Chapter 1: From the Baked Mind of the Burnout

Man, is she hot.

So I stared at her behind my vision of dark pink, watching her tiny hips rolling with a life of their own as she brushed past me across the room to sit down on the worn-out couch, crossing her arms across her full chest while watching TV with a rather bored look. But even then she was still oozing hotness I couldn't handle.

I surveyed the surroundings of what Forman calls the "sanctuary of our solitude", their basement that we've been hanging out our whole lives. He and Donna were seated close together on the couch, Forman's arm draped across Donna's shoulders. Fez, on the other hand, was on the recliner, mindlessly chowing down a strawberry popsicle, too absorbed on watching another episode of Scooby Doo to see his confection dripping all over his chin down to the crotch of his jeans. And between those said people was her, those pretty doe eyes looking ready to explode.

"God! What is Michael taking so long!"

"Geez Jackie, didn't you just call his house, like, milliseconds ago?" Donna told her.

"Milliseconds?" Forman echoed. "Isn't that, uh, a while ago after she came down here?"

"Isn't that, uh, the same? You idiot…" Fez answered, his accent obviously trying to be sarcastic.

Instead of thinking of a comeback, Forman observed his red chin and wet crotch. "Fez, you're making a mess."

Hearing the twitch's statement, Fez touched his chin and saw the wetness on his jeans spreading all over. Then he smiled like a kid and leaned against the recliner.

"Oh well. Just that when you're eating strawberry popsies, you cannot resist such barbaric urges to be done with this delicious treat." He licked it again. "Want one, Kitty?"

I snickered. Even Donna laughed as she turned to her boyfriend. "He called you Kitty, Eric."

"Ha ha ha!" Forman hollered. "That is…so not funny."

Fez was full of his foreign self, grinning widely that his back teeth were exposed. "How about you, Jackie? What do you think?"

My head slightly turned from the TV to their direction, waiting for the princess's reaction.

"You?" she said, her eyebrow arched. "You look like you ate someone up and pissed yourself afterwards."

Then her head suddenly snapped to my direction. "Aren't you gonna have a say about this, Hyde?"

She's asking me? Suddenly my heart was beating like crazy. It was always like this when she attempts some sort of communication with me. But my zen self always won over my inner battles.

"Well Jackie, my say is with Fez slopping his strawberry popsies all over his places was probably the best thing he'd ever done all day," I answered.

"Yeah, other than school being the suckiest as it could be, today was really just downright boring," Forman agreed.

"Not with Scooby Doo and his gang of cartoon teenagers around," Fez disagreed, his eyes almost literally glued to the TV. "Aptly said, if it weren't for those meddling kids and that dumb dog!"

"Yeah man. Totally far out." I said coolly.

Then I heard Jackie growl. "The minute Michael sets foot in this dump, I swear he's dead."

"Well, look, maybe Kelso is already walking on his way here as we speak. I kinda heard his van suddenly screwed on him," Donna informed her.

"Kinda like the owner. Someone always screws him," Fez joked, erupting more laughter from the guys.

"Good one, Fez," Forman said between chuckles.

"Thanks Kitty," Fez returned. "Jackie, if you want this little problem to be solved, have you ever tried asking Laurie where he is?"

This emitted a horrified look from Donna. "Fez!"

"What…what has Laurie got to do with all of this?" Jackie got out, sounding confused.

I shook my head. It was so like her not to know of Kelso's infidelities and his obvious advances on Forman's whorey sister. Even though her question sounded innocent enough, she should've known that ever since that whole Pam Macey disaster back at prom night, Kelso's horniness is completely out of his will. I mean, the guy is just a total idiot with a capital I. And of course, she remains oblivious because she thinks so highly of Kelso, which is just plain stupid.

And as long as this keeps going, this gives us lots of excuses to burn Kelso in the process and even have fun doing it. Although letting Jackie catching him and Laurie in the act was still pretty impossible. With years of experience, the skank has her own sneaky ways, of course.

But deep inside, it really pisses me off. Not because of Kelso's idiocy, but because of Jackie practically throwing herself at him. Gives this awful rage inside me, a rage greater than what I have for our screwed government, for reasons still unclear to me. Still, I was able to deal with this thing, whatever it is, one way or another. I don't want anyone around here to start getting privy with me before I start getting sick to my stomach.

"You know what, Fez? That is a great idea, man," I suddenly piped in. "Do ask Laurie, Jackie. About time we get some substance out of her mouth."

But she didn't even smile. "Well, whatever. As I've said before, Laurie is the sluttiest as she could be. Am I right, Eric?"

Forman cleared his throat and shrugged nonchalantly. "Ahem, Jackie, despite the fact that you're always talking in circles, that's one thing I definitely love to go over and over."

My attention shifted, sniffing a distinctive aroma of something delicious invading the basement. "Is that lasagna or something?"

"What is lasagna, Hyde?" Fez asked.

"It's pasta, man. Formed in sheets, cooked and served with minced meat cheese sauce," I explained. "Bite after bite of heaven, that's what it is."

Fez's eyes widened, dropping his popsicle on the floor. "Oh my God…meat and cheese all in the same plate! I love this country! Can I stay for dinner, Eric?"

"What about your exchange parents?" Forman asked worriedly.

"They're vegans, Eric. I want meat right now," Fez countered gruffly. "If I eat one more stinky piece of grass I'll just have to deport myself."

"Yeah, uh, just help yourself…" Forman replied, at a loss of words.

"That reminds me, I have to cook dinner right now," Donna told him, standing up.

Forman stood up too. "Okay, I'll walk you there. Later, guys,"

"See you, Jackie," Donna called out.

"Later," she said in her no-nonsense voice. "And make it quick. We have to talk."

The two lovebirds finally went out, Donna's dismissal obviously making Jackie angrier. Her drawn eyebrows and pouty lips practically gave her away.

Man, is she cute when she's pissed.

"Wow, Fez," I said, breaking the silence after Forman and Donna left. "Wasting your life just for a piece of meat. You make me really proud, man."

"Yeah, sure," Jackie interrupted before Fez even opened his mouth. "For your information, it was the Italians who made lasagna. Americans just couldn't think of it first that's why there are so many poor people around here. Lucky me that I'm one of the rich and famous that will run this country soon. Because I'm smart, and you idiots aren't."

"Who asked your opinion, midget?" I retorted. "In fact, it's your type of people that's screwing up this government. Stomping around in their high heels and clogs thinking they're all that. Well, it's just not right, man!"

Jackie's expression was icy. "Said the burnout…"

But to top all that up, Fez looked ultimately perplexed. "What are Italians?"

"Kids! Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Forman's voice rang out.

Fez was the first to stand up. "Ooh! First dibs on the cheese!" He scrambled about the whole room and started to run upstairs.

I stood up myself and took a quick turn to the staircase. Then I realized Jackie was still sitting there on the couch with absolutely no intention of leaving.

"Aren't you gonna eat? Cheese is good for high heel-wearing midgets."

"No. I'm waiting for Michael to walk me home, you poor, poor burnout."

Speaking of the horny devil, Kelso suddenly appeared from the basement door, his hair disheveled, his neck completely flushed and his clothes worn from the inside out. His dumb eyes averted from me to Jackie.

"Uh, hello Jackie…" the moron managed to say.

She stood up, her fists clenched. "What took you so long, Michael Kelso!"

Kelso began to panic and blubber out words, but that seemed to worsen the situation because Jackie's body started to shake with anger. The moron looked expectantly at me, hoping for back-up.

"I told you to ask Laurie, Jackie, but noooo…you didn't listen, didn't you?" I told Jackie, giving Kelso his much-needed help.

"Maybe next time I will!" she returned. "Come on, you doofus!"

After that Jackie started pulling Kelso's ear to the door, the said doofus's yelps spreading noise to the whole neighborhood of Point Place. As I made my way up the stairs, I thought Kelso's suffering really was the cherry on top of a boring day.

But after I heard the door click shut it suddenly didn't seem so comedic anymore. It only made this mess in my head bother me. Kelso really was an idiot to not notice how much Jackie really cared for him. She wouldn't be that pissed if she didn't.

I already found Jackie hot the first time I saw her, definitely anyone's type. Seeing her made me think that she was another statistic, another well-formed molecule hoping to dazzle us all with her wits. And the fact that she was rich, she was popular, and that she was a cheerleader was putting any normal person down. And because of that, we always ended up lashing each other's throats, especially when it comes to our own political views.

But with the prom just happened, it made me see another side of her, something that made her stand out from all the women I've seen. She's so obviously more than what I thought. We actually chatted and dance, and the rest was a blur. After that, I started to realize that the arguing was unconsciously enjoying me, the littlest and the stupidest things she'd do or talk about would make me want to laugh, and that she becomes more and more prettier day by day whenever I stare at her from time to time behind my thick shades. And after several weeks of some daydreams and sex dreams with her in it, I knew I was whipped.

But whenever I see her and Kelso, all lovey-dovey and all that stuff, it reminds me that guys like me would never be able to survive for days in a desert island with spoiled-rotten princesses like her, and that guys like me would be given constant reminders that we cannot touch her. She is Kelso's girl. And the doofus is still my best friend.

Just that seeing her day by day…gives me a funny feeling like I was always hit in the gut. I'm not craving for her attention. That stuff doesn't matter to me. As long as I see her around, that is. Not seeing her would mean like you're already pissing me off.

I have feelings for Jackie Berkhart. Unbelievable. Soon there will be bombs dropping off from Japan and this world will crumble as we know it.

But as long as nobody knows about this, at least I know I can breathe and go through the day.

……

This is my first attempt of a That '70s Show fic, let alone a Jackie/Hyde one. Well, whatever…:p

Reviews please! I would gladly appreciate it. Thanks!