Title: An Awful Thing

By: Jedishampoo (Jedishampoo at aol dot com)

Rating: PG-13 overall; may get saucier later, but I ain't promising nothin'.

Summary: Howl and Sophie get mixed up in magical and dimensional doings, and Sophie is just mixed up. Humor/Adventure/Romance thingie. Crossover between Howl's Moving Castle and Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

Author's Notes: This is movieverse!Howl and company. I've read the books by Diana Wynne Jones, and so a little bookishness may creep in here and there, but the movie is what made me fall in love with the characters. Comments, constructive criticism eagerly welcomed.

Chapter 1

Clouds were certainly pretty, when seen from the ground. But not many people realized just how chilly and wet they were up close. This morning, though, Howl didn't mind. He stood on the slender little fenced balcony built to survey the countryside, and surveyed it, and let the passing white mist dampen his face and clothes. From up here, Ingary and its environs looked almost like another world.

Another thing most people didn't realize was just how many other worlds there were. Stepping into them was like diving into water sideways, except easier. Provided, that is, one was a wizard. And that one was a wizard who knew how to do it. Even fewer knew that, and it was a good thing, too. Just because it was easy didn't mean it wasn't dangerous.

In his time, Howl had visited several worlds. But he was happiest here, at home, in this simple land where Hatters were hatters and Smiths and Wrights built things, where magic was real.

Sure, there were other magical places. Worlds where a wizard could hardly sneeze without setting off some catastrophic magical reaction. But here in this world, magic was just real enough. Real enough that people spoke of visiting their local witch or sorcerer like they might speak elsewhere of visiting the doctor: with respect, but not fear. Real enough to coexist happily with science, a place where a magical flying castle could employ gears and pistons enough to please any engineer, could be something ordinary and special all at the same time. And be a heck of a lot of fun, to boot.

This was a land of conservative and seamless incongruity, where daughters and sons still went to seek their fortunes, and where the eldest was always expected to mind the shop. Howl had been lucky enough to find a girl who, despite being the eldest of three daughters, had managed to crack a magical curse and to earn the love of the handsome prince.

Well, the handsome and talented wizard, anyway. Howl had met a prince, and knew that of the two of them, he himself was the much better catch.

Speaking of eldest daughters; behind him the door swung outward and Sophie threaded her way along the slim balcony to join him. He turned to watch.

Her eyes were closed, but she was not afraid of the walk or the height. She was merely breathing deeply, enjoying the nip in the early Fall air, same as he.

"What a beautiful morning, Howl. Up here especially." She shivered a little in the cold, but didn't lose her dreamy smile. "I've been out."

"Have you?" Howl asked musingly. He wasn't really listening to her words, just watching her, and watching her face as she spoke. She gripped the railing and opened her eyes, and as always they lit with pleasure at the sight of the mountain-rimmed lakes and fields, turned white and golden and red by the slipping-away of summer.

Her hand on the rail was slim and unadorned except for Calcifer's ring on her forefinger. They were not married. Yet. Sophie had turned out to be surprisingly stubborn and independent-minded, something one would not have thought considering her sweet and giving nature. But once her mother and sister had started asking those pointed questions-- when exactly was the wedding to be, and shouldn't she really be living with her mother and stepfather?-- Sophie had put her foot down and said that she would live where she liked and not be married until she was good and ready. And that had been that.

Not that anything precisely improper was going on, anyway. Not precisely. And they had chaperones enough-- Wilhelmina Witch, Markl, even a dog: as real and complete a family as any man could wish. Howl eyed her fingers on the rail and the way the wind snuggled her pretty pink dress against her figure. His heart thumped a little against his ribs, startling him, but he enjoyed the still-newish sensation for a few moments. After all, he'd only had the heart back for a few short months.

He certainly wouldn't have minded a little more impropriety-- but that was a subject for another time, so he resolutely forgot it, determined to enjoy the morning and the fresh air and the view while he could.

Why didn't she want to get married? What would he do without her?

Sophie flicked him in the shoulder with the hand he'd been watching. It took him a moment to realize she'd been staring back at him. "Don't you want to know where I've been?"

"Of course."

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion, but she continued. "Shopping. In Kingsbury. Do you want to see what I've purchased?"

"Of course," he repeated.

She waggled a finger at him. "Only if you stop saying that." Then she dug into the pocket of her dress and pulled out something shiny and palm-sized. She handed it to him. "It had a pretty girl on it, so I thought you might like it."

Howl could only stare at the item in his hand, unsure what to think. It was a change purse. The picture on it, picked out in pointillism with tiny crystals, was of a smiling blonde woman with improbably red lips and a suggestive white dress. She was pretty. But there was something so very wrong with it, all the same. He just couldn't figure out what. He stared some more.

Sophie sighed, hurt at his lack of response, and took it back to hold it up in front of his face. She opened and closed it, and opened and closed it again. "It's supposed to hold money. There's a cunning little clasp, to keep your coins safe. I paid a very good price for it. I think," she said, looking unsure for a moment. She pulled the purse to her nose and sniffed it. "It does smell rather like sausage, though."

"Sausage."

"You don't like it."

"It's not that! It's just…where did you get it?"

"From a street vendor. He was such a strange man, but he had so many little trinkets, things I'd never seen before. I wanted to buy something, but I really didn't want any of the food he was selling--"

Howl broke out of his trance and grabbed her wrists, cutting her off. He'd just realized what was wrong with the little purse. It didn't belong here. And it stank of foreign magic more than it stank of sausage.

"Who was he? Do you remember what he looked like? Could you find him again?"

Her dark eyes widened. "What? Why? Yes, I could if I saw him. He was just walking around, not far from the Royal Square, but you know how I get turned around in Kingsbury--"

"We have to find out where this came from." Howl snatched the purse from Sophie's hand and used his other to drag her inside. He needed some of his books and magical accoutrements to deal with this one. He didn't think the horrible little purse itself was a spell, but that didn't mean it couldn't conceal one, or entrap him all the same. The fact that Sophie had bought it, and brought it to him-- it could be a coincidence. But then, it could also be the start of some nasty new episode, sent specifically to complicate his brand-new, peaceful life. If that was the case, then who could have sent it to him? Some other girl he'd jilted in his not-so-recent sordid past? A jealous rival? He was a new man, now, staid and faithful. He didn't deserve this.

"Hey!" Sophie protested, slapping at his hand and dragging her bootheels, sliding on the slick-wet wood of the balcony. "Tell me what's going on! Do you recognize it? Do you recognize her?"

"No. But she's not from this world. Come on."

"Are you sure it's not an old sweetheart?" Sophie's voice was flat. Now she was prying his fingers from her wrist. She was succeeding, too. He released her arm and looked at her with eyes as wide and beseeching as he could make them.

"It's not! I just need to look at it more closely. Is Markl awake?"

Sophie just glared at him, unmoved. "Was it sent by one, then?"

She was way too smart for her own good, Howl thought. "No," he said. It wasn't exactly a lie. He didn't know for sure, after all. He just wasn't going to bring that up with Sophie, and risk upsetting the happy environment they'd managed to create between them. This blissful existence, where she didn't want to marry him. For a few moments he considered telling the truth about his suspicions, but ultimately decided he was too afraid. "Do you remember how I told you that you have to be very careful when you visit other worlds? That there's a reason why so few wizards do it?"

"Oh." Sophie's troubled expression cleared slightly as she realized that there might be a good reason for this inquisition. She sighed and stopped trying to pry herself free, and followed him inside. "I'll get Markl, then."

"That's my girl," Howl said.

End Chapter 1. Chapter 2 to come soon.

Disclaimer: HMC characters owned by Diana Wynne Jones and/or Studio Ghibli; Discworld characters owned by Terry Pratchett. I made no money writing this, it is purely for fun.