The Super-Tippity-Top What Up? G-Unit Home Slice Secret Journals of Kyo Sohma
6:00 am
Well, today should be eventful, but I'm fully prepared.
6:10 am
Got My hair comb, gel, cologne, and portable mirror ready to go in My school bag. I'm SO much sexier than Yuki.
6:16 am
Got breakfast and asked for My super-awesome bowl that has a looking glass in the bottom.
6:17 am
Hi, Me!
6:20 am
ANYWAY, rambled pointlessly with Tohru about something that had to do with cucumbers and onions, but I didn't really get it all. EXCUSE Me if I got distracted by My reflection directly over her head.
6:21 am
Damn, I'm a sexy bitch.
7:00 pm
Yuki asked me why the top of My hair was black. I told him to fuck off, it wasn't. He said yes it was, and since I looked in the mirror so often I should notice these things. So I stormed off to the nearest mirror in a very angsty yet sexy way and looked at My hair.
7:01 pm
Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.
7:02 pm
I need to re-color My hair. The orange dye is starting to grow out! OMG OMG OMG! OMFG! OMFA (oh my fucking Akito...scary).
7:45 am
As I walked into school this morning all the girls started swooning and fainting. I have that effect on people. Oh hellz yeah! I am a sexy mothafucka.
8:00 am
God, Haru's annoying. The whole time before homeroom he was like "Blah blah blah Kyo I love you blah blah blah sleep with me blah blah moo moo mooo..." or something like that.
8:30 am
Well, I can't blame him. I am pretty damn sexy. I'd sleep with Me.
8:31 am
It's hard to be so hot. Whenever Tohru, Yuki, and Me walk down the hall, people just DROP.
8:32 am
I swear, if I hear that damn cow say one more time, "Baka neko, they aren't swooning over you. They're swooning over Yuki," I'll grind his face into the floor. I bet he'd like that. Effin' queer.
9:00 am
Listened to pointless ramble from Sensei until my ears bled, then went for a quick lipst-I mean...hair...check in the boy's room. It's not that bad, actually.
9:01 am
Actually, it's pretty smokin'.
9:10 am
Got scolded for taking so long. Beauty takes time. Not like SHE would know.
9:15 am
Sensei is so ugly.
9:16 am
I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy, it hurts.
12:00 pm
Lunch time. Eating the shit that Tohru made us. Apparently this brown stuff is natto. EW.
12:01 pm
Ah, but it's good for the skin, as Hana says...
12: 02 pm
munch munch munch
12:05 pm
Do I have time to go home and apply My seaweed mask? No, too risky. I want to give My skin the treat it deserves. I'll wait til tonight.
12:30 pm
I'm too sexy to be a cat, too sexy to be a cat...damn I forgot the words.
1:00 pm
What was Yuki doing borrowing my "Right Said Fred" CD? Come to think of it, why were he and Haru dancing to it? In a suggestive way?
Without Me?
1:15 pm
God Tohru is a complete moron. She just asked Me what I was doing. I said, "dyeing My hair, what does it look like?" She looked at Me like she was very confused (she was) and went back to looking around with that dopey look on her face with her bloodshot eyes.
Bloodshot eyes are sooooooo unattractive.
1:17 pm
Damn Sensei for taking my hair dye away and beating Me senseless with her clipboard. Actually it was kinda sexy...I mean it hurt a lot. Yeah. It hurt and I did NOT like it. Right.
1:45 pm
Haru and Yuki keep following Me around. It's getting very VERY annoying. I raised my eyes behind my $500 Ray Bans and said, "WHAT is your problem? You are in MY personal space, stay at least five feet back unless you want a favor. Then we can talk."
Yuki looked at me with his purple eyes (so very ugly on a man. They make him look queer) and said. "I'm sorry, Master Kyo and ultimate Sexiness, but...can my little buddy and I borrow your George Michael CD? Here's Right Said Fred..."
1:50 pm
Actually, that's not what he said, he actually punched Me in My perfect face. Just because I punched him for scratching my CD. He has no idea how to take care of things, except for Haru. Why can't he take care of Me?
Because I am My ultimate caregiver, that's why.
1:55 pm
...Where'd he get those violet contacts?
2:00 pm
Almost time to go home. Then I can eat NORMAL food, talk to NORMAL people, and do My NORMAL beauty routine.
Who am I kidding?
2:10 pm
Just twenty more minutes aaaand...
OUCH!
A BEE stung my lip!
But it gave it a nice pouty effect...looks pretty HAWT...
2:30 pm
MY FACE IS THE SIZE OF A MOTHERFUCKING HOT AIR BALLOON.
2:35 pm
Momiji's comment of, "It can be seen from space" didn't help that much.
2:40 pm
Bet he blows Haru in his spare time.
2:45 pm
Once I'm done with that mothafucka, he won't have a mouth to say that kind of shit OR blow anybody from!
3:00 pm
I should go to My mommy about this...oh yeah, she's dead.
3:01 pm
Oh porcelain urn on the mantle that I have broken a few times, Haru's making fun of Me!
3:02 pm
Mommy didn't say anything. Fuck her.
3:30 pm
Why does everyone call Me a "Beauty Queen" and a "Diva"? I am NOT a beauty queen or a diva, I am a god. I am at least fifty times sexier than Akito ever was. Especially when he/she PMS's.
3:35 pm
Ahh...only Haddaway understands me.
3:40 pm
Nobody got that, I'm sure. Oh well...mmmm glazed donuts.
3:59 pm
It's almost 4.
I'm not bored or anything.
4:10 pm
Shigure finally realized that my face was the size of North America and called the doctor among much frenzied activity that included speeding to the phone, dialing hastily, and screaming into the receiver, "KYO LOOKS LIKE A MAD DEMON FROM THE PLANET ZARCON! SOMEBODY HELP!"
4:15 pm
I didn't know demons were that sexy.
5:00 pm
Haru and Yuki were dancing to Freedom 90.
I shall go join them, I think.
Maybe.
Do I dare showcase my true feelings for the beautiful Yuki?
I don't think I should. Haru would probably eat me or something to that nature.
He'd explode from the intense hotness that becomes Me.
7:00 pm
My face is shrinking. Slightly. I don't look quite so much like a puffer fish now.
10:00 pm
Yuki yelled at Me for drinking the last of the milk. Excuse me, Mr. I-got-raped-by-Akito-as-a-kid-therefore-I-am-special, I did NOT drink the last of the milk. I used it for my milk bath, which as you all know works wonders for the complexion.
Anyway he got all fussy and started attacking Me. After I punched him, at first. Then I threw him through the screen door, and it was ON.
10:05 pm
I'M GOING TO BEAT HIM I'M GOING TO BEAT HIM WITH MY FACE THE SIZE OF VENEZUELA! HAHAHAHA!
10:06 pm
DAMMIT! WHERE'D THAT RIGHT HOOK COME FROM? I HATE HIM!
10:10 pm
Yuki is going to be ground up and turned into hair gel.
Night, all you ugly people. No autographs, please.
Reviews are well-loved!