Okie dokie. I promised Natty Colombian Girl that I would write another GarlandxClaude and I did. I warn you it's sad. I was on the verge of crying just writing it. Told from Claude's POV. Please review.
blah - present day
"blah" - speech
blah - flashback
I sit on the cliffs watching the waves beat endlessly against the rocks below. When the waves recede I can easily see the sharp rocks beneath them. It would be so easy to just push myself off the edge of the cliff and crash down onto those rocks. No one would notice and no one would find me. There are probably people who will miss me, but they will be better off without me in the end. They will just need time to realize it. Without me and all my problems they will be able to get on with their lives and be a lot happier. Sighing I shift so that my legs are dangling from the cliff. Really, it is just so easy. All I have to do is push myself off the edge and everything will be fine. No one will be hurt and no one will have to deal with my problems from now on. It is so easy, but I can't bring myself to do it just yet. I will take in the beauty of one last sunset and then do it. Just one last sunset and then I will end my life.
"It's beautiful."
"Not as beautiful as you."
"You're full of it. I'm far from beautiful."
"You're the most gorgeous thing to ever grace this world."
Whispered words floated through my brain and I second guess myself briefly. Surely my lover won't be better off without me. Surely after all we have been through my lover needs me to stay alive. No. He doesn't need me to chain him. He doesn't need me to keep him from living the life he was always meant to live. I'm sure his heart will crack a little, but he'll be okay in the end. He'll find someone better to love. He'll find someone better than me. I sigh as I look down at those sharp rocks again. They are getting harder to see. The light from the sunset is beginning to fade to darkness. If I turn around I'm sure I could see the moon begin to rise. It is supposed to be a full moon tonight. That's appropriate. After everything that happened on the night of a full moon I might as well add my death to the list. The first time we made love, the first time we fought, the first time we kissed, the first time I said goodbye. They all happened under a full moon.
"Why are you doing this?"
"It's just how it needs to be!"
"I don't understand!"
"You're better off without me! Goodbye."
I went back to him. I couldn't stay away for long. He forgave me and made love to me that night with more tenderness and love than ever before. I think I scare him when I get like that. I scare myself when I get like that. I can't help it. It's not my fault. I didn't choose to have Barthez do personality experiments on me to make me a better blader. I didn't ask for him to create a more aggressive, more ruthless personality that could take charge in the beydish. I didn't ask for that to personality to come out every time I get scared or threatened. I didn't ask for any of this, but I have to deal with it. The only way out of this is to die. So when the last colors of the sunset disappear and darkness takes over the world I'll slip off this cliff and crash onto the rocks below. It will all be just fine then. I won't have to deal with having two personalities so drastically different that people don't know how to act around me. I won't have to deal with the stares that follow one of my outbursts. I won't ever have to see that hurt and pained look in his eyes. I just want to escape.
"You don't have to do this! You don't have to get violent! I'm not threatening you! I just want to help you!"
"I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help! I need you to leave me alone! Can't you understand that you're the problem? You're the reason I snap like this!"
"Stop it! It's not my fault! It's not yours, it's not mine! It's Barthez's fault! He's the one who hurt you. He's the one who made you like this. Stop blaming me!"
"I wouldn't snap if you didn't try so hard! Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Because I love you. I thought you knew that. I thought I'd proved to you a hundred times over that I love you!"
Shouted words of hurt and betrayal bounced around my skull demanding my attention. It wasn't his fault that I snapped. It never was. He never meant to make me defensive. He never really did anything that should have made me defensive, but he wanted to get close to me. He wanted to be my lover. He wanted to know everything about me. He wanted to know what I went through. He wanted to know how I ended up like I am. He wanted to know and I couldn't let him. There's only one person on the face of the planet that knows everything I went through and he did it to me. I don't even know the full extent of what I was put through. I hate you Barthez. I hate you with every fiber of my being because you're winning. You've completely destroyed my life. I won't let you win though. I won't go crawling back to you begging you to take care of me. I'll die before I ever do that. I'll take my own life and make everyone else's so much easier in the process. It's the best solution out there. That way no one really wins and no one really loses. The sun's almost set. It won't be much longer now. All I have to do is watch those last rays of sun disappear and everything will be alright. It'll all be over soon. It'll be so easy to just push myself off this cliff onto the rocks before. Soon I won't have to think about this anymore.
"You're suicidal aren't you?"
"Does it matter if I am?"
"Of course it matters! I don't want to lose you!"
"It doesn't matter what you want. What you want and what you need are two different things right now. You want me to stay, but you need me to leave. You need me to leave so that you can be free."
"How dare you tell me what I need? You clearly don't know me if you think that I need to be free! I need to be with you! Why can't you understand that?"
"You don't need me. I'm just some fucked up kid with a split personality. You don't need that in your life."
We argued over that so many times. You could always tell when I was on the verge of suicide. I'm always happier when I think I'm about to die and won't have to deal with things. You figured it out after my first suicide attempt. You messed that up. You found me before the pills could take affect and rushed me to the hospital. You cried so much that I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed of putting you through that. It didn't stop me though. We've been dating two years and you've had to sit by my hospital bed four times. It got to the point where now you rarely ever leave my side. You should have finished your battle by now. I wonder if you won. You probably did. You rarely lose. I'm sorry lover. I don't mean to put you through this again, but this time you won't have to sit by my bedside and wait for me to wake up. You won't even have to bury my body. The sea will claim my body for you. A few more minutes and it will all be over. Your life will be easy again. You won't have to deal with me and my issues ever again. It'll all be so easy once I push myself over the edge.
"I need you to promise me something."
"What?"
"Don't do this again. Please promise me you'll never try to take your own life again. I can't handle it. I need you to be with me."
"I can't promise that. You know I can't promise that. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to walk this Earth any longer. You should have let me die."
"How can I let the person I love die? I love you so much. Why do you keep pushing me away? Why do you so desperately need to end your life?"
"Why do you have so many questions? Don't you understand that I don't want you any closer than you are right now? Don't you understand that I don't want to let anyone close?"
"I love you."
"I love you too. That's why I have to die."
It's true. I have to die because I love you too much to keep hurting you. I know that you would say that killing myself will hurt you too, but I hurt you on a daily basis. This way you'll only hurt for a little while. You won't hurt all the time like you do now. Please let me go. Let me end my life before I hurt you even worse than I already do. "Claude!" You're here? How did you find me? My eyes aren't really seeing you. "Claude! Please tell me you aren't planning on jumping. Please tell my you're not trying to kill yourself again. Claude! Answer me. Please! Don't look at me with those empty eyes. Let me see the man I fell in love with." I just stare at you. It's all I can really do. I don't even understand why you're here. Why are you here? Why would you come? How did you know I would be here on this cliff? You're holding me. You're holding me so close and I don't understand why. You should just turn around and go back to your team. You should just leave and let me die in peace. Why are you here? "I love you so much Claude. I need you. I need you to come home with me and stop this. I need you to give up this quest to kill yourself. I need you to stay by my side for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do without you. Don't you understand that? Don't you understand that I love you? Don't you understand that you're needed?" Needed? I'm not needed. "I love you." You keep saying that, but how can you? How can you keep holding me like this when I haven't moved a muscle? "I love you." I love you too. "Will you come home with me? Will you stay by my side forever?" I find myself nodding. I don't know why. I really do want to die. I don't want to keep hurting you, but looking into your eyes I've never seen that much pain before. I'm really scaring you aren't I? You're really afraid of losing me. Okay. I'll go home with you. I do love you.
"I love you Claude. I don't ever want to let you go."
"What if it would make your life easier? Would you let me go then?"
"No. I would never give you up for anything. You're too important to me."
"I love you too."
"Then stay with me."
"Okay Garland. I'll stay for now."
"I'll stay for now" I whisper to you as you lead me to the cab that's waiting on the side of the road. "I can only promise to stay for now." You hug me tightly and somehow I think it's enough for you. You'll keep getting me to make that promise until the day you die. You know that I can't really leave you. I can't really let you go. I love you so much. It would have been so easy. It would have been so easy for everyone. Life wasn't meant to be easy though. Love wasn't meant to be easy.
The moral of this oneshot? The best things in life are never easy, but that doesn't mean that you should give up. Don't ask me where this came from, I don't know. I am not and have never been suicidal, but my best friend has. I think one of the reasons she never committed or even attempted suicide is because she knows how much she would hurt me if she did and she didn't want to do that. I hope that you all enjoyed it my angsty story with a happy ending. Was the ending even happy? It was supposed to be since in the end Claude basically says he's not going to attempt suicide again because he has to stay with Garland. Please review!