If you
still want me Pairing: Jack/Kate Rating: R (FSK
16) Disclaimer:
Chapter 1
Jack didn't know how long he had sat there, holding the letter that turned his whole world upside down.
When he had gotten home from a date with Melissa he had found the letter in his mail box. It had been their third date. After Kate had gotten arrested Jack had hidden himself behind his work for nearly three years. His old friends and the other survivors had done their best to help Jack to relax and have some fun. Eventually he had resigned and agreed to meet the sister in law of his old friend Mark. He had promised Mark to give Melissa a chance. Jack had really liked the evening and had managed to forget his troubles for a few hours.
But when he read Kate's letter it had felt like it had been yesterday, when Kate had told Jack to leave and live his own life.
Jack had found the best lawyer for Kate and after a spectacular trial she had been sentenced to five years in a jail in Iowa. Jack had taken the train to visit her the weekend after her first week in prison (he refused to take a plane ever again). Jack intended to see Kate each week on his free day. He sat down in front of the glass plate and took the phone.
"Hello Kate."
"Jack, I don't want you to come and see me again," Kate had said before she had time to lose her courage. "You look exhausted, Jack. You probably had a hard week and instead of using the weekend to relax you drove to the station and spent the night on a certainly crowded train to come and see me. I don't want you to do this every week. I don't want you to spend your evenings sitting in your empty house missing me. I don't want you to waste five years of your life on me, Jack. I'm not worth that. See, we aren't even a couple and we've known each other only for a few months. You might fancy me right now, but you would see sooner or later that you don't love me but the picture you had of me. You deserve better than to wait five years for nothing but a disappointment."
Jack had argued with Kate. He had told her that he did know her and that he did love her and that she was worth the world to him. But Kate hadn't changed her mind. After a few minutes she had just hang up the phone and left the room without a look back.
What Jack didn't know was that Kate had broken down as soon as she was out of the door and spent the rest of the day crying.
Despite Kate's words Jack had driven to Iowa again the next week, but Kate had refused to see him. All the letters he had sent to her came back unopened. The only letter he got from Kate contained nothing but a check. Kate had used some of the Oceanic compensation to pay the money back Jack had needed for her lawyer.
And now Jack was sitting on his couch, reading Kate's letter again and again until he knew it by heart.
Dear Jack,
you probably didn't expect to hear from me again after the way I acted towards you when we met last time. I'm sorry if I hurt you back then. It wasn't my intention to do so. I care for you more than I have cared for anybody else during my whole life and I want nothing more than you to be happy. I pushed you away, because I wanted you to live your life and to be happy, even though it meant I would lose you. I wished you a life with everything you deserve: a home, a wife who makes you happy everyday and children who will grow up to be as great persons as their father. If you have all this by know, I'm happy for you and I wish you all the best for your further life with your family.
But a part of me still thinks that there is a small chance that what we had back there meant more to you then the attraction two people who lean on each other in a difficult situation develop. And if you aren't spoken for and you still have feelings for me, I want you to know that they are returned. I love you Jack. I felt something for you from the very first second and my feelings grew deeper with each day we spent together. And the three years we have been apart didn't make my love for you any weaker.
I will be released on parole in three weeks. When I can leave prison I will take the first train to L.A. It will arrive at the station on April, 5th at 7.25 pm. I'll understand, if you just want to go on with your life and put the past behind. But if you still love me and want to give us a chance, please meet me there.
I just have one plea, Jack: Please, don't come to tell me you don't want me anymore. I couldn't bear that. When the train stops, I will look out of the window and if I don't see you standing there, I won't leave the train. I'll just drive to the terminal stop and stay where this will lead me. Don't worry about me. I will get along.
No
matter how you decide, I will always love you. Love,
Kate