Disclaimer: Don't ask, because I don't own it.

A/N: Insane! Insane! We all love insane, random fics! It's a breath of fresh air from all the logic-making fics that actually make sense!

XXX

"Kanone, what are you doing?" Asked Eyes, as he watched the cameramen leave for the day once another episode of Spiral had been filmed.

"What's it look like?" The brunette replied.

"It looks like you're humping the couch….that people sit on…" The Brit. raised an eyebrow.

"Then that's what I'm doing."

Eyes knew better than to ask. Kanone was always horny, and he'd be damned if that ever changed.

"You know," Kousuke frowned. "Your fuck's right in front of you. Stop messing up the couch!"

"Screw you, Asazuki." Kanone growled.

"No thanks. Really….I'm not gay."

"Eyes…" Kanone groaned softly as he moved from the couch. "There's a party in my pants and you're invited."

"……….." All Eyes could do was stare.

"Who needs sex when you could have pain?"

Yeah, Madoka's a Goth.

Go figure.

Blame Kiyotaka. Everyone else does.

Ayumu stared at his sister-in-law as she began to slit her writs. "Stop it! He'll come back! Don't kill yourself!"

"Up yours, you damn conformist bastard." Madoka glared at Ayumu.

"Um…" Ayumu blinked.

Oh yeah…And Sayoko is Emo. Rio looks at her. "We can be Emo together." She smiles, though I doubt she knows the meaning of the word. "Eyes! I'm going to be Emo with Sayoko!"

That sounds like a talk show.

Emo with Sayoko!

"Emo people. That gets me horny." Kanone pipes up. "Lots of things get me horny."

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Eyes Ru-ther-ford!" Kousuke sang loudly.

"Pineapples get me horny."

"Ew." Ryoko frowned.

"Hey, did anyone know that Momiji got arrested the other day?" Kei asked.

"Momiji? That blonde kid from Fruits Basket? Rio blinked.

"Yeah. The uncut version. He got involved in drugs and slave trade…or something."

"Kewl!" Rio grinned.

Kei handed her the DVD.

"Speaking of bad things, did anyone Kanone's a rapist?" Madoka asked as she applied a layer of black nail polish to her fingernails. "He fucks little boys in their beds."

Everyone gasps.

"That was very not nice!" Kanone pouts. "I prefer sexually-deprived-individual."

"In short; a rapist. Go pleasure up a wall." Madoka glared at him.

"I did that yesterday."

More gasps.

"How about you pleasure up a chair?"

"Last week."

"Me?"

"Last night in your sleep."

Ayumu faints.

"Man, I did her good." Kanone smirks.

"..." Madoka looks pale.

Then Kousuke opened his mouth to say something stupid. "Know what? School food is good food. ……Because Eyes cummed in it all."

Stupid, but true.

"That…" Eyes blushes. "Was an accident."

"Yeah right." Kousuke grins.

"Nevermind." Eyes rolls his eyes as he turns the tv on to Martha Stewart. In the middle of the show, she gets arrested and the network claims there's been technical difficulties. PLEASE STAND BY. It says, in huge letters across the screen. "I don't want to stand by." Eyes frowns, then changes the channel and watches the Powerpuff girls on Cartoon Network.

Hizumi is off in another room, telling bedtime stories to a bunch of little kids that Eyes had with all his fangirls. "And then the creepy little pale, dark haired girl was like "Do you want to see us do it?" All husky and whispery like Dakota Fanning or something. But she said that the camera crew had to leave. Then these other kids come out of the shadows. And they're all over in the corner chanting and waving their arms. It was fucking creepy!"

Hiyono sits in the middle of the group, screaming bloody murder and pissing herself.

Madoka screams. "NO! THE ICE MELTED IN MY GLASS OF WATER! CRUEL WORLD! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN MEEEE!"

I'm sure no one cares.

A/N: Yes, this is the product of a VERY bored mind…so hope you like it…and review, please!