((The last of the Reports. Almost sad to see this end.))

Why Humans

Why Most Humans are Stupid

Why Most Humans are Foolish

By Hamato Leonardo

I didn't want to write about humans but Mikey begged me to switch. And wen little brothers (especially Mikey) don't get their way, they cry so here I am writing about humans.

Humans don't make no sense... any sense to me. Father tells us that they don't understand turtle boys so we gotta hide all the time. Don't know what's so hard to understand about us. Except you can't understand Donnie sometimes when he starts talking about one of his inventions. And I don't understand why Mike and Raph like to sneak out when sensei isn't home. But you didn't hear that from me.

Anyway, there's boy and girl humans. They don't have tails no matter what Mikey says he saw in that magazine. Raph has it hidden under his bed even though sensei told them he doesn't want them lookin at that stuff. They have five fingers and five toes like Sensei, but not as much hair. One night at the park, I thought I saw a monkey, but Father says it was a really hairy human. So I guess some humans got lots of hair.

I guess the best thing about humans is they invented ninjutsu. Those humans musta been real smart, so I bet they would understand turtle boys. Those humans took simple farm tools and made them into weapons. Not like Raph did when he took the frying pan and tried to beat up Mike with it. These were really cool weapons.

We don't get to see humans much up close. Only on Halloween. That's real fun. Because for a little while we don't have to worry about getting took away from Father and locked up somewhere. The humans even tell us we got good costumes. Don messed up one time and said they weren't costumes but I don't think the lady believed him.

We do see humans a lot on TV. The humans there are real nice. I don't think they would turn us into the cops or scintist or anything. Not sure those people on TV are real though. They do stuff like climb up walls or pick up buildings. Raph talked Mikey into trying to walk through the wall. Mike just got a bruise on his beak. Mike's pretty foolish sometimes too.

I think the best human ever musta been Hamato Yoshi. He teached our sensei everything he knew and now sensei teaches it to us. We even got his family name as our family name. I think he woulda been happy to have us as his grandsons. Well, at least me and Donnie.

Splinter cleared his throat and had to fight back a wave of sadness at the mention of his beloved Sensei's name. Even after all these years, the emotions from losing him could still be raw.

"I think," he said to the small turtle waiting expectantly for his verdict. "That Master Yoshi would have been very proud of all his grandsons." He handed Leonardo his sticker.

"Even Raph and Mike?" Leo asked in surprise. As far as he was concerned, Hamato Yoshi was the greatest human that ever lived. His two brothers caused far too much trouble for this great human to be proud of them.

Splinter smiled slightly. "Yes, even Michelangelo and Raphael."

Leo was still in shock. "Even though Mikey used his Master Yoshi's nunchucks to unclog the toilet when he tried to give his rubber ducky a ride?"

Splinter blinked and after a moment, nodded. "Yes, even though…"

"And even though Raph sometimes shoots spitballs at the humans through the sewer grates?"

Splinter closed his eyes briefly and got to his feet. "Yes. Even though…"

"And even though…" The sensei covered Leonardo's mouth with one hand.

"Yes. Come, I must speak with Michelangelo and Raphael before dinner."