Dear Readers,
It's the second year anniversary! On this day two years ago, this story was posted. And since those two years, my writing has improved, so I thought I might as well read over it and fix it up again, just like last year. So please enjoy!

-Tsuki (Disbanded Matrimony)

Major edits: Chapters one and two have been made into one, so that chapter ten could be cut in half and made into two chapters, so it's not as long as it was before, but I still wanted to keep the chapter count to an even ten. Let's face it—chapter ten was a long ass chapter. Even I had trouble getting through it in one shot.

Author's Note: This story was co-written by iShiznitch, formerly known as Broken Vows, and before that, Rios Masquerade, whose nickname is Ame. Most of the laughable parts she added in, so I consider that co-writing.

Disclaimer: Ame and I don't own Kingdom Hearts… or Titanic…but we wish we did…

TITANIC

Everyone crowded around the safe, knowing that everything was going to be worth it; all the money, all the studying, all the boats, all the searching, all the crew—everything would be worth it. The Heart of the Ocean, one of the most expensive pieces of jewelry in history, was inside. Yuna, a clever treasure hunter, part vacuum cleaner saleswoman, held an unknown tool in her hands, getting closer to the lock that held the safe closed. Rikku and Paine, her witty partners, stood behind her, getting more fidgety by the second.

She grabbed the lock, tightening the grip until it busted in half. The now open door clanged onto the deck. Yuna squealed without realizing it, receiving awkward stares from everyone around her, but she couldn't care less; she had found what she wanted.

She let the tool drop onto the ground, and she put her hand inside the water soaked safe, pulling out damaged items. Yuna grinned fiercely in anticipation of her greatest find yet. But as she dug deeper, finding nothing but worn papers and pens soaked in mud, the truth sunk in—the unbelievable, embarrassing truth.

"Shit."

Sora rolled his wheelchair in front of the television, an ancient-looking male ready to be buried. He turned his head slightly, looking for the remote that was only a few inches away on the table. 

Apparently, he was too late in his life to move his fat ass and get it himself, so he compromised with the next best thing.

"Tidus! Tidus!" Sora screeched, annoyed."Tidus, you waste of a boy, move off your fat larded ass and hand me the damn remote that you blatantly left out of my damn reach!"

His grandson, about twenty, entered the room. He sighed as he rushed over to the irritating old man and handed him the remote, too tired to respond to his grandfather's insults.

"Daft whippersnappers these days. No respect for the old and the crippled." Sora pressed the buttons with the tips of his wrinkled fingers, ending up on the news channel. He became immediately interested, his eyes suddenly going wide. A woman appeared on the screen.

"We didn't find the object we were looking for, but we did find some other interesting artifacts," she said, holding up a picture of a piece of blue jewelry. Sora gasped. The camera turned to another female carefully spraying a picture with water. "Here we found an old piece of art. The identity of the woman depicted in this painting remains unknown."

The woman spraying looked up from her work. "Yuna, it's a man."

The woman, Yuna, turned around, slightly embarrassed. "No, it's a woman. Men don't have—why are you giving me that look? I hate that look!" she said crossly. This was one of the biggest discoveries of the century, and Paine had to go and make an idiot of herself. Paine only sighed and pointed.

"You see there? That's a male...thing."

Yuna moved closer to it, narrowing her eyes. "Can I get a microscope, please?" she asked Paine, who handed her one promptly. "Wait! I think I see it! Oh, that man has a bad case of man boobs."

"I do not!" Sora shouted at the screen, making Tidus come in once more.

"Grandfather, what is it? Do we need to visit Closet Land again?"

"What? Closet Land?"

"All the fun of being locked in a closet."

"What?"

"Closet Land! Locked in a closet!"

Sora put his hand to his ear, trying to hear. "What? I can't hear those useless yaps of yours! Hand me the damn phone, you pig!"

Tidus rolled his eyes and gave his grandfather the phone. Sora snatched it away and looked at the screen, dialing the numbers as he saw them. Tidus sat down on the couch, making sure that his senile grandfather didn't do anything stupid.

"Hello? Hello? Hello?"

Sora hit the phone against the arm of his wheelchair, although Tidus clearly heard a voice on the other line.

"Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? How retarded are you?"

Tidus reached over and took the phone away from him, speaking into it himself. "Yes, I'm very sorry. My grandfather doesn't have the best hearing," Tidus apologized, looking awkwardly at the old man beside him. Sora still had his hand up and was yelling into the non-existent phone.

Tidus gently shoved Sora's arm, continuing the conversation. "Yes, my grandfather's says that he's that man. Yeah. Uh huh. Well, I'm not entirely sure if he's sane right now. Apparently this new drug he's on prevents hallucinations…" He looked at Sora again. Sora looked back at him. Tidus looked into Sora's dull, but still deep blue eyes. Sora drooled a little. Tidus grimaced. "Yeah, he seems ... generally sound."

Yuna smoothed out her long skirt, and looked to Paine and Rikku. Rikku smiled and nodded at nothing, while Paine simply rolled her eyes.

"Tell me again, why were talking to an obvious liar? If this guy is who he claims he is, he'd be like—"

"Two hundred and thirteen years old!" Rikku smiled, proud of her mathematics ability.

Paine gave Rikku a blank stare. "Yeah…no."

Rikku continued her insufferable whining, but no one cared.

Paine looked at Yuna. "So, this old, crippled, well-endowed man is supposed to be here… when?"

Yuna glared at her fellow treasure hunter. "He may not be lying. For all we know, he is indeed the wo – MAN in the picture."

"He'd have to be at least a hundred years old," said Paine, turning to her comrade. Rikku would've taken this time to state what was on her mind, but she was currently busy trying to prove that seventeen plus eighty-three was two hundred and thirteen.

Yuna sighed. "We will never know unless we actually talk to this … man. Plus, if he's who he says he is, he might know about the sparkly diamond thingy that we're supposed to be looking for!"

At the sound of 'sparkly', Rikku looked up, as if in a daze. "Sparkly…diamond?" She slowly dragged her feet over to Yuna in an almost possessed state of being.

"Yes. What, did you think we did all this to find some stupid picture of a naked he-she?"

"Maybe? But—" She was quickly cut off by the sound of an approaching helicopter. Paine could swear she heard Rikku yell "I'm an idiot!" but the sound of the rotors made it impossible to confirm.

They all looked up, grimacing at what they saw. In the window was an old man, smashing his face against it. They all took a cautionary step back, watching as the man rubbed his nose and lips on the glass, creating marks on the window.

As the helicopter landed, Yuna went up the door. Paine and Rikku hesitated, fearing that the guy had some crazy rabid disease or something that they could catch. Instead, they just smiled politely and waved.

A group of men in orange jump suits came out, followed by the crazy loon in the wheel chair. They raised their arms into the air to grab the chair and then set the complaining man down gently, trying to get away from him as quick as possible. The old man had his finger in his ear and was wiping the orange wax all over the place.

"Hello, Sora!" Yuna yelled over the noise, shaking Sora's other hand. "I'm Yuna! I'm so pleased to meet you!"

Sora stared up blankly at her. "What?"

Yuna bent down to his level.

"I'm Yuna!"

"What?"

"YUNA!"

Sora shook his head. "I don't want tuna! We have important matters to discuss you stupid girl! Be polite and introduce yourself!"

Yuna stood up and smacked herself in the head. A younger man stepped on to the concrete, putting his hands on Sora's chair. She put her hand down and smiled at him, holding out her arm. By this time the helicopter was already off of the landing and flying away.

"Hi, I'm Yuna." she said, shaking his hand.

"Oh, hello. I'm his grandson, Tidus. Nice to meet you, Miss."

During their conversation, Sora slyly reached over and started lifting up Yuna's skirt, a smug smile upon his crusty lips. He got closer and closer—SMACK! Yuna hit Sora reflexively and gasped, realizing what she had just done. Sora started screaming in pain. Tidus quickly bent down and started shaking him, trying to stop his screeching. "That's what you get, you old perv!"

"I'm so sorry, sir," she apologized.

Tidus waved his hand, standing up. "Please don't apologize. He's, well… him."

Sora continued screaming bloody murder. "Damn girl! I should slap you with my enormous blue polished rock!"

Everyone stopped.

"What?" Yuna questioned. "You… you have the Heart of the Ocean?!" She smiled and turned to a happy Rikku and Paine. "Whoo, girls! We've got it now! Rikku, get your nimble retarded fingers over here and grab it! Paine, knock the guys out! The sparkly thingy is OURS!"

Sora stopped crying immediately. They both stared at the girls.

"Err...sorry."

Sora touched an old and worn comb gently with the tips of his fingers, staring at it with interest. "This was mine! How extraordinary," he said, looking at it happily. "The gold writing, the silver sides—how I always hated it!" His voice became higher as he threw it across the room.

Yuna, Rikku, and Paine stood stiffly, just barely missing the thrown comb. Rikku leaned against Yuna. "This guy is crazy."

Sora growled and turned in his chair, pointing at them with an old spork. "I heard that!"

Rikku whimpered and stood up straight, eyeing the safe yet possibly dangerous item. Sora threw it and all the girls duck in fear. "I'm going to tell all you whores about my enormously long story 

about what happened to me on the Titanic, even though you don't give a damn and you just want to skip to the sex scenes," he yelled, pointing at the chairs. "Now sit down and shut up!"

Yuna, Rikku, and Paine did as they were told, still frightened.

"There are sex scenes?" Rikku asked quietly. Paine elbowed her in the ribs.

Sora smiled and put his hands on his lap, ready to start his story.

"It's been… however so many years ago," Sora said, looking down at his hands: cold and dry, and weirdly squishy like the fungi on his big toe.

"That's okay, just try to remember anything. Anything at all—," said Rikku. She fell off the chair, avoiding the random object that was thrown at her. Paine was greatly amused and put a hand over her mouth to stop from smile. Sora continued, eyeing the girls crossly.

"It's been... like, a hundred years, and I can still smell the fresh paint, the china that had never been used, the sheets that had never been slept in, the odor of those that refused to wear anti-perspirants, since there weren't any."

"Really? I can't count that far."All eyes turned to Rikku still on the floor. She pouted and crossed her arms. "What?"

"Shut up!" Sora growled. He placed his hands on the arms of the wheelchair and pushed himself up, his legs wobbling. Tidus quickly grabbed his grandfather's hand and pulled down, making Sora plop down back into the chair. He, surprisingly, didn't protest and his attention quickly turned to a blue light that entered the room. He smiled and clapped, staring dazedly at it like a child on Christmas."Pretty…"

Yuna, Paine, and Rikku cocked their eyebrows, looking at each other and back at Sora. He pointed behind them, still smiling widely. They all turned in their chairs, following the direction of his finger, watching as another woman came toward them. She pushed a large TV on a cart; its solid blue screen kept Sora quiet, making everyone happy.

She smiled and nodded, walking back out of the room. Rikku squealed and quickly pressed a button on the black object. She stood up straight and cleared her throat, ready to begin her presentation.

"We've put together the world's largest database on the Titanic. Okay, here..." she started, waiting for the video to appear. The screen soon showed a computer animated graphic, obviously of the Titanic. The boat then rubbed against an animated iceberg, followed by a close up on the side.

"The boat hit the berg on the right-hand side, and it sort of bumped along, punching holes down the side. Then it flooded in the front sections, and the water spilled over the tops of the partitions, going toward the back of the ship.

"As its bow was going down, the stern came up, slow at first, and then faster and faster until its whole ass was sticking up out of the water. And that's a big ass! A Yuna sized ass! The body of the ship couldn't hold it, so…" She made a ripping sound in time with the animation, which showed the boat separating.

"...it split, right down to the ship's structural element, which acted like a big hinge. Then the front of the vessel swung down and the stern, the back of the ship, fell back, but the weight of the front pulled the stern up vertical, and then the bow section detached, heading for the bottom. The back bobbed like a cork for a second, flooded and went under about 2:20 a.m., two hours and forty minutes after the collision."

The animation then followed the bow section as it sunk. Sora's eye twitched. Tidus smiled as Paine sighed. "I didn't realize she knew so many big words. Actually, I'm surprised she pronounced most…well, some of them correctly."

Yuna nodded her head in agreement, still mad about the 'Yuna sized ass' comment mentioned a few seconds ago. Sora drooled… again.

"So, what did you think, Sora?" Rikku questioned.

"Grandfather?" Tidus said, shoving Sora's arm. He didn't do anything. "Old man?"

Tidus pushed Sora's arm harder. Sora jumped and squeaked, but quickly forgot about it as he yawned. "What, what is it?" he groaned, sifting in his chair.

Had this been an anime, this is where all the characters would have sweat dropped and fallen, but it's not, so they all just sighed. "What did you think about the little video that Miss Rikku kindly showed us?" Tidus politely grinned, earning one back from her.

Sora slumped down in his chair, looking completely tired. "I'm what now?"

Tidus rolled his eyes and turned to the girls, whispering, "I'm sorry, his hearing is a little out there."

"Oh, that's okay. We don't need to—"

Rikku was cut off as Tidus quickly shook his head. "No, please. I'm sure you worked hard on that and my grandfather needs to learn how to keep focused. His therapist said so."

He turned back to Sora and yelled in his furry ear, "DID YOU LIKE THE VIDEO THAT MS. BODINE KINDLY SHOWED YOU?"

Sora raised his hand and smacked Tidus on the cheek. "I'm old, not deaf!"

His grandson didn't seem the least bit surprised. He was about to touch Sora's arm when another hand stopped him. He looked up to see Yuna, smiling down at him. "I think I can take it from here—"

"Tidus," he inserted, grinning.

She nodded graciously. "I can take it from here, Tidus."

She sat down on the table in front of Sora, grabbing a paper behind her. She carefully watched the old man as he did the same, eyeing every movement that she made. She slowly held the paper out in front of her and put it close to Sora's face.

"Sora," she said loudly, making sure that Sora could hear her. He poked his head out from the side of the photo. "You see this?"

Sora nodded, staring back at the paper.

"This is the Heart of the Ocean. But you already know that," she chuckled slightly. "Today it would be worth more than the Hope Diamond."

Sora started laughing. "It was a dreadful heavy thing," he said, waving the picture away. "I wore it because Kairi wouldn't, which actually sounds pretty gay, thinking back on it."

"The last time anyone has heard of it was right before the Titanic disaster. It had to have gone down with the ship." Yuna turned toward Tidus. "See the date?"

Tidus looked at the drawing of his naked grandfather and read the date on the bottom right corner aloud. "April 14, 1912."

"If your grandfather is who he says he is, he was wearing the diamond the day Titanic sank." Paine added. Yuna glared at her before turning back to Sora.

"And that makes you my new best friend," she said, smiling sweetly.

Sora's eyes brightened considerably. "Friends with benefits?"

"No." Yuna managed to keep her sweet smile while thoughts of death and beheadings coursed through her mind.

Sora's eye's dulled and twitched. He frowned. "Then that's just creepy"

Yuna sighed and stood, taking a tape recorder from Rikku. "Since we have nothing else better to do, I guess we better start this now."

She clicked a button and set it down on the table, eagerly staring down at Sora.

His eyes slowly shut. Tidus poked Sora in the arm, making him open them again."Huh? What?" he said sleepily. His mouth opened and he sunk back into the chair, waving his arms around madly. "Tidus! Tidus! Come quick, a molester! She's trying to rape me! Tidus! Fat Boy! Help!"

Tidus growled and stood in between Yuna and Sora. "Shut up, you old ass! Now tell your damn story already!"

Sora gulped and readied himself to start his story once again. Rikku jumped giddily. "Ooh! Ooh! A flashback!"

"Be quiet, you stupid twit." Paine glared at Rikku and turned to Sora again. "Please, continue."

Sora looked at her, confused. "I can't continue. I haven't even started yet."

Paine shifted feet. "Sir, I only meant—"

"Are you trying to tell me that I can continue something without starting said something? I am almost fifty three percent positive that defies some sort of law."

It was Paine's eye's turn to twitch uncomfortably. Sora sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots. Now, as I was trying to start…"

The gleaming white upper part of Titanic rose mountainously beyond the rail, and above that the brown funnels stood against the sky like the pillars of a grand temple. Crewmen moved across the deck, small dots against the large scale of the steamer. On the pier, horse-drawn vehicles and motorcars moved slowly through the dense crowd.

Titanic was called the 'Ship of Dreams'…

General excitement was in the air, and people embraced in tearful farewells and waved and shouted to friends and relatives on the decks above. The crowd of hundreds blackened the pier next to Titanic like ants on a jelly sandwich.

"That sounds so corny!" Rikku pouted, interrupting Sora. She was smacked and glared at by multiple people.

As I was saying…

A white car pushed through the crowd, leaving a wake in the press of people. Around the gorgeous cars, people were lining up to board the ship, jostling with hustling seamen and barking officials.

The car stopped to allow the driver to jump out. He scurried over to the side door, opening it. A delicate hand appeared from the inside, waiting for it to be helped. The driver quickly grabbed it, helping the young woman out. This red-haired beauty elegantly stepped out of the vehicle, careful not to snag the bottom of her long pink dress. She lifted her head, showing off her dazzling blue eyes from underneath her large round hat.

Her name was Kairi, my fiancé.

The most annoying bitch. Ever.

The door on the other side of the car opened without assistance. A young man stepped out, his odd brown spikes as straight as he could get them for the first day of sailing. His deep blue eyes, similar to his fiancé's, were as vast as the ocean, consuming anyone who looked into them. This was Sora, much better looking in his younger years, even if his body resembled that of a twelve-year-old. At the same time, Cloud, their valet, stepped out of another car, reaching over to open the door behind his. Yuffie, Kairi's mother, stepped out, as well as her personal servants, Marlene and Denzel. They gasped as they saw the ship before them.

"I don't see what the big deal is. It doesn't look any bigger than the Biggest Ship Ever at the Present Time that we sailed upon two weeks ago," Kairi declared, examining her nails.

Cloud laughed. "It's over a hundred feet longer than the Biggest Ship Ever at the Present Time, and far more luxurious. You can insult some things, Kairi, but not the Titanic."

Kairi rolled her eyes and rested her arm around Sora's, her mother eyeing her to do so. Sora leaned back. "Your daughter is too hard to impress, Yuffie," he said.

Yuffie smiled kindly and looked closer at the ship.

"How could she have NOT seen it already?"

Shut the hell up, Rikku!

"Sorry…."

"Titanic, the ship that they say is unsinkable, correct?" Yuffie asked, heading toward the dock. She received many glares from random bystanders, who shall now be referred to as the NPC's.

"Knock on wood! You're going to jinx us!" This advice was ignored, because no one ever actually listens to the NPC's.

Kairi's arm slipped out of Sora's as she caught up with her mother, talking about some random topic just as a porter quickly came toward the men.

"Sir, you'll have to check your baggage through the main terminal, round that way—,"

Cloud nonchalantly handed the man five dollars, a huge tip in those days apparently. "I put my trust in you," he said.

"Yes sir! My pleasure, sir," the porter exclaimed. The young brunette followed the females as Cloud stayed behind. He led the porter around the back of the car, showing him the luggage. The porter's face grew pale.

"These trunks here and 12 more in the other car," he said, leaving the man. The porter frowned and frantically looked around for some cargo-handlers to help him.

It was the ship of dreams, but only to everyone else. I was trying to impress a woman I wasn't in love with and trying to make the rest of my family happy; to me it was a slave ship, taking me back to America in chains.

I was everything a well-brought up boy should be. Inside, I was screaming. Yes, my friends, I was EMO.