The Raven of OZ, a teen titans fanfic

Sunday, January , 2005

A/N: Continuity sucks. I have no respect for it whatsoever in this fic. Fault me. The idea behind this is a three-act musical fairy tale based on "The Wizard of Oz," where absurdity is taken for granted and needs no explanation (for example…y'know…breaking out in song). I hope anybody who can tear their eyes away from well-written, suspense/romantic/dramas to read a couple goofy poems enjoy the jokes made at Titan expense. Okay? Okay.

Disclaimer: No claim to Teen Titans or anything related to it. I wrote the story, but I really don't have claim over that either. I totally janked ancient Athenians by pretending Circe was an original character. In writer's circles that's called an "allusion;" unless you totally plagiarize, then it's an "homage." At least lemme know when you pilfer it, okay? Okay.

One Last Note: "'I Hate Mondays' Poster Girl." There's a story that a girl shot up her school one morning and when they asked her why, she said, "I don't like Mondays," and that's where the song/phrase comes from. Just in case you end up wondering what the hell Starfire's talking about. There's other pop references, but somebody suggested that nobody would get "I hate Mondays," so I'm explaining this one.

The twenty first hour in Titan Tower

They had all fought, played, and fed

Raven, spring flower-fresh from the shower

Was weary, preparing for bed

Nine at last, in fact half-past

By then her slumber was deep

The situation worsens fast, alas!

Her mind was not as asleep

Tonight, dear me, the trouble was double

And more than a bit confusing

Circe's making this fantasy bubble was subtle

Unnoticed by the minds she's abusing

But without deducing

Please forget musing

Circe's part or reason for choosing

The Titan contusing

Let us say it this way:

Twenty years since this day

The Titan's still don't find it amusing...

"What the hell?" Raven did not dream much. Or, at least she didn't remember any of them. Dreaming was volatile, and rather pointless; especially for her. Her understanding of dreams were largely a recollection of the other's absurd stories she only half-listened to, so she knew what they were largely about: strange events of illogical inanity, falling, things you saw on TV ,sensations of fear, or sexual fantasy. So when she found herself in this strange place after resting her head on the pillow only what felt like seconds ago, first, she surmised that this must be dreaming. Second, she thanked her Self for not showing her some terrible nightmare (dangerous) or hidden sexual fantasy (embarrassing).

It was a feudal village of some sort. The buildings were in a neo-modern design crossed between the Tower and Cyborg's typical motif. Despite their up to date look everything was in rather dilapidated condition: doors not on hinges; gaping holes near the foundation, with rats scurrying through; and so on. A broken cart lay nearby before a field of some unidentifiable crop. There was the smell of leather and horses and something else--something that needed to be cleaned up right away. The closest house was that of the brewer, but Raven didn't know how she knew that. But the road!

The road was made to look like cobblestone. It stretched straight ahead and behind far beyond the horizon in a radiant yellow hue. Sporadically about the path were inlet stones of ruby, diamond, emerald, and others Raven didn't recognize. "The road is paved in gold," Raven laughed humorlessly. "So I'm dreaming near London?"

"This is both bizarre and stupid," Raven did mutter

A whistle

A BOOM!

The earth let loose a shudder

A rocket ("Made in Tameran")

Struck the gold road aflutter

The ship's heat melted the road

And "hisssss"

Made the bullion butter

Starfire threw the hatch off

Clear off!

To land with a clutter

"I leave one planet,"

Said she with a grin

And a slight a scrape on her chin

"To arrive on another!"

"Oh brother,"

Raven snorted. It was clear this wasn't going to be one of those deep meaningful dreams that tried to tell you something.

"Raven!" she shouted

Flew down to her Friend

"Yeah, do you know," Raven pouted

"How I get this to end?

"Dreaming is, er, nice and all

"And I don't mean to be rude

"But this isn't going right at all

"And I'm not in the mood

"If this were normal, I wouldn't care

"And it's not you that I'm knocking

"But dreams of my friend in her underwear

"And red sequin stockings?"

While Raven pondered the whole speaking-in-rhyme thing, Starfire looked down, and it was true: a pair of sparkling red stockings indeed adorned her legs up to the mid-thigh. Oh, and she was in her underwear, but that happened in almost every dream and she was beginning to ignore it. It was the pink set and with the little bow on the front of the brassiere and "Tuesday" stitched onto the panties in small fancy script. Was it Tuesday? That would be pretty embarrassing if it weren't.

"Shiny scarlet socks," Star said after a pause

"And yellow road," she concluded, "we must be in Oz.

"How neat! Onward! We must follow the road"

With a glance at Raven, "You are Glenda, I suppose."

"Considering the alternatives," Raven thought slowly

"I should be glad that the rocket didn't land on me."

Star laughed. Of course she was having fun. Crashing rockets and prancing about in your unmentionables, whee! Roaring good time!

"I'm not going to Oz," Raven told her. "I'm not in the mood for this--I just want to sleep. How do I stop dreaming?"

"How could you stop dreaming?" Starfire wondered.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Do you not wish to see Oz?" Starfire pressed. Immediately after, she switched gears, "Is it Tuesday?"

"There's nothing to see in Oz," Raven answered. Were there days of the week in dreams? Raven wouldn't know.

Starfire actually seemed hurt. "You do not wish to explore? How--how could you not?"

There was the low hum of music being played somewhere--where?--and Raven was too distracted to answer properly, "Um..."

"Kn'assen!" Star commanded, pointing forward. Obediently, the road under their feet slithered forward. Raven lost her balance and stumbled backward. Well this was going swell: her first dream had the expected distinction of being quite annoying. Then Starfire started singing:

Starfire: The way I see, the world is inches small

Okay, that's it, Raven thought, I'm leaving now. But as she found her way to her feet the road's forward momentum increased, setting her right back onto her bottom. Star ignored her and continued singing.

Starfire: The sky, grazing my face/

In my palm: already Tameran

So why stay? Why not space/

After falling down for a third time (which was beginning to hurt for a dream), Raven resigned to just sitting there, annoyed ,while Starfire blithely kept on singing about…something.

Starfire: The stars glitter horizons

Sigils leading someplace/

Compasses to next steps in destiny

"Um, Star?" Raven tried.

Starfire: So why stay? Why not space/

Raven was beginning to wish she just had the sexual fantasy (oh heavens, was this her "thing?"), "Little help here?"

Starfire: Because the world is more than then the ground you walk on/

And the world is more than the planet you start on/

And the world is more than you could ever embark on/

Or else, the world is flat/

And who wants that/

Raven sighed, "I do." Somewhere in the distance/nearby/everywhere at once, that annoying music changed into some annoying whimsical tune. Oh great, was Star going to dance a jig now?

Starfire: But...what are you saying Raven?

Raven: Did I stutter/

Space travel's just hopping from one damn fool rock to another/

Exploring is a way of saying indefinitely lost/

Get it?

Starfire: No, sorry.

Raven: Then your definitely lost/

Raven recoiled in surprised. That rhyming thing again. At least it wasn't singing, she wouldn't stand for that! Finally, Star noticed her friends struggling to stand and helped her up.

Starfire: You are mean!

Raven: I'm real.

Starfire: By teasing me?

Raven: Not quite/

I'm saying: looking without looking for anything's just not right/

At this, Raven had to laugh. The idea of Starfire endlessly checking out what was around the corner only to find another corner--like a bad joke.

Raven: And all that with nothing to show for it/

It's insane!

Starfire: May I say something?

Raven: Go for it/

Starfire: I have traveled the galaxy and found the Titans/

Raven: But were friends something you couldn't find at home?

Starfire: ...

Raven: Alright then/

Face it, there's no pot of gold, nothing worth going so far/

Nothing to find that wasn't right where you began, Star/

You sang like it's good to go endlessly searching for nothing/

Is it possible you're afraid you're missing out on something/

At that, Starfire's eyes began to water, her face crumbled slightly. Great, she was making a dream of Starfire cry. Could life get any more bizarre?

Raven: Look, I'm sorry...I'm right, but I'm sorry/

Starfire: You do not think there is merit in discovery?

Raven: Hardly/

Starfire: What is wrong with "out there?"

Raven: What's wrong with "not?"/

"Let's run around for the sake of it." Yeah, like that idea's hot/

Why not just stay home?

Starfire: But why not go out/

(in monotone) "I shall just sit here with my herbal tea and pout"/

And now her dream was making fun of her. Splendid.

Raven: Now what are you saying?

Starfire: I have not stuttered, myself/

But you are always in a foul mood and living might help/

To stay home means to go nowhere fast/

Do you get that?

Raven: Yes.

Starfire: Ah! Then you are getting somewhere at last/

Okay, that was just a bit too ironic and a bit too clever for Raven's tastes. Any more of this and she might just have to smack the shit out of Starfire, dream or not.

Raven: You're hopeless

Starfire: I am optimistic

Raven: Wishing and dreaming?

Starfire: Not really/

However, there are Glorf'gs who would argue that having a Dream is not silly/

Compared to musty books, such Dreams are more real any day/

Raven: Can I say something?

Starfire: We both know you will, anyway/

Raven: A plan is not a dream, and your Glorf'gs found what they wanted at home/

Starfire(sarcastic): I am sorry, were you born on Earth?

Raven: ...

Starfire: Ah, so now I know/

You miss out on the rainbow by saying there is no pot of gold/

That the journey is for journey's sake should go untold/

How you are so smart but do not understand requires explaining/

Can being alone and depressing be so entertaining/

Now Raven was near tears. Okay, she had kind of deserved that, maybe. But in dreams, weren't you supposed to be able to get away with doing anything you wanted?

Starfire: Indeed, I apologize, but do not quite regret/

Raven: What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Starfire: Accept/

What is wrong with "out there?"

Raven: What's wrong with "not?"/

"Let's run around for the sake of it." Yeah, like that idea's hot/

Why not just stay home?

Starfire: But why not go out/

(in monotone) "I shall just sit here with my herbal tea and pout"/

Yeah. Annoying.

Raven: Fine, skip off into the sunset!

Starfire: I shall!

Raven: Fine!

Starfire: Fine!

Raven: Fine/

And I hope someday you discover that you're out of your mind/

Now get out of mine!

Starfire: I am being called insane by the "I Hate Mondays" poster girl/

Raven: I just got dissed by the "Brave Little Toaster" girl/ who still sleeps with a stuffed animal and watches Sailor Moon/

Starfire: Staying locked in your room, you are destined to get much paler soon/

You have already pushed that goth look as far as it goes, so help me/

Raven: You're bringing up skin tone? That sunburn doesn't look to healthy/

For a second Starfire hesitated, shocked at how brutal the song had gotten. Then she slapped Raven across the face. Raven stared back at her shocked. "It must have taken so much to cause you to come to Earth," Starfire said. "And...I doubt it was pleasant for you. But you will not drag me down your path."

The music faded and road's forward motion ended abruptly, pitching Raven forward. Starfire, unaffected of course, walked off the road, "Oh my!"

An impressive golem

A totem

To strike fear, pure

And ensure

The crop wasn't stolen

The great granite spirit

Once mythic

Dealt an unfair blow:

A scarecrow

Of the erstwhile stone mystic

Terra.

You know the lore

I'm sure

Of how she died

Reminded, the girls quietly cried

Their hearts broken like the waves upon rocky shore

If only...

But nevermore

Ah! How the wind, sometimes, sounds like our lost fellows

Heroes, all, in Elysian meadows.

Gone, not forgot, and no one shall replace them

But, verily, the head did turn to face them

And Terra, she said, "Hello."

Starfire screamed and ran back to the road. The statue laughed. "Hey, Raven, did you see that? I'm all like, 'Boo!" and she's all like 'Ahh!' But you were great, Star. Hey, how bout a hand for this girl?" The…whatever that was growing in the field cheered like an amused audience.

"Um…what's all this?" Raven wondered.

"I was just entertaining the…uh...grassy stuff here, when I heard your duet and was like 'Watch this!' and Star was like 'Oh, hey: look at this totally inconspicuous statue that I'm just going to walk up to without suspecting anything!' Oh man! That was awesome."

"The scarecrow," Raven realized. "Am I going to dream the entire story of Oz?"

The Terra statue shrugged. "What does Oz have to do with it? We're in Nebraska!" She pointed to the sign behind her. Nebraska, it said. Population: 1.

Starfire finally recovered from her fright. "Is Nebraska not on the way to the Emerald City?"

"If this is not Oz, what are you supposed to be?" Raven added.

"I'm the Sentinel. Guardian of Jump…by way of Nebraska, I guess. And I know nothing about Oz. Hey, help me down."

Starfire flew up to try to figure out how to get the stone feet separated from the pedestal Terra stood on. Raven sat down and leaned against the dais while the two argued about how not to tear the statue's legs off. "So we're not in Oz, and I'm not the Good Witch." She didn't know why she cared all of a sudden.

"No, I think you're fairies, or something. Sentinel's backed up by sprites, right? And Star, I love you, but there's no way I'm letting you toss a bolt at my feet."

So there once was this girl trapped in stone

Stuck with making the rock her new home

When friends appeared in her dream

(and one of them screamed)

So they could set her free to roam

After the two got over confusion

Of a statue that's talking and moving

They needed to ponder

A way for Terra to wander

But alas, there's no clear solution

See, the rock's her, and she was the rock

Part of/imbedded in the block

Unless it didn't matter

If her legs were shattered

The dais was as good as a lock

Raven knew this would take quite a while

When they agreed on a rather safe style

Since Star couldn't just blast

Terra told jokes to the grass

While Starfire, using a nail file--

"Who cares how I got out?" Terra pointed out. "I'm free! I'm moving!" She hopped down from the foundation, waving to the high grass that were cheering her newfound freedom. "Peace out, plant-dudes! I'm outta here! So where are we going?"

"Going?" Raven blinked. "I guess we're not going anywhere."

"We are going anywhere!" Starfire answered at the same time.

"I like her answer better," Terra pointed to Starfire.

"Yea!" Starfire jumped up and down, clapping her hands together. "How wonderful! All my dreams of you have been rather gloomy since you died. But this one shall be so pleasant."

Terra shook her head, confused, "Whoa. I'm not dead. I think; I feel; I dream. Alive as I ever was."

Starfire turned to Raven, "Do you see, Raven: even the dead dream."

"I'm not dead!"

Raven sighed and stood up. "No, sorry, but you're pretty dead."

"I can't believe this," the Titan/statue pouted, that infernal music starting up again. "In my own dream, my friends killed me off like a fallout boy. What am I, Jason Todd?"

"Please," Starfire pleaded. "It is unpleasant to go on about your death. Let us find an adventure!"

"But I. Am not. Dead!" Terra insisted. Raven sat back down. How do you dream up a book? It was obvious Terra was going to take this chance to sing, so they weren't going anywhere for a while.

Grass: You're dead!

You're dead!

Terra: All I remember is the magma/ (You're dead!)

Fought Slade and saved the city/ (You're dead!)

Now my enemies are the pigeons/ (You're dead!)

Can't even get a freaking visit/ (Dead!)

Terra, despite the rather disturbing choice of subject to sing about, looked to be having the time of her life; her cheerful, bubbly voice floating over the music as she skipped around.

The ninety-third day of loneliness

And it's just me, myself, and I/

The lost of faith in my former friends

In being restored, reversed, revived/

Whoa. Raven looked up, watching the delusion of a statue of Terra swish around in the tall grass totally wrapped up in her song. Was it possible that this was a message of some sort? Was this her purpose for dreaming?

Terra: Nothing but the shells of echoes of the memories today:

Life of a hero/

Tears cant even fall from my eyes

But I won't lose it

It's not right, but there you go/ (You're dead!)

Even Starfire looked horrified. But Terra didn't seem to notice the heartbreak she was singing about, slipping in and out of their vision through the high weeds, sashaying side-to-side with the dancing pasture.

Terra: All I remember is the magma/ (You're dead!)

Fought Slade and saved the city/ (You're dead!)

Now my enemies are the pigeons/ (You're dead!)

Can't even get a freaking visit/ (You're dead!)

If you knew how my nose itches/ (You're dead!)

Even headstones get flowers/ (You're dead!)

You could say I been to hell and back/ (You're dead!)

And all I get is this plaque! (Dead!)

The ninety-fourth day is acid rain

The way time wears away at my soul/

A stone face is good for masking pain

But it leaves my heart so cold/

Yeah, enough of that. Raven got up to follow the musical sculpture. "Terra?" Starfire, too, went after the singing girl. She had disappeared but they could still hear her.

Terra: They say "she was a good friend;" I'm unmoved, cuz there's nothing here for me today

But waiting for the end/

But I don't need to wonder why

The question simply:

Was I really forgiven/ (You're dead!)

"Of course you were!" Raven shouted after the girl. "Terra?" Starfire called out. "Where did you go?"

Terra: All I remember is the magma/ (You're dead!)

Fought Slade and saved the city/ (You're dead!)

Now my enemies are the pigeons/ (You're dead!)

Can't even get a freaking visit/ (Dead!)

No I'm, no I'm, no I'm not...(Dead!)

Finally she emerged from the maze of plants about twenty feet away.

Terra: The ninety-fifth day is my birthday

Her voice was different now: less the upbeat teenybopper and more melancholy.

Terra: But there's nothing to celebrate/

A stone barrier sprout from the earth behind the dancing Terra, still oblivious to her friends' efforts. The wall shot up, up, up; overturning the dirt; blocking out the sun; rising up, and up, until it stretched endlessly to the left, right, and skyward. It was like finding the edge of the world.

Terra: I know what I want in the worst way:

My life saved before it's too late/

Raven and Starfire exchanged glances. Raven shrugged. Starfire pulled her fist back and slammed it into the monolith obstruction. A chunk of the stone imploded and flew apart, leaving a ragged indenture, her hand was bloody and raw. She used the other.

Terra: No I'm, no I'm, no I'm not...

There was nothing around to posses, and the wall was too large--nothing Raven could do. "Help me!" Starfire demanded, her eyes tearing up. How?

Terra: No I'm, no I'm, no I'm not...

Finally there was a sliver of light from the other side.

Terra: No I'm, no I'm, no I'm not...

Star turned to the side, preparing to ram her shoulder into the weak spot.

Terra: No I'm, no I'm, or am I...

It was about three hours, and the sun hadn't moved. Which was weird, because Raven couldn't remember the last three hours, and wasn't sure how she knew the time had past. But she knew the time had past, despite the fact that it felt like Terra had only finished singing a few seconds ago. The whole thing would've been confusing if only she could manage to focus on how strange that was. The only thought that could manage to settle in her mind was the excessively serene "The sun feels nice!" Not her at all, but she couldn't wrap her head around that one, either.

Eventually, Terra and Starfire came back to Raven's side of the wall, and now they sat in the meadow comforting Terra the way they did best: Starfire, with pats, hugs, and mumbling something; Raven, with sitting a few yards away, feeling awkward.

"The sun feels nice!" Starfire twittered from behind Raven, somewhere over to her left.

Raven shook her head trying to kickstart her normal thoughts, "Um, yeah. So, do we just sit here?"

"So warm!"

What the hell was Starfire talking about now? "Uh, Star?"

"Yes?" her friend answered from Raven's right. Raven blinked. And looked around. It was just her, Terra, and Starfire; both of the girls were off to her right. Was Raven losing her poor mind, or was this all part of the dream experience?

"And so bright! So bright and yellow and--mmmm--tastes like happy!"

Raven stood up, looking around her for a second time. Who the hell was talking?

A Flower, of course

Of course, she praised the warmth

The warmth (the sun's the source)

The source of her joy

A sunflower, you see

You see the seeds, the stalk, the leaves?

The leaves, how they shift when she's pleased?

She's pleased to meet you, Raven.

Raven stared at the flower that came up to her hip. The halo of petals (was that it's face?) was aimed up toward Raven's face. The entire plant swayed to-and-fro, a slow patient metronome to the pace of life for this sunflower. She fidgeted under this strange thing's attentions. "Um...Pleased to meet you, too?"

"Hm," the flower agreed; her leaves and petals shuffled and rustled, making light crackling music to the timing of her unhurried rocking motion. "My name is Flower." The plant offered a leaf.

Of course. "Raven." She took the green tendril between two fingers and shook it up and down, feeling like an idiot. By this time, Terra and Starfire had moved closer to inspect this new spectacle.

"I am Starfire," she introduced herself. "And this is Terra." Flower's responded with more rustling. Was this smiling for a plant?

"Should you not be named Skunk if the skunk is named Flower?" Starfire asked.

"That is offensive!" Flower hissed, rustling and crackling in a more frenzied manner. Her angry expression was almost too cute and amusing to be taken seriously.

"The skunk named Flower isn't real, babe," Terra reminded her teammate gently.

"Neither is any of this," Raven pointed out.

Starfire ignored them. "I met Flower once. He peed on me and a stench followed me for weeks like a menacing shadow."

"That was just a normal skunk," Terra corrected. "And he didn't pee on you."

"He did," Star insisted. "And I gagged on the reek that enveloped me. Dear Robin avoided me."

Throughout the exchanged, Flower--the plant standing before them, not the skunk--continued to hiss and wave her appendages angrily. Raven smiled. The thing really was adorable! "Star meant no offense," she apologized. The fussing plant calmed down, and went back to it's rocking measured pace. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

"Do you like the sun?" she asked placidly.

"Oh, so very much!" Starfire smiled. "It's so warm and bright!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yes. Sun good; fire bad; tree pretty. I'm glad that was established."

"Fire very bad!" Flower insisted.

"Moving on: did you need something?"

The flower slowly nodded, "You're going to Emerald City."

"So this is Oz!" Starfire exclaimed.

"No, this is Nebraska," Flower explained. "But you must get to Emerald City soon, or nothing will be there. They're moving."

"Who's moving?" Raven wanted to know.

"They are," Flower clarified. "You must go to Oz. The Wizard wants to see you. I'll go too."

Much to Raven's dismay, Flower suggested they skip. The motion was seconded by Starfire and Terra. Dear God.

END OF PART ONE