow. I get into the elevator and I find Abby waiting there for me.

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

"Tony! Where have you been! We've been looking for you! And we were so worried. You weren't answering your cell and I thought something bad happened!" Abby said quickly.

I'm not quite ready to deal with people just yet. Those moments with just me on the roof are still fresh in my mind and I can't believe I almost did that.

"Hey, Abs. What do you need?" I ask her calmly and quietly.

"Well, today is the one year anniversary of Kate's death and I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"You remembered?" I was amazed.

"Well, yeah. We all did. McGee and Ducky did too. We just didn't want to bring it up because we knew you aren't over it yet. I mean, Kate was my best friend. I'm still not over it yet. And I know you're not either because you love her."

I chuckle. How does she know so much? She's right, but I never told anyone.

"What makes you think that I love her?"

Abby grins, "Well, it's obvious, Tony. The way you used to look at her...the way you talked about her and to her. I mean, Tony, it is as plain as the nose on your face!"

It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself
You're the angel that moves me like nobody else
And I thank God you do

I blush and Abby smiles.

"I knew it! You do love her!" She shouts as the elevator doors open.

"Shh!"

"Sorry."

We walk into the bullpen and McGee, Ziva, Ducky and Palmer are there waiting for me.

"Anthony," Ducky begins, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine, Duck."

"Where did you go, Anthony?" Ducky continued, "We were so concerned."

I hesitate telling them where I was. "The roof," is all I say and all of their faces instantly become uneasy. They all know what I mean when I say the roof. Well, all except Ziva, who has no idea what today is.

Ducky was about to say something when Ziva interrupted, "What day is today? And what do you mean by 'the roof?'"

Abby rolls her eyes, Ducky sighs and McGee and Palmer look down at their feet.

"Kate died a year ago. The roof was where she died," I explain somewhat angrily.

"The NCIS roof?"

Abby can't take it any more

"You know what, Ziva? If you don't know what's going on in the conversation, butt out!" She shouts.

"Abigail, calm down," Ducky tells her but Ziva has already left.

"Anthony, why were you at that warehouse?" Ducky wants to know.

"I don't know, Duck. I just...I don't know."

Abby can tell I'm lying so I don't say anything else. I make a beeline for my desk and immediately take my gun out, lock it up in a drawer and put the keys away.

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love

"Tony? Can I talk to you in private?" Abby asks tentatively.

"Sure," I sigh.

We walk to a corner in the room where no one can hear us. Ducky and Palmer exchange concerned looks and go back to autopsy. Ziva comes back with a coffee in her hand and sits down to type. McGee is already at his desk, fixing his computer.

"What's up?"

She becomes teary eyed and says, "You were gonna...you were gonna," she gets really quiet and says, "kill yourself, weren't you?"

I only nod slightly and Abby hugs me. It's one of those big hugs she gave me when I came back to work after the plague.

"Don't ask why, Abs. I don't wanna explain. Just don't tell anybody. I don't want this getting out, okay?"

"Promise you won't think about it ever again?" she asks through tears.

"I promise, Abby."

When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me

She starts to walk off and I head to my desk, but Abby stops me.

"You know, she loved you too."

At first, I don't know what to say to that. I wonder if Abby is lying just to make me feel better, but I know Abby wouldn't joke about anything like this.

"Did she really?"

"She just didn't know how to tell you." And I begin to feel a little better. Knowing that Kate loved me was all I needed to know.

When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

"And you know what?" Abby adds.

"What?"

"She saved you."

Abby walks away. On my way to my desk, I realize she's right. Kate is the only reason I didn't pull that trigger.

"Who saved you?" McGee asks curiously.

I look at him and smile.

"Kate saved me."

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That's it. The End. FIN. All done.

Now...what do you think?