Disclaimer: I do not, not will I ever own the Wild Arms series and its characters. I do however, own the video game which I consider gives me the right to put the Maxwell gang in strange situations whenever it strikes my fancy in a fanfic.

A Little Bit of Luck

A Crazy Chapapanga fic

'A little bit of luck goes a long way.' Whoever thought up that phrase should have been shot. Repeatedly. Preferably by a gray-haired punk with the Airget-Lamh and 15 bullets. Why do you ask? Because my friend, that phrase is the only logical reason for me, a deity by the way, to be an unintimidating 2'4."

While all the other guardians are well over seven feet tall (heck, some even over ten), I got the short end of the stick-literally. Whatever greater deity created me had to have a cruel sense of humor and some help to stunt my growth and design me so.

My Gella's on Fengalon. I just know it's his fault. Well, ok, I don't but it has to be him. He's always got that stupid cat smirk on his face, like he's better than me. He'll get his! I swear he'll get his comeuppance or else my name isn't Chapapanga, The Guardian of Luck!

…

Ok, so glaring through the Baskar idiot's satchel wasn't really working and it did nothing to relieve my stress.

Gawd, why'd I agree to come with them again?

Flashback to a few months ago in Fortune Gear

"I'm burning up..." stated the blue haired freak…Janus I think his name was "I'm about to explode...It's as if something's trying to break out of my insides...Could this be the guardian's power?"

Oh yeah, I remember now! I was trapped in the shrine that those Baskar people so "graciously" decided to house me in…If I remember right, The team, ah yes there they go, Give him what for and such! Rip him a new one! If I hadn't have been enslaved in that shrine of course, I would have already taken care of him, his bloody carcass adorning the wall with a sign written above in his blood that said "Don't mess with me mofos! "-Chapapanga. Oh yeah…right flashback.

Janus, having just been defeated, was still looking pretty good considering the fact that he had a new butthole. "Heh heheh heh...The power that sustains the world...Amazing...! No matter how much damage I take, I will not perish! This is the power I have been after! This is mind-blowing...! Absolutely, mind-blowing! Heh heheh heh...AH HAH HAH HAH HA!"

Watch out purple girl! I mean Virginia! Phew, he didn't kill her. Ya know, that mouth of hers is going to ooo, that kick to the stomach's got to hurt. Yeah that's right! Walk away you blue haired punk! YOU'LL GET YOURS! No wonder I was seething and so eager to go with that motley group of drifters.

End flashback

Hm…if I had known then what I know now, I would have left the moment they released me. Nope, none of this save the world crap, just simple revenge, kill Janus, play a few rounds of kick the cat with Fengalon, and then run like a bat out of hell.

Bit uncaring for a Guardian right? Well my friend, you're right, but if you could hear the thoughts of some of the other Guardians, my thoughts would be considered saintly. I kid you not…I mean, just yesterday Justine was planning to cut off the heads of the drifters and stick them on a bloody stick before dancing around them in a demonic ceremony…but I digress. Yes, I may have…unkind thoughts, but you would too if you were stuck with a guy who thinks that holding the luck guardian will bring him all kinds of fortune with the ladies. Let me tell you something, being dunked in a water bucket loses its novelty after the second time; and by the eighty-fourth time, it's just plain annoying. Have I gotten him back yet for that comment about how his luck has been a fickle mistress? Hmmm let's see,

Annoy Schturdark till he causes Gallows' canteen to split in an effort to drown me? Check.

Attract a hoard of Gobs to ambush Gallows and steal his second horse for 83rd dunking? Check.

Cause him to trip and fall into a pile of horse dung? Nope. Still have to do that. So…

Back on Filgaia

Gallows was amiably chatting away to Clive about the pair of knockers on that Claudia, when an errant horsefly decides that Gallow's new horse (whom he affectionately named Fluffy, much to the horse's dismay) had the best looking hocks that were just waiting to be bit.

"Eeeeyaaaah!"

Gallows was thrown from his horse a good 10 feet; soaring through the air like a drunken squirrel, only to land in a pile of freshly laid horse poo.

"Gah that's it! I've had it with all this rotten luck! Here Jet, you take luck and give me Celesdue."

Back To Chapapanga

Why is it I'm always given to the android? And why is it that he always wants Celesdue? He knows she only works for Jet and yet he keeps trying. The big oaf. Why doesn't he trade with the girl or the green haired guy?

Hm…oh right! I remember now!

Last time Gallows had a run of bad luck, he had given me to the girl and everything had been fine…until I realized that she also held on to Fengalon who was very comfortable in his spot and didn't care to share with me.

Lets just say that we had an argument that led to a gentlemanly fight (that he started by the way; I can't help it if he's jealous of my good looks,) where Virginia's bag spontaneously combusted.

The green haired guy, Clive (who's too smart for his own good) pointed out the fact that it was only after I had entered the bag that it exploded, so that kept me away from her for the remainder of the adventure in Infinitum.

That still leaves the green-haired guy. Why hasn't he had his turn in pass the guardian? Well, let's just say he's part of a religious order that doesn't believe in luck and that it would cause a cataclysmic effect that would ultimately kill Clive if he was ever to carry me for more than ten seconds.

…Chicken Wuss.

So, anyway as I was sayi-whoa! Hey watch it you big oaf! You can't toss a guardian! This little stone thing is very fragile! I could have broken! Do you know where you'd be then if I had broken? S.O.L. is where you'd be! Yup, that's right, shit out of luck.

Apparently the rest of the group thinks so too. Ah how I love sound of scolding in the afternoon. Yeah you tell him Virginia! I'll just go into this little pouch of Jet's and let you take care of it. I know that he'll listen to you. If he doesn't he'll lose whatever dignity and expendable body parts he has courtesy of Jet.

Oh, gun fire, and close too, apparently Jet got tired of Gallows sissy-ness and threatened his manliness. I wonder what…he was going to shoot…no! Not that! How many times? I can see why he'd be scared. Heh, that shut Gallows up good and got the group moving again. Good Job Jet! And just to show my gratitude, a gift!

Back To Filgaia

Jet's dark mood was hanging over the group like an ominous cloud that threatened to let loose a downpour any moment. It was bad enough that they were running low on cash, but now they had to deal with a whiney Baskar who couldn't take a little bad luck. If he had to listen to that fool's complaints one more time… His foot kicked something soft as he was headed back to his mount. He glared at the offending appendage to notice a worn sack on the ground by his feet. He bent down and picked it up, its contents jingling pleasantly. Placing a hand underneath the bottom of the sack to keep it from ripping he peeked in to find Gella, and lots of it.

Back to Chapapanga

See? I can be nice when I want to. Oh yes, everyone, crowd around him and bask in the glory of Gella and good fortune that came from having me, Chapapanga, with him. Oh? So you want me back Gallows? I knew you would.

I can barely suppress my evil laughter as Jet hands me back to the idiot Baskar.

Yes, I am indeed the great Guardian of Luck Chapapanga, sworn to bring good fortune to all who pay homage for me. Although…

Nobody said that all luck had to be good.

Let the games begin.

( " ) The ( " ) End ( " )

A/N: well…that was a bit crazy. I felt Chapapanga needed a bit of a rant and this is what came of it…that, and the fact that I had the half formed idea at midnight two nights ago that wouldn't go away until I wrote this. It's always fun to make Gallows the butt of any mean joke…because…well…he kind of deserves it! Too bad he got stuck with the only guardian who had a grudge against Baskars. And yes, I do think that Celesdue's ultimate attack when summoned sucks because it never works when you really want it to. But, I digress. I pray that this is somewhat good becauseI'm terrible with first person POV because most of the time it becomes an inner rant of the character (which is what this was meant to be thank goodness.) But anyway,I hope you enjoyed it and always remember-

Be kind, Please Rewind…er…Review .>.>;