Disclaimer: Even after two fucking years I STILL don't own fuckin jack shit!!!! FUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
My Apologies: I'm sorry for the wait people. It's been a very long time hasn't it? Yeah, that's my bad! Where've I been? IDFK! But i'm back now! I hope I still got it! Enjoy! Much love! BTW, there may be a dark twist that you may not see coming! Tell me what you think!
Retarted Evil 4: Sorry for the Wait
(Yes indeed HYDE and Gackt saved their puny fucking lives!)
HYDE: Well, that was that! Hakuna matata bitches!!!( disappears into a cloud of awesome smoke from his fuckin awesomeness!)
Gackt:......FUCK YOU!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!( goes poof)
Leon:......
Jasmine:.........
Ashley:........
Rick: .....Did he just go poof?
Leon: Yes. He did.
Luis: Indeed, he did!
Leon: I just said that you know.
Luis: Yes, you did.
Rick: Didn't Leon hit you with the door?
Luis: Yes, he did.
Jasmine: And weren't you knocked out?
Luis: Yes, I did.
Ashley: You know you just said--
Leon: SHUT DA FUCK UP!!!! It doesn't matter! Luis, how do we get outta here?
Luis: Out of this cabin or out of this area?
Rick: Is that a serious question?
Luis: .....Maybe
Rick: (screws face up ending up looking like Cartman when hes pissed)
Leon: HOw do we get out of this area, smart-ass?
Luis: ......Well, you can either go through huge ass gate number 1, or huge ass gate number 2.
Jasmine: Whats behind huge ass gate number 1?
Luis: (puts on spook a nigga face).....Certain doom. (all is quiet.....)
Leon: .....
Ashley: .....
Jasmine: .........
Rick: And what's behind huge ass gate number 2?
Luis: ( once again puts on the omnipotent spook a nigga face)..........
Leon:.........
Rick: ........
Luis: .......Certain doom.
Leon: For cryin' out loud!!! Be a little specific you tight jeans n vest wearing dick-munch!!!
Luis: Fuck you who cut your hair! Somebody who can't!?
Rick: .........
Leon: ...........
Jasmine: ..............
Saddler: ........... I did!
Leon: What!? No you didn't! And where the hell did you even come from!?
Rick: Yeah! What's wrong with you popping up like that!? ( taking a cue from Leon he spouts witty one-liner) You want some milk or something?!
(Room-wide WTF face)
Leon: Rick, what the hell is wrong with you? Have you lost it?
Luis: What the ability to crack a good one?
Rick: You're one to talk you damned cream puff!
Saddler: OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!! I LOVE MILKY CREAM PIES!!!
Leon: You really creep me out dude!!!
Rick: That's just fucking sick!
Luis: You should see what's he's got under the robe.....
Saddler: Uhhhh......(poof!)
Leon: You know what!?
Rick: What!?
Leon: RHITORICAL!!!! BUT I'M SICK OF PEOPLE GOING FUCKING POOF IN MY NEAR PROXIMITY!!!!!
Rick: ..... Did you know that using medium sized words in the wrong context while your trying to appear angry only makes you look like an idiot?
Leon: FUCK YOU YOU DAMNED PROCRASTINATOR!!!!
Rick: Flaucinaucinihilipilification!!!!!
Leon: What!?
Rick: I dunno.... I like honey mustard!
Ashley: ME TOO---
All: SHADDUP!!!!!!!!
Leon: Why do you always feel the need to talk Ashley?
Luis: You should just not speak at all Ashley!
Jasmine: Just be quiet Ashley!
Rick: Go hold your breath underwater for 30 minutes and see what happens or something Ashley!
Ashley: You guys suck!!! ( starts crying and runs out the door)
Rick: ( chases after her) Ashley wait!
Ashley: ( tears in eyes) WHY SO YOU CAN TELL ME TO GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE!!!?????
(Leon and Jasmine run out too, catching up just as Rick stops Ashley)
Rick: No, why would I want you to jump off a bridge! Are you nuts!? I just wanted to say that......
Ashley: ( stops crying, and smiles at him hopefully) To say what?
Leon: (whispers) Come on champ, tell her.....
Rick: To say that I'd much rather you go fist-fight one of those GIANT ACID SPITTING BUG FUCKERS!!!!! HAHAHAAHAAAAAA!!!!!
Leon: HAHAHAHAAAA!!! THAT'S FUCKING GENUIS MAN!!!! WHOOOOO!!!! YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!!!!!
Rick: WATCH YOUR FLESH BOIL AND BURN OFF OF YO FACE BITCH!!!! HEHEHEHEAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!
Ashley: You're an asshole!!!( starts crying again and runs through the left gate)
Jasmine: ASHLEY WAIT!!!! (runs after her)
Leon: Oh shit! ( runs after them)
Rick: What, it was funny!!!
Leon: Yeah but we can't lose track of them!!!
Rick: Oh yeah, duh! I need that paycheck! ( follows suit)
( Leon and Rick go through the huge ass wooden gate and see Jasmine sitting down beside a crying Ashley, talking)
Rick: Hey Ashley! Hi!!!!!! (cue bright smile)
Ashley: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
Rick: (looks at leon) Hm, I think she's upset about something....
Leon: Are you retarted literally or do you just pretend to be to get attenti-----(BAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!)
A-fucking-nother one of those Lord of the Rings trolls pops out of nowhere!!!!
Rick: Aggghh!!!! Another fuckin Tolkien troll popped out of nowhere!!!
Leon: (already shooting the bastard) NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!
Jasmine and Ashley are running away from it when suddenly:
ACTION TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leon unloads clip after clip into the hulking beast before him, to no effect other than slowing it down. The beast, which was moving rather slowly before, suddenly bolts straight for Rick and extends both arms while Rick and Leon insert round after round into it's cranium. Just as the beast swings both its boulder-sized hands towards Rick in an attempt to clap and smash him between them, he realizes what the mighty beast intends to do. At just the right moment he leaps into the path of one of the creature's hands and kicks off of it into the other, he hears someone yell his name but can't make out who it was. Just before the beast can crush him between the force of its hands that are like stone walls rapidly closing in, Rick runs up the beast's ring finger to the middle-finger and kicks off again, back flipping out of harm's reach! There was a deafening thud which sounded more like an explosion as the beast's hands met with enough force to crush a bus! Rick, still sailing through the air, pulled both his pistols out and fired as many rounds as possible into the beast's face as possible before coming to a rest on its shoulder! Leon could see Ashley and Jasmine....they were safe.
But even more remarkable was that Rick was now on the beast's back, somehow dodging death but boy was he glad! Leon pulled his shotgun and ran towards the wild creature, frantically trying to seize Rick from its back. Leon fired two rounds into the beast's knees from point-blank range while it was distracted with Rick, successfully bringing it down to one knee. Jasmine and Ashley watch on, silently cheering for Leon and Rick as they were now both on the creature's back, firing shots into the back of its head. As they watched this amazing spectacle, an opening appeared on the creature's back and out of it came the most twisted, and horrid sight either of the two had ever seen! Some kind of growth protruded from it, but this growth was alive, slimy, and moving any which way! Jasmine ended up vomiting, but Ashley couldn't take her eyes off her heroes, spell-bound by their bravery and their dedication. Even though they were on the winning end, they were risking their lives at this very moment just to make sure she and her sister got home safe. They had put their guns away and were now taking turns slicing into the growth on the creature's back! They were covered with blood and slime. But that didn't stop them, they cut until the protrusion fell to the ground with a loud, ground shaking thud! And with it, the creature itself fell harder. With the beast defeated, and Rick and Leon exchanging their own brand of witty one-liners Ashley ran out from her hiding spot towards the dynamic duo.
" Where'd you get the balls to jump on some big ugly motherfuckas back Leon!" Rick exclaims as he holsters his knife back onto his side. " Well all I can say is--", Leon was cut off by Ashley as she called for the two of them. They looked up, but too late. Within an instant where Ashley had been standing was crushed under the foot of yet another Tolkien troll!