Disclaimer: I do not own the series or it's characters.
Italics denote an action
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During a Sleeping Kogoro Act
Conan- through the bow-tie Now, it is obvious that when Ran entered the room, the killer panicked and hid in the closet. This leav-
Kogoro- Waking up Ugh...My head hurts..
Conan- Oh sh-t!
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During a heist, KID runs outside with a gem
Kaitou Kid- Now to see if you are Pandora...Hold gem to the sky only to realize that it is overcast... Oh, hell.
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Ai- in a fit of depression I wish I was never born.
Conan- I wish you were never born either...referring to his height...After all, this is all your fault.
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Bartender- What will you be having?
Vodka- Gin.
Gin-turning What?
Vodka- Nothing. Gin turns away
Bartender- Sorry, I missed that, what will you be having?
Vodka- Gin.
Gin-turning What?
Vodka- Nothing.
Gin- mutters while turning back One more time, you fat b-stard, one more-
Bartender- unable to resist Brandy?
Vodka- Gin!
Gin- shoots Vodka
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looking upon another dead body
Mitsuhiko- Holy Sh-t! Dat mof-cking n-gga got his punk-ss shot!
Genta looks at him strangely
Ayumi- apologetically Sorry, all these murders have warped his fragile young mind.
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After a Kaitou Kid heist
Nakamori- 3 helicopters destroyed, 7 people wounded, 5 buildings on fire, KID got away, and I look like an idiot. It's Miller Time!
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Takagi- Okay, the victim was raped, dismembered, strangled, disemboweled, and thrown into the river. After that the killer wore her small intestine as a scarf. Do you know what that means?
Satou- between pukings ...what?
Takagi- We are dealing with one sick son of a b-tch!
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Sonoko gets a glance at Kaitou Kid
Sonoko- I know who the Kid is!
Kaitou Kid- panicked No, you don't!
Sonoko- Yes I do! You're Shinichi Kudo!
Conan- girly shriek What?
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Kudo is comparing notes with Kuroba
Shinichi: Okay, We are both fixated on one subject...
Kaito: ...that our fathers are better than us at...
Shinichi: ...and a criminal organization...
Kaito: ...who wears monochromatic uniforms...
Shinichi: ..and seeks immortality..
Kaito: ...wants us dead...
Shinichi: ...but we keep doing what we do best...
Kaito: ...which screws over the father of our best friends...
Shinichi: ...who are female...
Kaito:...and are childhood friends...
Shinichi: ...who looks similar to the other...
Kaito: ...and we hide massive secrets from them...
Shinichi:...and they would kill us if they knew...
Kaito: ...and we use lots of gadgets...
Shinichi:...and we know an old man...
Kaito:...who knows our secrets...
Shinichi:...and is a friend of our fathers...
Kaito: ...and we both wear an eyepiece that we really don't need...
Shinichi: ...because it helps to hide our identity...
Kaito: ...and-
I am going to stop right there before I have to expand this section into a whole new fic.
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During the events of episodes 205-206/ Volume 27 chapter 4-6
Satou- screaming at the burning building Takagi, you idiot!
Takagi- behind her F-CK YOU!
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During the events of Movie 8
Kogoro- What? Ran has got to land the plane? turns to Eri Bet you five thousand yen that this is the thing that screws her up for life.
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Ai- now an adult I have found the cure!
Conan- What is it?
Ai- One gram of crack cocaine!
Conan- How did you figure that out?
Ai- I...uh...discovered it... by accident.
Conan- Oh.
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Kogoro and Conan are walking down the street. A ridiculously hot woman walks by them. They turn around to get a good look.
Kogoro+Conan-Damn!
They look at each other
Kogoro- Aren't you a little too young for that?
Conan- Aren't you a little too married?
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Gin has finally cornered Ai. She draws out a knife in a mediocre attempt of self-defense.
Gin- What's that?
Ai- scared sh-tless It-it-it's a k-knife. I-I-I'll stab you if y-you-
Gin- That's not a knife. draws item from his pocket and holds it up This is a knife!
Ai- confused That is not a knife. That is a spoon.
Gin- Oh. So I see you've played knifey spooney before.
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Kazuha: watching Neon Genesis Evangelion Deja vu!
(Asuka Langley Soryu and Kazuha Toyama are voiced by the same person)
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Screaming at a computerized Chess game
Agasa- En Passant MOTHERF-CKER!
Computer- monotonous Queen to King 5, Checkmate
A hand giving the middle finger appears on the screen
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The Teacher- Don't do drugs, they'll stunt your growth.
Ai- That is so ironic I can barely put it into words.
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Conan- about to shoot Kogoro with his watch Okay...Ready...Aim...
He accidently shoots himself
Conan- Oh sh-t! My watch was on backwards!
Faints