Fandom: Xxxholic

Title: Waiting, 1/2

Author: Lannie

Rating: G, for this part

Warnings: No spoilers I can think of. Eventual DoumekixWatanuki.

Disclaimer: Characters owned by Clamp and their associated publishers.

Notes: Sequel to "Awake." Part of my sprawling Reincarnation arc. All dates are sequential for this part. Thoughts are in italics. Unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. To date we haven't been given the names of Doumeki's family members so here are mine for the purpose of this story:

Doumeki Seito: Shizuka's grandfather and formidable exorcist.
Doumeki Kazuko: Shizuka' grandmother, a highly intuitive woman.
Doumeki Youka: Daughter of Seito and Kazuko, never formally trained in exorcism but highly sensitive to the energy of places.
Doumeki Souya: Husband of Youka. As a veritable orphan, he adopted the Doumeki surname when he married Youka.

Dedicated to all the members of Deep Connection. Everyone's passion for the series and support for each other have been the driving force behind getting me to sit down and write this story that has been stewing in my brain for half a year.

Please enjoy!

November 15

Shizuka sighed as another Shichi-Go-San Festival drew to a close. No luck this year either. Other children were all right as playmates, but he was utterly spoiled for ordinary friendship. He had the knowledge that a veritable soul mate, his very own, was just around the bend. Almost.

Growing up in a temple it was only natural that he knew all about reincarnation and the spirit realms. From what he could puzzle out from his memories, there had been one person that had been his closest and most beloved companion throughout almost every lifetime they were together. A few lifetimes ago, circumstances beyond his control changed their relationship for the worse. Shizuka couldn't glean the specifics, but something had happened to make his dear friend feel betrayed by him. And it rankled. He wanted his friend back, his confidante, his other half. It didn't matter if they remembered all or none of their shared past. He just wanted to be with him, to start anew something that promised to be wonderful.

"No luck this year?" Kazuko joined her grandson on the porch.

"Not yet, Gramma," he sighed once more.

"Here have some chitoseame, it'll cheer you up."

"Thanks," Shizuka sucked on the red-and-white candy thoughtfully. "Waiting's so hard."

"No question there," agreed Kazuko. "But we must learn and grow during that waiting."

The young boy nodded, knowing full well his grandmother wasn't referring to school. He knew he was bright and had no trouble picking up new concepts. In fact his family often taught him various skills and subjects on the side. He couldn't be sure how much of it was deliberate, but it didn't make him less appreciative of his haphazard "home schooling."

In spite of having memories of past lives, he was not an adult in a child's body. His memories were garbled and utterly lacking in meaningful context. His feelings and self-awareness were precocious for a young child, but that was about it. Growing up, life experiences, those were the hard things, not school work or chores. And waiting, that was the worst.

"Why can't I just 'member all the stuff from past lives?" he demanded his family last month. "Wouldn't it be easier?"

"It's a cheat," Seito had told him. "Every new life teaches you new things, many you would never have learned in your old ones. To only rely on past knowledge is to squander the gift of life."

"Without the ability to simultaneously view a great many of your lives objectively and with wisdom," Kazuko had added, "they become meaningless. You can get attached to old mistakes instead of moving forward."

So all he had to do was grow up. Great.

"I know he's close," Shizuka told Kazuko. "I can tell."

When he concentrated so very, very hard he could feel his friend's presence. It was like an indigo thumbprint glowing faintly in the back, way back, in his mind.

"Yet not close enough to attend the same school or visit this temple on holidays," she finished. "Perhaps you two are not yet meant to meet."

"Maybe," he conceded. "Still don't like it."

"I didn't think so," laughed his grandmother.

"It's not funny, Gramma," he gave her his very fiercest scowl.

"Of course it's not, dear. But that's why we must make the best of it. Now come inside. Your mother went overboard and made a mountain of goodies this year. I think you can have some sweets and stay up a little late on such a big day."

"Inna minute, I wanna watch the stars come out."

"Not too long, mind you. It's getting chilly."

"Mmm, hmmmn," he answered absent-mindedly, already intent on the darkening sky. His favorite times of day were just before dawn and the first stirrings of twilight. It was then the world was not quite day and not quite night, not one thing or the other.

"Kinda like me," whispered Shizuka, savoring the transition from day to night.

The in-between times his mother called them. They were mysterious and magical, why just about anything could happen then! Those were the times he could believe in magic and wish on stars. And if he closed his eyes he could believe that maybe, just maybe his friend was wishing on the same stars and missing him just as much.

February 28

"Cross it off, Mama!"

It was bedtime and young Shizuka was wriggling with impatience.

"Why don't we wait until after your story," suggested Youka, ruffling her son's hair.

"But I might fall asleep!" protested the boy. "I wanna go to bed with a scents of status--, status..." he frowned trying to remember his new phrase.

"Sense of satisfaction?"

"Yeah! That! Please, Mama?" he hugged his mother and kissed her cheek. "I waited all day."

"All right, all right," she laughed. "In fact you can do it tonight. Your handwriting is improving so much."

"I am almost six," Shizuka said proudly. "One more week!"

Youka unhooked the large calendar from the wall and took her son's favorite marker from the dresser before handing it to him. Very carefully he made a large X on the date. She had to admit her father was quite clever suggesting it as a New Year's present for the boy. Shizuka had been confused until Seito explained the idea behind the gift.

"I remember being young and impatient," he indulged his grandson with a rare, warm smile. "My mentor had me cross off the days one by one. Whenever I felt frustrated with my progress he told me to look at all the crossed off days to realize how far I'd come. You can have this calendar, but you must promise me something."

"What's that, Grampa?"

"Promise me you won't waste your waiting time. Use every day to become a person your friend can be proud of. Will you do that?"

"I will! I promise I will!"

Ever since, Shizuka had attacked his lessons, both in school and out, with boundless enthusiasm. He rarely sulked and mention of his lost companion was rare. There were of course exceptions. Before he could stop himself he would say things such as,

"I wonder if he likes green tea candies..."

Or,

"Do you think he likes to fly kites?"

And the ever wistful,

"I really hope he'll like me."

It was that last one that broke Youka's heart every time she heard it. She could hardly imagine how her son must feel, knowing that your kindred spirit really was out there and not just wishful thinking.

"All done! Another month down!" he declared. "Now I'm ready for bedtime story."

"What kind of story do you want to hear, a new one or an old one?"

"Something new," Shizuka decided. "And with polar bears. We learned 'bout polar bears today in class."

"Did you ever hear a story about the polar bear warriors with magical armor?" Youka's eyes danced with amusement.

"Never! Tell me 'bout them!"

"A long, long time ago in the great north country..."

April 8

"How's it going, tough guy?" Souya hoisted his son up into his arms. "How was school?"

Shizuka hugged him back before replying in a small voice, "I think I'm in trouble."

"Why? What happened?" Souya couldn't think of anything his son could have done to cause trouble in school. If anything the boy was more quiet and polite outside of their

home.

"I dunno, but teacher said to tell you to come talk to her when you picked me up from school," came the rushed answer. "An' I'm really, really sorry, but I dunno what I did wrong."

"I'm not angry, Shizuka," he said softly. "So let's go see what teacher wants. Lead the way." He lowered Shizuka to the ground and took his hand. A few minutes later they were at the classroom door and the little boy looked utterly miserable.

"You sit out here while I talk to teacher, okay?" Souya could see his son was close to being ill. "You can hold my jacket and I do believe there's a chocolate mint in the pocket."

"Don't deserve it."

"Were you bad on purpose?"

"No."

"Did you do your best to make it a good day?"

"Yes."

"Well then I think you do deserve a little treat. It'll settle your tummy."

"How'd you know my tummy hurt?"

"I know my Shizuka."

Souya took a deep breath and entered the classroom, making certain to close the door behind him. He hated confrontation, but he would never step down.

"You must be Mister Doumeki! Your son looks just like you!" a skinny young woman with a shrill voice fairly accosted him. "Good looks must run in the family. I'm so glad you could come right away. I'm Miss Tanaka, Shizuka's teacher."

"Pleasure to meet you," Souya grit out. Ugh, this kind of woman was the worst. Exactly the type who used to chase after him when he was younger. He was even more grateful he had found Youka, just the thought of being married to someone like Miss Tanaka made his stomach turn.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Shizuka's such a bright boy, I can see that even though I've only been his teacher a little over a week."

Spare me the flattery, thought Souya dryly. Anymore artificial sweetness and you'll give me cancer.

Said Souya, "Do continue, Miss Tanaka."

"So you can imagine my surprise when he refused to do today's assignment properly."

He's in first grade. He's six. Six year olds make mistakes. Sixty year olds make mistakes.

Said he, "Miss Tanaka?"

Tanaka finally moved out of his personal space and moved to her desk. She rifled through a stack a papers before finally finding Shizuka's.

"I asked the children to write a few sentences and draw a picture of their future husband or wife. Shizuka instead wrote about an imaginary friend."

Souya closed his eyes briefly, he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

With a dramatic flourish, the teacher handed him Shizuka's picture and essay. Souya studied them and smiled.

"Don't you see? I even told him to do it over and he wouldn't'!"

"Madame," he began. "Clearly, anyone can see this is not about an imaginary friend. It's about a friend he'd like to meet, much like what you had asked."

"But the assignment--"

"Like any normal child, my son doesn't have a sexuality. He doesn't see himself as an adult and can't imagine having what his parents have. A wife is a strange idea to him. What he can imagine is a wonderful friend, someone who would always be there for him. That I think is far healthier than pushing your domestic fantasies on six year olds."

He really had been living with Seito too long, the snark was rubbing off and he was enjoying Tanaka's dumbfounded look way too much.

"Not every child dreams of marital bliss. Most kids dream of talking to animals or having superpowers. I find it amazing that you're actually surprised that not all of them wrote sentimental drivel of summer weddings and fantasy spouses.

"Children are not mini-adults, but they are people. Young, imaginative people that won't always fit into the molds that exist in your tiny mind. Shizuka understood the assignment and completed it to the best of his ability. Don't take it out on him because he didn't follow your standard of convention. Good day to you, ma'am!"

It wasn't until he was back in the hallway that Souya realized he was a bit breathless. Normally, he wasn't one for speeches and cutting remarks, but that woman touched on a nerve.

"Papa?" his son tugged on his sleeve.

"Hi Shizuka, I liked your essay," Souya suddenly remembered he still had the project in his hands. "The picture, too."

"That was what teacher was mad about, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but you didn't do anything wrong."

"Really?"

"Really," he hugged his son tightly. "It was just unexpected."

"Thank you, Papa," whispered Shizuka.

"For what, tiger?"

"For knowing what I mean."

"It's what family's for," Souya picked up Shizuka for a piggy-back ride. "Now how about we pick up some ingredients at the store. A little bird told me Mama's thinking about making Grampa's favorite buckwheat noodles dish."

"Great!" chirped the boy. "An' you can tell me about the new book you're writing about on the way!"

"How'd you know about that? I haven't told anyone, even Mama."

"Papa's eyes are different when he's writing a book."

"Nothing gets past you does it?"

"'Course it does, I just know my papa!"

"Onward, to the store!"

"Onward, ho!"

To be continued...

Author's Notes:

Shichi-Go-San Festival: Japanese holiday where children ages 3, 5, and 7 get dressed up in traditional garb and are taken to local shrines and temples for blessings to ensure good health and fortune. Takes place on November 15 or the closest weekend to that date.

Chitoseame: Literally "thousand year candy," these red-and-white candies are give out to kids on Shichi-Go-San, usually in little baggies with cranes and turtles (both symbols of longevity).

New Year's present: Christmas in Japan is seen more as a romantic holiday than a family holiday. A child is more likely to receive gifts on New Year's than on Christmas.

Polar bears with magical armor: Ripped from Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials. If you even remotely like good children's fantasy go read these books, even though the bears are not the main focus.

April 8: The Japanese school year ends in early March and usually starts on April 1st, so Shizuka's new teacher can only have known him a week.