And so, once again, they started from the beginning.

Steve kept Alan's environment very controlled. He insisted that until he gained an exceptional understanding of where Alan and his family were mentally, that their day to day activities be controlled. Of course this was extremely difficult when it came to rescues, but socially things became steady.

Steve spent hours in the infirmary alone with Alan, talking to him. Jeff found it excruciating not being able to sit in with Steve's sessions and was often caught by the psychiatrist pacing outside the door. Steve also spent time with the rest of the island's inhabitants. It wasn't unusual for one member of the household to disappear suddenly for an hour, and although Jeff found it frustrating that he could be at the helm in this situation, he felt reassured that someone was taking control. At first Jeff's impatience and worry caused him to pace around a room or meander aimlessly around the house. But soon Jeff realised that his time could be spent working, or unwinding and dwelling on his own private thoughts. It soon occurred to him that this was Steve's intention. By taking Alan out of everyone else's hands, it was obviously his hope that each house member would take the time to collect their thoughts and relax. And, as he had done for many years, Jeff praised and admired his friend.

Slowly, very slowly, over the next couple of weeks, things changed for the better. Gordon no longer swam for hours at a time. John no longer disappeared to his room. Scott no longer ran to the point of collapse and Virgil's harsh, feverish piano playing was replaced by a gentler tune. The brothers' concern for the brother was kept at bay by Steve, who allowed each of them to visit Alan for a set amount of time, at the same time every day.

John was both relieved and surprised to see a change in Alan. It seemed that a strict routine had brought stability back into his younger brother's life and because of that, Alan was growing in confidence. Although, normally, John didn't spend much time with Alan, being up in Thunderbird 5, he knew him well enough to be petrified at the thought of Alan without his confidence. The youngest member of the Tracy family had always been eager, active and always had something to say. To have watched that Alan shrink into a quiet, nervous and unstable state of mind had been terrifying, even for John. It made him, for the first time, feel regretfully about his work.

A small knock at his bedroom door pulled him out of his stupor.

"Come in," he called.

Steve entered with a warm smile; it was time to talk once again. "Hello John, how are you today?" he asked.

"Why do I feel like a mental patient in a room with soft white walls whenever you ask me that?" John joked.

Steve only indicated that they move out onto the balcony, where they sat on a bench up against the railings. "You know I don't intentionally mean to make you feel that way. I guess I've just been in this job too long," he smiled.

"I know," mused John, looking out to the ocean. "The sea is very calm today," he said. "Tranquil."

Steve followed his gaze and nodded. "Yes, it is."

"I've missed the sea. Just looking at it, you know? I don't get to very often and..." John realised he was rambling. "Ah, well. Here I am going on about waves and water and you wanted to talk."

Steve gave a small smile. "What we talk about is up to you, John."

John looked down. "I miss out on a lot of things up in space. Just little things, silly things. But I never had any regrets, until now. I guess I've realised...I could've lost my little brother, physically or mentally, it wouldn't have mattered, and now I'm asking myself; what have I missed out on? What will I miss out on in the future because of my work? Moments with Alan that I could never have again? What will I have to sacrifice?" he asked.

Steve was silent for a few moments. "This business, this mission of your father's, is and always will be hard on you all. Even saving lives costs something John. It's cruel and despicable but it's the way things are. What you have to decide is how far you are willing to go? What can you do and what will you do? They are two very different questions, John, and only you can answer them. I'm seeing a great deal of doubt in this family, despite recent improvements and it is only natural. But remember, while you sit dwelling on these feelings, you could be missing so much more."

"I guess I'm scared," John admitted. "God I never thought I'd be able to admit it, but...this family has suffered so much and I don't know how much we, or I, can take."

"John, what are you doing?"

The question caught John off guard. "Excuse me?"

"What are you doing, John?" Steve asked again.

John was confused. "I'm...sitting here...talking."

"What are you doing, John?"

John couldn't understand. What am I doing? "I'm doing nothing," he finally replied as realisation dawned on him. He gave a small laugh in disbelief.

"And what could you be missing, John?" Steve asked, warmly. "You are divided about your role on International Rescue, but rather than doing nothing and expecting mental strain to solve your problems, you should try and let your mind decide for itself, are you following me?"

"You're right, this isn't getting me anywhere," said John. "But do you think the answer will come to me? Isn't that procrastination?"

Steve inclined his head. "Maybe. Or maybe all you need is a little time to find out what you want. Torturing yourself for hours won't get you answers."

John nodded. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Just after three in the afternoon."

"Can I go and see Alan?"

Steve smiled.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Alan gazed up at the ceiling, lost in thought. He was pondering Steve's wise words from their session earlier that day.

"Steve, you've been great, an I'm...I'm feeling so...so much stronger," said Alan, as Steve helped him into an armchair by the window. "But there's one thing I can't seem to get rid of. When you're gone, will I still...I mean...how can I be sure that I can do it? Be able to walk down the street without looking over my shoulder; be able to go to school; return to normality?"

Steve put a hand on his shoulder, a touch that Alan would not have tolerated three weeks ago. It was a comforting reminder of the progress he'd made. "Take things one step at a time, Alan. Don't shy away from the challenges ahead, but don't expect too much of yourself either."

Alan was still scared; he had every right to be. He tried not to dwell on the thoughts. He was blessed with a distraction.

"Hey, sprout."

"John?"

His older brother approached him warily. "I didn't scare you did I?"

Alan smiled. "You? No way? You suck at sneaking up on people, just ask Gordon."

John flashed a smile. "I think I receive enough reminders from him as it is."

John pulled up a chair opposite him and looked him up and down, a habitual act that Alan had gotten used to expecting. "How are you today?"

Alan squinted. "Okay. I'm seeing white walls, a nurse with a clipboard..."

John laughed. "Okay, my bad. Seriously though?"

Alan nodded. "Bit better. I'm out of bed for the third time in a week!" he smiled.

"I noticed," nodded John.

Alan noticed his brother's silence. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, sprout, just had a lot of things on my mind," his brother replied, unconsciously imitating their father by rubbing a hand over his forehead and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Alan looked down uncomfortably. "Haven't we been through this a thousand times already?" he asked. "You don't have to restrict yourself to only talking to Steve. He wants us to talk to each other more, that means me too."

John gave him a look of compassion mixed with apprehension, before yielding. "Oh, I've just been thinking, you know? How much I've missed out on whilst up in '5, what I have missed, what I will miss etcetera. For the first time I'm considering not returning to the space station."

Alan frowned, confused. "Why?"

John sighed. "Alan...I realised that I could have lost you, and I guess I started to feel guilty about not spending more time with you. You're growing into a man and I'm missing that."

"Don't be stupid," smiled Alan. "You've always been there for me. You're always there to talk or help me with anything, even when we're millions of miles apart. I know I can always count on you."

"Can you?" asked John. "I could never offer you something as simple as a hug or a watch a movie with you, those things you can't replace."

Alan nodded his agreement. "No, but it doesn't mean we don't love each other just as much as any other brother would. Besides," he smiled. "Id much rather a hug from Scott, he's not so bony!" he said, poking John in the chest.

"Hey! Knock it off squirt!" laughed John, pulling away.

But Alan was pleased to see him smile. Without prompting he reached forward and hugged his older brother, which John immediately returned.

"Alan? John?"

Both brothers looked to the door to see their father approaching. As soon as Jeff saw that Alan already has a visitor, he turned to leave.

Alan was surprised when John called out. "Dad, wait! You stay, I'll go."

"Are you sure?" asked Jeff, moving forward again.

John stood up, nodding and moving to leave.

Alan finally found his voice. "You know... you can both stay."

John waved a hand to turn down the offer. "Thanks sprout, but I've got some stuff I need to sort out, ready for when I go back on duty."

Elated at those last words, Alan grinned as John winked at him and left.

Jeff took John's chair. "Steve tells me you want to leave the infirmary. Are you sure you're ready?" he asked.

Alan took a deep breath and nodded. "I can't stay here forever. Besides, the physical symptoms haven't come back in a while and Steve thinks I'm doing well."

Jeff nodded, his eyes twinkling. "I'm so proud of you," he murmured. "I never say that enough do I?"

Alan gave a bashful smile before returning to a sombre expression. "Dad...I have something I need to ask you," he said.

Jeff's expression turned serious too. "Sure Alan, what is it?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"Any chance I can fly Thunderbird 1 next rescue?" asked Alan, cracking a small smile.

He was rewarded by his father's deep, strong laugh. "Okay, kiddo, don't get too cocky," he laughed.

"Seriously Dad," Alan said. "What if I can't do this? What if I can't get my head straight and come crying back to this God forsaken room because I'm too scared to even talk to people?"

Jeff rubbed his arm. "Hey, you just take things one step at a time, okay? If something happens, we'll help you. Besides, inner strength seems to run in the family. I have no doubt that you'll recover."

"More stubbornness than inner strength," Alan pointed out.

"Well, that helps too," smiled Jeff. "Just remember, we're all here for you and we're all here for each other. Things will get better, all we need is time."

Alan looked his father in the eye. "Are you sure? How can I know that I'll be strong enough? I'm still afraid."

"Alan, let me tell you something that a very wise person once told me: Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear."

"Wow," murmured Alan, taking the words in. "Who said that?"

Jeff held his hand and looked at him lovingly. "Your mother."

Well, it has taken longer than first planned, but the Abduction/Aftermath story is finally complete. I hope that you have all enjoyed this story, and once again I thank everyone who reviewed, or even just took time to read my work. I'm looking forward to developing new ideas and sharing them with you all. See you again soon!

Boann