Chapter Two: A Bombshell...of sorts.

Previously:

All of a sudden a loud voice rang through the school. "All Seventh Years please report to the Great Hall with your partners, to receive your child."

Lily looked at the bed that Pomfrey had strapped him down on so that he wouldn't escape. But then she notice wheels on the legs. "Well," she sighed. "I just suppose I shall have to roll you down to the Great Hall."

James looked at her, slightly frightened. "Please be careful of the stairs."

Lily sighed again. "Don't worry; I won't roll you down the stairs. I shall..."

"Drop me down the stairs and leave me defenseless strapped to a...a... torture rack?"

"Umm... not exactly." James looked very frightened.

"Oh just please be quiet Lily-Bean and roll me. But honestly, please be careful of the stairs!"

"Oh don't worry, It'll be fine."

15 unsuccessful minutes later:

Of course, it wasn't fine. It was the exact opposite of fine. It was catastrophic, cataclysmic, life- shattering, tragic, ruinous, calamitous, and most of all... NOT FINE! Unless of course you consider fine as when: the 'torture rack' (which nickname Lily now agreed with) had flipped over a couple times resulting in James skidding down moving staircases on his face, rolling directly through a queue of probably a hundred ghosts at alarming speed (James didn't think he would ever get rid of the goose bumps), crashing into many suits of armor, having portrait-people yell at you, and finally, the bed coming to an, er... stop, finally, by bumping into a fountain outside the Great Hall doors making The bed and James flip over once again, into to fountain face down, drowning.

"Oh my GOSH! JAMES IS DROWNING! JAMES IS DROWNING! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP! HELP THE POOR SOD! HELP THE SOD! HELP THE SOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" When no one seemed to answer Lily's, erm,...calls, she bravely decided to take matters into her own hands by plunging into the fountain herself, and using a cutting hex to free James from the torture rack. Not thinking about how she could have just done this earlier, Lily struggled to lift a very limp James out of the fountain and onto the very safe in Lily's opinion... floor. Finally after much moving about violently, and effort, Lily slumped James onto the floor. She quickly cast a sort of assessment spell on him to ensure that he was living, and collapsed on the floor beside him, them both sopping wet. After all, lifting a full grown man (but still stupid boy to Lily) much taller and rather muscular than yourself, is very straining for a very small woman. In fact, James was probably a foot and half taller than Lily, possibly 2 feet. Part of the reason that James like Lily so much was because she was like such a little spitfire, he thought it was adorable when she got angry and just looked straight up at him and didn't seem to care how much taller he was than her. Lily liked her small size as well, and it was common knowledge that she thought that all the extra height that James was given, was to accommodate all the extra sawdust that James was filled with.

And that was how the new parenting Professor, Professor Nora Redwood, and Professor McGonagall found them: Sopping wet and unconscious on the floor, with a broken hospital wing bed in fountain, and large puddles of water of the floor. Levitating the two teens to the hospital wing (complete with torture racks and more), the Professors smiled at each other. Wouldn't they be staggered when they woke up to, a... bombshell of sorts.

When Lily awoke she found that she was lying on a bed, no, torture rack, in the Hospital wing. Quickly, she jumped up, and banged into the bed that James was this time, not strapped to. Madame Pomfrey had learned from that. "Oh Bloody hell! Wake up Potter!"

James woke up groggily, is vision still bleary. "You're...You're supposed to call me James, Lily-bean."

"Whatever, you're lying on a torture rack!"

"WHAT?" James jumped up and screamed girlishly. Then seeing Lily looking at him with raised eyebrows he flushed and cleared his throat nervously.

"Erm, I mean...AAAAARRRRRGGGGGH!" James grunted deeply. He then pounded hardly on his chest making him cough slightly. "I uhh...had something in my throat when I screamed."

"Oh shove it James, you scream like a girl, deal with it."

"I do not scream like a girl."

"Then what do you scream like?"

"Like the one and only James Potter."

"You say poe-taaa-toe, I say poe-tah-toe. You say James Potter, I say girl. You say one and only, and I say mass-produced backstreet boy."

"Right... What?"

"Oh nevermind you're just too daft to understand. It was an insult, whelk."

"I am not a whelk!"

"Do you even know what a whelk is?"

"Umm...yes!"

"Really? What's you're definition?"

"A...whale."

"No you sod, its like a really stupid person, like you've just proved yourself to be. You really are thick."

"No I'm not. Now Crabbe and Goyle, they're thick. You could honestly hit one of them over the head with a troll club, and it would take 5 days just for the wave of pain to reach their brain."

"Oh that's just exaggerating. It would only take two days." Lily giggled at this.

"Oh my god you giggled."

"Yes, so?"

"You never giggle."

"That's not true. I was giggling at you just this morning in McGonagall's class."

"But that doesn't count as it was aimed at me. You never just, giggle at jokes that have the purpose of making fun of others."

"Sure I do."

"Really? When?"

"Like when Severus makes fun of you. Those are jokes aimed towards the purpose of making fun of people. I also laugh at Malfoy, and Black."

"Well, I suppose that's true... but it's still a rare occurrence."

"Whatever you say..."

"Goes. Whatever I say goes. HA!"

"Whatever you say DOES NOT go. Whatever I say goes. If whatever you said went, the whole world would be in chaos, and...and... I WOULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"Which is why whatever I say goes. Will you be my girlfriend Lily?"

"No James, and what happened to our agreement? Part of it was you not asking me out."

"Well it went down the loo, just like your sympathy."

"Well...shut up. We haven't got time for this."

"Why?"

"Because we need to plan what we will do with our little Jenny once she comes."

"Okay... I'll be the first station and you can be the second."

"What does that mean?"

"I'll put food in, and you clean up whatever comes out."

"No James, we have to share that responsibility."

"But..."

"But what?"

"Poo is gross."

"Well yes, reasonable answer, but you're a boy. I didn't think poo bothered you."

"Well, it does. So as you would say, shove it."

"Well it bothers me too, so we'll just have to share that responsibility. Besides, don't you boys just...pee in forests?"

"Well yes, but that's only for convenience, not because we enjoy it."

"Oh well that's a surprise. James Potter doesn't enjoy public urination."

"Damn straight."

"You didn't understand that that was an insult, did you?"

"Ye...No."

"THIIIIIICK!"

"I said I'm not. For such a smart Head Girl Lily-bean, you can be rather dull sometimes."

"I'm not dull I'm just..."

"Dead attractive."

"Yes, well that too, but I was trying to say that...oh nevermind you're not listening."

Of course I'm listening to you Lily-bean. I hang off your every word."

"Change that to 'hang yourself' off of my every word, and I'll be happy."

There was a moment of silence, and then, a very small giggle echoed in the room. Lily and James looked at each other, and turned towards the source of the noise. On the other side of Lily's bed, was a pink basinet.

A/N: YAY! Another one done… OOOOOOH! BABY!

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