A/N: I had an idea for this oneshot while listening to my Les Miserables soundtrack, of course listening to I Dreamed A Dream. I began to think about who it was that broke Fantine's heart so and a little story began in my head. I'm sure this has been done a trillion times but I hope that I made it a little different this time around.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Les Miserables… as much as I wish I did it just isn't possible.
He Slept a Summer By My Side
It all started with a single glance. It always seems to be the beginning to things in this time and age. I first saw him when I was with my mother at the market. He glanced at me and I glanced back. He had a fair face, his hair was dark and short, his cheekbones high, and deep brown eyes that seemed to stare right into your soul. I, being at the tender age of sixteen, blushed under his gaze and turned back to my mother who was debating about what kind of bread to get. He always told me later that he thought I looked cute with my hair tied back like that and in my flowered summer dress. This was the beginning of my misery. Perhaps it would make more sense to you if I explained everything to you…
………….
"Excuse me miss," a deep masculine voice called out. Fantine turned around to see the owner of the voice and saw it was the same boy who had been looking at her. Blush crept up to her cheeks but she tried to look polite. "I believe that you dropped this," he murmured and handed her a small pin. Fantine gasped as she saw it was her favorite pin, it was shaped like a little rose and she often kept it up in her hair.
"Oh my… thank you…" Fantine trailed off, prompting the young man to give his name. Her face flushed once more when his grin widened.
"Augustine," he added and bowed down before her. Fantine struggled to keep her heart rate in check as she smiled back.
"Well thank you Monsieur Augustine for returning my hairpin…" Fantine replied, and was about to walk away when a voice stopped her.
"You're welcome miss…" Now it was Augustine's turn to inquire of her name. Fantine blushed once again as she realized how rude she was.
"Oh, I apologize, my name is Fantine," she explained meekly and curtsied a bit for him. Augustine smiled and Fantine shivered. "What on Earth is the matter with me? One boy and all of a sudden I'm blushing and quivering," Fantine lectured herself.
"Well Mademoiselle Fantine, I hope that we meet again soon," and with a grin he left her standing there. Fantine stared after him and sighed softly. Only the screeching voice of her angry mother to bring Fantine out of her lovesick daze.
……………
The days passed and all Fantine could think of was the mysterious Augustine. He had seemed to like her, but he seemed so old! He had to have been about eighteen.
"Well I'll be seventeen in a matter of weeks," the romantic part of her reasoned. But there was still that slightly bitter part of her mind that always "harrumphed" at the romantic thoughts but was willing to bide its time. Fantine, was a hopeless romantic through and through so the wary part of her normally was hushed.
Over and over the scene replayed through her young and lovely mind. Over and over he called for her to come back for a moment, the scene where he smiled as he introduced her mind replayed forever in her mind. Fantine had taken to just sitting aimlessly in the window of her living room. At the time her parents could afford a rather nice home as they had rather strong connections, so Fantine had never been introduced to the harsh life that many faced. Anyway, she spent much time in this windowsill, simply staring out into the city and sighing occasionally.
"Fantine, get off your lazy little butt and come over here!" her mother called. With a resigned grunt, Fantine lifted herself up from the window and trudged over to the kitchen where her mother was. "Ah, Fantine there you are!" her mother exclaimed, as if she was surprised. "I need you to go down to the market and pick me up a few items for dinner tonight," she demanded and shoved a small list at her daughter. Fantine just nodded distractedly, grabbed her coat, slipped on her shoes, checked her hair, and finally left the home.
"No… this one certainly wouldn't do," Fantine muttered to herself as she picked through some of the produce. As she reached for one item in particular a voice cut her off.
"I wouldn't go for that one, it looks good but it was recently dropped all through the dirt by some bickering old bats," a deep voice casually corrected behind the young girl. Fantine whipped around to be greeted by the handsome face of Augustine.
"Oh… it's only you," Fantine sighed and let out a nervous laugh. Really she was screaming inside, seeing as how the guy that had been on her mind all week was now presently before her. Augustine raised his eyebrows at her and flashed another smile.
"Here," he calmly said and reached for a tomato, "This one is probably decent enough for you," he explained and tossed her the little red fruit.
"Are you here all the time?" Fantine asked as she gently caught the tomato. Her eyes only left the young man to make sure that the nice tomato made it safely into her basket.
"Oh sure, I'm here often… I've really no other place to go," Augustine replied while squinting over towards a different street. Fantine thought that maybe she was disturbing him and decided it best to take her leave.
"Well… I've bothered you enough this afternoon I think… mother will probably be wondering where I am," Fantine whispered and hurried off. She froze on the spot though when she felt a firm hand on her shoulder, keeping her from leaving.
"Don't leave," he pleaded. Fantine made the mistake of looking at him in the face and found herself swept up into those searching brown eyes. Suddenly it was like she was falling into a swirling dark pit where her soul was totally exposed for anyone who cared to look. At the same time she was being swept up into space, and she was floating beautifully with the stars that seemed to stare at her the way that Augustine did at that moment. It was then that she noticed that she had left the poor boy hanging and snapped out of her trance.
"Well… I suppose I could stay a while," she whispered, her legs shaking from the experience she had just been through. She had never felt anything like it… this boy had some sort of terrible effect on her… and even though it was completely awful Fantine found that she rather enjoyed it.
……………
After that day Augustine and Fantine began to see quite a bit of each other. At first Fantine's parents protested but once they met the boy they found that they rather liked the polite young man. And each day Fantine fell harder and harder for the delightful young man. She thought that he was falling for her too, and often just stared at Augustine for hours trying to figure out what he was thinking. It was on one such night that Fantine stopped guessing and finally just asked him straight out.
"What do you think about?" she murmured. The couple was laying out on a hill close to a river, just sitting peacefully. Once this question escaped her lips she could feel Augustine stiffen against her.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked, ice lacing his words. Fantine noticed and she also stiffened defensively.
"I just often wonder… it seems you always know what I'm thinking but I can never tell what goes on in your head," Fantine explained quietly and bowed her head in modesty. Inside she was anything but modest though, she was fuming in anger at the young man next to her.
"Well it's none of your concern," Augustine curtly responded and there was a tense silent following. Fantine was trembling, that's how hard she was trying to contain herself. In the end though, her stubborn side won out and she exploded.
"Excuse me for wanting my suitor to open up to me a little bit! Pardon me for wondering what troubles my beloved!" she spat and abruptly stood up. Augustine sighed and quickly scrambled up to join her.
"You don't understand Fantine!" he cried but Fantine whirled around to face him again. Both were stubborn and neither wanted to back down from this argument.
"What do you mean I don't understand! I couldn't even hope to begin to understand if I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be understanding!" she cried and found herself a bit confused as to what she just screamed.
"Do you really want to know?" Augustine roared. Fantine flinched a bit but stood strong in front of the young man.
"Yes," she hissed softly. Augustine stared her down for a split second before finally speaking what was going through his head.
"I'm just afraid that I will end up hurting you!" he shouted finally. There was a moment of stunned silence. Fantine's emotions quickly softened and she took a step towards the angry man in front of her.
"You… could never hurt me… do you understand?" Fantine reassured softly, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. Augustine attempted to shrug it off but Fantine held firm. "You could not hurt me Augustine…" she whispered again. Augustine stared down at her for a moment before finally breaking.
"How could you possibly know?" he murmured miserably. Fantine thought for a moment before responding.
"I know because… if you worry this much about hurting me then you couldn't possibly do it. If you didn't care about it then you would have hurt me right now," she said firmly and placed her other hand on his other shoulder. Augustine stared down at her wordlessly, seeming to take in every detail of her face. Fantine stared back and there was a tense moment.
"Wow," he began but was instantly cut off. Fantine had swept up and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. Before she could pull away though he began to kiss her back, only for a brief moment before breaking the kiss himself. That was when Fantine knew that she would spend the rest of her life with this man, or at least she thought she knew.
……………..
Her parents, or course, were thrilled when Fantine announced that Augustine had proposed to her on the eve of her birthday. They began to bustle about, trying to figure out a date, a place, all the necessaries for a perfect wedding. In the meantime, Fantine moved into a home with Augustine, not too far from her parent's home but far enough. Fantine couldn't be happier, and from the looks of it neither could Augustine.
"It's so wonderful that we are finally going to live together!" Fantine exclaimed as she set her bags down in the living room. She took a deep breath and began to dance around the room joyfully.
"Calm down Fantine," Augustine laughed and brought her hands firmly down to her sides. Fantine giggled, gave him a quick kiss, and danced off yet again. Augustine shook his head with a smile and hurried after her. That night Fantine and Augustine shared a bed for the first time. It was late… very late… and suddenly a question came to Fantine's mind. She fought off sleepiness so that she could form the words to ask.
"Why did you pick me Augustine?" Fantine asked tiredly. Augustine turned to look at her and was once more struck by her beauty. Fantine almost felt herself being swallowed up by the eyes again but this time she was prepared for it and was able to keep her wits about her. Augustine sighed and reached out to touch her face.
"You just seemed so… right for me. For the first time I thought maybe I could settle with someone… actually get the nerve up to ask for marriage," Augustine murmured. Fantine smiled, obviously satisfied, and finally let her heavy lids close. Augustine watched her for a few more moments before also allowing himself to slip off to sleep. He had this terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.
……………..
The months flew by and Fantine fell more and more in love with her dashing Augustine. She finally felt as if she was doing something right… as if she had been meant to find Augustine. Still… sometimes she got this feeling that he was restless. She sometimes saw this look in his eyes that seemed so far off… as if he would rather be someplace else than with her. It only concerned her briefly though, she was after all a young child experiencing love for the first time. Then came the glorious wedding… the moment that everyone had been holding their breath for. Many who knew Augustine thought he wouldn't go through with it, he wandered too much to ever settle down they all said. Fantine just laughed at their silliness and put all her confidence in Augustine. Oh what a beautiful day that was for Fantine. She looked so gorgeous in her wonderful wedding gown and could hardly keep from sprinting down the aisle when her father led her down to Augustine. Augustine looked overjoyed as well, tears brimming behind his eyes as he watched Fantine being released to him. She was so young, just barely seventeen.
Neither really listened to the priest babbling in front of them, they really didn't care until it came to their vows. Even that seemed like a haze, it didn't really make sense to either. The only part that really stuck out to Fantine was when Augustine almost seemed to falter in his vow.
"I promise to always protect, love, and cherish you above all others. I swear that I will never…" Augustine paused for a split second and almost seemed to consider his words before he finally plunged on, "Leave you or cause you any kind of pain." Fantine had smiled at him, temporarily forgetting his momentary pause, and allowed him to kiss her as the priest said the famous words. Everything else was blurry to sweet Fantine. Which could be considered odd because usually the wedding day sticks out clear in a woman's memory as the happiest day of her life.
……………
Fantine had this growing suspicion inside of her. It grew and grew until she was about ready to burst. Fantine suspected that she was with child… Augustine's child. The thought made her glow… but she could not be sure. She could go to a doctor… but she had feared them since she was just a little girl. Besides, a doctor would only tell her what she already knew. It was just a little subconscious tug in the back of her mind, just a feeling that was strong enough for Fantine to pay attention to it. Yes, she knew for sure. But for whatever reason she was reluctant to tell Augustine… something was holding her back from squealing the delightful news to him. But she kept silent, always silent and just basking in the glow of her beloved and exalted one. Summer was starting… summer finally and she would be having a baby in the fall… she just knew it.
"What are you so excited about?" Augustine asked lovingly as he placed a kiss on the top of his wife's head. Fantine just shrugged, but the grin grew.
"I just have this happy feeling inside of me… such a happy feeling," Fantine murmured. She began to dance like she had when she had first come to Augustine's home. Augustine merely watched, an amused smile on his face, but his eyes seemed so far off. Fantine noticed and paused to look at her husband. "Augustine… are you alright?" she asked hesitantly. Augustine seemed to snap back into reality and smiled at her, a real smile.
"I was just thinking that we should go down to town today and visit some shops. What do you think?" Augustine asked. Fantine smiled widely and threw her arms around him, forgetting his momentary distantness.
"That sounds wonderful my love!" Fantine cried. She quickly rushed upstairs to dress fully and fix her hair. Augustine smiled softly after her, but his gaze was once more directed at the mountains and whatever lay beyond.
…………
Fall was setting in and Fantine was finally beginning to show. She knew that she had to tell Augustine soon, and she was actually planning on telling him the next week. Fantine was actually surprised at how quickly her pregnancy was moving, she must have been pregnant for quite a while. Little did she know that a great disaster was about to take place.
That night was terribly silent and especially dark. Nothing stirred outside the small home just outside of town, the only sound that could be heard was the light twitch of the man named Augustine. Augustine laid still, desperate not to wake Fantine but he also had a great dilemma growing in his brain. Finally, he carefully sat up in bed and pulled on some of his clothes. Swallowing down the guilt, Augustine began to quietly pack a bag of clothes. Pulling on his coat, Augustine searched for a pen and some parchment. He finally found some and scribbled hurriedly on it.
Augustine was a man with a history, he had never been able to settle for anything. He had to constantly move, constantly have excitement in his life. As much as he hated it, he could no longer just sit idly and contentedly with a wife. He loved Fantine, and that was why he felt he had to leave. He could never be a good husband to her, he didn't want to have to leave on long business trips or take long trips to relax and spend time by myself. He had done that too many times and Fantine actually meant something to him. Just before leaving the bedroom he stood by the door and merely watched as his wife slept peacefully and silently. Swallowing down his tears, he turned and left the room.
That night was silent, not a sound could be heard. Not even the keen ears of Fantine could have picked up the shuffle of shoes as they scuffled against the rocks. Yet in the morning, the silence was filled with the wails and sobs of a heartbroken woman.
………….
Fantine woke the next morning and reached across the bed to wake up Augustine. She was startled however when she touched nothing but empty bed next to her. Fantine groggily lifted her head and looked around.
"He must be up early today," Fantine reassured herself. Something deep in the pit of her stomach told her otherwise… it told her that she was a fool for ever believing such a lie. Fantine stretched and lifted herself from the bed, looking to the nightstand to reach the small basin or water on it. Next to it was a neatly scrawled letter. Fantine paused in her reach for the water and she simply stared at the note. Augustine never left a note on her nightstand if he was going somewhere. He always left it in the kitchen. Fantine nearly just threw the note across the room, pulled the covers over her head, and went back to sleep. But her curiosity got the better of her. With trusting fingers she reached over and unfolded the small note.
My love,
I'm so sorry. I must leave… one day I may return to you and we can live the years together. For now I cannot lay idle with you…
Augustine
Fantine gasped and dropped the note faintly. He left her… he just got up and left her without even saying goodbye. Her vision blurred as she collapsed on the hard ground. Her breath came in heaving shudders and for a moment it felt as if no breath was coming out at all.
He left me.
Tears formed as she struggled to regain her breath. She protectively clutched her stomach as she forced the breath to escape from her lungs and out through her mouth. Then back in.
He left me. He doesn't care.
Fantine shook her head fiercely, trying to clear her head. The tears fell freely and even though she wasn't aware she was very close to full out sobbing. Her knees shook and sweat plastered her hair.
He lied to me. He used me.
Bitter sobs erupted from her throat and she could not suppress the sobs that longed to rack her body. Suddenly Fantine began to beat the ground and red flashed in her vision. The air came freely now and she found herself screaming with this new air.
He never loved me. He never cared for me.
Fantine began to tear at her hair, still screaming out his name. Her chest heaved painfully as she continued to bellow with all the air her bursting lungs would allow. Faintly Fantine could feel her nails raking across her sweaty flesh but at the moment she didn't care. It was better than the pain she was feeling inside of her.
He mocked me! He stole my childhood from me! He gave me a child I must raise alone!
Writhing on the floor, Fantine tried to avoid coming to terms with this new terrible reality. Slowly, ever so slowly, Fantine's struggles ceased. Her breathing was even once more but the tears continued to fall. Gently so as not to disturb the growing child inside of her, Fantine curled up into a protective ball.
He hurt me. I let him. I can never trust again.
At that moment Fantine knew that all of her innocence was stripped of her. She no longer believed in love… why should she? She had loved with all her heart, handing it out to the first person that asked for it. She would never make that mistake again. Closing her heavy eyes, Fantine slipped into an exhausted slumber. She did not stir during this sleep for it was a dreamless sleep. Her mind numbed over to allow Fantine this one relief, the blessed reprieve that she needed at that moment in time. The note fluttered from the breeze coming from the open window, silently laughing at the sleeping form in front of it.
……………
And that is why that day at the market was the beginning of the end for me. When my family found out about my situation they did what any parent in that time would do. They disowned me and sent me out alone to have my child. I had no one who cared… no one who thought twice about me. Several times I wrote a letter addressed to Augustine, telling him that I was with his child and that I couldn't raise her alone. I don't know if he ever got the letters, but if he did he never responded. Even amidst my betrayal and hurt, I still remembered the promise he had made to me. The promise that he would return and that we could live the years together. There are some dreams that cannot be… but still I wished that this one could.
I nearly cried the day that Cosette was born. Her eyes were what struck me the most. They were a deep swirling brown that seemed to see right into your soul. Her father's eyes… the eyes that sucked me right to him. It was then that I knew that I could live for Cosette… I just had to. But still I dreamed…
A/N: What do you think? Did it do justice to the song at all? Please review and tell me what you think!
Augustine: (French for) adored or exalted one.