Whee, I wanted to do a cracked up fairytale with these characters for a while. Hope it turned out all right.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my dog. Isn't that wonderful? No, seriously, my puppy is a menace. He has teeth like a pirahna! Somebody help me!

Zoro: -Whacks Plushie over the head- Get over it for christ's sake and get on with the story.

Plushie: ...owie.

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Little red riding… Luffy?

Once upon a time, in the woods that no one seems to know, a little boy wearing a red hooded jumper began skipping down a long and winding road. He had a basket hooked over his right arm and was humming a jaunty tune. He was known as… little red riding Luffy.

Luffy: Why am I skipping?

Usopp: Just hush and wait and see what happens.

So, the little boy had dark black hair and bright innocent eyes.

"Off to see grandma and give her some cakes! Yay!" he cried as he skipped.

Luffy: CAKE? When do I get to eat it?

Zoro: … you don't. Now shutup.

Luffy: Zoro, you're so mean.

Zoro: Shut. Up.

So, little red riding Luffy skipped along the path happily, before he saw a large tree and decided to take a short rest.

"Ah, the day is so nice. Grandma won't mind if I have one cake." and so, Luffy took one out, unwrapped it and then took a bite.

Luffy: Ha! See Zoro! I do get cake!

Zoro: … Woopee for you.

"Mmm, these are really yummy! Grandma would be angry if I ate them all though." and so, Luffy stood from his spot, brushed the crumbs from his shirt and then began skipping along the path again. But, little did little red riding Luffy know, that hiding in the bushes, was a big, green haired wolf!

Zoro: Hey, I'm a wolf! Ha ha! Wait… WHAT? Why the hell am I the wolf?

Sanji: Because you're the ugliest looking fuck here.

Zoro: … asshole.

"Why hello there little miss, er, mr riding hood." the wolf said in a sugary sweet voice as he jumped from the bushes. Luffy paused and then grinned.

"Hello! Who are you?"

"I am Zoro the wolf! I was just wondering, where are you going with that basket of sweets?"

"To my grandma's! She loves sweets!"

"Oh."

Zoro: Stupid Luffy, it's obvious the wolf is gonna eat him.

Sanji: Oh yeah, you'd love that wouldn't you?

Zoro: Well, where the fuck is your role in this story? You're probably the grandma!

Sanji: At least I'm not a fugly wolf!

Nami: Both of you quit it! We're trying to do a story here!

"Well, little red riding Luffy. There is a field of flowers just beyond those tress. Why don't you go and pick some for your grandma?"

"Nah, she wouldn't be able to see them with those glasses of hers."

"Oh, I'm sure she would be able to smell them. They are quite potent."

"No."

"Go and get some flowers! Now!"

"Okay okay, sheesh." and little red riding Luffy skipped off towards the field where the flowers were.

Luffy: Once again, why do I skip?

Usopp: Because the author made it that way. You skip around anyway.

Luffy: I do not!

Nami: Please excuse this interruption.

---Luffy and Usopp are temporarily out of service due to continued bludgeoning by a very grumpy orange haired thief. We apologise for the inconvenience.---

"Now, while that little pest is out picking flowers like the pansy he is, I am gonna go to the house and have a little snack." the wolf said before turning and galloping towards the little cottage.

Author: Zoro! Stop messing with the damn script!

Zoro: Make me.

Author: Do you really want me to take you up on that threat?

Zoro: err…no. Sorry. Luffy's not a pansy.

Author: Good. Now, back to the story… again.

And so the wolf galloped to the house and knocked on the flower framed little wooden door.

"Who is it?" a sweet, croaky voice said from inside.

"Let me in or I'll huff and I'll puff-

Sanji: Wrong story moron.

Zoro: Wtf?-looks at script- Oh, right. Sorry bout that.

"It is I. Little red riding … Luffy." the wolf replied in a higher pitched voice and there was a moment of silence before the door opened and a small woman peeked out, greying orange hair falling across the wire rimmed glasses that framed her face.

Nami: WHAT? I'm the grandma! You have gotta be kidding me!

Zoro and Luffy: ha ha. We had to look like idiots, so you do too.

Sanji: Nami is not old at all! She is gorgeous even with glasses and greying hair.

Nami: Sanji…

---Once again, due to continued bludgeoning by a very angry and unhappy navigator, Sanji is unable to participate in this scene. Sorry for the inconvenience---

"Oh, little red riding Luffy. Please come in my dear." and the elderly woman stepped back, allowing the green wolf to get in.

"Uh, where's my money?" the elderly woman asked.

"…money?"

"Yes, you have to give me twenty silver pieces when you visit me."

"…uh."

Author: Nami… I will make you even older if you screw with the script again.

Nami: Fine…

"Oh my dear, I am just having a little joke. Please come in." and the little woman stood out of the way. The wolf, having not eaten in over a week and a half, dived on the granny and swallowed her whole.

Sanji: You pig Zoro.

Zoro: … ew, that was gross.

Hurriedly, the wolf grabbed a nightgown from the cupboard and a nightcap from the side of the bed before jumping into it and waiting patiently for little red riding Luffy.

Luffy skipped along the path-

Luffy: Please, can I not skip for once? How about I run?

Author: Argh, fine.

Luffy ran along the road, realising that he was late to meet his grandmother and he knew how she hated him being late. Stopping at the little cottage, he knocked on the door.

"Come in!" a voice called in a high, squeaky voice.

Zoro: I can't do high and squeaky.

Sanji: -kicks Zoro between the legs- Can you now?

Zoro: …ow

Luffy opened the door and walked in, loving the feel of the little cottage around him. It was so pretty, and warm. Walking into the bedroom, he saw his 'grandma' lying in the bed, the covers pulled up to her chin.

"Hello grandma. How are you today? I bought you some sweets." Luffy said and held up the basket.

"Oh my, thankyou dear child." the wolf in disguise replied.

"Are you okay grandma, you seem to have a higher voice than normal."

"Uh… frog in my throat."

"Oh… well, I brought some cakes, and… my grandma, what big eyes you have, bigger than usual I mean."

"Uh… all the better to see you with my dear."

"Oh… my grandma, what a hairy chin you have."

"All the better to he- hang on, what?"

Luffy: Sanji put me up to it!

Zoro: Sanji you bastard!

Sanji: Heh heh heh.

Author: Sanji… don't screw with the script, or I will exclude you from this story.

Sanji: Damnit. Fine.

"My my grandma, what big ears you have."

"All the better to hear you with my dear."

"My grandma… what big teeth you have."

"All the better to eat you with!" and the wolf leapt from the bed and ran after Luffy, devouring the small boy in one gulp.

Zoro: I'm gonna be sick.

Sanji: Geeze, eating Nami-san wasn't enough, you just had to go and eat Luffy as well.

Zoro: Fuck up. The author made me do it.

Author: It's how the story goes you idiots, now shutup!

The wolf began to lick his fingers and then started as a knock was heard from outside.

"Grandma? It's me, the woodsman. I was cutting wood nearby and heard a funny noise. Are you okay?"

"Uh… uh, yeah! I'm fine!" and the wolf looked desperately for an escape, but he was too fat to fit out any of the windows and the only door was the one the woodsman was at.

Sanji: Zoro just gained twenty pounds. Heh heh heh.

Zoro: I did not! It's in the story.

Sanji: I'm sure it is. So then, why are Luffy and Nami both gone?

Zoro: O.O … crap.

"Okay, granny, I'm coming in. I just want to see if you are okay. Alright?" the woodsman asked.

"Uh… uh, no, I have a terrible cold, wouldn't want you to catch it!"

"But, there is a terrible green ugly wolf on the prowl and I'd hate to see you get eaten."

"Uh… the wolf is heard to be no where near here."

"He was last seen here. Of course he's around, now, I'm coming in!" and the door opened, revealing a tall man with blonde hair and a swirly eyebrow. He was wearing a vest and dark pants and had an axe in his hand. He blinked as he walked into the room and then frowned upon seeing the very fat, very scared, wolf.

Zoro: The wolf was not scared!

Sanji: Yay! I save Nami-san!

Zoro: Idiot.

The woodsman lunged forward, but couldn't grab the wolf, who, although he was still very fat, was able to get out of the way in time.

"Stupid marimo wolf. Get in here apprentice!" the woodsman yelled as the wolf growled at him. A small boy ran in, curly black hair falling around his face which was broken up by a very long nose.

"Sorry master. I was just sketching the birds." the boy replied.

Usopp: Yay! I'm in the story!

Sanji: You are aware that there was no such thing as the woodsman's apprentice. Right?

Usopp: Who cares? At least I am in the story.

"Right. Well, help me get this ugly looking wolf!"

"Of course master." and together, the two finally managed to get the wolf and cut him open to reveal the granny and little red riding Luffy alive.

Nami and Luffy: Yay! Alive!

"Oh, thankyou for saving us young man. That was very heroic of you." the granny said as she was helped out.

"Anything for you!" the woodsman replied and then was magically hit over the head by a mallet, "I mean, of course. It was my pleasure. And little red riding Luffy, glad you're okay too."

"Thankyou woodsman!"

Zoro: Is the wolf dead?

Luffy, Nami, Sanji and Usopp: Yes.

Zoro: Damn.

And so, little red riding Luffy, and his grandmother, the woodsman and his apprentice, lived happily ever after.

The end.

---Next time, on One Piece's messed up fairytales---

---Sleeping Beauty---

Sanji: Am I the hero in this too?

Author: No, you're the king, and Usopp's the queen.

Usopp: That sounded wrong on so many levels.

Sanji: -faints in a horrified fit-

Nami: Who am I?

Author: The wicked fairy of course.

Nami: OO Greeeeat.

Luffy: And me?

Author: Sleeping beauty of course, and Zoro's your prince!

Zoro: OO No, no way. I am not kissing Luffy!

Author: Oh yes you are. You're the only one who has a sword, three in fact, so, you have to be the prince and Luffy is the only one who fit's the role of sleeping beauty.

Luffy: … Do I get meat if I play this role?

Author: uhhh, of course! ;

Luffy: Okay, Zoro, you have to kiss me! Just pretend you were kissing your swords like I saw you do yesterday!

Zoro: -faints-

Luffy: Zoro? Zorooooo?

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Well, what did you all think? Please don't tell me I'm insane, because, my friend tells me that often enough. Right Shiruji? -pokes- Shirujiiiiii? -pokes again-

I think she's ignoring me. -shrugs- oh well. And Yes! There is more wacky fairy tales to come. Give me your suggestions of what fairytales you would like, and I shall do them! Because they are easy, and they kill my writer's block, which tends to kick me in the head whenever I am trying to write a proper story. -.-;