+ Because I Want It, That's Why… +
A Naruto fanfiction in Spanish by Jyue. Standard disclaimers apply.
Translator to English: May+Neuma
Summary: Kakashi has been contemplating his growing feelings that he, inappropriately, holds for Naruto ever since Sasuke's defection. However, Itachi, with his own unanticipated agenda, decides to impede, wanting the blonde for himself. With two equally relentless nin on his tail, only gives Naruto more troubles than he originally has.
Pairing: KakaNaru and pretty much a one-sided ItaNaru. (I'd never ever thought of writing this specific Naruto pairing unjustly).
Warning: shonen-ai, perversion, and a noxious amount self-developing needs.
Rating: PG
"TALK" 'THOUGHT'
Chapter One: Part One
Our Phase of Regret
He was tired.
He trained, everyday, until he was utterly worn out. This tiredness was what he wanted; consequently, by the time he had reached his house he'd just fall to his bad tired and dead to the world. Because during these hours of unconsciousness, he didn't have to think of anything.
His life after the disastrous mission to bring Sasuke back was no longer the same. He had failed Sakura, Shikamaru, and the village. There was not even a single day he could forget this.
At least tomorrow he wouldn't reproach himself for lagging behind the schedule; and tonight, in spite of being debilitated, he managed to get rid all of the recrimination from his mind. Uzumaki Naruto's life was abridged to train assiduously, living in the guilt of failing the colossal form of his Nindo.
'I must change that; I must be stronger to fix it.'
The blonde's main objective was still to become the Hokage of the village, but he was particularly driven to be more powerful, another reason for him to train much harder to the point where breathing would give him twinges. Regardless of the number of days that had passed, they didn't enhance his significance in the village's eyes, the villagers remained equally cold.
'If not more... I would say.'
Some even blamed him for Sasuke's abscond to Orochimaru. To the village dwellers, it didn't matter if he had benefited the village extensively; that now, he was a Chūnin with a good repertoire of fulfilled missions ranked in the best terms. If he obtained a point, they would always find a counterpoint for this one.
'That alone makes me warily wonder what they thought of me long-ago.' Sure it was still excruciatingly painful but the insults were less mordant comparing to the earliest reproach that was laid on him. 'Well, it's how my life's supposed to be.'
Once undressed, each movement of the boy begeted a respective look of pain. It took him a few moments to lay himself down as comfortably as he could on the bed, but there were nights he found himself unable to have rest, filled to capacity with insignificant lapses that only moved him away to the ephemeral form of existence which he was forced to live in.
It was an airy night; and, the cloudless sky showed the beauty of the stars which could not compare to the silver-plated nocturnal star guarding the security of the sleeping village. It was a calm day for the most sluggish Jōnin of Hidden Village of Leaf.
'Or rather, a calm day, within a customary standard training day if you're with Naruto.' Hatake Kakashi's first Genin team, Team Seven, had been reduced to a one man team from the original three. Uchiha Sasuke had uncouthly become a nukenin, and Haruno Sakura had completely dedicated herself to become a medic-nin. 'But his presence compensates enough the lack of those two.'
He smiled, remembering how earlier that morning the sixteen-year old youth trained fervently in the Forest of Death. Ever since Sasuke left the village three years ago, the desire to become stronger was the only thing the container of the nine-tailed demon fox had in mind.
'Sometimes, it even worries me since he's only interested in training. It's unhealthy.' The truth was, Kakashi disliked this devoted action of his student because it made him isolated from anybody else. 'Including me.'
He sighed, leaning back on his bed; and, already three hours had passed without him able to fall asleep. Ever since there were only two members of Team Seven left, there were many things the ex-ANBU and Jōnin sensei noticed about Uzumaki Naruto that he had been ignoring in the past. Been much too occupied training the Last Uchiha in Konoha, the heir of the Sharingan.
'And what a great waste it was…' But the main discovery with respect to his apprentice was that the loud-mouthed youth was suffering. 'Sometimes, I ask myself, if that's all of it.'
The fortitude Naruto was showing, as well as his raucous way to prove himself, hid his tiredness, seeking acceptance that never arrived. 'How blind I was, not to take notice of it, until there is only sorrow for Naruto because of my negligence.'
The doubts that arose on this basis of this development resulted in waking up an inevitable interest in the adolescent blonde. In the past, Konoha's White Fang always avoided Naruto, paying much more attention to his other student because in his heart Kakashi knew where his thoughts on his energetic student could lead him.
'Naruto is so similar to… him. He even looks… like him.' When Uzumaki was a boy he had had many uncanny characteristics to those of Yondaime, the kinship evolved within the last few years and had created an adolescent version of the deceased Hokage.
Kakashi considered his former teacher a good-looking man, who had all the qualities everybody looked for in a person to be by her or his side. But by all means, his feelings were only admiration a student had towards his sensei. Moreover, he was not yet older than thirteen back then.
'But things change immensely when you find a boy with the same characteristics many years later.' He sighed, shaking his head. 'I must not think of less important matters.' Now the main problem was… this boy was his student, somebody with whom by ethics he couldn't have a relation with. 'Not counting the huge age difference between us.'
However, deep down in his heart, in his very being, it concerned Kakashi only a bit if others deemed his feelings and relationship were morally wrong, that wouldn't inhibit him to be with Naruto. 'If he wishes to be by my side, then by all means.'
It was the moment when he was thinking over this matter the most; as the idea of starting a relationship with the blonde kept going on and on in his head, prolonging the insalubrious mental state. 'Other than my sanity, what more will I lose?'
On the other hand, the odds of being rejected by the boy, who might distance himself more than he already was in response to the older male's feelings, was also a bee in his bonnet. 'His company… is something I don't want… can't lose.'
His pondering always came to a point where images of Naruto popped up consistently. Kakashi got out of bed, knowing that tonight would just be another night in which he wouldn't be able to rest fully. And taking into account how he was already customized with his nights of insomnia, the man left his apartment on the hunt for the cause of his restlessness.
Bounding from one roof to another in silence en route for a specific house in the middle of the night somehow gave Kakashi the feeling of impropriety moving like a convict amongst the shadowy shades in expertise. Kakashi arrived at his destination, a place he had visited on so many occasions, a row of windows which he knew better than those in his own room. And tonight, they were open.
'As always.' The blonde had the audacity to leave his bedroom windows open at nighttime. 'Not I'm going to complain though.'
Because it accommodated him to admire the sleeping figure of his young student, exactly what he was doing now. Kakashi wouldn't be embarrassed of his recent 'surveillance' of Naruto, even if it was just to ensure nothing serious or unpleasant befell the rash teen.
It would be bad if he knows what I'm doing now though, Hatake Kakashi, the notorious Copy-nin who had more than a thousand jutsu in abundance, used to have this exceptional self-delusion technique he placed upon himself, convincing him that this little respite which turned out to be Naruto-watchingwould cause no harm.
'Then again, would it actually be awfulif I -er- enter his room and make him do things under my 'guidance'.' Abruptly, Kakashi buried those nose-bleeding thoughts deep within his mind, 'Kami, the temptation is virtually more than I can take in, and that's just by looking at him.'
His line of vision came across the younger one's chest, wishing that he'd be able to delineate each one of those curves with his calloused fingers until he knew every single svelte line, until his hands shamelessly memorized the undervalued masterpiece.
The blonde slept like a log; the silver-haired man didn't even go to the trouble of hiding his presence during his 'outings'. 'He trains too much, and vigorously too.' It was quite heart-lightening that Kyūbi would cure all wounds in Naruto's body. Otherwise, the body Kakashi yearned so much would be full of scars. 'And that's not because of my teeth or nails.'
All these effort and persistence from Naruto, and that drastic change, was because of Sasuke. 'Is it? So even after three years, you still can't let him go, Naruto?'
The Jōnin never dared to ask him lest his student bored feelings that ran deeper than a mere friendship toward the Uchiha. In any case, it wasn't like he would be getting any answers. To mention their old rivalry would only bring impenetrable silence out of teen. And thus Kakashi's qualms remained up in the air. He decided that it was the best time to return to his house.
He had promised Naruto that he'd train him the following day. 'Tomorrow is his birthday.' As well as the anniversary of the Fourth's demise. Kakashi had promised himself not to think about that -the painful past- anymore, only the imminent opportunity he had to approach his student.
'I will invite him for Rāmen; he can eat as much as he wants. No matter if it costs me a whole month's salary.' Because he'd be the one to bring the old cheerful Naruto back, before everything they had fallen apart, making Konoha's sun beam brightly once more.
For Naruto's sake.
Next Installment: This Shattered Illusion.