Divine Fortunetelling

A/N: Just in case you don't know what this is...Wilhelm is a fortuneteller because he claims to know all. But it's mostly because he cheats by using his Compass of Order and seeing into the future…damn higher-plane-of-existence technology…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Xenosaga nor Wilhelm's Compass of Order. Though it would be nice because I would use it for many things…yes…many things…

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Hello everybody! I am Monsieur Wilhelm! Welcome to my wonderful world of Divine Fortunetelling! If there's something you really want to know about anything, ask me! Don't waste your time going to radio talk shows or badass bad guys for the answer! They don't have an all-seeing "crystal ball" like I do! Without further ado, let's start up with some questions from viewers like you!

Why have you started a business like this?

I was simply bored watching the Xenosaga party doing nothing right as well as my lazy subordinates to actually stop watching Sesame Street. It's about the cookies, not the veggies!

Is it true that you and chaos have a thing for each other?

No. That is simply false. It is just the yaoi fangirls policy of being yaoi. Plus they're psychopaths bent on gays ruling the world. Now if you'll excuse me, I must run from them as soon as I finish answering this question. (Large angry mob looming in the distance)

What do you think of some of the pairs people have put you with? Such as ShionXYou or KOS-MOSXYou?

Shion…I don't even want to go there. She belongs with that one associate of hers…Alphonse? Alucard? Something like that. And KOS-MOS? I created her. Not with my own hands but something of the sort. Our conflicting monotonous personalities would only add to the problem.

Are you a divine being?

I am sorry but I hate it when people know about my personal life. The halo on my head and wings on my back explains. Crap…

Why are you so obsessed with theater terms?

I'm trying to be an "original" bad guy. If not, different. Though I'm already different as is. I mean come on, how many bad guys do you know that actually has a counterpart who wears gay clothing?

Will Shion and Allen ever get together?

So that's the associate's name…anyways…I am not able to tell due to the fact that my crystal ball is having sex with the pedestal.

Will Jin ever find a girlfriend?

Hm…with his clothes and personality, I doubt it. The girl would have to be insane to even like the guy…I mean…who wants to see his hairy legs anyway? His kimono really needs to be altered a bit…

When will Xenosaga III come out?

When Virgil stops eating Realian flesh…stupid DME addict…

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Can't it just fly?

So how does your Compass of Order work?

Lemme see…it likes yaoi fangirls in the morning and fangirls at night.

Do you ever leave your office?

Only for raves.

How long have you been alive?

Longer than you that's for sure.

Do you ever make sense?

When do I not make sense? If I say something sensible for someone insensible who only understood the meaning of 42s…I would have to call my Testaments to "re-educate" them.

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

If you mean the ones I meet at raves, then yes. Currently…none.

Have you ever gotten drunk?

Every time I play poker with Testament, yes. Somehow, my Compass will not tell me which one of them spikes my drinks.

How did you make Vector?

I played around with calculus at a "young" age and decided that instead of creating a company that uses numbers to fight, I would use one with sexy androids.

Doesn't that contradict what you said about the KOS-MOSXYou pairing?

Absolutely not. There are other androids other than KOS-MOS. So I am perfectly justified.

Will Jr. and MOMO ever hook up?

If you mean boyfriend and girlfriend, eventually as soon as Jr. stops obsessing over his lost guns that Gaignun borrowed. If you mean have a baby, then when Alby doesn't take a leak on the Durandal.

Why is Albedo so insane?

When he learned that pigs CAN fly.

Ah, look at the time. It seems that my time is up for answering all of your wonderful questions. Please, send me a question if you want to have it answered. I will be expecting it.

A/N: Now taking up requests...I will be managing Wilhelm's questions so don't be afraid! You shall be repaid with….a plushie doll of Bunnie! Warning: This is not a database for answers to XSI or II. Rubedo Kukai Jr. is not responsible for the answers that Monsieur Wilhelm gives. He has lawyers ready to smack you with briefcases if flames are present.