A/N: Okay, I know. I've been like neglecting this. But school and RP and writing other things and blah. I promise to pick of my slack as long as I still get reviewed. Also we start with the season arc today! Yay.
Charmed if you can still call it that: Renewed.
Episode 4: All Hell Breaks Lose All Over Again.
(Fade in: Halliwell Manor kitchen. Prue is trying to TK a spoon, which only jitters slightly but doesn't move. Phoebe walks in putting her ugly purse on the counter.)
Phoebe: So Elise thinks I shouldn't give any more advice till the lawsuit is settled. Who knew people took the phrase jump off a bridge so seriously? (She finally takes note of what Prue is doing.) Did you lose your power or something?
Prue: Can't lose what you never had.
(She astrals out. Phoebe rolls her eyes.)
Phoebe: Marco!
Prue: (From the attic.) Polo!
(Phoebe takes to leave. Cut to the attic, where Prue is fiddling with the BOS. Phoebe walks in, looking annoyed.)
Phoebe: Did we just relive old show lines?
Prue: (Reading the page intently.) Yeah, I think so. Do we have any ginger root?
Phoebe: What are you up to, Missy!
Prue: I'm going to become the super witch again. I just realized that being dead kinda made me fall behind you guys, so I'm catching up to be super powerful and shit.
Phoebe: Weren't you on trial this week?
Prue: No, Wyatt finally found the memory dust and it all just went away.
Phoebe: Oh, can I borrow some?
Prue: It doesn't make that go away, whore.
Phoebe: (Disappointed.) Oh. (Perks up.) So anyway, since I have some off time me and Coop have decided to buy stuff for the nursery.
Prue: (Looking up.) You're pregnant?
Phoebe: (Giddily.) Yes! I can't believe I'm finally getting my little P's! Just like in the finale where we were all happy!
Prue: (Bitterly.) Except me who was all dead and forgotten.
Phoebe: (Oblivious.) Yeah. So like, do you want to come and help us pick stuff out?
Prue: Um... fighting the forces of darkness or an afternoon with dumb and dumber? I'll pass. Thank you very much.
Phoebe: (Confused.) Um, hi. Hello. Yes, I'm the star of the show, you can't just ignore me.
(Prue sighs exasperated and takes the BOS to leave.)
Prue: Watch me!
(As she leaves the podium the Book dissolves into a cloud of orbs. Phoebe and Prue go wide eyed.)
Prue: (Looking at her hands, panicked) What-what-what just happened?
Phoebe: (pointing a finger.) You killed the Book!
(Fade to: Credits. Fade in: Halliwell living room. Tiny Gay Chris plays in his playpen. Paige walks in with the cordless on her ear.)
Paige: (To the phone.) Well, he's not here Piper and I have to meet a charge in like-(she checks her watch.)-Two hours ago!
(Prue and Phoebe rush down the stairs.)
Phoebe: Prue totally destroyed the Book!
Paige: (Mugs.) What?
Prue: I did not destroy the Book! I was just going to take it out of the attic and it suddenly vanished!
Paige: How did it vanish!
Prue: Will you guys stop yelling! I need to try and focus on what happened.
Phoebe: You know, that Book will one day be my daughters. (Touches her belly.) How inconsiderate of you, Prue.
(Prue gets an angry look and goes stalked towards Phoebe. Suddenly Big Boring Wyatt orbs in between them.)
Wyatt: We got us a major problem.
Prue: You know about the Book?
Wyatt: (Phoebe look.) No…what about the book?
Phoebe: Prue killed it!
Prue: I'm so whacking you in the head.
(Paige realizes she's still on the phone.)
Paige: (To the phone.) Piper, I think you'll want to come here. Now.
(Wyatt waves his hand to the side and Piper orbs in.)
Piper: (Still on her cell phone with Paige.) Why in the fuck would I want to go there? (Realizes she's already there.) Oh. (Perks up.) Hey. (Looks at her son, through gritted teeth.) Honey, what did I say about orbing mommy?
Wyatt: It's an emergency, mom.
Piper: (Annoyed.) What now?
Phoebe: Prue killed the Book!
Prue: I did not! Why are you always getting me in trouble?
Phoebe: Cause… Prue killed the Book!
Prue: Ugh!
(Prue TK's Phoebe against the wall. But her power is deflected by a protective shield that pops out of her belly.)
Piper: Oh, you're pregnant!
Paige: (Sighs.) And isn't that a recycled plot device, Alex?
Alex: (Off screen.) I still want to hit Phoebe at random without having to worry about the little HAGalita in her tummy.
Piper: I thought protective shields were only a whitelighter thing.
Phoebe: Shh. Don't tell Coop! I don't want to divorce him!
Prue: (Gapped mouth.) You slept with someone… wait, that's not a surprised.
Paige: (Snapping finger.) People, Book!
Wyatt: Wait, I was going to tell you! The Elders found out that there's a woman organizing the Underworld.
(Everyone rolls there eyes.)
Piper: Not the freaking Source plot again? Don't we get new things now?
Phoebe: Well, I got my fetus this season so woo.
Prue: As long as Shax doesn't kill me, I'm good.
(Shax walks in. The clap track plays. Everyone looks for the strange clapping noise's location.)
Shax: Howdy!
All: Hey, Shax-man.
Paige: Can we help you, bud?
Shax: Nothing... I just came to be. THE END!
(He does his retarded neck twirl thing and shoves a wind wave at the P's. Piper ducks for cover. Paige and Wyatt orb out. Phoebe's shield activates and Prue gets hit by the wave and goes through the wooden pillar and falls rather brutally on the ground. She starts to bleed from her lip and back and she goes limp and dies. Muahahaha.)
Prue: (Coughing blood.) I'm still alive!
Alex: (Off-screen.) Fine. Whatever.
(Wyatt and Paige orb back in and heal Prue with the tingly touch thing. Piper blows Shax up and turns to her kooky family.)
Piper: Well, before we get attack by more recycled storylines I suggest we just orb our asses to the underworld and demand to know what's going it.
Prue: But what about the Book?
Phoebe: That you killed.
(Prue's smacks Phoebe's head. Hee.)
Piper: (Rolling her eyes.) I don't give a damn. Wyatt. Underworld. (She takes his arm.) Now.
(They orb out. Cut to: P3. Leo and Coop are having a couple of beers… okay, Apple-tini's, as they chat like to manly man.)
Leo: So I say, that she look like a tramp and then went like this. (Snaps fingers.) And she totally shut her mouth.
Coop: Oh, you go girl.
(Suddenly Openly Evil Chrissssty flames in with a bunch of hench-demon type dudes. The two men flinch as the P3 employees too conveniently find something else to do out of the room at once.)
Chrissssty: We came for the ring.
Coop: You're going to have to go through… Leo's body!
Leo: Yeah. (Picks up on the uptake.) Wait! Wha-
(Chrisssty thinks reeeeeeeeeeeeally hard and a fireball thing appears in front of her and she whirls it against our heroes. Leo tries to orb out but forgot he can't and when the fire hits him he goes down. Not like that! Cole's not in the show anymore. Coop goes to heart out at the commotion but two queerer than me demons in leather grab a whole of his body and rip off his shirt in the process, knocking over some oil that was left in the counter and accidentally rubbing it on his chest as they manhandle him. What? My fantasies are at least better than Brad Kern's. And don't involve Phoebe. Anyway. Chrisssty walks over and pulls the ring out.)
Chrisssty: Excellent. Get rib of the Cupid.
(The homoerotic scene flames out. Chrisssty turns to the poor burnt up Dolt.)
Leo: What arte you going to do with the ring?
Chrisssty: Restore what was meant to happen all along.
(Leo whimpers and she gives him and Openly Evil Smile. Cut to: Underworld. Lori Rom set her own podium for the real BOS and flips through its pages landing on one the first one.)
Lori: (Chanting.) Here now the power of the witches. The secrets we hid in the night. The oldest of Gods arte invoke here. The secret of magic is sought. In this night and in this hour, I call upon the ancient power. Bring the power to us sisters three. We want the power. Give us the power.
(Cut to a cave in the Underworld of papier-mâché. Wyatt and Piper suddenly stopped. Piper glows.)
Piper: (Confused.) What was...
(White orbs balls come out of her body and flew away. The two stare for a moment before Wyatt disappears. Piper looks frantic.)
Piper: Okay. I need a drink.
(Cut to casa Halliwell. Living room. Paige and Phoebe also glow for a second and then white orbs balls come out of them. Prue looks at the lights.)
Prue: Aren't those your powers?
(Paige white orbs go into Prue and whirl around inside her before pulling away seemingly with more balls than before.)
Prue: (Pissed.) You're powers took my powers, Matthews!
Paige: Must be cause we share the same power.
(The white orbs balls glow away. The three sisters stay looking bewildered. Except for Phoebe. She looks as if they weren't in a life or death situation. Cause she is stupid. Cut to Lori. The orb balls all glow to her. One batch lands on her and the other two split and land on two people covered by the shadows behind her. Lori smiles and slowly levitates.)
Lori: Excellent.
(She levitates around to the two people that come out of the shadows. The first is Aviva the Paige-wannabe from first season episode: The Fourth Sister. She smiles and TK's a vase with her hand.)
Aviva: I say it is.
(The last person steps out. Is Jenny Gordon. She blows the vase up.)
Jenny: Now we can get our revenge.
Lori: As the new Charmed ones.
(Fade to black.)
The end.